It took me a while to pass my spellcheck when attempting to type out the word ‘bombardier’, but you know, I got 99 first world problems, and spelling is definitely won. Making puns? Most likely a problem, but we’ll say it’s a solution, if only to caress my ego the way your mother does. Which brings us to the point (does it?) that Alec Bohm seems to be a pretty good baseball player. Hot takes all around! With the Phillies trying to hold onto any semblance of sneaking into the playoffs (not looking good as of this writing), there’s a hype train that’s been travelling in and around Philadelphia, and its final destination looks to be Rookie of the Year, with, of course, nonother than Bohm at the steering wheel. Yes, it was a whole sentence dedicated to a train metaphor, and no, I’m not sure if they have steering wheels or not. I assume they have some kind of steering mechanism, but there are only so many things I can nerd out to in this life, and it turns out my niches are essentially science fiction and sports. Trains go choo choo, that’s all I know and I’m stickin’ to it. That being said, now that I know how to spell bombardier and create a work of art such ‘Bohmardier’, we’re going to ride this sustainable peak right into the analyzations, procrastinations, and other multi-syllabic words that mean to say that Alec Bohm is a good baseball player now, but will it last as we hopefully move into a more normal future? And you know, the whole point of the pun, where are the bombs? Let’s find out after the jump!

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No doubt 2020 has been full of tumult and chaos, and I’m just talking about Kayne. Obviously sports has seen its fair share of craziness too, with baseball leading the way with a shortened season, producing outcomes thus far that could be considered, well… I mean the Padres have a chance to get to the playoffs by averaging 18 grand slams a game… End of the world as we know it. Regardless, on a player-focused level, there has been plenty of randomness that will never settle based on the lack of innings and at-bats available. There simply isn’t enough time to settle, regress, explode, and while I’m all for exploding, hopefully via combustion because why not, we can at least gauge where a player is at and what might happen next season (if there is one!). Last week, we covered Josh Bell and found reasons why a resurgence was due, and by channeling my dark wizardry powers (typing I guess), that post was confirmed prescient. Can the same be done for Carlos Correa and his apparent power outage? Or will it take Astros fans bringing their favorite trash can lids to the game in solidarity that will spur him out of this funk? Spoiler alert: I’m a fan of the funk.

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Well, I’ll let you choose whether or not my title is an homage to Ernest Hemingway or Metallica, but the truth of the matter is, both will continue to be remembered for their hair. I think! Plus, if you are going to be talking about a player with the last name ‘Bell’, best use a recognizable reference. Trade secrets here folks. So while this season has been random, short, and crazy, much like my love-making, you could say that Josh Bell’s season has been much like the a Hemingway novel, long, tedious, and unavoidable. Take that high school English period! So what happens next for Bell? Is there enough time to recover, is he a lost cause, perhaps a bounce-back candidate for next year?

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Asdrúbal Cabrera has always been a dude, playing an average dude, playing a consistent dude. Dude. As we enter into the Labor Day weekend, I’m reminded that I myself abhor labor, but ya know, napping can be challenging, so I think that counts. But to keep with the labor theme (so relevant bro), I’ve always owned Cabrera as a labor of love. Tie-in alert! So that being said, I must promote that he’s never low, never high, plays multiple positions, and has always been solid. As a rock. But now that he’s 34 and hitting just a paltry .229/.297/.412, where do we go from here? That’s a great question that I just asked myself, and so as is the natural law of the universe as we know it, I deserve a great answer. And, you know, so do you I guess. Sheesh man, talk about being demanding…

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Yeah, well look, you go ahead and try to pun “Laureano” and see what you come up with. I promise its a journey from Lorenzo Llamas Lamas  all the way to trying to connect a Laura Dern reference. Obscure, random, but Laura Dern… so still very nice results (come at me bro). At the very least, the reference in the title above comes from a culturally significant event which completely and totally (redundant!) ages me. Irregardless, this whole adventure was to get from point A (title explanation) to point B (framing the title explanation) to point C (move on from the title already bro) to point D, which is to answer the ultimate question: what’s up with Ramón Laureano? Suffering from a wild slash of 208/361/344 after coming off a year where he hit 288/340/521, after the jump we’ll explore exactly what to make of this now 28 game season (as of this writing) and whether or not we’ll experience a case of the Ramóndays or a case of, uh… Well, I guess no matter what it would still be a Ramónday. I just don’t know what I’m doing any more man…

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Rolling off of last weeks’ public safety announcement that David Dahl had very quickly turned into a David Don’t (I’m here all night folks), I’d like a chance to be a hype-man instead of a Debbie-downer this week. (I’m more of a Deborah anyways…) So if you hadn’t guessed from my spoiler-not-free title, we’re going to be taking a look at the player who puts the ‘R’ in Stella. Or wait, there is no ‘R’ in Stella. Look, whatever gets you from Tommy La Stella to Tommy La Stellar, that’s what I’m saying. (I actually don’t know what I’m saying.)

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We are now roughly a third-of-the-way through this historic season half-season flirtation, and some trends are emerging. I mean, non-COVID related trends, lest we forget the Cardinals hotspot emerging at the Ozarks, where rusted El Camino’s run free in the wilderness. But as the season continues on and players keep actually playing (sorta?) some of these players have started to enjoy this new lease on baseball life (such as Wil Myers, covered previously) there of course will be an opposite end of the spectrum. And who is the yang to Myers’ yin? Right now that appears to be David Dahl, who’s jumped out of the gate by immediately face-planting, something that’s an everyday occurrence for me when doing normal cardio. Exercise allergies, you understand. Hitting a 203/253/261 slash, we’ll explore what we can gather from these past 17 games (as of this writing) and see if Goliath will edge out David or vica versa. Goliath here being the oppressive weight of hitting near the Mendoza line. And that was a biblical reference for those of you that just went “Who the ef is Goliath and why is he edging David?” Give and take relationship folks.

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While I’m sure we’re all ready to close our eyes and hum loudly until it’s 2030, I empathize with the fact that Wil Myers was probably doing the same thing circa 2018-2019. (Same thing Padres’ fans have done for the past millennia.) And I’ll be the first one to admit, there has been many-a-thing I’ve said about Myers in my humble yet strikingly handsome past, and I would say many of those things were not positive. But I was but a small voice in a larger chorus… Okay, not that large, there are like what, a dozen Padres fans? The other dozen are here just to wear our retro browns. But yeah, while he has a beautiful head of hair, Myers’ defense (lol) is akin to a cat drowning in quicksand, and his hitting, while not seppuku-worthy, doesn’t really match his albatross of a contract that will most likely last the next 58 years or so at the tune of 28 billionty dollars a month. Something like that. So of course, this time, of all times, is when Myers has chosen to rise out of this tulmit and actually hit the ball, so shall we examine what happens when keeping Wil actually goes right…

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What can I say? It’s been a while since I dished out the bold. The beautiful? Full time job baby. Now, whether it’s obvious or not, this season’s iteration of “Bold Predictions” will be quite different. First, there won’t be any predictions based on that stupid next door virus everyone hates. I can’t tell ya how easy my job would be if my first bold prediction would be that the season is completed with zero issues from COVID. Bold to me! (And already void, thanks Juan Soto!) But still, who wants to be the negative Nancy? I don’t even look like a Nancy. So there will be caveats, such as, we’re just going to assume that the entire season is played with minimal issues related to Won’t-you-not-be-my-neighbor-Corona. Now, also add in the fact that these are bold predictions… every season, someone points out how crazy these things are. My response? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. (The non-Bush version.) But now that we have just 60 games on the docket, everything’s awkward. A normal 160-180 inning season? Yeah, we’re talking like 40-60 now. AB’s? Eesh, 20 HR’s is Bonds like. So quite honestly, I have no idea what is considered bold, so we’ll travel this journey together, with masks and social distancing, and discover what the 10 Bold Predictions during COVID actually looks like…

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Welcome to another season of Razz-matazz Fantasy Baseball. Now with more social distancing! (Jokes on them, basement social distancing is easy!) So despite the pandemic, here we are with another year of staff picks. So what’s the goal with this? Hashtag content, baby. (That’s the technical term.) There’s another goal though, one less self-fulfilling, unlike your mother. Despite the modern advancement of technology and science, we still have no way to have every writer provide their extended take on every single player in the MLB. We try though! And so we have this quick-and-easy (I regret burning my “yo momma” joke now…) presentation that provides you, the Razzmatazzball community a viewer-friendly and succinct breakdown of how we feel about the upcoming season. The general gist? WEAR YOUR MASK. True MVP’s stay together people.

So without further ado, here are our Official 2020 Razzball Picks! (Be sure to share yours in the comments section!)

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