*life flashing before eyes right before death* Wow, that’s a lot times I picked up and dropped Chase Anderson. Is it weird I can understand where Mike Tyson was coming from when he said he wanted to eat Lennox Lewis’ children? Some of these players — Sonny Gray, Jon Gray, Chase Anderson — come to mind that make me want to eat someone’s children. Not really (yes, really). Why couldn’t Chase Anderson do this when he was on my team?! *lines tacks up on desk, slams head down* I’m okay! *blood dripping from forehead like Abdullah the Butcher* I can’t see! *screaming at intern* Getmeahandiwipesoicansee–Okay, I can see again. I’m still seeing blood though. Yesterday, Chase Anderson went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.13. The peripherals are still not there for Anderson — 6.1 K/9, 3.5 BB/9, 5.17 xFIP — so I won’t be going back in on him. That doesn’t mean it won’t make me think about salt and peppering some kids if he pitches well again. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Trevor Williams to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Finally, the Rays took a cue from Fox, and started Jake Bauers‘ clock. Here’s an updated 24: FBI agent, breathlessly, into a phone, “The President is in danger!” Assistant to the FBI director lowers the phone, speaks to the director, less breathlessly, “Have you tried Thai basil chicken?” FBI director, “Basil in Thai dishes always make me think there should be tomato sauce. Ya know, Italians have that basil thing already.” FBI agent into the phone, breathlessly, “Did you hear me, the President’s in danger!” FBI assistant, “Um, yeah, you’ve been on vacay, and we’re no longer taking matters of the President’s safety as seriously as much as we once did.” I keed! Don’t hit me with your political agenda. So, Jake Bauers was called up to presumably play every day. I mean, if the Rays waited this long to bring him up, they’re not doing it for a bench bat. He’s a little bit of everything vs. a lot of one thing, which is less exciting in short-term, but could be something long-term. His Steamer projections are yawnstipating 7/8/.238 (click his name to see projections), but I could see him being a bit closer to 9/16/.265/.345. Not bad, not great. Breathlessly, “He’s okay.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Howie Kendrick is out for multiple 10-day DLs with a ruptured Achilles injury. Look at it this way, if Achilles couldn’t come right back from an Achilles injury, how would Kendrick? He can’t, he’s out for the year. Enter stage left, Juan Soto. True story, as I was listening to Prospector Ralph and Lance Broetc. discuss the top 25 prospects for fantasy baseball (clickbait!), every time Ralph would say Juan Soto I’d think he was asking Lance if he wanted soda. I kept wanting to say, just give him a Dr. Pepper and stop asking if he’s thirsty! I don’t drink Soto, because it makes me burp, but I’ll tell you what? I’ve found a special appreciation for La Croix. Give me flavored seltzer or give me death, as Alan Hale Jr. once said. Any hoo! Love, love, lurve what the Nats did. If you have a guy that’s going to be a superstar? You call him up! H to the hockey sticks with an E in between! If the Blue Jays don’t call up Vlad soon, I will call them the BJs for the rest of eternity. Ralph has gone over Juan Soto so many times, that it’s silly to reiterate. Literally, he just wrote a Juan Soto fantasy. If you’re really lazy and you have wheels on your barcalounger so you can get around, the most succinct is Soto could be a 35/12/.300 hitter during his peak and is 19 years old with extra fizz. You can expect this year something similar to Bryce Harper’s rookie year — 20/15/.270. If your eyes don’t bug out on that, you’ve lost feeling in your eyes. Get them checked. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ya know, if you’re gonna get busted for PEDs and be suspended for 80 games, the way to do it is right after fracturing your hand. It’s like coming down with mono the week of your prom when you have no date. “Damn, am I gonna miss that? That is too bad, but I am so drowsy I feel like I have two Forest Whitaker eyes.” That’s you getting prom-o-mono. I am more surprised to hear Robinson Cano was busted for PEDs, than I am to learn he had no idea he was taking the illegal substance. Baseball is currently batting a thousand for denials of PEDs suspensions. MLB players’ denials of taking the illicit substance should get into the Hall of Fame on its first ballot. Speaking of Hall of Fame, I kinda thought Robinson Cano was headed there. This will obviously shade a cloud over his entire career, which I do think is a shame. What’s also a shame, you need to drop him in all leagues. He’s more or less done for the year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Carlos Carrasco went 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.95. Whew. Luckily, Carrasco was in that tier of preseason pitchers I said not to draft. You still drafted him? But I said he was like a skunked can of La Croix bacon-avocado cheeseburger flavor. *scrunches nose* You didn’t pay attention? Aw geez. Why? Not to answer but to lower your head in shame. Since you didn’t pay attention the first time, let me say it once more so you can again ignore it, “For the first time in his career, Carrasco (Careerasco?) threw 200 IP last year. Not bad for a 25-year-old. Less so for Carrasco who is 31 years old. I know, I was surprised he was that old too. Not as surprised, as say, a cat jumping out of a closet. They should do a Cats revival on Broadway where the whole thing is cats jumping out of closets.” And that’s me quoting me! K/9 and velocity stabilizes fairly quickly and, well, his rates are kinda the dog’s breakfast. His velocity is down over a mile, and his Ks are down from 10.2 to a 8.1 K/9, and he has the highest xFIP in six years. If this doesn’t worry you, you might be slow on the uptake. You repeat 3rd grade? Do you think your password on all logins is *************? Do you eat Thai and say, ‘Now my stomach is in knots?’ We might have to get you a tutor. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Eeeeeh, sexy Pirate
Op, op, op, op
Oppan Kingham style
Eeeeeh, sexy Pirate
Op, op, op, op
By now this post will most likely feel like it’s late to the party, but since I only write once a week there’s not much I can do about that. The word on the street is that Kingham will get another turn in the rotation. I guess a near perfect game more or less forced their hand. Way to do a good job with that tough decision there Pittsburgh. However, Clint Hurdle did say that there were no promises after his second start. Looks like Kingham has another hurdle in front of him to keep from being sent back to Indianapolis. Perhaps another near perfect game will do the job.Please, blog, may I have some more?
According to Elias Sports Bureau, Nick Kingham retired the most batters to start a game since 1961 in a debut. Elias Sports Bureau also said, “There were sixteen cracks in the 5th floor’s tile closest to the bathroom, which is a new record for cracks in a tile.” Yo, Elias Sports Bureau might have OCD. On our top 100 starts of 2018 chart, Kingham registered in the top 10. According to Baseball-Reference, he’s the first pitcher to debut with 7+ IP and not have a baserunner reach scoring position. According to Kent Tekulve, Kingham was the first pitcher in a 1979 Pirates uniform not high on cocaine since Tekulve. In all, a terrific debut for Kingham — 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 9 Ks. Originally, the Pirates planned on a one-and-done, hit-and-run, wham-bam-thank-you, young-man start for Kingham and see him get sent right back down, but they rightfully are having him travel with the team, and appear to be keeping him up. His Triple-A numbers (10.7 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 1.59 ERA) say this is the right move. I’d hold off for now in mixed leagues, but you should cyclops him with a monocle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Indians and Twins set sail for the Caribbean island of Puerto Rico to rid themselves of the cold weather. Puig should really be from there, because white people pronounce each similarly awful. “Welcome to Pwwwwwayto Rico!” This was a homecoming for Francisco Lindor (1-for-5, 2 RBIs) and he promptly hit his 2nd homer, a moonshot that went about 275 feet (but, hey, it counts). Also, taking advantage of the short fences was Michael Brantley (3-for-5, 2 RBIs, 1st homer), Jose Ramirez (3-for-5, 4th homer) and Yonder Alonso (1-for-4, 3rd homer). The video of Lindor going around the bases is all that dem feels that baseball does right. How does baseball not have a team in Puerto Rico? Talk about something that is so obvious you have to be as ignorantly run as MLB to not see it as plain as day. Move the fences back 25 feet in Hiram Bithorn Stadium, switch out the fungo bats for mofongo and let that star shine! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’re back with our second installment of this year’s Roto category leaders. Once again, listed is the current leaders, favorites in a group (if tied), and who is licking their chops to, meow mix meow mix please deliver, take over the lead, ready to run a train on them chicken fingers nom nom nom nom. You know what, let’s get right into it!Please, blog, may I have some more?
This preseason Gregory Polanco was a Capri Sun. Yes, the pouch drink that you need to stab 17 times to get the straw in. Crazy, right? What’s crazier is I have an explanation! Ready? Here we go, readers! There is something just completely gross about liquids in a pouch. Put some delicious nacho cheese in a ziplock bag. You do not want to eat that anymore. Seriously, cut the corner and squeeze it into your mouth. So nasty! An IV bag? Yeah, that’s appetizing. Why not grab a colostomy bag and cut out the middle man? Bagged liquids are gross. However — again with some stank! — HOWEVER, Capri Sun is surprisingly good. Okay, u-turn to Polanco. This preseason the Pirates looked like a mess. No one really wanted any of them. Marte had a suspension last year, but even he was kind of, “Well, he’s ranked here, so I guess I’ll take him.” Polanco, though? You didn’t even want him around pick 150 overall! It was a “Hmm…Take a boring MI or Polanco” pick. And a lot of you took Ian Kinsler instead! Yesterday, Gregory Polanco went 2-for-5 with two more homers, and is now up to 5 homers, and, as Anime Grey said in the first Buy, Sell, Hold video, Polanco is still a buy. Polanco is orange-flavored water in a silver pouch, the ultimate Capri Sun. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?