Please see our player page for Huascar Ynoa to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Max Fried went into the House That Sandy Koufax Built, during Passover, and hid the Afikoman from the Dodgers for 7 innings. For you gentiles who don’t know what an Afikoman is, imagine I was accidentally misspelling the rapper Afroman’s name and you were playing hide and seek with him. That’s an Afikoman. *stares at the ceiling* Damn, I thought balloons would fall if I made the first mention ever of a Afikoman on a fantasy sports site. No luck there, I guess the Hebrews didn’t pay for the balloons! Rarely do I make two straight ledes from the same series. From Freeman to Fried, man. From a guy who looks like he has teeth made of wax to Max. From a guy who abandoned his Atlanta roots to a guy who hears often, “Why don’t you call more?” Max Fried went 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA down to 3.50. I suppose it’s harder to hit an unleavened ball. Nice to see Fried bounce back from his last two meh outings, but this is why I keep telling you to be patient. We really have no idea about anyone yet. Even Max Fried was able to go from meh to mensch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Freddie Freeman (1-for-3, 2 runs and 1st homer) wasted no time making the Braves regret the way they treated him this offseason. First at-bat, Freddie Freeman stepped towards the box, but first he asked to see the mic the umps use to announce the bad calls they make to the crowds. Freeman leaned into the mic and said, “Tell Acuña it’s mutual, I don’t like him either,” then took the 2nd pitch of the at-bat to deep left, the oppo taco as they call it in Mexico, and his first home run of the year was tagged. As he sashayed across the plate, he snapped and said, “Braves ain’t gettin’ none of this.” Snap! Speaking of which, what do you call every image of Freddie Freeman? Tooth pics. Take it, Highlights! It’s yours! Freeman sure has some teeth, right? The molar the merrier with that guy. Stop stop, he’s got fillings too! Okay, I will stop reading bad joke posters at a kiddie dentist now. So many games were postponed, but some still to go over, tooth be told. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Look, I understand that Connor-eyed Joe makes no sense, but if you came to one of my posts looking for sense, boy do I have some parentheses to sell you. (Hint, I like parentheses.) But yes, I’d like to imagine that something akin to the phrase above was going through Blake Treinen’s head in his first appearance on opening day when he gave up a game-defining homerun to one previously mentioned Connor Joe. And while there isn’t quite too much stock that can be put into what is now just 0.03% of the season completed, it’s not like we can’t dream on just a handful of games. I mean, the Padres are 4-1, that’ll totally last, right? (*Cries into alcoholic beverages. All of them.) But back to Joe, it’s no secret that the Rockies outfield is a bit crowded with Grichuk, Blackmon, Bryant, Hilliard and Daza. Combined that with the fact that Connor’s development and pedigree has been more of a slow-burn (with the majority of games in the minor leagues), but he’s always had a keen sense of the plate, sustaining strong career marks in both BB% and K% along with a bit of pop. And not for nothing, but his 19 plate appearances so far are tied with Bryant, and already more than the rest of his OF peers, something to keep an eye on. Connor-eyed perhaps? Feels so good!

Join me after the jump for some more random facts, hot takes, and other robust ruminations (classy content folks) on the Kwan, Jo Adell morphing into Pedro Cerrano from Major League and how long Kyle Farmer will keep plowing the field. Is it just me, or does that sound sexual? And is it just me, or does plowing the field not really equate to hitting well? Eff it, we’ve typed this far…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey, Timmy, thanks for coming to see me in this old age home. Did you bring me the stewed carrots I asked for? Oh, great. What a pal. Let me take my teeth out so I can slurp on the soft carrots. I can’t believe how old I feel now. What’s that? Speak up! How old am I?! Same age I was five days ago, but it’s not how old I am. It’s how old I feel. Oh, yeah, I was spry duck just last week, but the first week of April’s starting pitching has aged me forty years in five days. I started the week remembering to go pee-pee and poo-poo in the toilet, and now I’m wearing diapers! Stupid starting pitching! Welp, we have one good starter this year, his name is Alek Manoah (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 7 Ks). Was watching Manoah last night and to say he looked good is somehow an understatement and an overstatement. He was unhittable, while also being nowhere near the plate for huge chunks of the game. It was not the best I had seen him — that was when he was interviewed with his mother and I was able to block him out of the shot with my hand. But for one magical night in April, we actually got a decent pitching line, so, ya know what? Alek Manoah looked as awesome as his mom, Aleka Momoah! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

All right, here’s the actual title: Contingency Exegesis, or How I Learned to Love the Fact that Jacob deGrom is Already Hurt. No, nononnono, I don’t mean it like, I like that he’s hurt. Rather, it’s the kind of mindset that I now get to enter where I consider the other 1,000 other possibilities that I didn’t take in the draft that I love. I didn’t draft deGrom [goes and checks Fantrax] anywhere this year. Or Max Scherzer. Of course I didn’t — I either got Corbin Burnes in round 1 and then waited until round 972 for SP2, or I got Shane Bieber in round 4 and then got Kevin Gausman in round 7. In the cosmic scheme of things, these are all just happenstance draft decisions. There are trillions of ways you could draft a roster. You could draft a fantasy baseball every minute from now until the sun goes black and still not draft the same team [stares at all those hypothetical drafts with Seiya Suzuki in the 1.01]. Regardless of how much I behave like Carl Sagan, us fantasy baseballers down here on this pale blue dot are basically done with draft season. A bunch of you are already in the black hole of fantasy sports because you chose Jacob deGrom as your SP1 (and if you drafted him as your SP2, you’re clearly reading this website for the sexy Greinke images and not the articles). So! Let’s talk about what to do when the inevitable happens: your favorite pitcher gets hurt. Or the sun goes black. One of those things will happen below. Don’t hold me to a high standard. 

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As FDRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR has said before, “Today, will live in infinity.” No truer words have been said repeatedly over and over again, but mostly in my brain. This league crawls itself into my brain and gnaws like a gnat. Imagine a gnat named Gnat opens a diner in my brain named The Peach Pit, and it’s only frequented by Bad Thoughts, and these Bad Thoughts take all the pre-draft prep that I do, and, immediately after my first pick, the Bad Thoughts whisper, “You screwed up.” That’s how I feel with this league. Is it as bad as I think or did I let in too many Bad Thoughts? It prolly is just bad. So, my Tout Wars team stinks, but, if everything works out as intended, then my Tout Wars team might only kinda stink. Here’s to kinda stinking! For those unaware, this league is 5×5 with OBP instead of AVG, two-catcher, 12-team NL-Only league. Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars draft recap:

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Hidey-ho neighborino! Is that phrase trademarked or just very, very old? Fine, let’s dismiss the formalities and get straight to the nitty-gritty: men who throw balls. Hard. We’re at the point in the pre-season where we understand that the MLB and MLBPA are definitely far, far away from any sort of agreement on a contract. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s actually a “realistic” contract that’s been shared between the groups and we’ll see that contract appear the first week of March, just in time for a shortened spring training and perfectly-timed Opening Day. But that’s just me spitballing labor negotiations, and what do I know other than the chords to every song on Green Day’s Dookie album? I suppose I know pitchers somewhat well, and wouldn’t you know it — I’ve got a pitcher listicle for you! A Pitchsticle!

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Looking at the overall 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, the top 80 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball is from around 225 overall to 275 overall, which is just about the end for 12-team mixed leagues.  This is your late fourth, mostly fifth thru the beginning of the sixth starters. This is just about it for 12 team leagues, though the last tier in this post is still in 12-team league territory, so you’ll have to wait until the next post to finish off that tier. Don’t worry, on that next post, I’ll be by with another 70-ish pitchers for those in deeper leagues, and/or dynasty and keeper leagues. Or for those that just like to read about fantasy baseball while the world burns around them. I fall into that latter camp. Our subscriptions are up and running, and that comes with our online Fantasy Baseball War Room — now for auction drafts, AL-Only, NL-Only, Best Ball and more. Here’s Steamer’s 2022 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2022 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. All projections included here are mine, and where I see tiers starting and stopping are included. Anyway, here’s the top 80 starters for 2022 fantasy baseball:

NOTE: All 2022 fantasy baseball projections are based on a 162-game season, and will be until we hear definitively there will be less games, due to the CBA. Also, I’m going on the assumption the NL is getting the DH.

NOTE II: All my rankings are currently available on Patreon for the price of a Starbucks coffee, if you get one of those extra grande frappuccino jobbers. Don’t wait for the rankings to come out over the next month, and get them all now.

NOTE III: Free agents are listed as just that and not yet projected. Once a guy signs, I will write out their blurb and add in projections, or remove them, if they sign in an unfavorable place. They are ranked currently where I think they might be if they sign on for a full-time job.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We hear, “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels…” as the Think Different commercial plays. The middle of a black onyx stage opens, and slowly someone rises. First, we see their Yankees cap, then the glorious sheen, black-as-night mustache, which blinds us, it’s so beautiful. Finally, we see it’s Nestor Cortes Jr. in a black turtleneck and dad jeans. Nestor clicks on the microphone that is around his ear. “Thank you, Ashton Kutcher, for that lovely intro. Now, as many of you are wondering, how am I on the Yankees, and their no facial policy, with this gorgeous mustache. That answer is quite simple, actually. It’s due to my incredibly fast-growing facial hair. I shave every morning. I want to direct you now to my 500-slide Powerpoint explaining how my mustache grows in so fast.” Not only does Nestor Cortes Jr. have a fast-growing mustache like he’s out of the 1970s, he also has a 1970s vibe to his pitching. His release point changes with just about every pitch. Is his father, Nestor Orlando El Duque Hernandez Cortes Sr.? Last night, Cortes went 6 1/3, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.60 in just under 80 IP, which is nothing to sneeze out, unless you’re allergic to quality fantasy starters. The worry with Cortes, much like it was with El Duque, he throws about 89 MPH. It’s a precarious game trying to keep MLB hitters off balance all the time. So far, Cortes has done it, and I’d try him for the rest of this year. For 2022 fantasy, Nestor Cortes Jr. feels like a guy who could be exposed as a gimmick. Now, excuse me, I want to get back to watching his mustache PowerPoint. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

All I ever wanted for Christmas was to see Robbie Ray get all worked up. And Santa brought me my gift early this year! Maybe you casual fans just want to see Lance Lynn get worked up, but when Robbie Ray and the Orioles manager get into a tongue-lashing, that’s the kind of baseball I want to see! Yeah, things are getting pretty slow here on the baseball side. On the plus side, I’m in the top 20 in RazzSlam. On the downside, the cutline only sends the top 10 to the playoffs. So, it’s kind of like I’m the benevolent tight-pants-loving lord of a small fiefdom that resides outside of Coolwhip’s kingdom. I beg thee, King Coolwhip, let Luis Severino pitch! How are all of your teams doing? Still active? Let’s see if we can find some pitchers for your fantasy playoffs!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Just got back from the First Annual Razzball Flag Football Competition, where we took on Bishop Sycamore in a battle of the fake schools. As expected, Donkey Teeth served as a quarterback while Grey stood on the sidelines wearing his “Coach” attire. It was a little weird to see him wandering around with a $10,000 handbag, but I don’t judge. Rudy called the plays, although his reliance on bootleg plays 90% of the time really underestimated DT’s ability to turn left. He’s a donkey, Rudy! He goes forwards! Besides from DT being stubborn, the game played out fairly nicely, with yours truly spraining an ankle in the first 30 seconds and then spending the next hour watching the game from the shade of a tree with a little adult beverage. In the end, Bishop Sycamore defeated the Razzballers 122-6, our only points coming from an accidental pick-6 when Coolwhip designed a replica Bishop Sycamore jersey and snuck onto the other team. Their rosters were so confusing they didn’t notice. On to the Greinke graphic and the pitchers! Hut, hut, hike! 

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Marlins first-year phenom Jesus Sanchez continued to work miracles this week as he went 2-for-3 Friday night with two runs scored and his seventh home run, a 3-run blast, his third hit to the heavens in the past week! Hashtag blessed. Speaking of miracles, I had a bit of a holy experience this week when I witnessed a Razzball cameo on SportsCenter Monday night. I immediately pinged Grey to inform him that we had, in fact, “made it,” and that he should expect the cash to start rolling in any day now. That’s right all, none other than ESPN’s own Wonder Boy, Jeff Passan, name-dropped Razzball in a segment, likely referencing this tweet and how hilarious RBs commentary on the whole Mets Boo-az situation was. How do I react to the news that not only is Jeff Passan an avid fantasy baseballer (which also presents some interesting collusion questions?), but he has very likely (not-at-all-likely) read my posts and is scouting me to be his next intern? Well, I’m not going to let the fame go to my head yet, but I did buy Kanye’s $4000 red Donda jacket with the check I assume is in the mail. If you’re reading Mr. Passan, ignore all the past jabs at ESPN, you are clearly the smartest analyst there (besides Woj, of course). But back to Sanchez! The rookie outfielder is batting .357 in the past week with the aforementioned three jacks and eight ribbies. Grey told you to BUY! The power is real and if he can cut down on the Ks he might find his way into a 2022 sleeper post. You hear that, Jeff? Be on the lookout for some 2022 gems and keep the shout-outs coming! Sanchez struggled mightily after returning from the COVID list in August, but it appears over the past few days he’s finally getting his timing down. He could be worth a hail-mary hope and a prayer add that the power binge continues and Jesus could save your fantasy season.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?