Names that are verbs are badass. Mark Spitz? Oh, hell yeah. Busta Rhymes? Yes, absolutely. Ben Folds? Okay, I’m with it. When going formal, does he hang out with Jeremy Irons? Hope so! That brings us to the A’s calling up, Gage Jump (5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks), the fantastically named double verb. Who made you, Jump? Kriss Kross? Love how aggressive the A’s are. Won’t find me complaining a guy gets called up too soon. Jump in and let them sink or swim, that’s what I say. What Itch says, “Listed at six-feet, 200 pounds, Jump makes the most of his frame by repeating his delivery well and spotting his fastball all over the zone. He combines that with a plus slider and rounds out the arsenal with a solid curveball and changeup. The 73rd overall pick in the 2024 draft, Jump debuted in 2025 and bounced through High-A in 31 innings before posting a 3.64 ERA and 1.20 WHIP in 81.2 Double-A innings. He figures to play a role for the major league team in 2026. Hopefully, I play a major role in Grey’s downfall.” What? So, Gage spots his 96 MPH fastball well, i.e., Jump ‘n flash got gas gas gas. He also had command up until this year, and lost it a bit. With 13.3 B/9 and 4.7 BB/9 this year in 38 IP in Triple-A, it highlights the good and the bad. He might be prone to roofies in Bing Bong with that command, but I could see trying him in any league. Ya know in Gage, before marrying. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tyler Soderstrom – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer. “Listen, you can’t use a dead body as a bumper in a bowling alley–Hold on! He moved! Soderstrom’s alive!”
Emerson Hancock – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.78. Feel like there should be a safety button for fantasy teams. Or rather a non-safety button. If you try to bench a starter with a sub-3 ERA, the non-safety button pops up and forces you to start him.
Eduardo Rodriguez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.31. Wish the non-safety button popped up and didn’t allow me to drop him. That’s it, make all starters with a sub-3 ERA non-droppable. “You wanna drop Davis Martin? Sorry, are you dumb? He’s on your team!”
Ketel Marte – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in four games. That homer was 452 feet. Do you know how far that is? Over two centipedes of feet!
Casey Schmitt – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, four homers in the last week. Holy Schmitt!
Willy Adames – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in four games. Willy knows dongs!
Logan Henderson – Hit the IL with a back strain. He’s so good, yet so fragile. It’s fray-geel-lay, it’s Italian.
Jake Bauers – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer. He’s gonna be in this week’s Buy column, as he’s been for the past month, which I know because it’s about to be put up on Patreon, but what I don’t get is how is Bauers not rostered in 100% of leagues yet? He’s near-top 50 overall on the Player Rater. On the year!
Kyle Harrison – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.57. This was actually his worst start in a while, and he was still lights out!
Joey Cantillo – 2 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.57. I’ve seen Openers have better lines. Openers at The Giggles Room, you dope! His 8.1 K/9, 4.8 BB/9 looks gross and Cantillo doesn’t have to go home, but can’t stay here (on my team).
James Wood – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (15) and legs (9). Last year, Wood’s 15th homer didn’t come until May 28th!
Cade Cavalli – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.62. His underlying numbers say he’s pitching exactly as you see. Cade Cavalli, the pitcher who pitches as well as he pitches. Interesting (to me) that Cade faced Cantillo, because they’ve switched places in my mind, i.e., Cade before Cantillo, never better. Cantillo before Cade, better fade.
Eric Lauer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.95. This is more “the Rockies are the Suckies” than “Lauer is suddenly good,” but it does highlight how terrible Sheehan is that he couldn’t perform this well.
Mookie Betts – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer. Mookie Best!
Andy Pages – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (12) and legs (7). Also, in this game, Enrique Hernandez (2-for-2, 2 runs) hit his 1st homer; Will Smith (1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 5th homer. Mean’s while, Ohtani went 0-for-2 with a 1 run, but got some meaningful rest for the ticker tease.
Ramon Laureano – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, hitting .211. I dropped Laureano a few weeks ago without much thought, and he has seven homers. Run the Jewels out of town’s got zero. Still!
Manny Machado – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .173. Fun fact! Manny only has nine hits all year.
Randy Vasquez – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.28. Streamonator thinks his next start is even worse than this one, which it also didn’t like. Think for me, robot!
Bryce Harper – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 13th homer. If someone says “don’t google” something, the other person always googles it. So, don’t google “Bryce Harper toothpaste.” You’re not welcome.
J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer. Jerry Tomato ketchup’d to that ball!
Trea Turner – 2-for-5 and a slam (6) and legs (10). Treat Urner’s power and speed are fine, but he’s hitting worse (.225) than Schwarber, and that’s not good.
Craig Kimbrel – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.63. as he signed with the Rays. They will restore Kimbrel to his 2011 glory.
Griffin Jax – Was hit by a comebacker in the back. A comebackbacker, and will likely have tests done. That’s just the facts on Jax’s bax!
Shane Baz – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.48. His facial hair scares me. Am I the only one? Why’s his pigment like that? Any hoo! He’s not pitching as bad as he was in April. Dot dot dot. He’s pitching worse! No, he’s fine, but his command is still a little wonky.
Samuel Basallo – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .267. Gunnar? His .270 OBP is barely better than Basallo’s average.
Esmerlyn Valdez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. His power’s got me so jacked, that I see a home run off his bat and I pick up the phone, call a stranger until one answers (about four hours), then scream, “WOOHOO!” I’m like Popeye seeing E. Valdez and I’m in Oyl up to my neck. I wanna grab this guy in every league and watch him dong.
Spencer Horwitz – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. The Tax Man is a full-fledged hot schmotato.
Braxton Ashcraft – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.75. Basically, a number two. Mean’s while, I have actual number twos taking number twos.
Noah Schultz – Hit the Ineffective List with a made-up injury because he hasn’t been good for the last month or so.
Sean Burke – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.90. His Chase% is pretty solid; he added a cutter that sucks; he has a 94 MPH fastball that works and he’s hard to pull. It’s better than the Streamonator but, even that, has him positive for his next start (barely).
Munetaka Murakami – 1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .234. The way Joe Ryan drops his glove after he allows the home run is so funny. Please enjoy:
MUNETAKA MURAKAMI
NO. 19
TIE GAME! pic.twitter.com/7LoSK3NjbD— MLB (@MLB) May 27, 2026
Joe Ryan – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.94. “I pitched an excellent game, then that crap?” That’s Joe Ryan after dropping his glove.
Ernie Clement – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Yohendrick Pinango – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Listen, you want me to take you serious, you gotta change your name.
Jesus Sanchez – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, as he hit third. Jays have one of those lineups where it seems like after Springer, they’re pulling names out of a hat. “Varsho 2nd…Sanchez third…New Era 4th…Wait, that’s the hat’s tag.”
Sandy Alcantara – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.66. The most runs allowed in May the last two years is Kyle Freeland at 58 runs. Sandy’s #2 at 49. Only 47 earned though!
Jo Adell – 1-for-5 and his 8th homer. Adell singing, “Hello, from the other side…of the fence…See, I’m imitating a ball.”
Vaughn Grissom – 3-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 3rd homer, a grand slam. With that start from Kyle Harrison and this game by Grissom, I can see why people are excited about the Red Sox future.
Keider Montero – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.09. Pitching like his name is Keider-Falefa.
Amed Rosario – 4-for-6, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and two homers. How many homers does he have? Please, indulge me with a guess! I implore you! It can’t be more than Vlad Jr., can it? Amed’s got six freakin’ homers!
Cody Bellinger – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Bellinger’s hitting .253, but .420 in his heart.
Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 6th homer. Yanks only need to be up by ten or more runs every time Jazz bats and he’s easily getting to 50 homers.
Anthony Volpe – 3-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. He’s only played 10 games, but so far there’s not many reasons to be positive. Looks like the same weak-hitting, 15/15/.220 guy, but sample size small, heels tall, she says she likes the ocean.
Trent Grisham – 3-for-7, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Back with that ol’ leadoff magic.
Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Joys de Witt with the Ropers!
Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer. Why fantasy baseball is awesome: Astros are getting killed on the scoreboard? Who cares, Captain Woo Cubano’s homers count the same!
Evan Carter – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting…guess! Go ahead! Within twenty points! Bzzt wrongo! He’s hitting .178! He was a top prospect? Are we sure Jarred Kelenic isn’t doing a Freaky Friday where he’s himself and Carter?
Jack Leiter – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.75. Rangers jumped out to a huge early lead and Leiter cruised out to the Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W.
Jarren Duran – 2-for-5, and his 7th homer. Going back-to-back with him like he was Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream was Ceddanne Rafaela (1-for-5, 5th homer).
Isiah Kiner-Falefa – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (4). Only Israeli Diner Falafel can go full garbanzo!
Ranger Suarez – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.02. He was cruising, until the wheels fell off like he was channeling every other starter I roster.
Matt Olson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. 20 more!
Michael Harris II – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, triple short of the cycle. This made me remember when Acuña played baseball. Damn, fond memories!
Spencer Strider – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.46. See what I’m about to say in D. Peterson’s blurb down below. It’ll be related.
Chase Burns – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.96. Everyone’s talkin’ about Misi Miss Dem Mean Or Any Bats and The Skenes Machine, but no one’s talking about Burns, and his slider that is the best Whiff% pitch in baseball.
Juan Soto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. It truly goes to show you how great Sexy Dr. Pepper is because he’s able to stay good, even on the Mets.
David Peterson – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.57. What I said last year, “Mets’ conveyor belt of young impressive arms wraps around the world at the Equator, then loops up over South America like two suspenders and the head, Jeremy Hefner, is Canada.” Not sure if people remember how impressed I was last year with the Mets’ pitching coach, Jeremy Hefner. Well, the Mets are going to do what they do and they fired him last year. Anyway, this year guess who the pitching coach is for the Braves who have the MLB’s best ERA? I’ll give you one guess, and it rhymes with Jeremy Hefner.
Need an outfielder, Ward, Adell, Bauers, Springer, or Waldschmidt…
Thanks G!