Please see our player page for Craig Kimbrel to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Yesterday, Sonny Gray went 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.59 vs. the Brewers.  *unloads pockets, eggplant emjois fall to the ground* I’m gonna need all of those.  “Sonny came home” hasn’t had such a pleasant ring since Shawn Colvin opened an Art of Shaving booth at a Lilith Fair that only did armpit hair massages, and each payment was followed by a very pleasant, cash register ring.  A Sonny hasn’t shone this bright since the last climate change summit that was held in Hellsunki on Urth, which is a planet that looks just like this one, but is 13,000 miles away and is exactly Earth but 25 years in the future, and they have some weird spelling.  “I just got back from Hellsunki, and boy are my arms tired, because we don’t have planes on Urth, we fly with our arms.”  Sonny Gray’s peripherals are surprising in a good way — 10.3 K/9, 3.3 BB/9, 3.46 xFIP.  For those not up on the hoo-de-ha, that xFIP would be about 12th in the league and the K/9 and walk rates would firmly put him in the top 20 starters overall.  In other words, everyone who owned him last year died for the sins of his current year’s owners.  In other other words, he’s throwing fire like pitchers in Hellsunki.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, the Pirates exploded for five homers, touching up Brad Peacock (3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.13). Maybe the Pirates would’ve let up more if his name was Brad Parrot.  Kevin Newman led the way once again, going 3-for-5, 2 RBIs with his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Of course, he will be in this afternoon’s Buy column.  Didn’t need Newman to star in the show off the Peacock, but fantasy owners should still be saying, “Hello, Newman.”  Then, Starling Marte (2-for-5, 3 runs) got a slam (12) and legs (12), as he plays his OCD for laughs, as one can do in the decade of the 90s.  Then, Jacob Stallings, subject of Permanent Midnight and staff writer on ALF, got into the action, going 3-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his 1st homer.  Then, Corey Dickerson (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 2nd homer, and had his 2nd big game in a row. Previously, Co-Dick was famous for what Siamese Twins filled out on a medical report, but maybe we should be “Stuck on You!”  Finally, Josh Bell (2-for-5, 2 RBIs) hit his 22nd homer, 2nd homer in the row and Bell said, “If we’re doing this like the 90s, I saved you,” but the Pirates couldn’t be reached for comment, in hiding, wearing a puffy shirt. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Lourdes Gurriel Jr. went 3-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .304.  Lourdes Gurriel Jr. is the greatest living hitter, and I’m not living in a hyperbolic chamber, while dining out on superlatives to describe how hot Gurriel’s been since he returned from the minors.  On our 30-day Player Rater, he’s a near-top 10 hitter over the last month. His father, Yuli Gurriel, calls his son every day and asks him how he does it and LouGu Jay R is just like, “Father, I cannot explain my success with the white ball.”  And Yuli’s like, “Careful with the coded language because I learned the hard way people don’t like racism. Who knew?”  LouGu Jay R may simply be a hot bat, but there’s something to be said for a guy who has been hot the entire time he’s returned from the minors.  Maybe this is LouGu’s floor vs. ceiling.  At least one Junior is impressing on the Jays.  “I got a better butt.”  That’s Vlad Jr. modeling in front of a mirror for ESPN’s Nude Magazine. However, the song Vlad Jr. sings to his reflection is apt, “Gurriel, you knows it’s true.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Leonys Martin was designated for assignment.  His assignment is to go back in time and impress 2016 Grey less, so he doesn’t write a sleeper post about him.  On Saturday, Indians were saying Martin’s DFA’ing is more to do with Mercado getting a boost of confidence vs. Bobby Bradley getting promoted, and the Indians were lying.  Bobby Bradley was called up on Sunday. Fun fact!  After Bobby Brady lost a pie-eating contest, his father Mike told him to take the L like a man and disowned him, so he briefly went by Bobby Bradley. Bradley has 24 HRs in 67 games, hitting .292, but has some Ks, so the average could come down, but the power is not going anywhere since the majors are using a SuperBall. As Prospect Mike said yesterday in his Bobby Bradley fantasy, even with the balls stuck with Capri Sun straws, dripping juice, Bradley could still hit 20 homers the rest of the way and every fantasy team could use him.  I tried to grab him in every league, but was too slow.  Don’t worry, I just did two lines of coke to avoid that ever happening again, but now my nose is dripping with a secret formula of caramel flavoring.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Much like an actual brasier, that’s used to store live coals, relievers get hot at certain times of the season. Perhaps we’re about to embark on just such a hot streak for some guys. Maybe one is actually named Brasier. Let’s take a look at the bullpen news of the week:

  • A fresh Ryan Brasier looked sharp earning a save in his return from the bereavement list. Could this be a sign of things to come? The Red Sox would love it if he could do the job they ticketed him for this season.
  • The Reds desire to use Rasiel Iglesias in other innings has popped back up. David Bell called on Iglesias in the eighth two straight days, giving Michael Lorenzon back to back saves. You haven’t been thrilled with the production from Iglesias this season so here’s some poop icing on your crap cake.
  • Ken Giles doesn’t expect to miss more than the minimum ten days on the IL. It is elbow soreness, however. More often than not that doesn’t just go away and is indicative of worse things to come. I’d hold the backups in Daniel Hudson or Joe Biagini if your spent FAAB on them. For a week or so, just in case.
  • Craig Kimbrel is making rehab appearances in Iowa. He’ll be in Chicago sooner than later it seems should all go smoothly.
  • Wade Davis has had an eventful return from the IL. He blew a save early in the week and had a bumpy conversion Wednesday night with a solo homer and base runner stranded on second. We’ve been through this with him before. Part of owning Davis is taking some midseason lumps. I’m holding Scott Oberg in the event another IL stint is needed.
  • Roberto Osuna blew a save Wednesday, as well. He’s not unaccustomed to the occasional hiccup. This isn’t a thing unless more blow-ups happen close together.
  • Please, blog, may I have some more?

It finally happened. A team decided to sign Craig Kimbrell! The MLB draft happened this week so the draft pick penalty has been lifted for signing a few marquee names like Kimbrell and Dallas Keuchel. The Chicago Cubs offered the most, since their payroll is jacked anyway. With the premiere of Dark Phoenix this weekend I’ve got a ranking of X-Men for the tiers.

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Handed down through the generations from Hammurabi to Hammurabi was a code of SAGNOF.  It read, “Yo, Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be?! Don’t pay for saves, dem shizzes are free on waivers.” It read a bit like a text message, tee bee aitch.  But that was the code as written.  Cut to 14,000 years later, and I received this code in a dream after ingesting a massive amount of peyote.  I would’ve discarded it like the iguana I also received, but there was something to this code, and from that day forward I forbade myself from paying a lot for saves.  Then March came and Craig Kimbrel was falling and I was like, “Ain’t ever gonna get a price like this again!” and drafted him, and not listening to Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be really effed me.  Thankfully, my long national nightmare is over and Craig Kimbrel signed with the Cubs.  Does this negate all the leagues where I have Pedro Strop?  *Lisa Simpson grumble*  Yes, appizzarently, it does. I’d imagine Kimbrel will need at least two to three weeks of minor league games to get up to snuff, but closers can get stretched quicker than starters, obvi.  I wouldn’t drop Strop until I saw a Kimbrel save, but he’s coming back.  Finally.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In last week’s article, we went over top-50 players that we want to fade. For this week, we’re going with players between 50-100 that we want to avoid. While these guys are much easier to fade, there are still noobs out there reaching on these players. Don’t be that guy! Be the guy who walks out of your draft and has a wonderful day. There aren’t many better feelings than walking away from a draft and knowing you killed it but we’re giving you that opportunity here. Drafting any of these players with give you prom night-like regrets and we don’t wanna go through that again. So, let’s start with the ugliest girl at the prom, Kimmy.

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One word about this top 100 for 2019 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words.  I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.  If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball, the top 20 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2019– Ah, I almost got you.  This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other.  Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from.  471 more, to be very exact.  Next up, there will be a top 500 that will go to 571.  Then, after that, there will be a top 7,500 that will go to 8,602, then a top 25,000 that will go to 28,765, then a top 600,000 that will go to 892,121, until we end up with a top kajillion in April that will go to a kajillion and one.  Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500.  Yeah, that makes sense.  Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel.  Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2019 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.”  Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters.  Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter!  Also, the online Fantasy Baseball War Room is, uh, online.  It might be a little wonky still, but working out kinks.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2019 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?