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Burps for five minutes, then sloppily places a lei on a waitress. Unable to resist the primal urges of being drunk and a man, he leans in to kiss the waitress, but, before landing the smackeroo, two bouncers drag him out of the tropical-theme bar and grill. As he’s dragged by the elbows, he screams, “Your burgers at Islands suck!” A very somber Eric McCormack enters, and we see it’s a PSA. Eric addresses the camera, “This is what happens when you have too Manny Pina’s.” Yesterday, Manny Pina went 3-for-6, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer. I’m really starting to come around on the idea presented by a commenter that said instead of drafting a catcher, you draft a team and get that team’s catchers. Like drafting a defense in fantasy football. Also, in this game, that was Kyle Hendricks’s worst nightmare (4 IP, 9 ER,, ERA at 4.15), Jace Peterson (5-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) came a triple short of the cycle. Hendricks’s previous worst nightmare was getting caught in an elevator with a hungry Daniel Vogelbach. That’s every player’s worst nightmare. Moving on! The other big star yesterday was Luis Urias (5-for-6, 5 runs, 5 RBIs) hit his 15th and 16th homer, and I just added him to the Buy column coming later today. Pretty goofy that he’s only rostered in 30% of leagues. On the Player Rater, Christian Yelich is over two hundred spots lower in value than Luis Urias. Take me to the top of a 100-foot wave in Nazaré, Portugal and throw me into a barrel. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alex Fast (@Alexfast8), with Pitcher List, joins the show to breakdown the Baltimore Orioles. We dive into their lineup to see which players can surprise people. Can Hanser Alberto, and Austin Hays keep up their .300+ average? What can we expect from Chris Davis in the future? As one of the premier power hitters in the past, he has struggled to make contact and show promise like he did in 2013 and 2015. Can the rotation keep their ERA under 4.50? John Means looks to anchor the rotation down and keep the Orioles competitive. The bullpen may be a strength of the Orioles and if given a lead could help the team win some games. The farm system is Top 15 in the MLB with guys like Grayson Rodriguez, and Adley Rutschman leading the charge.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We have a very spooky 14-game slate for Friday the 13th on FanDuel. Not only is it Friday the 13th, but it’s also a full moon, so expect some bizarre baseball tonight. Stack up those Marlins and fade Max Scherzer for Dylan Covey….okay, just kidding, don’t do that. I’m not going to shock you with my favorite cash game pitcher tonight, as I’ll be going with Gerrit Cole ($12,000). Cole has been scary-good this year, striking out a league-high 39.4% of batters. Gerrit Cole faces the Royals, who have put up an 81 wRC+ against right-handed pitchers since the beginning of August. Since I’m paying all the way up for my pitcher, I’ll try and include some extra value plays once we get to today’s hitters. Let’s take a look at the rest of today’s slate.

New to FanDuelScared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Yesterday, Michael Conforto went 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer, and, like, his 43rd homer in the last month (9 homers since the break). Men, dudes, bros, youse, five lady readers, Goofusses and Gallants, Cousin Sweatpants, my peeps from another Easter basket! Conforto gets scorching hot for these month-long stretches that makes you think he could put it together for a whole year one of these days, um, years. He’s the third Met player in history with 100+ homers before the age of 27. The other two are Darryl Strawberry and David Wright. The three of them all stayed at a Howard Johnson in the offseason. HoJo puts on a team-building seminar on his back patio and provides snacks, and Lenny Dykstra works the valet. Conforto’s in-Confort-ible! *screams for 10 minutes* Okay. I’m back. If you look at Conforto’s peripherals he really is more this post-All-Star break hitter, and less the one that struggled for the previous six weeks prior to this. Hopefully, Conforto stays in-Conforto-ible for the rest of this year and into 2020. I can see it now! (Only another 18 months of bad 2020 puns.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alex Wood looked solid as oak in his second start of the year since coming off the IL with back issues and pitched six and two thirds innings allowing just four hits and two earned runs while walking one and striking out five to notch his first win the year. Welcome back, Alex! Also, me. For those of you who follow my career closely (hi mom), I missed a few weeks there due to some mandatory volunteer work aboard the Sea Org. Turns out I’m starting the third level of my bridge in the church of Scientology and they recommended a full disconnect from fantasy baseball. But I’m back and stronger than ever before. My thetans have never been clearer and I’m pretty sure I can tell players to homer with my mind now. That’s right I told Mike Trout to do that. But back to Alex Wood! After an underwhelming debut versus Colorado last week (4.2, 7 hits, 2 ER, BB, 4 K), Wood returned looking like the pitcher the Reds have waited four months for with the 6.2 inning gem against his former team. Revenge game! Wood must have had an axe to grind. Outside of a couple solo homers surrendered, Alex limited the damage in a tough road assignment against one of the leagues best offensive teams. I’m buying Wood! It’s cherry, you guys! Is that enough wood puns for you, or wood you like more? Oak-key dokey, Alex gets the Cubs next week and I’d go out on a limb and pick up Wood if he’s still available!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning and I don’t think I’ll ever make it on time. By the time I grab my books and I give Razzball a look, I’m at the website just in time to see the news fly by. It’s alright ‘coz I’m saved by Josh Bell. Was Samuel “Screetch” Powers spotted in Pittsburgh last night? No he was not. Neither were any of the other cast of Saved By The Bell. However, Josh Bell was in attendance. Trailing by five runs going into the ninth, Bell’s three run homer helped the Pirates tied the game. You’d have to be living under a rock not to notice how well Josh has been this year. If it weren’t for Yelich and Bellinger, Bell would be the top choice for the National League MVP. Bell went two for four on the night, but the Pirates ended up falling short in extras. As for Mr. Belding and crew this year marks the 30th anniversary of the show. In related news A.C. Slater and Zack Morris are both blue belts in jiu-jitsu. Perhaps we can get rematch of their fight that took place at Bayside High.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Father’s Day, everyone! Or, if we prefer, Happy Fudge Day, or Turkey Lover’s Day. There is something for everyone today. Unless we don’t like fathers, fudge, or turkey…might be best to sleep in, then. But not too late! We don’t want to miss this 11-game FanDuel Main Slate. We have a right Bauer to play! Euchre fans? Anyone?

If we don’t yet know how to play euchre, we owe it to the fathers in our lives to learn it. They will love it. We’ll love it, too, but they will especially love it. Here is a tutorial.

In the card game “euchre” the jack of whichever suit is declared trump is known as the right bower, and is the highest card in the game that hand. Similarly, and this is not a stretch at all, we have the right circumstances today for Trevor Bauer to be the best option of our DFS slate. So let’s run with this analogy and lead with the Right Bauer.

Trevor Bauer, SP: $11,300, is worth the cost of ownership against the Tigers. Though this game may see an initial weather delay, the likelihood of an in-game delay messing up our SP workload is small enough to risk. He faced the Tigers in Detroit earlier this season, but the conditions were miserable, so we have a handy excuse when considering his sub par performance. We should expect a much better outcome today. The Tigers are the awkward teen of the MLB, they strike out a ton and hardly ever score. Dad joke, eye-roll. But really, they are a great matchup to throw SP against. We should be confident with our play here.

So, we have lead with the right Bauer and taken the first trick. What are our next best plays? Read on to find out.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the weekend! FanDuel has us set up with a full 15-game slate, so there’s a lot to comb through. I feel like every week I sit here and recommend picking on the Marlins. Well, who am I to break tradition, so let’s talk about Jacob deGrom ($12,000) who faces said Marlins. deGrom has a 33.0% strikeout rate to go along with his 3.09 SIERA. The Marlins, on the other hand, are dead last in wOBA and ISO versus right-handed pitching and have a 27.1% K%, which is second worst in the league. I know deGrom is pricy, so for my bat recommendations I’ll try and focus on affordable bats on FanDuel, but first a word from our sponsors.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Hope our five girl readers had a beautiful Mother’s Day yesterday. I sent my mother a trade offer sending her Tyler Flowers and Goodrum. She appreciated the thought. Also, I wore pink the entire day for you mothers, because that is a very girly color that baseball keeps perpetuating every year. Why can’t mothers be into purple or lavender or mauve or rose or fuchsia or flamingo or other shades of a color similar to purple or pink? How about next year all players wear lavender pants suits for Mother’s Day? Ooh, I have an idea. Since all pink bats are relegated to the trash bin after Mother’s Day, how about players use them again to raise awareness to spay or neuter your pets?  Like an in-heat bitch (medical term in vet school), George Springer was hot with that pink bat (more vet med terms), going 5-for-5, 5 runs, 4 RBIs with his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .321.  The good news is he’s finally living up to his top 10 potential.  The bad news is his owners from last year are on suicide watch.  But, hey, it’s not us, right?! (Actually, it is me. Damn.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s a good time to be a twin! No, not just if you’re a mother on Mom’s day because you got twice the bragging rights. The Minnesota Twins look unstoppable right now posting their third shut out in the past four games including Jake Odorizzi‘s gem Friday night as he extended his scoreless streak to 20 (! ! !) innings. It’s his third start in a row without allowing a run and he’s given up just seven hits in that stretch. The former Ray pitched seven shut out innings against the Tigers, allowed just one hit (a double to Christin Stewart in the first inning) and struck out five, walking none to earn his fifth win. Jake was hammering the strike zone, throwing 66 of his 95 pitches for strikes and lowering his ratios to a gorgeous 2.32 ERA and 0.94 WHIP. That ERA’s good enough for 3rd in the AL, folks. And let us not forget that 43/15 K/BB is making me real happy happy. Dude is hotter than Hunter Johanssen’s twin sister (that’s Scarlett) which is pretty darn hot you guys! If we look at some next level stats, the 0.42 HR/9 is obviously not sustainable, and the 24.8 GB% is suspect. The 2.84 FIP and 4.49 xFIP suggest there is regression coming in the form of some home runs balls but all the stats that matter (9.07 K/9, 17% K/BB, .221 BABIP) show he’s still trending in the right direction. Jake gets the Angels next week and he needs to be owned everywhere, at least while all the Minnesota Moms are showering their Twins with love and Odorizzi is making it look Odoreasy.

Please, blog, may I have some more?