“Please bend your knee, Gabriel Moreno, we have a coronation to attend to. Thank you.” Places sword on Moreno’s shoulder, then passes it over his head to other shoulder, and ceremoniously says, “Every fifth day, from today forward, you will be known as Boombalatty, so it’s now Pfaadt y Boombalatty. The perfect battery mate. You have no choice in this matter. Okay, now you can stand.” So, the Diamondbacks are showing their youth by exposing their baby Pfaadt. With Brandon Pfaadt being called up, the minors are closed now. *Matt Mervis pounds on door* Sorry, man, we just closed! So here’s what Itch’s said previously, “The 6’4” 220 lb Brandon Pfaadt got better outcomes than anyone could expect from a Triple-A Diamondback, posting a 0.99 WHIP with 74 strikeouts in 61.2 innings. Pitching coach Brent Strom has gotten great results from a lot of arms over the years, and Pfaadt comes gift wrapped with all the bells and whistles, carrying his plus velocity deep into starts and commanding his four-pitch arsenal like a veteran. I’m a veteran of fighting a war with Grey.” What? If it’s not clear, Brandon Pfaadt is a pickup in all leagues. Pfaadt chance I’m missing out on him! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jordan Walker was optioned to the minors. What a joke of an organization. Their corresponding move was to give Taylor Motter a contract. I can’t even be mad. Who are we kidding, I am so mad! He was hitting .274 vs. righties and lefties! League average is .245! Only three teams collectively are hitting above .274. He tied the longest hit streak for someone under the age of 21 in 120 years! What is going on?! Is Oli Marmol dumb? I’m truly concerned he might lock himself in a closet and not be able to get out. Is someone keeping an eye on him? What if he forgets how to get out of his car? Does he have assistance? Can we make sure Oli Marmol remembers how to put on his pants?! Can we?! Can someone do that?! What is going on?! Seriously, I’ve seen some huge BS in my time, but this is up there with the top BS’ings in the history of BS. This takes the BS cake, then craps out more BS! What is happening?! He’s better than than at least half of the current Cards’ lineup!? I wanna hurt someone! *realizes I’m screaming this in a Dunkin’ and cops are looking at me* Um, but, ya know, I will simply drop Jordan Walker from my fantasy teams, instead. Honestly, I don’t feel better after this vent session. Oli Marmol fell asleep to Camp Granada the other night, got the “Hello Motter” part stuck in his head, and now we’re losing Jordan Walker because of an earworm! A freakin’ earworm! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
You thought every team having a Luis Garcia was confusing? You rued the day you ever learned there was a Trevor Megill and a Tylor Megill? You thought they were joking when they said there was another Max Muncy? You’re in a Holds league and get the shakes every time you see T. Rogers? You still have a headache from the time you drafted Ryan Braun, the reliever? Well, do I have a surprise for you! For a limited time only, we have two Logan Allens! It could be worse, they were both on the Guardians! Now, there’s one on the Rockies and one on the Guardians. That makes things easier because you’d never want a pitcher on the Rockies, so you only have to look at the team name and remember, “No Rockies pitchers ever.” So, why do we care? Well, outside of AL-Only leagues, we may not. Logan Allen (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks) has a starting job right now, but Triston McKenzie and Aaron Civale could return at some point (in theory), and Hunter Gaddis is stretched out and might get another look. Since the “why do we care” became “why should we not care,” here’s an answer to the caring part: He consistently has a 11+ K/9 in the minors. Itch’s said, “A great athlete with plus balance and command who repeats his delivery with ease, Allen fits the Cleveland mold for pitchers who exceed their on-paper projections. He’s not an ideal candidate to add velocity at 6’0” 190 lbs, but Cleveland tends to find a way, not that Allen has needed more than his low-90’s fastball, plus changeup and average curveball to this point, and I’d like to stick Grey with a sharp point.” C’mon, man! Itch’s “Cleveland tends to find a way” is why I’m interested in deeper mixed leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Will the Orioles’ front office answer the question why on earth they sent Grayson Rodriguez to the minors for five games? Because that’s got to be one of the biggest boneheaded decisions of the year so far. You can say, “Grayson Rodriguez needed more seasoning.” Okay, maybe, but five games? So, that reason is off the table. Seasoning reasoning? No go! You can say it’s because their staff had an opening after injuries, but you’re just carrying water for idiots. That doesn’t make any sense. They could’ve just went to a 6-man rotation and had him in the rotation. What was five games for? Why did you stress me out by sending him down to the minors for five games? Answer me! Are the O’s really that spiteful towards me? You can say they sent him down because Grayson Rodriguez forgot pants. That’s about the only believable reason. So, we back, baby! I love Grayson Rodriguez and he’s an automatic top 40 starter while he’s on the mound. Will there be some tough outings? Yeah, I suppose, but that could be for anyone. Hello, Andrew Heaney! Grayson Rodriguez is absolutely the real deal. Here’s my Grayson Rodriguez fantasy for more. On a side note, you know you’ve been doing this shizz for a long time when you have people telling you info before it happens. This story came to me first because the Grayson Rodriguez story was broken by our former pod/prospect man, Geoff. Crazy times!
Will the haters come to my door and yell their apologies at my face or will they be too embarassed? https://t.co/MIl30xZ90o
Donkey Teeth and I drafted this past weekend in Vegas for the NFBC Main Event, and we had one plan — no plans! But, see, Donkey Teeth heard no “pants.” Well, that aside, we were back at it after our, I wanna say, 10th place finish last year. I blocked it out after the 2nd month of rostering Jose Berrios. Hey, Jose, buy me a drink first before screwing me! Never the hoo! Donkey and I never let a little thing like “doing well” stopping us from plopping down seventeen-hundred smackeroos and taking on the best the industry has to offer. Here we are five minutes after sitting down and realizing we the only ones making this a Draftquiri Happy Hour.
For those unfamiliar, it’s a 15-team, two-catcher, 5×5, 30-round league. There’s an overall prize of a lot of money and a big-but-slightly-smaller league prize, but let’s win the league first before worrying about that. There’s a $1000 FAAB for waivers in-season, and no pre-draft hypnotism is allowed, which makes me buying that old-timey watch with a long chain fob sorta pointless, but oh well. Anyway, here’s our NFBC Main Event draft recap:
Psyche! Just wanted to announce the Streamonator and Hittertron are running with all of the first weekend projections. LFG100! Anyway II, the draft recap:
I don’t always go for a pun in my ledes, but if today’s headline invokes some of the uncomfortable, surreal, and ultimately terrifying vibes of Jordan Peele’s film (which coincidentally was released six years ago today, my how time flies!) it wasn’t an accident. I’ve found while drafting over the last few months that for […]
Greetings Razzfolk! DO YOU SMELL THAT? It smells like a lot of season ending injuries. Some of them are pretty serious injuries (Alec Mill’s discectomy and Anthony Goses’ Tommy John Surgery), but some of them are because there are only about three weeks left in the regular season. Routine injuries like strained hamstrings might keep […]
Rocco Baldelli asked to see James Karinchak’s hair this past weekend to see if he had any foreign substance in there, to see if he was cheating, and I said, in my head, “Karinchak is getting a call from the manager, so that makes Baldelli a Karencheck,” and now Karencheck pulled Joe Ryan (7 IP, 0 ER, 2 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.83) from a no-hitter in the 7th with 106 pitches thrown. Karencheck! You wanna make new rules, MLB? (By the way, in the video at top of this post, it’s this week’s podcast, where BDon and I discuss the new rules — it’s about 10 minutes in.) How about this new rule, no matter what, if the player is healthy, they have to pitch if there’s a no hitter? Make that a rule, you sissies! *puts chew in bottom lip, accidentally swallows chew, vomits up chew and vomit spells out “THAT’S WHAT REAL MEN DO”* My vomit is calling you out, Karencheck! Joe Ryan’s peripherals are 9.3 K/9, 2.9 BB/9, 4.40 xFIP and a hilariously terrible ground ball rate (26.6%), so he’s very susceptible to homers, and that burned him at times this year. How’sever, Joe Ryan for 2023 fantasy, I’m still a believer, as long as he doesn’t show up at camp with a dead arm (lots of IP this year). He’s a rookie, who had excellent command in the minors, and hasn’t scratched that surface yet. Joe Ryan for 2023 fantasy will be an ace or need to be shutdown in the spring with arm issues. Roll that dice, you momma’s boys, and don’t make me spell out things in my vomit anymore! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Takes off Hello Kitty headphones, places head on the train tracks. Faintly off in the distance, I can hear the very subtle call of exuberance. A very, small yay. That’s the sound of the one fantasy baseball owner who has Isaac Paredes in their lineup for his three-homer night (3-for-3, 4 RBIs, 6th, 7th, and 8th homer). I’ll be real with you, I was sweating this one for Mark Whiten. Back in 1993, Whiten glued four baseballs to his hand back, and he ain’t trying to get a new member of the club. For those of you singing, “I love a Paredes,” I know. This would’ve been Ethel Merman’s best day in fantasy baseball. RIP, you bussin’ Queen. Any hoo! Hard to hit three homers and not be a schmotato, so I could see grabbing Paredes, but Cash is there. Cash’s favorite movie? Platoon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Miles Mikolas (8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.62) or Paul Goldschmidt (6-for-8, 4 runs, 8 RBIs, and his 14th, 15th and 16th homer)? Which one do I talk about first?! What’s on 2nd? I don’t know. Third base! Au Shizz went Au Shizz three times in yesterday’s doubleheader. He’s hitting .349 on the year. He’s challenging Aaron Judge for the top of the Player Rater–Okay, not Judge, but the top 5? Yes, siree, Bob. “I’m sorry, Grey, I need more info on what Bob you want to call.” Siree! Not Siri! “Chillax, phonedaddy.” Shut up, Siri! Au Shizz is capping one of the best decades we’ve seen in baseball over the last ten years. As for Miles Mikolas, I literally turned on his no-hit bid as the Calm Itchell double was landing in center. Hey, am I starring in the fictional version of The Jinx as the young, and more handsome Robert Durst? “Kill them all…Why did I say that? Maybe I can say I was saying my favorite Metallica album?” While Mikolas isn’t quite this good — 7 .2 K/9, 1.8 BB/9, 3.72 xFIP — he’s capable of one of those 3.00-ish ERA seasons, or better, as he’s done once in his career already. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
I only hear what I want to. *sob-snorting* I thought what I felt was simple! *mumbling words I don’t know* Turn the MLB dot com on! Yusei is on. *mumbling more words I don’t know* I think that Yusei’s throwing, but I’m thrown. Is Yusei…oh…kay? *mumbling more words I don’t know* You try to give away a keeper, or keep me cause you know you’re just so scared to lose, and Yusei…Stay.
It’s kinda crazy how much Lisa Loeb was singing about Yusei Kikuchi (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38) when he was only three years old. Yusei’s command is usually around a 3.5 BB/9, but this year so far it’s 5.6. His Ks are still so far’king good — 9.3 K/9, and his velocity is fine (95 MPH on the speedball), and he seemed like he wasn’t controlling the cutter/slider well early on, and it was forcing him to throw the fastball more. So hitters were sitting dead-red on the chugga-chugga, and it wasn’t working. In his last three starts, things have been better, and Yusei isn’t just a Gen X anthem for lost love angst. Yusei…Stay on my teams. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
For the cost of a cup of coffee (if you go somewhere they charge $7 for coffee), you can have a month-long subscription, and find out why we have Main Event, overall DC, Tout Wars and LABR winners as our members for our daily projectionshttps://t.co/1ag7IFSYS0