[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1271506″ player=”13959″ title=”2023%20Razzball%20BUY%20SELL%20HOLD%20for%20Fantasy%20Baseball%20Week%201″ duration=”166″ description=”It’s the Razzball BUY, SELL, HOLD for Fantasy Baseball Week 1! 00:26 Anthony Volpe1:11 Alek Mano1:48 Carlos Rodon” uploaddate=”2023-03-29″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1271506_th_642455e4eb3c5_1680102884.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1271506.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]
Will the Orioles’ front office answer the question why on earth they sent Grayson Rodriguez to the minors for five games? Because that’s got to be one of the biggest boneheaded decisions of the year so far. You can say, “Grayson Rodriguez needed more seasoning.” Okay, maybe, but five games? So, that reason is off the table. Seasoning reasoning? No go! You can say it’s because their staff had an opening after injuries, but you’re just carrying water for idiots. That doesn’t make any sense. They could’ve just went to a 6-man rotation and had him in the rotation. What was five games for? Why did you stress me out by sending him down to the minors for five games? Answer me! Are the O’s really that spiteful towards me? You can say they sent him down because Grayson Rodriguez forgot pants. That’s about the only believable reason. So, we back, baby! I love Grayson Rodriguez and he’s an automatic top 40 starter while he’s on the mound. Will there be some tough outings? Yeah, I suppose, but that could be for anyone. Hello, Andrew Heaney! Grayson Rodriguez is absolutely the real deal. Here’s my Grayson Rodriguez fantasy for more. On a side note, you know you’ve been doing this shizz for a long time when you have people telling you info before it happens. This story came to me first because the Grayson Rodriguez story was broken by our former pod/prospect man, Geoff. Crazy times!
Will the haters come to my door and yell their apologies at my face or will they be too embarassed? https://t.co/MIl30xZ90o
— Razzball (@Razzball) April 5, 2023
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jorge Mateo – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Mr Prorater screaming into my ear, “Jorge Mateo is going to go 20/50!”
Ryan Mountcastle – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Sure, but Mountcastle needed five episodes on the BBC to solve the easiest of mysteries.
Kyle Gibson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.50. I know what you’re thinking, but no, or rather get to know the Streamonator.
Andrew Heaney – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER. Welp, I fell for the ol’ banana in the ol’ tailpipe. Dodgers’ pixie magic does not translate to other teams! Smarten up, Grey!
Bryce Elder – With Fried hitting the IL for one start, Elder will take the ball on Wednesday. Okay, he’s got 15 seconds to do something with it.
Orlando Arcia – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. That should be worth three Vaughn Grissom homers.
Dylan Dodd – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Ah, so Dylan Dodd’s the Touki-Kyle-Wright-Ian Anderson of Braves starters. I’m already signed up in a few leagues. Let it rain on me.
Kenta Maeda – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks. But left the game with an arm issue. Craep.
Garrett Hampson – Called up after Joey Wendle went to the IL. Hampson who? Have never heard of him. Is there anything here with, maybe, I don’t know, upside? Like a sleeper, perhaps?
Sandy Alcantara – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.84. He’s a better man than me in the “doesn’t lose his shizz” department, because Segura lollygagged an easy grounder to allow the first hit in the 4th inning to cost him the no-hitter, and I was more mad than Sandy.
Avisail Garcia -1-for-3 and his 1st homer. One of his teammates’ wives is getting some tonight!
Spencer Torkelson – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. It’s easy for me to cyclops with a monocle Torkelson because I’m already watching Matt Vierling (2-for-4, 1 RBI), who hit leadoff yesterday.
Franmil Reyes – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Give me one $54 Vending Machine Steak please, and make it well done!
Yusei Kikuchi – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks. Wow, could he actually be good outside of Spring Training? You don’t say, Yusei!
Teoscar Hernandez – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. That’s better than Emmy Hernandez!
Luis Castillo – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, 0.00 ERA. My kingdom for the M’s ace. Oh, they no longer play in the Kingdome, right?
A.J. Pollock – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. If you were looking at a guy in the last round of a draft, they’re prolly doing well in the first week of the season. Mean’s while, guys in the first two rounds can’t buy a hit.
Will Smith – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. For those wondering, a week doesn’t make anyone right or wrong about their projections. And it hasn’t even been a week!
Max Muncy – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. Continuing thought from Smith’s blurb above, best thing you can do is not even look at your standings. Barely look at your teams! Just be water.
Jason Heyward – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Heyward picks his head out of a bucket with an apple in his mouth. Dave Roberts removes the apple and shows that the apple has written on it, “Will be the Dodgers’ random-ass star this week.”
Gabriel Arias – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. He took deep the A’s JP Sears. They can’t afford J.C. Penny!
Shane Bieber – 6 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.25. As I just said in the Will Smith blurb, none of this means as much as you might want it to mean. For unstints, I want this to mean Bieber sucks. But I can’t wish that true. And I’m standing at a wishing well. With a handful of quarters!
Jason Vosler – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and I keep saying he’s a hot schmotato and no one seems to pay attention, but I will say it again. Hot schmotato alert!
TJ Friedl – 2-for-2 and his 2nd homer. The thing about schmotatoes in April, they turn to breakouts in May, then they’re Sell Highs in June. But, ya know, cross that bridge.
Hayden Wesneski – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER. I can always tell when someone somewhere says nice things about a guy. Everyone was clamoring in the comments for Wesneski like he’s not a work in progress.
Brett Baty – Left yesterday’s minor league game after hurting his thumb on a swing. The same thumb he had surgery on last September. I’m sure it’s nothing the Mets doctors can’t turn into a 60-day IL.
Max Scherzer – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.35. We should always include the scenario “The Worst Possible Outcome” whenever we project Mets.
Wade Miley – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. Rays and Brewers don’t have bad pitchers, appizarently, but I’d still use Streamonator for Miley.
Garrett Mitchell – 2-for-4, and his 1st and 2nd homer. I’m with it, man. I love him. You know I do. He sounds like a hair salon and I have beautiful hair. This is a natural fit.
Brian Anderson – 3-for-4, 6 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer. It would be howlingly funny if Anderson broke out instead of being BA Brokeass after doing that with the Marlins for a decade. Do I think it’s happening? No, I’d bet on a hot schmotato. By the by, welcome back, juiced balls!
Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Okay, which one of youse hypnotized Schwarber into thinking it was June?
Brandon Marsh – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. If I were drawing a cartoon character to look like a ‘marsh,’ I’d draw Brandon Marsh.
Luke Raley – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 3rd in two days. Pope, wearing a Rays cap, touches Luke Raley’s shoulder, “You, son, will be a lights-out middle reliever.” “Father, I want to hit the dongs.” “Very well, son. You will be a random home run hitter.”
Yandy Diaz – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. If he’s managed to figure out how to adjust his swing so he’s not hitting 117 MPH grounders, check off the intrigued box for me.
Josh Lowe – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Okay, so, like, the Rays are winning 162 games?
Jose Siri – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Been saying since January in my rankings that I love Siri, why won’t anyone listen except for this electronic personal assistant on my phone?
Kyle Finnegan – 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 27.00. Pray for those of us who have Finnegan and Heaney. Our souls have been damned.
Ji-Hwan Bae – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. I have big regrets and small regrets. One of my bigger regrets right now that I’m hoping becomes small is I didn’t grab Bae in any NL-Only leagues. He’s my Bae and I’m without.
Bryan Reynolds – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. “Okay, we’ll throw-in everything we find between the couch cushions, including snack food and change.” That’s the Pirates struggling to get this Reynolds deal done.
Roansy Contreras – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks. He was in that tier of pitchers for me like Justin Steele, the last guy on the shallower team staffs. If he’s doing this in Fenway, sign me up for whatever’s to come in PNC, but I would check the Streamonator first.
Zac Gallen – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 7.59. Looked about as stale as the line seems. Like an old cracker, call it Staline. Hmm, that doesn’t work, but it’s already been typed out and I sold my backspace button for a middle reliever with a chance to close.
Manny Machado – 0-for-1.
Manny Machado was called for a pitch clock violation then ejected. Can’t imagine why he’s mad today pic.twitter.com/g6SSru1vJq
— Razzball (@Razzball) April 4, 2023
Yu Darvish – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks. Not the prettiest of starts, but he was getting squeezed, which is against the law in California!
Trent Grisham – 1-for-5 and his 2nd homer, as he led off. Teams spend $500 mill and then think a .195 hitter should hit lead off.
Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Elias Sports Bureau said Nelson Cruz was the first guy to homer in each of the last seven decades.
Xander Bogaerts – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. “So, this monkey paw says Bogaerts will become Aaron Judge if I put it in this stew and eat it. That can’t be right…Right?”
