With the trade deadline behind us, teams have taken shape for their stretch run. Some teams made some small moves to address areas of concerns. Some teams went out and made some trades like the Padres, where they consolidated five teams into one massive Superteam that could invade a country. “Hey, what’s up Mexico? Or should I say ‘Que paso?’ We’ve got Trent Grisham holding your El Presidente hostage and we’re going to be needing all of your natural resources.” Sorry, that’s a spoiler alert, because that’s how the show Narcos ends, with the Padres invading Mexico. Then some other teams took a more conservative approach and just simply brought up a top prospect. Enter: the Dodgers’ Miguel Vargas. Here’s what Prospect Itch said about him, “I’ve been trying to trade for Vargas in several of my leagues for a long time, and I’m not giving up now. In 83 AA games, the 6’3” 205 lb Vargas slashed .321/.386/.523 with 16 HR and 7 SB. Math isn’t my first language, but that would prorate out to an acceptable fantasy campaign, I think. His best trait is a double-plus hit tool that lets his solid power play up. Only thing he’s missing is a left hook to knock out Grey.” Okay, not cool. This year, Vargas did more of the same, going 15/123/.291 in Triple-A with a 14.6% strikeout rate. For a 22-year-old, those numbers are muy bueno, as the Padres would say after invading Mexico. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Jose Miranda – Twins saw a market inefficiency, and have a new type of Moneyball thing going, but for pitchers who have great command and hitters with solid hit tools. They did it with Luis Arraez, and now they’re doing it with Jose Miranda. Only Miranda’s got a trick up his sleeve. An illusion, if you will. He could hit for power too.
Aledmys Diaz – Was one of the top guys on the 7-day Player Rater, but, appizzarently, the Astros don’t look at Razzball, because they went out and got Mancini, so might hurt Diaz’s playing time a bit.
Luis Rengifo – “When you find a Puerto Rican restaurant that makes good Rengifo, you never never forget where it is, and that’s why I’m in downtown Santa Fe at this little joint run by three sisters. The Three Sisters Cafe!” That’s Guy Fieri having an acid flashback.
Nolan Gorman – When you hear it’s time to go-go on NoGo, and you’re like so-so and I’m like, “‘So-so’ as in mediocre or ‘so-so’ as in you need more convincing?” Then it’s the latter “so-so” so, uh, so, I tell ya NoGo has 26 homers this year in roughly a half a season, when combining the majors and Triple-A. Nothing mediocre so-so about that.
Nico Hoerner – This is about this week, which is what I say right before making it not about this week. Hoerner’s stats prorating out over a full season looking like 12/20/.300 are making my 2023 sleeper muscles twitch a little bit.
Orlando Arcia – Albies is still a few weeks away, and Arcia has been hitting recently. Hey, if it’s good enough for a defending World Series champion, I think you can handle it.
Paul DeJong – Colonel Mustard with a plunger in the bathroom after eating Taco Bell.
Alec Bohm – Damn, those 2023 sleeper muscles are twitching again. Quiet, 2023 sleeper muscles! You’re supposed to be about this week! “But Bohm looks like the guy we thought he was going into last year before he flamed out!” That’s the 2023 Sleeper Muscles, unable to keep their mouth shut.
Joey Wendle – Mr. Wendle is a classic track from Arrested Development about how occasionally even a ballplayer, who is a bum, is decent enough to be worth rostering.
Mark Vientos – Do we have our first September call-up stash? Hmm. *emoji with its hand on chin, looking around like Wey Bey from The Wire when he’s making the “You don’t say” reaction*
James Outman – This guy sounds like a superhero who’s trying to hide the fact that he’s really great at baseball with some phony modest name. “Hey, aren’t you Ray Kerr?” “Nah, man, not me. I’m James Outman. That Ray Kerr guy is too good though, huh?”
Cal Mitchell – “When you’re a housewife, stressed, and you just need some time alone, why not slide yourself into a tub with some…” Holds up bubble bath, “…Calm Itchell.”
Brandon Marsh – After his trade, it was revealed that this was not the first time Marsh was mentioned around the Philly clubhouse. Ya see, the trainers had been seeing something related. WebMD says “Marsh-ass” is “swamp-ass but scratchier” and is what you get when you’ve been wearing a mascot costume all day. The Phanatic has been suffering from this for a long time. Hopefully, they figure that out! So, super intrigued by Marsh in his new home. He was a guy who I wrote a sleeper post about last year because he’s got fantastic speed and some light power. That power could play up in Philly, which is a better stadium, and they might just let him run too.
Josh Palacios – This guy’s name translated made me laugh for some reason — Josh Palace. It sounds like what a 15-year-old would call his bedroom. Wonder if Josh Palace has any chicks over in the right field corner in Washington.
Jose Siri – I feel like I’m getting known as the guy who loves Jose Siri more than anyone else love Jose Siri, so I’m going to downplay things for right now, but I will say he’s got power and speed, and you’d be impressed by him too, if you saw him.
Jonathan Hernandez – Rangers are prolly the worst run franchise, which stinks for me to say because I always liked their GM, Chris Young. I had dreams of him helping me win a pickup basketball game state championship. But the Rangers are just so bad in every way. They even had a decent closer, and decided, “Meh, let’s try other guys for no reason.” Enter: Jonathan Hernandez.
Zach Jackson – With the loss of Trivino, Jackson should be in the lead for saves, and have the dozens of A’s fans screaming for Zackson Jackson! To paraphrase Redman, “It’s time it’s time for some Zackson!” But A.J. Puk and Dany Jimenez are there too. Lowercase A’s.
Rowan Wick – *wears turtleneck, holds candle in front of face* Extreme Kathleen Turner voice, “Your Wick is my command.”
Wil Crowe – Some of these closers could also be classified under the letter H for, “How desperate are you?”
Felix Bautista – Might not be as good as Jorge Lopez is now on the Twins, but only because Felix is still on the Orioles, but but the Orioles were winning a lot of games, then again the Orioles traded away Trey Mancini, then again again was he doing that much? “Was he doing that much?!” That’s Josh Lowe’s cheek.
Juan Soto – I am the devil! I can’t even look at myself in the mirror! Suggesting to sell Juan Soto? What kind of evil are you malarkey’ing?! Be gone from the head of Grey, you evil warlord! So, I still love Juan Soto. I kinda love, love, lurve him. He’s 23 and feels already like a lock for the Hall of Fame in 20 years. Possibly one of the greatest we will ever see when it’s all said and done. With that said (here’s where Grey turns the ship around), Sexy Dr. Pepper is a 10/4/.280 hitter the rest of the way. All projections put him down for that. That’s great! Don’t get me wrong, but that is also what you could get from about 30 other guys. With the trade to San Diego, Juan Soto’s the apple of everyone’s eye, so if you need another piece, now is the time to sell him. I’m not saying to sell Juan Soto for an off-brand pet rock, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.