Don’t want to be Mr. Downer when we get awful news like this, but I don’t understand how anyone’s body could hold together playing every day as a hitter, then through 97 MPH fresh-to-deffers every sixth day. For three years, he made us believe, and I know we all want to be little Peter Pans, but it’s just not possible. Shohei Ohtani did the impossible for longer than I would’ve expected from anyone. He did the impossible longer than Tom Cruise. Ohtani won’t be pitching again for the foreseeable future and I’d guess he’ll need Tommy John surgery (again, he had it in 2018). The one thing that places some leafs on the ground as I fall backwards into a heap to sob, he’s a top two hitter on the Player Rater, and that’s not going anywhere. I can do a prayer hexagon to make sure of it. What? Why are you screaming? It’ll be fine! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Yesterday, the Dodgers called up Jonny DeLuca. He’s been tearing up Triple-A, which is pretty impressive for a studio enforcer who’s having an affair with Lana Turner. Jonny DeLuca’s got all the photogs on call, and, yeah, see, he’s got pics of your favorite movie stars in ways you don’t wanna see them, see. He’s also got solid power and speed, and had a 15% strikeout rate in Triple-A, so the contact is there too. Think he might be more of an NL-Only or deeper mixed league guy for now, but worth monocling. Unless you wanna see your dame splashed all over Look! magazine. Also, the Cards are calling up Luken Baker, but, if you’ve seen him, he looks exactly like Adam Dunn. In the minors, he even wore his number.
Happy NFL Draft Day, sports fans! Today it is April and next week it will be May. After May comes June, followed by July, otherwise known as MLB Draft month. To be frank, my preseason top-15 is already out-dated, as is MLB Pipeline’s top-100 posted months ago. I’d be willing to bet my second-born child (lost my first in a poker game last month) that Chase Dollander is NOT the second player off the board and is in fact not a lock to go in the top five. I’ll also tell you there’s a chance Dylan Crews goes second overall, not first. And there might even be a player currently ranked in the top-five overall that I could see falling into the 20s. Oh yeah, and only six of the top-20 are pitchers. Who are they? What has changed? Well, you’ll have to make like Oliver Twist and pound the button below to find out.
As we reach the college season’s midpoint, I got to wondering: after you drink 50% of your ballpark beer, is it half-empty or half-full? On one hand, it’s half-empty because we don’t want the season to end, but on the other, it’s half-full because there’s still plenty of baseball left including the highly-anticipated College World Series. Then I remember that the disgruntled concessions worker that charged me $18 for my souvenir cup only filled it up two-thirds of the way, so really the ballpark beer is 33.3% full, unless you take into account the volume accounted for by the ice… and that’s how I successfully lost my entire audience before even beginning the discussion about the first overall pick for the 2023 MLB Draft. So how about this? Drink ALL of your ballpark beer, click “Please, blog, may I have some more?” and hit up the comments section with who you’d take first overall if you had the pleasure (or lack thereof) of being Mr. Ben Cherington.
It was a wild offseason for the National League, one highlighted by Trea Turner’s lucrative ($300 million) transition from the Dodgers to Phillies, along with fellow shortstop Xander Bogaerts’ introduction to the NL, via the San Diego Padres and $280 mil of his own. Two of the absolute best shortstops in the game are anchored […]
Greetings and salutations, RazzBallers! Spring training is only one week away, but the ambulance has already left and returned to the station with a few bodies in tow. That was quick! The good news is that hopefully, these early injuries saved you some pain in your drafts. Brayan Bello Brayan Bello, the rising Red Sox […]
We are now posting the WHOLE SHOW on Youtube! You can see every time Grey ignores me, or rolls his eyes at me, or every time I leave the room for minutes at a time while Grey talks and doesn’t notice that I’m actually gone. Grey and B_Don are back to talk about an Adonis […]
Can we figure out what we keep doin’ wrong
Why our players never last for very long
What are we doin’ wrong?
Can we find a way to finally make it right
Make the magic last for more than just one night
We could just get to it
I know I just got back India but what did the Fantasy Baseball Overlord do to it
*sobbing uncontrollably* Make the magic last for just one night. Just once–Jesus effin’ Christmas tree lights up in October what are we doing? This is not right!? Ozzie Albies? Seriously? A fractured foot? Ozzie Albies’s feet should only be discussed on some weird subreddit. Ess oh BEEEEE! So, Orlando Arcia should see more playing time while Albies is out, my guess is for at least six weeks. I hate this. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
…And then I say, “Shane!”
Shane Shane bo bane, bo-na-na no faux number one! Shane!
And then I say the name McClanahan!
McClahananananana bo-ana! McClahananananana no faux number one! McClanahan!
The superlatives will be lacking when it comes to Shane McClanahan (8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.87, yeah, and you don’t stop). On the Player Rater, he’s the best starter. On the Rest of the Season Player Rater — that’s right, we have a Player Rater that knows the future, Shane’s number three. Even the stats thinks McClanahananananan will be at worst the third best starter the rest of the year. I wrote a sleeper post about him coming into this year. I love, love, lurve him. Yet, I didn’t even think he would be this good, this fast, but me mi mo whoa he’s been good. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
To try to appeal more to teenage boys, the Rangers should install a giant lotion bottle in center field, and each time Marcus Semien homers, it explodes with lotion onto the fans in the bleachers. Yesterday, there would be a lot of facials from Semien, as he went 7-for-8, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and a triple slam (4, 5, 6) and double legs (9, 10). Halleberrylujah. That might actually be the single greatest day ever. Could Semien be coming out of his early-season funk like Jason Biggs once came out of a tube sock? Okay, those other words were likely avoidable. Is Semien about to explode? Again, avoidable! Is Semien about to explode in a good way in all his glory, whole and pulsating. Okay, more very avoidable words! Here’s what I thought on our Youtube channel. Click that and click subscribe so I can feed my children (Ted, a dog).
Before you say, this rooster, Grey, is caca-cuckoo crazy. Entering yesterday’s games, he had an expected batting average of .201, and one of the worst exit velocities in the major. Everything across the board on his page is saying he really was this bad. Not unlucky. Could he turn it all around? Does Marcus Semien sound like a bath towel that you tell your mom you got paste on? Yes and yes! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Secretly, what no one could know, before yesterday’s game in Milwaukee, Christian Yelich hired a hitman. Did he want something done to a person? Heavens no! His fine eh eff mother raised that boy well! No, what Yelich wanted done he whispered into the ear of the hitman he hired off of Craigslist. Thanks to scouts Razzball hired, we know what was said, and by ‘scouts,’ I mean eavesdroppers. Yelich whispered, “Take this baseball bat that does me no good, and beat the shi*t out of the humidor until it no longer functions.” Yelich said the only way they’d know definitively that the humidor is busted is if Keston Hiura (1-for-4, 2nd homer) could hit it out. Job well done, Humidor Hitman! Yelich also benefited from his own mafia ties (3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (3). The humidor hit was especially nice for me since two benefactors were two of my sleepers, Luis Urias (1-for-4, and his 1st homer, hitting leadoff), and the big star of the game, Willy Adames (2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 7th and 8th homer, as he hits third. That sleeper of mine makes up for my Jarred Kelenic sleeper post! *dodges tomato* It doesn’t make up for it? *dodges another tomato* Okay! Geez! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Max Fried went into the House That Sandy Koufax Built, during Passover, and hid the Afikoman from the Dodgers for 7 innings. For you gentiles who don’t know what an Afikoman is, imagine I was accidentally misspelling the rapper Afroman’s name and you were playing hide and seek with him. That’s an Afikoman. *stares at the ceiling* Damn, I thought balloons would fall if I made the first mention ever of a Afikoman on a fantasy sports site. No luck there, I guess the Hebrews didn’t pay for the balloons! Rarely do I make two straight ledes from the same series. From Freeman to Fried, man. From a guy who looks like he has teeth made of wax to Max. From a guy who abandoned his Atlanta roots to a guy who hears often, “Why don’t you call more?” Max Fried went 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA down to 3.50. I suppose it’s harder to hit an unleavened ball. Nice to see Fried bounce back from his last two meh outings, but this is why I keep telling you to be patient. We really have no idea about anyone yet. Even Max Fried was able to go from meh to mensch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
A little birdie told me our 2024 Fantasy Baseball subscriptions are live. The little birdie also said it includes our Draft War Room. You really wanna lose in a fantasy baseball league to a little birdie? Would be kinda embarrassing, tbhhttps://t.co/1ag7IFSYS0