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From Trade Deadline insanity with Juan Soto to a new Royals’ middle infielder. Is that a sad trombone playing Narco by Blasterjaxx, the come-out music for Edwin Diaz? Not cool! By the way, if you don’t know Narco, you should. It’s trumpetilicious. So, with Whit Merrifield shipped off, uh, shipped towards Toronto, not sure if he can get in there, Michael Massey (2-for-3) was called up, and could see at-bats at 2nd base for the Royals. Why do we care, am I right? “Give it to me straight, Grey, I don’t have time for too much jibber-jabbering!” That’s you. Fair enough, Massey was a top 100 prospect for Itch, and he said, “Can argue for Michael Massey higher than this (in the rankings), especially if you’re seeking short-term help. He’s been a successful hitter his whole baseball life: something I always like to see. It’s rarer than you might think. Much rarer than Grey saying something dumb.” That’s not nice, man! In 33 Triple-A games, Massey went 7/4/.325 with a 24.5% strikeout rate, but he’s a high hit tool guy. Kinda reminds me a young Benintendi. Call him Youngintendi. For now, just 15 team mixed league worthy or deeper, but the monocle is on the cyclops. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Bobby Witt Jr. – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer. Hey, just running something by ya here: If I change my name to Bobby Witt Sr., am I entitled to some of Bobby Jr.’s future earnings? Maybe more of a question for my attorney.

Brady Singer – 6 IP, 4 ER, 12 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.67. Not a great look after I showcased him last week. Yes, that’s the important thing here. Not that he pitched poorly, but that I highlighted him. I’d try to hold him for one more start. Streamonator likes his next one, and so do I, even if it’s kinda the same matchup.

Jose Abreu – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and third homer in four games and 14th homer in 103 games. Okay, that last one’s less impressive.

Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.87. Not to take too much away from Lynn, because it’s nice to see him actually pitch decently, and I want to relish that like I’m a boiled hot dog, but, as said yesterday, there’s some really terrible teams out there right now, and a great time to stream anyone decent.

Tarik Skubal – Hit the IL with arm fatigue. Hopefully, the Tigers just shut him down the rest of the year. Though, one could say that for their entire team. Back in April.

Joe Ryan – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.67. After he gave up ten runs to the pre-Soto Padres his last time out, I sorta gave up faith in Ryan. This was a solid bounce back, but Streamonator loved yesterday’s and hates his next, and I agree.

Nick Castellanos – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. “Hey, let’s not try to carry the body all the way up to the mountain peak. The family won’t mind if we toss him off this cliff–Whoa! Hold on! Castellanos moved! He’s alive?!”

Zack Wheeler – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.69. I don’t have aces so I wouldn’t know exactly how it feels, but, on the outside looking in, it feels like you can’t trust any pitcher, top 5 starter or top 50.

David Robertson – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.18, as he got his 15th save, and 1st post-trade save. Glad to see Rob Thomson isn’t out to lunch with his former bandmates, and is making smart decisions.

Orlando Arcia – 2-for-3 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!

Charlie Morton – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.09. This guy’s gone through so many different looks this year from Ground Chuck to Salty Charlie to Chazz Facepalminteri and now briefly looking like Charles In Charge.

Trey Mancini – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Trey Mancini’s new park didn’t hurt him here, as this home run to left in Houston would’ve been a routine fly out to the shortstop in Baltimore. Or maybe Trey Mancini just imagined hitting it to Josh Lowe’s cheek.

Jose Urquidy – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.62. Astros are like the only team that has five starters who could all get a Razzball lede. Bigger accomplishment than a Cy Young award? Meh, who am I to say? That’s for the sportswriters and stats keepers to argue over.

Ross Stripling – Hit the IL with a glute strain. That’s what happens when you try to fart without first having your finger pulled.

Teoscar Hernandez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. This guy’s gonna be one of the toughest guys to peg this offseason. Are you Team Teoscar Was Real In 2021 or Team Teoscar Was Real In 2022? Objects directly in rearview mirror always take precedence but also closer than they might appear.

Martin Perez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.47, and his career and season-high in strikeouts. Can we talk about how Perez is not only kicking major seat with his ratios, but he’s also striking out guys now too? Might have to reevaluate my general feelings on Perez this offseason (at which time he will revert to being lousy for next year).

Jonathan Hernandez – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.00, as he pitched the 9th in a non-save situation, which isn’t good, if he’s the closer, but I don’t know if he is, which is also not good.

Jonah Heim – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, hitting .259. He’s been fine (for a catcher), so don’t take this the wrong way, but the Rangers spent $500 million this offseason and Jonah Heim is their three-hole hitter. I’d laugh, but the Covid would turn that into a fifteen-minute coughing attack.

Kyle Bradish – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 6.55. Streamonator hated this start, and hates his next one, but all the Orioles do is get decent starts from some of the worst starters.

Amed Rosario – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, but not just any homer. He hit that one 450 feet. Um, dubya tee eff. Amed got the giddy up? When he get the giddy up?

Oscar Gonzalez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Guess that’s why they demoted Franmil. I still don’t like it. Sorry, not to sound like a grouch with Oscar.

Alek Thomas – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Whoa, I didn’t even know he homered once, let alone that many times. Welp, just looked at his game log. No wonder I forgot he homered that many times, it had been over a month. I can barely remember Tuesday.

Brandon Drury – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 21st homer, a grand slam, in his first game with the Padres, as he hit 6th in the order. No, Brandon Rural-Juror, you’re out of order!

Jake Cronenworth – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, and his 2nd homer in three games. Also, in this game, Manny Machado (3-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 19th homer. Then the Justice League All-Stars Captain, Sexy Dr. Pepper, Juan Soto went 1-for-3, 1 run with two walks. But he also smiled at someone who was choking and saved their life, so how about you lay off him, okay?

Blake Snell – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.16. Great, super, adjective, but I am was once pointing to my Lance Lynn blurb.

Dinelson Lamet – Designated for assignment by his new team, the Brewers. That move’s got my brain donning a pair of Riddler leotards filled with question marks. Can the Padres just reclaim him for s’s and g’s?

Freddy Peralta – 3 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.46, as he was activated from the IL. In case people have forgotten about Daddy’s big-time love for FreddyKBB. It’s still immense. I’m one of the biggest FreddyKBB fans. Is he fully healthy? Have to imagine after he’s been out that long, but he might take a few starts to get totally stretched out. I’m rostering him while he figures it out, but prolly not starting him until I see something better.

Devin Williams – 0 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.82. So, I have good news and bad news, which do you want to hear first? You know what the good and bad news are already, huh? So, he worked the 9th, and, yeah, maybe don’t lose Taylor Rogers just yet.

Oneil Cruz – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. It almost seems impossible when he makes connect and the ball doesn’t go out.

Bryan Reynolds – 3-for-4, 3 runs and his 16th homer, hitting .255. He connected off Devin Williams for the game-winning homer and, for that reason, I am currently mad at him. I’ll get over of it. But give me some time.

David Bednar – Hit the IL with lower back inflammation. Gonna need the eye-patched chiropractor. “Argh, is it your lower lumbar?” Wil Crowe is the guy to grab for Pirates saves.

Jose Barrero – 0-for-3, as he was called up, and became the Reds’ newest shortstop. Ya know what today is? The day after the trade deadline when we finally try to piece together what all these trynothing teams are doing with their lineups. So, Barrero’s been a long-time favorite of mine. ACKSUALLY I drafted him in one NL-Only league back in March. Welp, dropped his ass about two months ago, but that shows how much I did like him. He’s a Cuban raftee that has great speed and some power, but might not make any contact. In Triple-A, he went 9/5/.209 with a 37.6% strikeout rate. Yeouch.

Sandy Alcantara – 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.88. If you drafted Judge and Sandy, congrats on winning your fantasy league and owning a time machine!

Luke Williams – 3-for-3, 1 run and his 7th, 8th, and 9th steal. So, Jon Berti returned under an alias?

Zach Jackson – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.83, and the first post-Trivino save. Jackson’s the guy, and might be even when Dany Jimenez returns, if he returns. Whatever happened to that guy?

Alex Cobb – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.08. Streamonator doesn’t like his next start, and I can see why. He’s going against the 1927 Padres.

Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer. Albombso!

Daniel Vogelbach – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 13th homer, his first homer as a Met and a grand salami. I bet. Nice work, Slim!

Chris Bassitt – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.61, and his 8th straight start of throwing at least 6 innings, the longest streak of his career. You’d be hard-pressed to find a starter who I won’t start vs. the Gnats.

Josh Palacios – 1-for-3 as he plays right field for the Gnats. No fall off there from the last guy! Here’s what Itch said about Palacios previously, “Washington OFJosh Palacios (27, AAA) has played well all year after the club claimed him off waivers from Toronto, slashing .299/.384/.451 with nine home runs and 19 stolen bases. His plate skills have been impressive: 10.7% BB and 16.0% K, and I can’t see anyone on the roster who should keep Palacios on the sideline after the deadline. The club should be able to move Josh BellNelson Cruz and perhaps even Juan Soto, and while they’ll likely get a high-minors piece or two in exchange, they’d be wise to avoid making the same mistake they made last year in pigeon-holing the kinds of pieces they’d like to get back. Keibert Ruiz is fine, but the team is awful enough with an empty system that it won’t be able to maximize the low-cost windows on Ruiz or Josiah Gray. This team needs a full reset. Best play would be to take as many high upside teeny bopper types as they can get. With all this opportunity incoming, it would be nice to point to several young Nats who could help a fantasy squad if given the chance, but Palacios is pretty much the only game in town unless you count David Dahl, who signed with the club last week. Also, Grey stinks.” Okay, not cool, but thank you for that breakdown!

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Eugenio feels like a guy who will get to wear the Yankee pinstripes at some point when he’s way over-the-hill.

Carlos Santana – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .209. Oye como yay!

Jesse Winker – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 10th homer, hitting .227. “You mean I can actually see the right field fence from home plate in this park?” That’s Jesse Winker enjoying hitting on the road.

Jarred Kelenic – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, as he broke an oh-for-9, and I just dropped him in my RCL, which might be the thing that Kelenic needs. Please, if you have him, drop him. Let’s see if that’s what he needs to fix his contact issues. If he’s available in your league, pick him up and drop him. It’s up to us now!

Luis Castillo – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.95 in his first start with his new club, the Mariners. After the trade, Castillo removed the red highlights from his dreadlocks, and replaced them with blue. Only time that’s a bad thing is when it’s artificial raspberry flavoring.

Gerrit Cole – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.56. As Cole allowed six runs in the 1st inning, which was the most runs Cole’s allowed in any inning in his career. Did the Mariners make a trade deadline deal for Billy Crystal? If you get that joke, you get a biscuit. If you don’t get that joke, the biscuit is stale and you’re not missing out on anything. (People who got the biscuit, don’t tell others how delicious that biscuit is.) I could say now about how you should never draft a top starter, but a victory lap? In this economy? With that said, I wanna leave you with one of the greatest moments in sports history. RIP Vin: