The day after Christmas is called “Boxing Day” in the old country because that’s when men and women of status would emerge from their post-supernatal stupor and pummel each other in the street. I know this because I’m a history major. The day after Mother’s Day, while not an official holiday, has quickly become known in knowledgeable circles of fantasy baseball analysts as “My team can’t be worse than how yesterday went so let’s keep on trucking.” The greeting card industry doesn’t know how to market that yet, but I bet it’ll catch on by 2040 or so. That’s 16 more years of baseball tragedy you’ll live through. Just think — you start a dynasty league now, and by the time there’s a national holiday for your fantasy team, that team will be old enough to drive away from you, honking its horn in anger and blasting EDM-remixes of Metallica. At least they fixed Lars’ snare drum sound.

ENYWHEY. Let’s see if we can dig your team out of a hole.