Please see our player page for Andrew Heaney to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

While casually scrolling through pitchers from last year who should be better this year, I saw Andrew Heaney.  My first thought was, “RIP Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan.”  Then, I Googled “professional wrestlers who have prematurely died,” and, five weeks later, when I was done reading the results, I returned to Andrew Heaney.  Am I suddenly more optimistic about the Angels now that they have the new manager, Brad Ausmus?  Well, no, not necessarily.  He is devilishly handsome — between Ausmus and Gabe Kapler, can a Jewish grandmother get some grandkids up in here?! — and Ausmus can’t be worse than The Sciosciapath.  At least he won’t have to make out the lineup card with a pencil in his mouth, because he’s wearing a straitjacket.  How much will Ausmus do for the Angels’ starters?  Meh, he finished under .500 as the Tigers’ manager after four seasons, and seems to fail sideways.  His bullpen management was goofy at best, and he thinks catchers, who are pitch framers, should go work at Aaron Brothers, the national chain of picture framers, not Rex Brothers’ brother (stutterer!).  Luckily, I don’t think Ausmus has any bearing on Heaney, there’s too much going in his favor, which I will now tackle, after this clunky segue:  So, what can we expect from Andrew Heaney for 2019 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

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I lied to you loyal Razzball readers. In part 1 of this 2019 fantasy baseball mock draft hosted by Justin Mason of Friends with Fantasy Benefits, I told you this was going to be a four-part series. Well, unfortunately between rounds 23 and 24, the MLB regular season ended and thus, so did our Fantrax mock draft. The draft room disappeared from the league page and every future pick was being auto-drafted. Rather than waste your time discussing random players being auto-drafted I’m just going to highlight a few notable undrafted players at the bottom of this article. Back to the draft itself: three words can sum up rounds 15 through 23: risk, relievers and rookies. You’ll soon see what I mean. (BTW, the 2nd part of the fantasy baseball mock draft.)

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I have an unpopular opinion, that I know will never fly.  Pants with magnet buttons.  Okay, I have another one:  knock people over the head and when they wake, tell them they’re on Mars and film it.  Like Survivor but more panicked.  My final unpopular opinion, allow teams to forfeit.  I know in today’s charged political climate it’s not cool to say anything bad about herbathrowdites, but hitters pitching is stupid.  It’s okay for a quick laugh, but a team has obviously forfeited if they’re pitching Jace Peterson.  Just let them throw a white flag, and call the game.  Of course, this would be wildly unpopular with fans who paid a lot of money to see nine innings, but are people sticking around in a 19-3 game.  I don’t know, maybe they are.  So, yesterday, Xander Bogaerts (2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) collected his 100th RBI and 22nd homer.  Just Dong Martinez (3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 42nd, a number I thought was retired.  Mookie Betts joined the 30/30 club (more on him after the jump).  Blake Swihart went 3-for-8, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (6), inching closer to Buster Posey’s year-long homer total.  Rafael Devers (5-for-8, 3 runs, 6 RBIs) stole the show, hitting his 20th and 21st homer.  I’ve collected 1,000 praying mantises and joined them in a prayer circle that feels insectually correct, hoping Devers doesn’t push up his 2019 fantasy value in this final week.  I talked a bit about this on the last podcast, but Devers is only 21 years old, and could easily be a middle of the order bat for the Red Sox next year.  That’s very good, assuming every team they’re facing doesn’t forfeit.  Or assuming every team does.  I don’t know, let’s figure this out together!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As Action Bronson once said, I’ll be “drinking Heaney like I’m Kenny Lofton” tonight on Draft. Andrew Heaney got rocked in his last time out, but it was against a tough lineup in the Astros. His task will be much easier against the Rangers, who have an awful .293 wOBA away from their hitter-friendly park at home. Heaney’s 3.79 SIERA and 3.66 Deserved Run Average suggest that he’s been better than his ERA. Draft him with confidence.

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O Lourdes’, Yuli, give us the strength to win our final head-to-head match ups. Give us enough power to steal back those roto cats. Oh great and wise fantasy Lourdes…and Yuli, I know you can help us! Friday night baseball’s Gurriel brothers, Lourdes of the Blue Jays and Yuli of the Astros, each hit two home runs. You go, Gurriels! It was the first time in MLB history brothers had multi home run games on the same night or something, don’t quote me on that google it. Joe and Dom? Sandy and Roberto? So jelly right now! Sounds like a great STUMP trivia question in five years we’ll never remember the answer to. Honestly though, these are the kind of family-centric stories baseball needs right now! With these look-at-me showboating young guns and their home run trots, and their fortnite dances and their neon cleats and their racist tweets. They’re disrespecting the game! Anyway, Yuli Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (12), 7 RBI) is likely already owned in most leagues you have any chance of winning at this point but little brother Lourdes Gurriel (3-for-4, 2 HR (11)) is still available in over 90% of leagues and he’s hitting .400 with three homers and seven RBI in the past week. Lourdes have mercy! more like it. What is your MI doing? If the Lourdes is doing better grab him while he’s hot! Dude’s got a brother in the big leagues–that’s called pedigree, my fake internet friends. Justin and Melvin Upton the ball is in your court. Wait is Melvin still in the league? Doesn’t matter. It’s not stopping Stephen and J.D., who I hear are already planning a comeback for the record! Only the good Lourdes can save us then.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

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“Hey, Stream-o-Nator, I have a surprise for you.”  The Stream-o-Nator backs up slightly, unsure of what I’m going to do to its tender robot heart.  The Stream-o-Nator was born in a scrapyard run by Steven Avery’s family.  Not the Making a Murderer guy, the ex-Braves pitcher.  The story of how it got separated from its family is similar to Sophie’s Choice, but sadder and involves more heavy metal.  Suffice it to say, the Stream-o-Nator is longing for any connection, electrical or otherwise.  This brings us to yesterday’s matchup and why I sought the Stream-o-Nator.  Gently approaching the 8-foot robot, “It’s a good surprise.  I wanna be your friend.”  The Stream-o-Nator swoons, playing Just The Two Of Us on its chest-implanted boombox.  Perhaps my friendship is simply what have you done for me lately, but Andrew Heaney was enough for me to be bothered with late-night phone calls when the robot is feeling blue Raspberry Pi.  Heaney went 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 12 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.98.  (Reynaldo Lopez wasn’t bad either — 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.22).  For this year, due to how few starts are left, I’m looking at the Stream-o-Nator for every start, and it loves Heaney for his next start.  “I’m here for you robot pal.  C’mon, high-five me!”  Stream-o-Nator’s arm falls off and it sighs.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“That guy does not look familiar.”  “Which guy?”  “That guy on the mound.”  “The Wade Miley fella?”  “Yeah.”  “Did he used to serve us coffee at The Blue Danube?”  “I don’t think so.  That guy’s name was Ronnie.  And he had dreads.”  “But he was white.”  “Yeah, Ronnie was a white guy with dreads.  He looked like he had a smelly undercarriage.”  “I don’t disagree.  So… This guy… This Wade Miley guy… He just looks so unfamiliar.  He just threw a 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks start against the Cubs with a 2.12 ERA.  Do you know him?”  “No, but ever since we were talking about a white guy with dreads I’ve wanted to sing Informer by Snow.” Wade Miley as an ace and Bumble profiles that read, “5′ 7″, 120 lbs., fitness model who loves cooking and cleaning and sex” are often very similar.  Expectations and reality don’t always run hand in hand.  Before picking up Miley, do me one favor.  Ask Edwin Jackson owners how the experience was owning him.  Though since they’re probably your competition they may lie to you.  Those bastards!  Maybe you can ask Jackson yourself since he’s probably on waivers.  Can Miley be lights out?  I suppose, there’s not much time left, but there’s nothing jumping out that says he’s suddenly a Cy Young contender.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Been extremely hesitant about mentioning Luke Voit (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer), because I really don’t think much of him.  He had a few good games that were amplified to 11 because of New York.  So crazy to me that a guy like Voit is amplified to 11, mean’s while, Miguel Andujar has a huge rookie year and it’s crickets.  Racist crickets, prolly.  Throwing shade like a lamp!  Voit will be in this afternoon’s buy column, but it’s going to be begrudgingly.  He feels like he’s a hot streak from Matt Adams-type that will disappear in a few games.  What’s Voit’s body type?  I’m trying to fit a once-round peg into a recently-skinny hole.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Kendrys hit it? Yes he can. Blue Jays first baseman/DH Kendrys Morales homered in his fifth straight game Friday night and now has a total of six jacks in five nights! KEN-DRYS do it again!? I don’t know! The B-Jays have won four in a row and Morales extended his hitting streak to eight games and is hitting .571 in the past week with five multi hit games, seven runs scored and nine RBI. Kendrys is available in over half of fantasy leagues and he’s hotter than Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson’s sex life. Which I hear is very steamy. That was a fairly on trend reference though, right?  Speaking of trendy, it’s Players Weekend, HE’LL YALL! That means dope cleats, mostly ugly/funny uniforms (I can’t tell if I like the Rays hats or hate them so much), and of course: terrible nicknames. This is a good opportunity to tell if your favorite player has a good personality or not. Some of the nicknames are clever or fun (SABANERO SOY? yes please, and Brad Boxberger gets millennials), but if a guy just adds a -y or an -ie he’s probably a pretty lame dude so I guess it’s a good thing he’s so good at baseball. Kendrys chose to wear “MONINA,” which I tried Googling but couldn’t get a proper translation so I’ll just assume it means “Only Hits In August.” Well, it’s still August for another week and despite how long he chose to wait to get en fuego, Kendrys Morales was a BUY and is one of the hottest hitters in the league right and I’d ride him while he’s hitting all the baseballs.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night featuring more dumb nicknames than you’ve ever wanted:

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Yesterday, Ronald Acuña Jr. (5-for-8, 5 runs, 5 RBIs) hit a leadoff homer in both games of the doubleheader, and became the youngest to homer in four straight games in the live-ball era.  Wistful sigh, member those good ol’ zombie dead-ball era stars?  Acuña now has 17 homers and 8 steals in 66 games.  Oh, I’m sorry, you my daddy?  It’s hard to understand how a 20-year-old can be my daddy, but I think you my daddy.  When that family that raised me told me to put mime makeup on every morning, I didn’t put it together, but now I know the one true thing in this world that only 23andMe and a gut feeling can tell me, Acuña is my daddy.  I’m going to start calling him Tildaddy.  Not as in ‘until I find my true daddy, you will be my daddy.’  Not Tildaddy as in what a teenager who works a cashier at a Waffle House makes his co-workers call him.  Tildaddy as in sloppily jamming tilde and daddy together.  You’re my Tildaddy!  People keep asking in the comments where I think Tildaddy (my fetch) will be drafted next year.  If you prorate his numbers out, he’d have 35 homers and 20 steals as a 20-year-old.  I’m sorry, you Machado’s Tildaddy too?  You Goldschmidt’s Tildaddy?  ARE YOU MIKE TROUT’S TILDADDY?!  He is at least a top 25 pick in 2019 and I might shock the world and shove Tildaddy in my top 15.  Un…Til…Daddy shows me different.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?