Look, I understand that Connor-eyed Joe makes no sense, but if you came to one of my posts looking for sense, boy do I have some parentheses to sell you. (Hint, I like parentheses.) But yes, I’d like to imagine that something akin to the phrase above was going through Blake Treinen’s head in his first appearance on opening day when he gave up a game-defining homerun to one previously mentioned Connor Joe. And while there isn’t quite too much stock that can be put into what is now just 0.03% of the season completed, it’s not like we can’t dream on just a handful of games. I mean, the Padres are 4-1, that’ll totally last, right? (*Cries into alcoholic beverages. All of them.) But back to Joe, it’s no secret that the Rockies outfield is a bit crowded with Grichuk, Blackmon, Bryant, Hilliard and Daza. Combined that with the fact that Connor’s development and pedigree has been more of a slow-burn (with the majority of games in the minor leagues), but he’s always had a keen sense of the plate, sustaining strong career marks in both BB% and K% along with a bit of pop. And not for nothing, but his 19 plate appearances so far are tied with Bryant, and already more than the rest of his OF peers, something to keep an eye on. Connor-eyed perhaps? Feels so good!

Join me after the jump for some more random facts, hot takes, and other robust ruminations (classy content folks) on the Kwan, Jo Adell morphing into Pedro Cerrano from Major League and how long Kyle Farmer will keep plowing the field. Is it just me, or does that sound sexual? And is it just me, or does plowing the field not really equate to hitting well? Eff it, we’ve typed this far…

Flash Hot Takes. Hot Flash Takes. (Title WIP)

This section will contain the hottest of hot takes delivered in an efficient manner until I figure out a title that explains it without an explanation. I know it sounds like a category about menopause, but it’s not. Sorry to disappoint.

• Half-Aroldis Chapman, half-Shohei Ohtani (don’t let your dreams be dreams!), reliever-turned-starter potentially turning to a pitcher AND hitter Michael Lorenzen‘s first start was a success as he went 6.0 IP and allowed just two hits and one run (one earned) while striking out seven. Angels converting a reliever to starting pitcher? Flashes of Scot Shields, or does that show my age? It was only like what, 230 years ago or something? THE GHOST OF DALLAS MCHPHERSON COMPELS YOU. To strike out or something, no clue where I was going with that.
• Another stellar performance came from one Alek Manoah as he Manoah’d (sounds dirty) all over the Yankees with a 6 IP, 0 R, 1 H, 4 BB, 7 K line with just 89 total pitches. Ace material? Sure, but only with better control…
• In a holds league, I am picking up Yimi Garcia. In a saves league, I am picking up Yimi García. In a non-saves league, I am not picking up Yimi García. Word.
• Andrew Vaughn and lack of playing time, name a more iconic duo! Just leave the dude out there to play; 2 homeruns, 6 RBI with no strikeouts and A.J. Pollock is named after a fish, I rest my case.

The Haunting of Jobu

“Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straight ball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.” – Pedro Cerrano.

Will he though? Spoiler-alert, the power to hit the curveball came straight from the heart, not from Jobu. And to borrow a parlance from Jerry Maguire, Cerrano was all heart mother f*cker.

But yeah, if you watched the video, Adell is about as allergic to breaking balls as I am to any food with nutritional value. He’s also ranking in the bottom percentages in xwOBA, xBA, Barrel%, K%, BB%, but you know, it’s only been nine plate appearances. Like, even according to English law, nine isn’t even a large enough number to use a number, I have to spell it out with letters! But that being said, or shouted depending on how to take that exclamation point, I am concerned about the platoon makeup moving forward, as it looks like Adell might be a victim of playing time more than the rum-infused hauntings of Jobu. (Or maybe both?) Is he a drop right now? Maybe. 10-team, yes, you have solid cause. Bigger and bolder leagues? He might just Gallo it up for a bit here and there so I’m waiting a tad bit longer…

Hey Jack, It’s a Fact!

• Did you know that Jurickson Profar has dual eligibility at 1B and OF in most formats and already has 2 HRs in just 10 at-bats? Yeah, I feel weird too, but he’s started three of the last four games for my Padres.
• Anthony DeSclafani‘s Sinker usage jumped up 35.1%. Cool.
• Shohei Ohtani K% so far is 47.4%, good for second overall with 19 total batters faced. Carlos Rodon sits ahead with a 60.0% with 20 TBF. But don’t worry, Ohtani did have the hardest hit ball this week, a double that rocketed out 119.1 MPH.
• Another Jerry Macguire reference that doesn’t involve the money or showing it? Must be my lucky day. While Rod Tidwell’s Quan was more than just about money: but also the love, respect, and community that comes with it, I think you could probably say the same about Steven Kwan. I mean, what better sense of love, respect, and community can you have when you open the season going 8-for-10 with 2 doubles, 3 walks and no strikeouts?
• Hey, Huascar Ynoa was pretty good last season before getting hurt and even though he got hit hard by the Nationals, seven hits and five earned runs, he did strike out four.

Farming and You

Did you know that Kyle Farmer is only 30 percent-owned generally? Great, so who is the guy? Well, much to our shared disappointment (I’m sure), he is, in fact, not a farmer. Crazy, I know! But he is a shortstop and has every-day at-bats for the Reds. While his 2021 season was a bit meh (technical term, sorry), he’s so far 5-for-14 with a double and a stolen base but is more of a floor-raiser than a ceiling-raiser, if that makes sense. Where my building contractors at?

In Conclusion: Keep Calm and Carry On!

As I mentioned above, the season has just started! Enjoy it, savor it, relish it. Onion it too if you so dare. But remember whether you are in first or last (hey, I feel personally attacked) there’s still tons of baseball left. So 10-team leagues? Yeah, start doing your thing, everyone else though, relax and let’s see where this goes. As a Padres fan, probably straight to the dumpster fire, but what is youth if not eternal?

Wait, what’s my age again? (Hnnnnnuh.)

Jay is a longtime Razzball everything who consumes an egregious amount of Makers Mark as a vehicle to gain wisdom and augment his natural glow. Living in the D.C. area, he also likes spending time visiting the local parks and feeding lettuce to any turtles he encounters, including Mitch McConnell. You can follow him on Twitter @jaywrong.