While I’m sure we’re all ready to close our eyes and hum loudly until it’s 2030, I empathize with the fact that Wil Myers was probably doing the same thing circa 2018-2019. (Same thing Padres’ fans have done for the past millennia.) And I’ll be the first one to admit, there has been many-a-thing I’ve said about Myers in my humble yet strikingly handsome past, and I would say many of those things were not positive. But I was but a small voice in a larger chorus… Okay, not that large, there are like what, a dozen Padres fans? The other dozen are here just to wear our retro browns. But yeah, while he has a beautiful head of hair, Myers’ defense (lol) is akin to a cat drowning in quicksand, and his hitting, while not seppuku-worthy, doesn’t really match his albatross of a contract that will most likely last the next 58 years or so at the tune of 28 billionty dollars a month. Something like that. So of course, this time, of all times, is when Myers has chosen to rise out of this tulmit and actually hit the ball, so shall we examine what happens when keeping Wil actually goes right…

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What can I say? It’s been a while since I dished out the bold. The beautiful? Full time job baby. Now, whether it’s obvious or not, this season’s iteration of “Bold Predictions” will be quite different. First, there won’t be any predictions based on that stupid next door virus everyone hates. I can’t tell ya how easy my job would be if my first bold prediction would be that the season is completed with zero issues from COVID. Bold to me! (And already void, thanks Juan Soto!) But still, who wants to be the negative Nancy? I don’t even look like a Nancy. So there will be caveats, such as, we’re just going to assume that the entire season is played with minimal issues related to Won’t-you-not-be-my-neighbor-Corona. Now, also add in the fact that these are bold predictions… every season, someone points out how crazy these things are. My response? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. (The non-Bush version.) But now that we have just 60 games on the docket, everything’s awkward. A normal 160-180 inning season? Yeah, we’re talking like 40-60 now. AB’s? Eesh, 20 HR’s is Bonds like. So quite honestly, I have no idea what is considered bold, so we’ll travel this journey together, with masks and social distancing, and discover what the 10 Bold Predictions during COVID actually looks like…

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Welcome to another season of Razz-matazz Fantasy Baseball. Now with more social distancing! (Jokes on them, basement social distancing is easy!) So despite the pandemic, here we are with another year of staff picks. So what’s the goal with this? Hashtag content, baby. (That’s the technical term.) There’s another goal though, one less self-fulfilling, unlike your mother. Despite the modern advancement of technology and science, we still have no way to have every writer provide their extended take on every single player in the MLB. We try though! And so we have this quick-and-easy (I regret burning my “yo momma” joke now…) presentation that provides you, the Razzmatazzball community a viewer-friendly and succinct breakdown of how we feel about the upcoming season. The general gist? WEAR YOUR MASK. True MVP’s stay together people.

So without further ado, here are our Official 2020 Razzball Picks! (Be sure to share yours in the comments section!)

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As one might conclude, here at Razzball we’ve started focusing on what baseball and fantasy baseball will look like as we plod forward through this mess, and I have to admit, it’s a bit weird. Ignoring the bottle of Corona in the room and the fact that this may not even work out as the U.S. struggles to contain the first wave (can’t have a second if you never stop the first! *points at forehead*), the current sports experiments going-on ultimately leave us with the possibility of having a bit of entertainment while we safely hunker down in out mother’s basement, so we must at least entertain the idea that baseball and fantasy baseball will become a reality. As I’m wont to do, the content I’ve been working on has more of a WWJD (What Would Jay Do?) slant, and the last and first post in this series generally went over the types of batters I’d be focusing on in this truncated 60-day stretch. While I’ll be treating pitchers to the same exposé at a later date, with this post, I’d like to tackle the nitty-gritty side of it all, and that’s the broader changes we’ll see to the MLB and fantasy apparatus as we stay six feet apart while not coughing on each other. You know, proper pandemic etiquette…

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Much has already been pontificated (so many years I’ve waited to use the word ‘pontificate’!) in terms of what lay before us as both baseball fans and fantasy baseball players. And all of this pontification (2-for-1!) can be culminated (or stirred) into one simple question: What can we expect in just 60 games? Now, I’d be remiss for not mentioning that we are in the midst of another spike of the first wave of the Miller Lite Corona virus, and the increasing dangers in both the Arizona and Florida areas is making this whole Manfred fantasy complicated, and then of course the player opt-outs, the chance we won’t even be able to complete the season from a many number of factors… you could say that we are practicing folly by pushing forward. Like that one girl I dated in college. That being said, if baseball does become more reality than fantasy, it’ll be one of the most unique moments contextually speaking. I mean, I don’t think a 60-game season compares to sliced bread, but that’s just me, a toast-lover. So while Joseph Gordon Levitt had 500 days to woo everyone’s favorite manic pixie girl Zooey Summer, we’re going to have only 60 days to un-woo COVID, all while trying to experience America’s favorite pastime as safely and carefully as possible. What could go wrong?

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This is it folks. I can feel baseball getting closer. It’s either that, or Rob Manfred has moved into my basement bunker and has been whispering sweet nothings in my ear. What this weird aside presupposes is, why not both? And despite having a subconscious urge to add a DH to my daily routine, we’re going to shake things up and instead of covering a value pitcher or a Padres anything, I wanted to focus thy gaze (do you even gaze, bro?) upon J.T. Realmuto. Wrongly-used partial middle “ye” English vernacular aside (the yeee!), I’m here to establish that J.T. Realmuto is a very good baseball player. In fact, he’s probably the best catcher in the league right now, both in fantasy and in real MLB terms. And while it’d be quite the content strategy to end the post here and consider this mission accomplished, I’d prefer to make the case that while Realmuto may be the real acuerdo, he’s not the droid catcher you’re looking for. In fact, drafting him may actually handicap your team the entire season, even if that season is shortened down to something like 12 total triskaidecagon-headers…

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As we move closer and closer to a day that we can start beginning to think of a plan to start playing baseball (and I guess moving to Arizona, yikes), I’m realizing that my Padres content quota is sorely lacking. An entire preseason, with bonus pandemic time, and only one (one!) post highlighting a swinging Friar? WHAT NECROMANCERY IS THIS? Yeah, no clue how dark magics in all caps entered the chat, but this lockdown has been long, the flesh has been weak (don’t look at me like that when yours is too!), so I ask you: what exactly would be the downside of becoming bizarro Harry Potter with evil witch powers? +5 to magic missile, bro. [*Crosses arms, drops shades, waves wand in a counter-clockwise motion, raises the dead.] Regardless, I’m supposed to be talking about whales. Not just because San Diego is named after the vahina of one (silent ‘g’ for our NSFW friends), but because a literary tale as old as the last pandemic has just been referenced (give or take 50 years, but you get the point). The point is, I’m struggling connecting anything thematic in this lede, so we’ll just get to the part where I tell you about my Padres-content quarantine ending (check), the fact that I’ve somehow ended up writing about nothing but value pitchers the last month, so a hitter (a prospect no less!) would be a nice change of pace, and quite simply put: while Ismael Mena is prospect on the fringes, I’m here to convince you that you there might be something special here. Plus, I get to quote Herman Melville. NO DOWNSIDE FOLKS.

“I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I’ll go to it laughing.”

That’s what she said…

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Can a baseball player both be a buy-low and a sell-high at the same time? I don’t know, maybe? And that’s what Schrödinger’s cat is all about. If you don’t like cats, or you’re allergic, you should still try and meet this Austrian physicist’s little furry feline. Why? Well, you came here for complex thought experiments in theoretical physics and quantum mechanics, right? RIGHT? No, you didn’t at all, but the basic concept is simple, I promise. Better learn this meow than later, ya know? This theory lies in the belief that information exists at the very miniature (we’re talkin quantum baby!) level, and that until we observe a result, that observation is in a flux state (quantum superposition).

So what’s up with a cat in the box?

Well, put a cat in one, (along with poison in a flask, and a Geiger counter). Once an atom decays, an internal monitor would react to the Geiger counter and break the flask. Now, if you’re still with me and not sending an e-mail to Grey complaining about my science sesh, just think about looking at the box. Think really hard as your staring at it. Stare at it for a while. Now, let me ask you this: Is the cat alive or dead? And that’s the point… The cat is both alive AND dead because we lack the information, despite knowing the two end results possible*.

All this is to say, that maybe, just maybe, Mike Soroka is a cat in a box. (And also: I’m a nerd.)

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Yeah yeah, I know we have a bear-bull post that SON has been leading the charge with for several years now, but I haven’t gotten out of my pajamas since the beginning of March and I’m knee-deep in social distancing, I just don’t have the energy to create a better title pun. WE’RE DOING IT LIVE. Not really, but you get my point. While baseball remains in a rut, depending on how much optimism you have left, there are rumblings that July 4th is being eyed as a return to normalcy. Well, maybe not normalcy, but some within the MLB are pushing this date as an achievable goal. I for one am not falling for that hope of optimism, I’m an American dammit, nothing but Cheetos and depression for me! Whether or not this date works out (Narrator: “It wouldn’t”), I have been slowly creating content that is starting to follow a trend: and that’s going over players coming into the season that have either been forgotten, banished to the low-expectation corner of the room, or are unlucky enough to call themselves Padres. This time, I’m setting my sights upon a pitcher, who with a passing glance looks a lot like Bruce Chen reincarnated (pretty cool trick if you ask me since Bruce is still alive), but upon further sight-setting (real word?), might actually end up looking more like Aaron Nola…

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Still adjusting to the lack of baseball, one has to wonder when we can go back to watching homeruns and strikeouts instead of staying six feet away from everything and anything (including your mom). And because we are stuck in this perpetual state of doing nothing but browsing the internet and checking the fridge (what is a man to do at home for weeks on end?), one has to accept that we all have to do our part and social distance for quite a while. And that goes for MLB players too! (I think/hope?) Regardless, the concept I’m touching on here is the same I alluded to during my SEO baiting post on Baseball and COVID-19. In that post, I proffered that pitchers dealing with injuries or currently in recovery would benefit greatly, because basically, time is on their side. (Technically it’s on my side if you ask the Rolling Stones.) And while there are a lot of pitchers that fit this criteria (and we might even cover them at a later point), I did want to focus on Jordan Montgomery, who may not just be healthy coming off his Tommy John surgery, but could also be ready to be an impact pitcher on day one. Even if day one looks more and more like year 2021…

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