Please see our player page for Yimi Garcia to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Look, I understand that Connor-eyed Joe makes no sense, but if you came to one of my posts looking for sense, boy do I have some parentheses to sell you. (Hint, I like parentheses.) But yes, I’d like to imagine that something akin to the phrase above was going through Blake Treinen’s head in his first appearance on opening day when he gave up a game-defining homerun to one previously mentioned Connor Joe. And while there isn’t quite too much stock that can be put into what is now just 0.03% of the season completed, it’s not like we can’t dream on just a handful of games. I mean, the Padres are 4-1, that’ll totally last, right? (*Cries into alcoholic beverages. All of them.) But back to Joe, it’s no secret that the Rockies outfield is a bit crowded with Grichuk, Blackmon, Bryant, Hilliard and Daza. Combined that with the fact that Connor’s development and pedigree has been more of a slow-burn (with the majority of games in the minor leagues), but he’s always had a keen sense of the plate, sustaining strong career marks in both BB% and K% along with a bit of pop. And not for nothing, but his 19 plate appearances so far are tied with Bryant, and already more than the rest of his OF peers, something to keep an eye on. Connor-eyed perhaps? Feels so good!

Join me after the jump for some more random facts, hot takes, and other robust ruminations (classy content folks) on the Kwan, Jo Adell morphing into Pedro Cerrano from Major League and how long Kyle Farmer will keep plowing the field. Is it just me, or does that sound sexual? And is it just me, or does plowing the field not really equate to hitting well? Eff it, we’ve typed this far…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On a treadmill, Billy Beane screaming at Jonah Hill, “Get me Starling Marte!” as he presses the speed faster and faster. Now, he’s at a brisk pace that could be described as, “Miguel Sano rolling downhill.” Jonah Hill, knowing he has to do as his boss says, or risk being fired, trades Jesus Luzardo for Starling Marte and that’s when…The music rises. All we see is a bandana tied around the back of a head. Tight close-up and we see a finger wave. Another close-up and we see someone putting their hand to ear to hear crowd noise. A little kid stands on a chair, and points, “Mah gawd, that’s Kim Ng’s music!” It is her, and she just fleeced Billy Beane. Yo, yo, YO YO YO, how do you trade a Starling Marte rental for Jesus Luzardo? The Marlins will show you how. Jesus Luzardo can be an ace as soon as next year and Marte? Well, who knows where he’ll be next year. Crazy value there for the Marlins. That’s how you do rebuilding and why I was giving such crap to the Pirates the other day over Adam Frazier. Though, giving crap to the Pirates is fun. They like it too, right? Pirates like anything to do with booty. As for Marte in his new home, welp, that park sucks, but it’s not like Crayola Canyon is a great park, and Marte’s more of a five-category performer than reliant on power. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Allow myself to reintroduce myself: I’m Roto-Wan. Long-time saves chaser, non-pricey pick payer, part-time closer ranker. You may remember from such columns as this one, last season. Grey kidnapped my dog and is forcing me to write about saves with masks or something. Contact the authorities if you’re reading this. All kidding aside, I enjoyed my hiatus and look forward to helping valued readers like you navigate the treacherous waters of saves in the MLB. I’ve dusted off Grey’s original tiers, as I like to do in the early going. It’s important to remind us of the jerks we’ve been to help us know the jerks we can become.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s only appropriate that on Kentucky Derby weekend Minnesota rookie outfielder and hotshot phenom mega-prospect slash heartthrob Alex Kirilloff had a little home run derby of his own Friday night going 2-for-4 with his first two career home runs and four runs batted in. That deserves a second Mint Julep! Don’t mind if I do. Derby Day is all about waking up at 6AM and wearing your fanciest hat, only to wait around all day to watch a two-minute race that only a handful of people really understand. White people in the South dressing fancy and day-drinking?? Hmm, is this a racist thing? Are we sure it’s not a racist thing? Okay then if Gronk’s doing it, I’m picking Essential Quality to win big, mostly because that’s the only horse I know. But speaking of Essential Quality, let’s discuss Alex Kirilloff in case some of the hype faded after he went an uninspiring 3-for-26 with six strikeouts to start his major league career. “These things take time,” is a way you’d never hear a horse race described but could be true for a player like Alex. If you grabbed him last week when Grey told you to BUY or last November when you read his Alex Kiriloff fantasy, your patience is finally being rewarded. Here’s what Grey said about AK last week, “Alex Kirilloff could be Alex Verdugo from the moment he’s called up until the end of the season. Today, it’s all Alex talk. ‘Alexa, who’s more all Alex than other Alexes?'” That’s me quoting Grey, talking to a robot! And Alex Verdugo–wow, whata comp! I say that lovingly AND sarcastically, but the truth is the guys got pop and should hit for decent average. Think a 25-30 homer .275 average-type with a few steals thrown in to make you extra squee. If those look like numbers your team could utilize you’re not alone, and you’re in luck, Kirilloff is still available in over 60% of fantasy leagues and probably shouldn’t be. I’m going to toast my third mint julep at 8AM to the Twinkies, tip my fanciest sweat-stained baseball cap to Alex, and I’d add him everywhere I could. All bets are Kirilloff!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One more week in the book and we’re starting to see guys separate themselves. It’s still early but things are starting to clear up and the season is in full swing. So what have learned? Ronald Acuna is pretty dang good at hitting a baseball and we should have taken Corbin Burnes earlier. If you were fortunate enough to snag either of them congrats and if you have both well… you’re the envy of the rest of your league. But we all know those two are crushing it, you don’t need me to tell you that. Now, on to some other players to take note of.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ryan Gosling wants you to believe in Jazz Chisholm. Did you know that I love Ryan Gosling? Not just because La La Land helped me rediscover my love of Los Angeles. Or because he’s a bird if Rachel McAdams is a bird. Not even because of his squeaky voice in Gangster Squad or his face tattoo in the Place Beyond the Pines. Nope. I love him because he saved Jazz. Baby Goose loves Jazz. And now he’s got that crazy, stupid love for Marlins rookie middle infielder Jazz Chisholm, who had himself a night Friday going 2-for-3 with his third dinger and helped spur the Fish (get hooked!) to victory. The 23-year-old is currently slashing .294/.405/.706 with three jacks, seven runs, and six RBI through his first 12 games. Did I mention he has three steals? Because this is a power-speed combo available in over 65% of fantasy leagues. Mmhm. Dude is smooth like…uh, smooth jazz, I guess. Anyway, as I did my 5-10 minutes of toilet research for this post I noticed many articles referenced some eye-popping stats on Chisholm’s baseball savant page. Most notably, his average exit velocity is way above the league norms (93.9), and his 34.8% barrel percentage is one of the highest in the league. Yes, but what does it all mean, nerd?? It means he’s absolutely demolishing baseballs. Molly-whopping. Mashing. And Fueling that insane .783 XSLG%. Now, obviously, the 12 strikeouts in 34 ABs is more than a bit concerning, but he’s also drawn seven walks and hasn’t been chasing pitches outside the zone on those Ks. If the Jazz Dinger can keep his strikeouts down and continue to be selective with the pitches he swings at there is a rare raw power-speed combo here that would make Emma Stone blush. He could be a 25-25 guy! Gosling says Jazz is “conflict and compromise, And It’s Just… It’s New Every Time. It’s Brand New Every Night!” Intoxicating enthusiasm from The Gos and he’s right. Grey told you to BUY and all that Jazz could be worth a speculative add wherever you need middle infield help. Time to Jazz up your fantasy team!

Here’s what else I say Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Burn it all down!  You’ve started off 0-2, 0-20,2-18, or whatever combination it is that your league has set up.  There is no way that you can come back now, considering there are only 20+ weeks left in the season.

This reminds me of a good book I once read as a child about this locomotive who had a task ahead of him.  He realized the task was too challenging and just thought, “no way in hell can I do this?” and he gave up. It was an inspirational book and I have lived my life with much retrospect on that little locomotive.  It would probably had been a better book if he/she had overcome the adversity and could be a beacon of hope, but what did I expect from books written in the 1930’s.  The years back then sucked!  

Never fret tho dear readers!  I shall not let you fade into obscurity and be chastised by your league-mates.  For I am here to bring you the formula for winning your week 3 matchups and becoming 1 step closer to the championship!  Prepare for another H2H Cheat Sheet for Week 3!

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“Just Dong Just Dong Just Dong Just Dong Just Dong…oh, and Just Dong. Then, when you get tired, and wanna go home, Just Dong some more.” That was the guy who hired Quasimodo to ring the bell at Notre Dame. It was also the Red Sox yesterday. Leading the Red Sox yesterday in the Just Dong parade of Just Dongers was none other than, you guessed it, Just Dong Martinez (4-for-6, 4 runs, 4 RBIs), who hit his 3rd, 4th and 5th homers, as he hits .472. Hey, Preseason Grey who hated J.D. Martinez, you suck. Always seem to get myself in trouble when I try to time the end of guys’ productiveness, rather than just going with guys until they’re no longer liable. Whit Merrifield and Nelson Cruz come to mind, too. So, I trust Just Dong now, right? Well, no, not entirely, but I also can’t point to any reason not to trust him, so process of elimination tells me, he’s a younger version of Nelson Cruz. Call him Nelson Dongz. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?