Donkey Teeth and I drafted this past weekend in Vegas for the NFBC Main Event, and we had one plan — no plans! But, see, Donkey Teeth heard no “pants.” Well, that aside, we were back at it after our, I wanna say, 10th place finish last year. I blocked it out after the 2nd month of rostering Jose Berrios. Hey, Jose, buy me a drink first before screwing me! Never the hoo! Donkey and I never let a little thing like “doing well” stopping us from plopping down seventeen-hundred smackeroos and taking on the best the industry has to offer. Here we are five minutes after sitting down and realizing we were the only ones making this a Happy Hour with some Draftquiris.
Locked and loaded for the @nfbc main event and a bachelorette party pic.twitter.com/Xk2eBeTSdh
— Razzball (@Razzball) March 25, 2023
For those unfamiliar, it’s a 15-team, two-catcher, 5×5, 30-round league. There’s an overall prize of a lot of money and a big-but-slightly-smaller league prize, but let’s win the league first before worrying about that. There’s a $1000 FAAB for waivers in-season, and no pre-draft hypnotism is allowed, which makes me buying that old-timey watch with a long chain fob sorta pointless, but oh well. Anyway, here’s our NFBC Main Event draft recap:
Psyche! Just wanted to announce the Streamonator and Hittertron are running with all of the first weekend projections. LFG100! Anyway II, the draft recap:
C: Logan O’Hoppe (20)
C: Blake Sabol (24)
1B: Ryan Mountcastle (11)
2B: Brendan Donovan (16)
SS: Oneil Cruz (4)
3B: Jordan Walker (7)
OF: Yordan Alvarez (2)
OF: Steven Kwan (9)
OF: Masataka Yoshida (13)
OF: Oscar Colas (18)
OF: Avisail Garcia (23)
UTIL: Shohei Ohtani (1, 7)
Bench: Brett Baty (25), Garrett Cooper (26), Sal Frelick (29)
P: Cristian Javier (3)
P: Yu Darvish (5)
P: Camilo Doval (6)
P: Lance Lynn (8)
P: Kodai Senga (10)
P: Grayson Rodriguez (12)
P: Andrew Heaney (14)
P: Carlos Carrasco (17)
P: Sean Manaea (19)
Bench: Trevor May (21), A.J. Puk (22), Andrew Chafin (27), Gavin Stone (28), Kutter Crawford (30)
OKAY, I KNOW YOU WANT TO TELL ME YOUR WAR ROOM TOTALS, SO, FOR THE LOVE OF GIANCARLO, PLEASE TELL THEM TO ME.
Thanks for asking, Mr. Al Bolden Capps.
PLEASE CALL ME ABC.
Okay, here’s the War Room screenshot:
WHEN YOU SAY YOU WERE DRAFTING WITH DONKEY TEETH, WAS HE MOVING YOUR MOUTH ON WHO TO DRAFT WITH HIS HAND UP YOUR BUTT AND THAT MADE YOU SO UNCOMFORTABLE YOU DRAFTED A RIDICULOUSLY STACKED PITCHING STAFF AND NOT MUCH HITTING? THIS SEEMS VERY UNLIKE YOU. ARE THOSE FIGURES WITH OHTANI AS A HITTER OR PITCHER?
Just as a hitter.
WOOF, AT LEAST YOU GOT TO SIT ON DONKEY TEETH’S LAP, I GUESS.
So, the day before the draft, Rudy and I were discussing how we were going to draft. (Rudy was drafting his own team in a different league.) As many of you know, I think Ohtani is slightly less valuable in weekly leagues. You’re only getting hitting or pitching. Rudy made the case he might take Ohtani at 4 (his draft pick), because, in a Main Event, pitching is insanely pushed up. To give you an idea, in one league this year, Kevin Gausman was drafted before Juan Soto in the 3rd round. You heard that correctly. Juan Soto fell to pick 35 and Gausman was drafted before him. As you see from our draft, we got Captain Woo Cubano at pick 22. That was made possible by all the pitchers drafted. Six pitchers, including one reliever (Clase), were drafted before we took Yordong. We knew this was going to happen. So, Ohtani not only covers you if you don’t get a solid ace (we did not), but is also a top 15 hitter. We have the option from round two to the end of the draft thinking of Ohtani as a hitter or pitcher, depending on how the draft goes. Therefore, ergo, vis-a-vis, we wanted Ohtani.
Then, that night, I was at a NFBC party, discussing things that fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) discuss like, “Is Esteury Ruiz able to hit the ball out of the infield enough to make a run at 70 steals?” and “Is Michael Massey really just Tim Anderson 15 rounds later?” No and maybe. Then I ran into Jenny Butler, who would be at draft pick 6 right in front of us. I swung a light bulb over her head, as the interrogation began, and asked her the all-important question, “Who would she be taking at 6?” She did not hesitate. She took Ohtani earlier that day at an auction, and would be taking Kyle Tucker in our league to diversify. This, of course, wasn’t a pinkie swear, but I took her for her word and began to do Tiger Woods fist pumps in my head. This meant Shohei Ohtani would fall to us.
I BELIEVE THAT’S WHAT’S CALLED A SHAGGY DOG STORY. SO YOU HAVE OHTANI AS A HITTER IN YOUR PROJECTIONS AND YOUR HITTING STILL SUCKS. TELL ME HOW THIS IS A GOOD THING?
The War Room totals are extremely suppressed for Jordan Walker (hello, my love) and Oscar Colas (stay thirsty, my friends!). Maybe they are nothing more than the 191st and 367th best picks off the board (respectively). Maybe Blake Sabol is a negative seven dollars in value. Maybe Logan O’Hoppe is only good for 290 plate appearances and a negative buck. Maybe Brendan Donovan is much worse than Chris Taylor. I don’t think so, but maybe. See, what I’m saying is the War Room is Rudy’s projections and I don’t always agree. I agree enough to use it in drafts, but you have to have your own opinions about players. That’s why I have a top 500. (It’s up-to-date, if anyone has late drafts.)
WELL, IF NOTHING ELSE, YOU WILL LEAD THE LEAGUE IN ASIANS.
Is it obvious that I was thinking about the NFBC Main Event while I was watching the WBC late at night and fell asleep? Clearly, this was not intentional, but I love recent imports Yoshida and Senga as much as elder not-from-the-states-men Darvish and Ohtani. Plus, I’ve long-rooted for Steven Kwan’s ascent of Asian descent. I’m a poet and aware of it! Or this is all because Bdon’s podcast hosting for the last year has had subliminal affects.
