All I ever wanted for Christmas was to see Robbie Ray get all worked up. And Santa brought me my gift early this year! Maybe you casual fans just want to see Lance Lynn get worked up, but when Robbie Ray and the Orioles manager get into a tongue-lashing, that’s the kind of baseball I want to see! Yeah, things are getting pretty slow here on the baseball side. On the plus side, I’m in the top 20 in RazzSlam. On the downside, the cutline only sends the top 10 to the playoffs. So, it’s kind of like I’m the benevolent tight-pants-loving lord of a small fiefdom that resides outside of Coolwhip’s kingdom. I beg thee, King Coolwhip, let Luis Severino pitch! How are all of your teams doing? Still active? Let’s see if we can find some pitchers for your fantasy playoffs!
Fantasy Football
Hey, it’s fantasy football season, and if you like me and Donkey Teeth and Rudy and all those other guys, come join us on the football side for all of your fantasy football needs. I’m doing the game roundups over there, so for September, you get to see me twice on Mondays! Come take a look at my Week 1 Fantasy Football Recap (after you read this of course).
Starting Pitchers
Robbie Ray: Needed a bit of motivation to get moving in his last start…except the motivation came from the Orioles:
Brandon Hyde, “Robbie Ray, get your tight ass back on the mound!” pic.twitter.com/m6ckKFawnd
— Razzball (@Razzball) September 11, 2021
Robbie Ray might have been angry that the Orioles were stealing signs or finding some sort of tip on his pitches, but the pitch in question — his slider — was swung at 50% of the time by the Orioles, and Ray wasn’t having his best game. Aces cool down eventually, so hopefully his shorter start gives him some time to rest for your playoff run.
Trevor Bauer: Formally out for the year. Make it 5 more.
Jacob deGrom: Might have a partially torn ACL. I mean, the Mets are a mess, but they’re botching even this. After Sandy Alderson had to deal with the thumbs down scandal last week followed by his general manager driving drunk, he announced that deGrom is basically Dinelson Lamet. Except…deGrom might have miraculously healed in the span of a few weeks? DeGrom denied that his elbow was injured and boldly said that his elbow was fine and that he was throwing baseballs. It’s kinda like when my doctor said I had high cholesterol and I said I was fine because I was running to the gas station to pick up cheap beer. DeGrom might have a start or two this year, but…he might have a messed up elbow, so roll the dice.
Jacob deGrom just gave a statement after the elbow sprain reveal: “I know what was said, but my ligament is perfectly fine. I’ve been throwing. I wouldn’t be throwing if I had a compromised ligament. That’s the plan, to continue to throw and build up and see where we end up.”
— Tim Healey (@timbhealey) September 9, 2021
Chris Sale: Hit the Covid IL thanks to the Red Sox not testing their players.
Carlos Rodon: 7K in his Friday start after missing a turn in the rotation with shoulder soreness. It seems like the White Sox are trying to limit IP for their starters to finish the season, so temper expectations with Rodon and everybody else.
Corey Kluber: You ready to roll the dice for your fantasy playoffs? How about the former ace who’s K’ing 12 per 9 since coming back from injury and is also featuring a 5+ ERA and 7+ FIP? He faces the haphazard Mets and the Guardians in his next two starts, so you could be looking at your playoff savior. Hopefully he doesn’t Klub you.
Chris Archer: [starts playing Eminem “Guess Who’s Back”] Honestly I don’t even know if that’s the title of the song. Do I look like the kind of guy who listens to Eminem? I don’t even know those 2000s bands, like Chikin in a Limp Bizkit or whatever. Archer’s back, he’s K’ing 8 per 9, and letting up a fair amount of runs. Except now he pitches against the Tigers — welcome to your playoff savior! Wait, didn’t I just say that about Kluber? Is there anything in Fantasy Scripture saying there can’t be two saviors? The Savior with the two backs!
Elieser Hernandez: [whispers] He’s facing the Pirates. Do I need to elaborate on that? Elieser is a fair grab in dynasty leagues for next year. He spent most of this year injured for non-pitching reasons. On the other hand, the Marlins have a billion starters ready to hit the majors. On the other other hand, there are only like 30 starters that are reliable, and a healthy Elieser could be the kind of pitcher that lands in that group next year.
Adrian Houser: He’s been nearly unhittable over the last month. Or rather, the hits he’s giving up don’t result in a lot of damage. Still available in 50% of leagues and faces the haphazard Cubs next, so there’s your playoff savior. 3 saviors? It’s the Savior Trilogy! Now I just gotta catch up on that new Matrix series staring John Wick 3.
Antonio Senzatela: I mean, he’s OK. He’s Jon Lester-esque, which is a word that I promised my late father — Horatio Nowhere — that I would never use again. He’s been super-hot recently, but he’s much better at home (a weird feat for a Rockies pitcher) and his next starts will be against ATL on the road (DON’T START), LAD at home (DO YOU HATE YOUR TEAM?), and then likely SFG at home (REGRESSION COMES QUICKLY). If I’m wrong, I’m fine with being wrong on a 5 K/9 guy who is pitching against the top teams in the NL in the worst situations.
Carlos Hernandez: Starting to cool down but after a next tough start against the Athletics, he’ll face the Tigers, the Guardians, and the Twins. For a guy that’s available in 70% of leagues, it’s a fair gamble for 20% swinging strike upside.
Jesus Luzardo: Looks like he’s recovered from injury and is good to go 6IP+. He’ll start against the Nationals twice coming up here and he’s available in almost all leagues. 10K/9 upside with Marlins bullpen downside.
Max Scherzer: I was going to submit this article early and take a good breather but then Mad Max nearly went perfecto in the same game he threw an immaculate inning and struck out his 3,000th career batter. The best Grey could do to celebrate was this tweet:
Congrats to Max Scherzer and his lookalike, one of which threw an immaculate inning the same game he notched 3,000 strikeouts pic.twitter.com/U0K63dhW57
— Razzball (@Razzball) September 12, 2021
Space:X Rankings
[table id=5 /]
