Two Start Cookie Shop: April 8-14

Alright, here we go. Last week was like the first batch of cookies out of a new oven using new baking sheets. It was alright, but there were kinks to get sorted out. We’re good now. Dialed in and ready to roll. The only things that can stop us are inclement weather, fickle managers, and pitchers not doing exactly what we expect them to do. But how often do any of those three things happen in the course of a baseball season? Exactly! Let’s get to it.

But first, a reminder. These are pitchers who are projected to have two starts at the time of writing, which is particularly early this week because our bold and fearless editor, Truss, asked for it early. Hopefully we don’t get any flies in the dough between now and then. But if we do, Rudy’s ever-useful Streamonator is always a subscription away to help save the day. Reminder given, away we go!

Chocolate Chip Cookies (Must Start)

They’re safe. They’re reliable. They’re comforting. They are kings of the cookie world for a reason. A warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookie just makes you feel happy. Sort of like getting to set your rosters knowing you get two starts this week from these guys.

• Other than possibly Wheeler, all these guys have at least one start you wish was against a different opponent. Valdez probably gets it the worst, though. Facing the same team in back-to-back matchups is always a risky proposition. When that team has the bats the Rangers do? If you think he belongs in the tier below, I wouldn’t argue.

Sugar Cookies (Should Start)

They’re fine. They’re not really anyone’s favorite, and they often need help from other additions, but they get the job done well enough. You could certainly do worse than having these guys in your lineup, but don’t expect it to be remarkable.

• On talent alone Luzardo would be up higher. But those matchups are about as disgusting as cookies made with rancid butter. You can’t really sit him, but I’m not going into the week expecting greatness.
• Oh how I wish Snell had gotten any sort of normal spring buildup. That Nationals matchup is all kinds of juicy, but how long are they going to let him go? Streamonator has him valued significantly higher than I do. I wish I shared its confidence.
• As a White Sox fan I watched Reynaldo Lopez be a pretty bad starter for a long time. Atlanta thinks they could make something of him in the role, and their track record suggests they know what they’re doing. I’m skeptical of how this will go in the long run, but this week seems like a setup for success.

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies (Could Start)

These aren’t for everyone. And even if you are inclined to like them, you don’t know for sure what to expect when you get one. Will it be chewy and flavorful? Will you chip your tooth because it’s as hard as a rock? Who knows! These are the pitchers that may be a pleasant surprise, or they could ruin your week. Tread lightly.

• Assad is a man over machine pick, because the machine really hates him this week. But more than the guys in the tier below, he feels to me like at least one of these two starts could be a pleasant surprise. If that doesn’t describe an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie tier pick, I don’t know what does. And I wrote the description!

Fortune Cookies (Do Not Start)

Yeah, they’re technically cookies. If you’re truly desperate for something sweet they might work in a pinch, but they aren’t anything you go actively searching for. Hold on, what does that little slip of paper say? “Bad times are heading your way.” Oh. Okay, then.