Pirates’ front office looking at the clock labeled, “Service Manipulation.” The big hand clicks towards “Extra year of service time,” and the little hand creeps towards, “Being cheap AF.” Just as Being Cheap AF and Extra Year of Service Time meet at 12 o’clock, a little birdie flies out in a Pirates’ jersey with the uniform number for Tyler Glasnow and starts cuckooing. With that, Roansy Contreras was called up by the Pirates, and will start today. In Triple-A, he had 2.66 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 10.6 K/9, 4.9 BB/9, and a 1.33 HR/9. He can be electric, but those walks scare me. Yo, I don’t trust the Pirates at all. Not with pitchers, not with hitters, not for nothing but not with nothing. No trust. Anyone rostering Ke’Bryan and Bryan Reynolds liking it? Has Mitch Keller clicked yet? Will he ever? How’s Oneil Cruz doing you? Sucks to put that all at Roansy’s feet, but there ya go. That’s my feelings on him. For those that found us by googling “sucks” + “feet,” you a freak! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Tucker Davidson to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Kyle Tucker (2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer) has three asses, because he’s — count them with me now — an unassuming assassin.
Kyle Tucker, who looks like he just walked in from the library and wants to watch TV but his roommate is having people over, homered again. pic.twitter.com/JTg5reVE4K
— Razzball (@Razzball) May 18, 2022
That photo of him brings me so much joy. He’s like, “I’m on your fantasy team? Okay, cool.” He looks like he just let out a fart, and only he knows it. Using one of his three asses, I presume. This Kyle Tucker assault was brought to you initially by Nathan Eovaldi (1 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.32) as he gave up five homers, all in the 2nd inning. Apparently, Manfred tried to work the 2019 ball back into circulation. Also, in this game, not simply Eovaldi — Nothan? Novaldi? Meh, maybe now’s not the time for portmanteaus — Yordan Alvarez (2-for-4, 3 runs) hit his 12th homer. Captain Woo Cubano gonna star in Dongs Just Wanna Have Fun; Yuli Gurriel (2-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 3rd, and 3rd homer in the last five days for the smoldering schmotato; Jeremy Pena (2-for-5) hit his 7th for a nice welcome-back-old-friend to the lineup and to the New England area (he’s from Are-Eye); Michael Brantley (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer, and I just thought of something, everyone on the Astros is better than that former Astros player Carlos Correa. Bummer for him! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hidey-ho neighborino! Is that phrase trademarked or just very, very old? Fine, let’s dismiss the formalities and get straight to the nitty-gritty: men who throw balls. Hard. We’re at the point in the pre-season where we understand that the MLB and MLBPA are definitely far, far away from any sort of agreement on a contract. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s actually a “realistic” contract that’s been shared between the groups and we’ll see that contract appear the first week of March, just in time for a shortened spring training and perfectly-timed Opening Day. But that’s just me spitballing labor negotiations, and what do I know other than the chords to every song on Green Day’s Dookie album? I suppose I know pitchers somewhat well, and wouldn’t you know it — I’ve got a pitcher listicle for you! A Pitchsticle!Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is the top 100 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball? This is the top 100 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball! Which means. Dot dot dot. This is the end of the 2022 fantasy baseball rankings. I can reclaim my fingers! Wait, I still have to do the top 100 overall and top 500 overall. Hmm, that was short-lived. Subscriptions are up and running, and they come with our Fantasy Baseball Draft War Room, now for auction leagues, snake leagues, Best Ball leagues and AL-Only and NL-Only leagues. Here’s Steamer’s 2022 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2022 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping. If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 for 2021 fantasy baseball and start this shizz all over again. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball:
NOTE: All 2022 fantasy baseball projections are based on a 162-game season, and will be until we hear definitively there will be less games, due to the CBA. Also, I’m going on the assumption the NL is getting the DH.
NOTE II: All my rankings are currently available on Patreon for the price of a Starbucks coffee, if you get one of those extra grande frappuccino jobbers. Don’t wait for the rankings to come out over the next month, and get them all now.
NOTE III: Free agents are listed as just that and not yet projected. Once a guy signs, I will write out their blurb and add in projections, or remove them, if they sign in an unfavorable place. They are ranked currently where I think they might be if they sign on for a full-time job.Please, blog, may I have some more?
While drafting this NFBC 2022 fantasy baseball team, I’m simultaneously deep into writing my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, which will be released starting around mid-January. (Our Patreon already has the bulk of them; as I finish each ranking, I put it up on there.) Was a fun experiment to see if not having completed rankings would change my drafting. If I haven’t yet decided on whether or not I want a player, would that let me be more open to drafting someone? I’m not sure. My guess was it might’ve. For unstints, if I didn’t want, say, Cody Bellinger again, would I be a big enough dolt to draft him again since I haven’t finished my rankings? Would I be a large enough idiot to actually draft Cody Bellinger again in 2022 if I hadn’t yet finished my research? Would I have an obvious screw loose, potentially appearing like a person who doesn’t have an actual brain, and draft Cody Bellinger again? Would I be a large-scale imbecile that would draft Cody Bellinger again if I simply hadn’t finished researching? Surely, I would not, right? Because I rostered him in multiple leagues last year, so I don’t need something as silly as my own rankings to know Cody Bellinger sucks giant Great Dane balls, right? RIGHT?! Actually, wrong. I’m just that dumb. Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap; it’s a 15-team, two-catcher, draft and hold league that goes 50 rounds and has no waivers:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Atlanta is finishing a painful but impressive season, bottoming out at one point after losing Mike Soroka and Ronald Acuña Jr. for the year on top of missing Ian Anderson–not to mention the Marcel Ozuna saga.
They could’ve done the cool kid thing and stopped trying. Instead, they traded for a whole new outfield of misfit toys–Jorge Soler, Joc Pederson, and Adam Duval–that selling teams no longer wanted on the payroll, sacrificing next to nothing from their farm in the process and putting together another potentially division-winning club, their fourth in a row if they can hold off the Phillies, who are just one game back as I type this on Saturday night.
If Atlanta can power through, they’ll have benefited from being in baseball’s wonkiest division, but a win is a win, and who knows, perhaps this team that figures to win about 85 games will outperform much better regular season squads in the postseason, and even if they fall short, their minor league system looks better to me than it has since Acuña graduated.Please, blog, may I have some more?
All I ever wanted for Christmas was to see Robbie Ray get all worked up. And Santa brought me my gift early this year! Maybe you casual fans just want to see Lance Lynn get worked up, but when Robbie Ray and the Orioles manager get into a tongue-lashing, that’s the kind of baseball I want to see! Yeah, things are getting pretty slow here on the baseball side. On the plus side, I’m in the top 20 in RazzSlam. On the downside, the cutline only sends the top 10 to the playoffs. So, it’s kind of like I’m the benevolent tight-pants-loving lord of a small fiefdom that resides outside of Coolwhip’s kingdom. I beg thee, King Coolwhip, let Luis Severino pitch! How are all of your teams doing? Still active? Let’s see if we can find some pitchers for your fantasy playoffs!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Just got back from the First Annual Razzball Flag Football Competition, where we took on Bishop Sycamore in a battle of the fake schools. As expected, Donkey Teeth served as a quarterback while Grey stood on the sidelines wearing his “Coach” attire. It was a little weird to see him wandering around with a $10,000 handbag, but I don’t judge. Rudy called the plays, although his reliance on bootleg plays 90% of the time really underestimated DT’s ability to turn left. He’s a donkey, Rudy! He goes forwards! Besides from DT being stubborn, the game played out fairly nicely, with yours truly spraining an ankle in the first 30 seconds and then spending the next hour watching the game from the shade of a tree with a little adult beverage. In the end, Bishop Sycamore defeated the Razzballers 122-6, our only points coming from an accidental pick-6 when Coolwhip designed a replica Bishop Sycamore jersey and snuck onto the other team. Their rosters were so confusing they didn’t notice. On to the Greinke graphic and the pitchers! Hut, hut, hike!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Fantasy playoffs! I don’t kink shame here. If you’re Googling “MLB Playoff Fan Fiction,” that’s your thing. My thing? Ranking pitchers in a giant table. We’re down to the last month of the MLB regular season — and many fantasy leagues are in the playoffs already — so you’ll want to start any hot hand you think will help your team. Within reason, of course. We’re going to see a lot of rookie starters called up, and even with their immense hype (see Cabrera, Edward), they can still put up lackluster performances that don’t really help your cause. As always, consult Rudy’s Streamonator Tools (and if you’re not subscribed, where have you been? Jump in and support us!) and check-in with the writers throughout the week. We’re here to help!Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s back-to-school week! Do we have any students out there reading this, or is it all just all people who last updated their phones when Bell Northern went AWOL? Still can’t believe the price I used to get on long distance. With each passing week, we’re watching a couple more pitchers fall to the injury, so let’s try and focus on finding some replacements for the arms that just hit the IL.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m writing this lede as Tristan McKenzie comes off a near-perfect game with 11Ks. As fans — like, baseball fans who spend their time watching games and maybe even attending them — this is cool as hell, right? A rookie throws a no-hitter in his first appearance on Saturday night and then another near-rookie throws a near-perfect game the next day. Each pitcher is on a bombing team that is in a race for draft picks in the 2022 lottery. Yet, the players refuse to give up. They see the lights, the contracts, the ability to overcome their past mistakes. But we as fantasy players, sometimes we’re just puzzled. Do I like McKenzie in a real-life setting? Oh hell yeah, I named him the “Cardiac Kid” last year after his desire to be a cardiologist. But in fantasy? He struck out as many batters on Sunday as he had struck out in his previous 3 starts combined (he also had a 6.00 ERA / 6.00 FIP / 5.8 K/9). The reason we play fantasy sports is just because wild stuff like this happens. The unexpected happens every week, and we can’t predict who will throw a no-hitter or who will get blown up. With that, I bid everybody a great week as we round the corner into the last weeks of the fantasy baseball season.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Howdy folx! Are you asleep at the wheel of your fantasy baseball teams yet? Are you imagining a world where you had a couple hundred more dollars in your pocket and didn’t start your draft with Mike Trout, Lou Bob, and Eloy? Or spend 65% of your FAAB on Huascar Ynoa? Come now, let us commiserate! We’re closing in on the most important weeks of the season while you struggle to get into that last playoff spot so you can take on the team that FAAB’d Shane McClanahan and sold high on Aroldis Garcia. Also, I’ve moved on from the Greinke graphic. See ya later Zack!Please, blog, may I have some more?