Hope our five girl readers had a beautiful Mother’s Day yesterday. I sent my mother a trade offer sending her Tyler Flowers and Goodrum. She appreciated the thought. Also, I wore pink the entire day for you mothers, because that is a very girly color that baseball keeps perpetuating every year. Why can’t mothers be into purple or lavender or mauve or rose or fuchsia or flamingo or other shades of a color similar to purple or pink? How about next year all players wear lavender pants suits for Mother’s Day? Ooh, I have an idea. Since all pink bats are relegated to the trash bin after Mother’s Day, how about players use them again to raise awareness to spay or neuter your pets?  Like an in-heat bitch (medical term in vet school), George Springer was hot with that pink bat (more vet med terms), going 5-for-5, 5 runs, 4 RBIs with his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .321.  The good news is he’s finally living up to his top 10 potential.  The bad news is his owners from last year are on suicide watch.  But, hey, it’s not us, right?! (Actually, it is me. Damn.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Corbin Martin – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks as he was called up to replace Collin McHugh in the rotation. Kids outside Beverly Hills High School, “Corbin Martin graduates! Corbin Martin graduates! Corbin Martin graduates!” That other guy screaming out the window, that’s the guy who has been holding Forrest Whitley all year.  As for Martin, Prospect Mike said, “Martin is a college arm with experience both in relief and in the rotation. His plus fastball/slider combo would work in either role, but he had a great year as a starter in Double-A, throwing over 100 innings with a walk rate under three and a strikeout rate around 8.5. Also, 8.5 is what I give Grey as a boss, on a scale of one to a million.” Not cool, man.  Martin was also throwing wipeout butter-yum-yum this year in Triple-A (10+ K/9, 1.48 ERA), and could be worth grabbing in all leagues.

Alex Bregman – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homers, hitting ..277. No foolsie, how did Springer knock in 4 RBIs and batting right behind him Bregman knocked in 5 RBIs? Yo, Astros are cheating. Not cool, and busted.

Gerrit Cole – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.88.  Whenever I see his name in the box score “G. Cole,” I start singing, “Can’t get enough, can’t get enough, Cole world.”  Just me?  Okay.

Elvis Andrus – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .327. Elvis is so hot TV cameras are being told to only shoot him from the waist up. Weird times.

Tyler Glasnow – Hit the IL for a month to six weeks with a mild forearm strain.  Ah, yes, one of those “mild” forearm strains.  “Hey, Jimmy, can your mom pick us up after school?”  “She’s recovering from a ‘mild’ stabbing, but should be able to get us around 2:45.”  “Great, tell her Happy Mother’s Day!”  “I’ll hop into that ‘mild’ emergency room and do just that!”  As for actionable intel, think you have to hold Glasnow, but I’d be shocked if you get anything else good from him this year, especially the way he came out of the game, calling for the trainers himself.

Blake Snell – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.56.  But he got the loss, which is all that matters (to people who don’t understand what matters).  What a shame (if you don’t get why wins and losses are stupid).  I also feel bad for those with parenthetical blindness (but not really).

Austin Meadows – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer, as he led off.  Let’s see if we can follow this logic.  He returned on Friday and hit leadoff while homering.  Then he hit sixth on Saturday, and didn’t homer.  Then he hit leadoff on Sunday and homered again.  SAT Question of Day!  Where should Meadows hit in the next game?  A) Leadoff.  B) You don’t understand obvious shizz. C) There’s no C.  D) All of the above.  I’m guessing Kevin Cash will choose B, C or D.

Masahiro Tanaka – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.44.  He’s been great, headed for his best season ever, yadda3, but what I really wanted to point out is the Yankees’ lineup has Gio Urshela hitting third. El oh eff, wow, interjection of surprise, I mean, woof with a side of blech in a vomitorium.

Felix Hernandez – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 6.52.  Comatose F-Her Fan, “Hey, guys I’ve been in a coma since 2016, but I’m a big F-Her fan and I was wondering if you guys wanted to go to his Hall of Fame induction ceremony with me. Guys…?  Where are you going?  Why is everyone walking away from me with weird looks?”

Michael Chavis – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs, hitting .282.  There’s this weird thing that happens sometimes.  A guy is called up, does better than he has any right doing, and, while he’s <high beams>still</high beams> performing well, people want to drop him for no conceivable reason.  Here’s an idea, wait until Chavis stops performing to drop him.  Cool?  Cool.

Rafael Devers – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .336 and hitting around .500 in the last week, and still only has two homers on the year, but with five steals.  Devers is such a throwback he’s been wearing one of those super-baggy uniforms–Wait a minute, Dustin Pedroia has been playing all year wearing Devers’s uniform, hasn’t he?

J.D. Martinez – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer.  Double Just Dong just for the mothers. What a good boy.

Harold Ramirez – Called up from the minors.  The Marlins haven’t been this excited for a rookie H. Ramirez since Hanley Ramirez.  Was a shame that Hodor Ramirez never panned out. I grabbed Harold Ramirez in so many leagues you’d think I slept with Jeter and got one of those coveted Harry & David gift baskets.  Ramirez has been traded multiple times in the minors, getting passed around like CBD oil with a bunch of arthritic hippies, but he looks like a 10/20/.260 hitter and he’s been having a bit of a breakout season in the minors this year, so maybe there’s more here.

Corey Seager – 1-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .227.  I don’t mean to laugh, but can you imagine drafting Seager in the top five rounds and this is the shizz you get?  I’d have some major FBBOMO.

Hyun-Jin Ryu – 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.72.  *presses doorbell, door slowly opens*  “Hello, Mr. Ryu, I am hear to wrap your groin in bubble wrap so nothing happens to it.”

Miles Mikolas – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.83.  The Streamonator liked this start, and hates his next one, and, in most shallower leagues, Mikolas is around that of a cutoff.  Guess you can call him a Miles marker.

Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .270.  Au Shizz!

Jose Martinez – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .339.  Boring blurb about my team alert!  In the last update, I was in the top ten for RCL teams, and I’ve owned Jo-Ma for the last three to four weeks.  Haven’t really thought about dropping him for a while, and that’s a 12-team mixed league with lots of options.

Josh Bell – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .319.  Okay, so I should’ve dropped Jo-Ma for Jo-Be when I had the chance.  Damn, Bell is having a legit breakout that will burn everyone next year when they draft him.  Call it a premonition, or a gut call after three mimosas.

Max Fried – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.25.  Well, I’m glad he’s healthy, but not that glad because he gave me a bleh start.

Luke Jackson – 2 IP, 0 ER and his 4th save, ERA at 2.25.  Jackson’s beginning to look like the SAGNOF pickup of the year.  Unless you were in one of those shallow leagues where you could pick up Shane Greene three weeks into the season.  In related news, Craig Kimbrel turned to the back of his sudoku book and cheated on his puzzle.

Jon Duplantier – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.25.  Around noon yesterday, “Man, I am excited I was able to get Duplantier in my NL-Only league.  Doode’s gonna rock out running his arbitration clock out!”  Around 4 PM, “Wait, why did they bring him into middle relief?  Eff me.”

Adam Jones – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .272, and his 2nd homer in as many games.  “Why is that petunia grabbing my ankle? Oh my God, it’s a Zombino hand!”

Matt Olson – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer, hitting .214. Great sign that he was able to hit a home run after he had his hamate bone removed. If he made like a Siamese twin, and showed me another dong soon, I’d be even happier.

Jefry Rodriguez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.92.  Whether I believe in him or not (I don’t), the Streamonator loves his next start and I can understand why.

Dereck Rodriguez – Optioned to the minors, because he was pitching like Dreck Rodriguez. I looked to grab Tyler Beede in all of my NL-Only leagues; he could stick and be dominate, or at least better than Dreck.

Madison Bumgarner – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.88.  Bumgarner revealed the teams on his no-trade list by cutting into a cake that said, “Will it be a cupcake, a stud muffin or a Yankee?”

Yaisel Puig – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, hitting .217.  “We can use his body for mulch, but if the neighbors see us fertilizing with a dead body, they might rat us out because we didn’t buy Girl Scout cookies from their kid–Wait!  He just moved!  Puig’s alive!”

Zach Davies – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.54.  Feels like every year Davies goes on one of these insane runs, then the Regression Fairies show up at your doorstep in stretch pants, talking about how they saw the cutest boy at their spin class.

Jon Lester – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.16.  Obviously, he’s not pitching that well, but he is pitching about as well as the 15th best starter in baseball.  His xFIP is equal to that of Chris Paddack, Noah Syndergaard and Jose Quintana.

Steve Cishek – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 2nd save, ERA at 2.84.  I’m holding Strop, but it would not shock me at all if Cishek took the Cubs’ closer job and ran with it.  Similar but different to Augusten Burroughs’s fantasy team he named, Running with Cishek.

Kris Bryant – 3-for-4, 3 runs,. 2 RBIs and his 8th homer.  I kinda wanna say sell him again just to fuel him even further.  Can I reverse jinx sell (RJS) him to 50+ homers?

Spencer Turnbull – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.42.  Instead of taking the Pablo Lopez route to a 4+ ERA, Turnbull is chipping away at his value, going from Turnbull to Charles Barkley pronouncing “Turnbull” over the course of a few starts.

Daniel Norris – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.63.  His peripherals (6.8 K/9, 2.6 BB/9, 4.82 xFIP, garbage swinging strike rate, fools no one, can we just get out of this parenthetical, shizz is not getting better) speak for themselves.

Nicholas Castellanos – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .278.  The Greek God of Hard Contact celebrated after the game with 600 of his closest family members at the local chapter of the DMCA (Diners Make Celebrations Awesome).

Brandon Dixon – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Hot schmotato alert!

Nelson Cruz – Will have an MRI on his wrist after swinging and missing on Sunday. If that’s all it took, imagine how many MRIs Chris Davis would need.  “I’m Gary Thorne and I’m here with Jim Palmer.  Hey, Jim, it’s good to see you, and you’re not just wearing underwear.”  “Thanks, Gary, one of the keys to today’s game will be to get Chris Davis to avoid taking five MRIs.”

Martin Perez – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.11.  Okay, Perez, don’t be one of those pitchers who waits until they’re over 75% owned to start defecating the duvet.

Zach Eflin – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.47.  Think about how smug the guy in your league is who owns Soroka, Eflin, Ryu, Paddack and Caleb Smith, while you’re scratching your ass with shares of Kluber and Sale.  Sure, I’m cherrypicking pitchers who have been doing great, just like you could’ve cherrypicked them in your drafts or off waivers.

Cole Irvin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks in his major league debut.  He had an under-6 K/9 in Triple-A and might not get another start if Vince Velasquez returns as expected.  Though, Cole/Irving excites every hipster with a record player.  “I’m going to eat artisanal honey from a jar and listen to this scratchy rendition of ragtime.”

Lucas Giolito – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.55.  He’s breaking out.  Feels like I came around very fast on him, but I didn’t.  I’ve been waiting for this Giolito since he came up in 2016.  Every prospect has his own pace.  Some prospects come up and are electric, then take a dump their sophomore year, then become electric again.  Some are just electric the whole time.  And others come up and hit .190 like Vlad Jr.  Every metric is pointing to Giolito breaking out now.  He is a must-grab in all leagues.

Tim Anderson – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, and only 2nd homer in three games since my Friday sell.  Reverse jinx sell coming on slow this time, usually my Sells have ten homers within three days of the sell.

Aaron Sanchez – 6 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.75.  Random prediction alert that I will remind people of from now until next year or totally forget about if it doesn’t come true!  Sanchez will be one of the most talked about sleepers next year that won’t be a sleeper because he will be talked about so much.  He is in on the precipice of breaking out, but his walk rate needs to be tamed.

Griffin Canning – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.65 vs. John Means – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.33.  This was a matchup of sexy and you want even if it will burn you vs. safe, boring guy who you should prolly own, i.e., The ends don’t justify the John Means.

Chris Davis – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .189.  Everyone who is a fan of any team besides the Orioles, don’t worry, Davis will be a free agent in 2023.

Dwight Smith Jr. – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .286.  Not bad, but Mike Trout hit his 9th homer!  Though, Smith’s batting average is better than Trout’s.  *gargles with arsenic*

Charlie Blackmon – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer.  Chazz Noir went double dong, and housewives everywhere fanned themselves, gasping, “For Mother’s Day, I bought myself a new extra-long shower head.”

Raimel Tapia – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .313.  Tapia is my happening and it freaks me out!

Francisco Mejia – Hit the IL with a knee sprain. If only that happened in March so he didn’t have to hit for the last six weeks.

Franmil Reyes – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .266  Yesterday, the Padres changed their uniforms to Madres for Mother’s Day, which is a sweet sentiment, but they might’ve went a bit too far when they had Fernando Tatis Jr.’s uniform changed to Tetas.

Joey Lucchesi – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.57.  Don’t you love when a guy pitches terrible in, say, Petco then pitches well in Coors?  I mean, don’t you just love it?  Joey Lucchesi, the Passive Aggressive Mob Boss.  “Ya don’t have to put da horse’s head in da murdered’s bed.  I can do it myself, even with my bad back. I’m sure you done ya best.”  Jesus Christ, Joey, just tell me to put the horse’s head in the dead guy’s bed and stop being passive aggressive!

 
  1. Big Magoo

    Big Magoo says:
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    Poor Marlins. They can’t seem to have anything nice these days. The new H. Ramirez looks like a league average hitter with some speed, while the old H. Ramirez went .332/29/51 for them at a similar age.

    I love watching guys like Ryu and Hendricks pitch. Never overpowering, but constantly changing locations and speeds to keep hitters off balance. Really special and fun to watch when they’re on.

    Predicted in the preseason that Pence would have a zombino-type season. Something along the lines of .265/20/7. Some thought I was crazy. Entering yesterday, he had the 5th highest OPS in MLB and the 15th highest avg exit velocity, sandwiched between Baez and Bellinger. Career high walk rate thus far as well. Think I might have sold him short. A decent comp for him might be ’09 Ibanez. Same age, corner OF, similar skill set and plate discipline, went from an extreme pitcher’s park to a hitting-friendly environment. Ibanez went .272/93/34/93 that season. With good health, Pence might be able to do something similar.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      34 homers for Pence? Wow, Magoo, you’ve got a case of the Manbirds, or is it Ganglyitis? I think you’re confusing ten good games with a historic resurgence

      • Big Magoo

        Big Magoo says:
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        Nah, I’m not predicting 34 for him. Just pointing out the similarities between his career and Ibanez’. Ibanez had hit more than 24 homers once before going to Philly to hit 34 in 2009. San Fran is always among the worst parks for power, and Pence hit 47 across his last two healthy seasons there. Juiced ball. It doesn’t sound like you fully believe in the exit velocity metric (we had a similar debate over Pham last preseason too), but he’s smoking the ball this year. Looks like he’s finally healthy again. He’ll need to stay that way to pop another 20 or so, but I think he might be able to.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I’d put Pence’s over/under at 17 HRs, .275

          • Big Magoo

            Big Magoo says:
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            Well, that’s some progress. I’m not trying to convince you of anything, by the way. Your mind was already made up on Pence the way it was on Pham about 14-15 months ago. Maybe someone with a struggling outfield will read my ramblings and decide to take a chance on him.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              You’re taking the over on both of these marks?

              • Big Magoo

                Big Magoo says:
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                I think your avg prediction is right on the money. Not sure if the 17 HR is an end of season or ROS projection, but I’ll take the over either way. Think he hits around 20 more.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  20 more homers? So 27 all told? Woof

                  • Big Magoo

                    Big Magoo says:
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                    Have you seen him at all this year? Are you just going off of steamer projections? Steamer is generally pretty good, but I’ve noticed that they lag behind when it comes to outliers. That’s true of most projection systems, actually. The age curve is different for everyone. Look at Papi. Verlander. Beltran. Ibanez. Mariano. Cruz. Beltre. That’s just some of the post-PED era grizzled vets. I think Pence falls into that category. Good health and the park change have done wonders for him.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Hadn’t looked at Steamer’s #s for him until after I mentioned my projections for him… Seems about right that Steamer says same… He’s a 17/.275 guy at this point — The age curve might be different for everyone but Pence is following a pretty predictable age curve if you factor in his previous years vs. just the 1st few weeks of this season… With all that said, he could be an outlier… Anyone could, betting on outliers usually isn’t sound move

                  • Big Magoo

                    Big Magoo says:
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                    I believe that his performance (and playing time) was impacted more by health issues than age-related ones at the end of his SF tenure. And I agree that betting heavily on outliers is generally a losing proposition, but ignoring them at a very cheap price point can also be costly. In the DC league, we took him around the 40th round or so (give or take a few). Just got him for low double digit bids in a couple of leagues last night. If I’m right about him, I just picked up 2018 Eddie Rosario for practically nothing. If I’m wrong, cut bait and don’t look back. Not much risk involved with him at all.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      That’s true, at his price, it’s all profit even at this point…

    • Benintendo64 says:
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      Saw Pence take BP at Minute Maid this weekend, he smacked 3 in a row over the train tracks and then promptly took G Cole yard in his first AB

      • Big Magoo

        Big Magoo says:
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        Thank you, Benintendo. That’s what I noticed in the spring too. He looks like a different player this year. The ball is jumping off of his bat.

  2. Hebrew Hammer says:
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    Great write up Grey!

    Had Luchessi on bench Saturday. He was cruising (sort of), then he gone. Padres babysat his innings last year. You still believe the Mob still exist bc I’m losing faith.

    Blake Snell 5 2/3 IP. Thought he was going for a compete game after 3rd inning. In fantasy baseball 6.0 innings w <3 earned is a QS. NOT 5 2/3!!

    I'm interested in trading for Giolito. In 16 team h2h dynasty league, what's a fair trade offer?

    Thankyou!

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Who do you have?

      • Hebrew Hammer says:
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        Hitters: Voit, Encarnacion, B.Dozier, Goodrum, C.Santana, H.Dozer, A.Simmons, Dahl, Winker, Tapia, D.Santana, Alfaro, Trout.

        Pitching: Lester, Arrieta, Snell, Flaherty, Luchessi, Maeda, C.Smith. Barnes, Doolittle, D.Castillo, Shane Greene, Swarwak.

        I’m 6-0 and his team is 2-4.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks! Redraft? Maybe Winker or Tapia and Lucchesi? On a side note, you can lose Swarzak prolly

      • Hebrew Hammer says:
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        Not sure if you remember last week. I mentioned dropping swarwak but only had $$ for one more FA ROS. And asked whom from a list to replace with. You told me to smash my phone.

        I’ve just benched him. I’m 6-0. If benching him starts to hurt me for lack of HLDS/SVs then I’ll move.

        No redraft

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            That sounds like a very measured response by me

            • Hebrew Hammer says:
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              Ya. However, I did not need to fill out a hurt feelings report.

              Only imagine how face feels after responding to hundreds of ppls questions everrryday

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Haha, you need to fill out the report within 24 hours of a wronging, sorry, rules are rules

  3. Troy says:
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    Why am I still fostering Harrison Bader?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Have you adopted him?

  4. Troy says:
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    Why am I still rostering Harrison Bader?

    Auto correct wants to know why I’m fostering Bader, which might be a better question

    • Baby Seal says:
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      Please update us when you have an answer.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, it’s a foster situation

      • Dave D says:
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        Rostering Bader may bring you drown your sorrows with a Fosters’ Lager….

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Been paying child support on Bader myself

  5. Snacks Zillion says:
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    Thanks, love these articles.

    Someone in my 12 team h2h weekly league dropped Musgrove and L. Jackson. Should I drop M. Barnes, Eickhoff, Fried or Strahm for either of them?

    Aguilar is on the wire, I was thinking about dropping Dietrich for him? Thanks for helping my squad stay in first place over my Idiot brother in law!

    Craig Kimbrel kicks puppies.

    • Snacks Zillion says:
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      Same guy just dropped B. Peacock as well-

      • Snacks Zillion says:
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        Scratch that, Peacock is gone

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I’d go Aguilar over Dietrich and hold on the rest.

      • Snacks Zillion says:
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        Thanks DT!