Clap your hands? I’ll accept it. (Was that ever in doubt?) The real question everyone should be asking is, if Ian Happ was reading this (lol) would he actually clap? I mean, I would hope so, since no one else can really clap. Well, except for someone else named Ian Happ, which I consider rare, much like me having a truncated meandering, but it is what it is. But at least this specific Ian Happ, the Happ we’re focusing on, has had an interesting baseball season thus far. And by interesting I mean that Happ has seemingly both taken a step forward and a step back from last season, and we’re here to find out if this is actually good or actually bad.

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Hey, what’s this, content that is no way related in any shape or form to the trade deadline? Talk about SEO seppuku! Y’all just don’t understand, as one of the many dozens of Padres fans, I’m just padresing so hard right now, any discussion about the trade deadline might get me faint again. And you won’t like me when I’m faint. Mainly because I’m unconscious, but hey, no judgements. So we got a dude here in Rhys Hoskins that made me waste a pun that could have been used during Halloween for 100% cross-synergy points, but a dude who is hitting quite well and is flying under the radar, well, at least under enough to perhaps have some allure for the teams out there making a push into their playoff phase. An interesting piece to the puzzle that is your fantasy baseball team, and quite possibly the most calming content I can write as my Padres go full NBA super-team on the MLB.

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Welcome to another installment of taking a dated reference, applying it to fantasy baseball, and then hoping in some manner or form, the SEO Gods smile upon our trending use of keywords and relevant current topics while attributing it all to fantasy baseball. So while I’ll have zero commentary on whatever is going on with […]

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British phrases and baseball content, name a more iconic duo. There’s actually a lot of better duo’s out there, but you work with what you got, and what I got is a player with a last name that can be turned into a jolly good title (so good we did it twice!), id’na that right gov’ner? But that’s where the accuracy ends, because can you really call Matt Chapman good? We tried a few months ago, and the basic TL;DR was: “He might, and we’ll see!” And of course, he might be a good person, but we’d probably want him to be a good baseball player first. Selfish! I know. And lucky for us and baseball, that definition is a bit fungible in that what he did last season was, you know, aiight. Two “i’s” for that extra vocal confirmation. I mean, the .210 batting average and .314 OBP wasn’t good, but the counting stats? Pretty good, to the tune of 27/75/72. So while we ponder the idea that maybe Chap is just neutral, we can also accept that we are stuck asking if he’s good because of a mediocre title that I locked us into. Don’t forget folks, I was born into mediocrity, molded by it, and we still have the rest of the post to go. That’s not just good, that’s great?

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Hey, we all gotta put food on the table and this is how I do it. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. And while Hoerner sounds like a Nordic shoe company, you add Nico which brings a suave car salesman vibe into the mix along with a random Austin Powers reference, well, I’m not sure what you actually have, but hopefully it has something to do with baseball. Definitely a goal I hope to one day achieve! So while the question presented is a quality one, I mean, I always be asking people if they are feeling like a Nordic shoe company, and their main response is silence and walking away, but that’s their loss, after all, we’re also talking about a former first-round pick who’s looking to have quite the career year so far and doing so at the middle-infield position and very possibly on your waiver wire. Do you want to know more?

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An amazing 80’s band, Ezequiel or Jarren? Why not all three? At the very least, it’ll make my Google searches efficient. And yes, while we (the royal we) generally don’t cover multiple players in this content-space, it’s hard to pass up such a nominal title. Not just that, but there’s a somewhat weird poetic juxtaposition here in terms of what Jarren Duran and Ezequiel Duran bring to the table. And while I’m still reveling in the +5 to creative writing by using the word juxtaposition in terms of what each player brings to the table, I’m still humbled by the fact that I’m drawing a blank on a proper Duran Duran pun that doesn’t involve someone being a wolf and also hungry. I mean, let’s be honest, I’m hungry, but not like Michael J. Fox 80’s hungry. 40-year-old jokes make me sad…

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So cryptic! But to be fair, with cell coverage the way it is nowadays, you technically should be never lost unless you like driving broken-down El Caminos out in the Ozarks, but look, I’m just assuming you’d stay where there are paved roads. Shout out to my homies in Cleveland who don’t have that technology […]

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Yeah, I understand that this makes it seem like that Connor Joe has Connor Joe-like eyes, which if you remove the low-hanging pun, is what the title amounts to. But I submit that this is still technically true since if someone is going to have Connor Joe like eyes, it’ll be Connor Joe. I rest my case. But since I have to have a bit more content than a title and a sentence, I guess I’ll start a new case. And no, I have no clue why I’m continuing the judicial metaphor, but the question has standing. While Connor Joe started hot-hot-hot, much of his production thus far has been quite pedestrian. As someone who’s allergic to cardio, I have nothing against pedestrians, but with Joe going as a top-50 (even higher) outfielder before the season started, I’d think everyone would like to see a bit more than five homeruns and 14 RBIs with a third of the season already in the rear-view mirror. So where did he go? Let’s find out, search party for Connor Joe!

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Great, now I’m hungry for a cereal that leaves your mouth looking and feeling like a Saw filming location. YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME IN MY MOUTH? Wait, uh… And yes, that is not a typo, the actual name has two “Crunch’s” which I never really noticed until I actually had to type it out. I mean, why does the Cap have to be redundant like that? I know you’re Cap’n Crunch homey, why not just give us the berries? And will no one think of José Berríos here who has to be crunched twice for the metaphor to work? I will, for I am Jay, philanthropist, life coach, virtuous drunk, and that’s just before lunch! But enough about my over-qualified CV, let’s talk about the struggles of one Crunch-Crunch Berríos… yeah, definitely does not have a great ring to it. Nor crunch. All of them.

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