Much like the classic Minnesota Educational Computing Consortium (MECC) PC game, The Oregon Trail, we finish our bullpen parade out west. Apologies if the research in this post is light, I stayed up all night playing TOT on the Wayback Machine. Suck it deer, I shot so many of you I can’t even carry all the meat. Much like the game, your journey to saves accumulation is a series of decisions fraught with peril. Do your best not to die of dysentery. In this example, Wade Davis is dysentery.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Jon Duplantier to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Those sad Joker movie trailers are conquering the Internet, and I am afraid for us all.
Be well, dear reader.
And please enjoy the chaos.
2B SS Gavin Lux is earning all the headlines, but he’s probably owned in your leagues. If not, he should be.
2B Mauricio Dubon could provide a spark at the keystone in San Francisco. Dubon’s probably not as good as his .302/.345/.477 AAA line, but he’s popped 20 home runs and stolen ten bags across 123 games and should be tracked in all leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Archer (6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.73) allowed four homers to the first five hitters he faced in the 2nd inning. The only way things could look worse for Chris Archer and, specifically the Pirates, is if Austin Meadows hit all four homers wearing different colored sombreros. “Hola! I am Austin Prairieritto!” “Hola! I am Tijuana Meadows!” “Hola! I am Roberto Hernandez!” “Hola! Imagine my exclamation marks are in the front of my sentences but upside down!” Okay, I’m Daffy like a duck talking about a Spanish Meadows when it was the Braves who mollywhopped Archer. A Spanish Robert Loggia, “Archer is a pitcher that don’t throw straight.” As I said yesterday, it’s not whether the record of four straight hitters with a home run is going to fall this year, it’s only how soon and with how many homers total. 8 straight hitters with a homer? 9? 12? Yesterday, Brian McCann (2-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 4th and 5th homer, going Yardo Montalban hitting them where da plane da plane goes. Josh Donaldson (1-for-4) hit his 9th homer, managing to control his Hulk-smash anger until the appropriate time — at the DMV. Nick Markakis (1-for-2, 2 runs) hit his 6th homer for his 2nd Sparkakis in two days, and Ozzie Albies (1-for-3, hitting .270) hit his 10th homer, 3rd in two games. ProContractsAreWhatWeKnow dot com said Albies earned $17.87 between homers. Albies looks like he’s come out of his May funk, but he still has no place to move up in the lineup. Well, maybe he can replace Austin Riley, whose average has dropped eighty points in a week. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Donk and Don are back talking sausage and baseball again this week. Off the top they discuss the fresh signing of Craig Kimbrel with the Chubbies along with B_Don’s recent trade of Kimbrel for Noah Syndergaard in the RCL Perts League. How much risk is there with Kimbrel after missing the first 10 weeks of the season? The guys also discuss whether there’s reason for concern with Chris Paddack and Trevor Bauer moving forward.
Handed down through the generations from Hammurabi to Hammurabi was a code of SAGNOF. It read, “Yo, Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be?! Don’t pay for saves, dem shizzes are free on waivers.” It read a bit like a text message, tee bee aitch. But that was the code as written. Cut to 14,000 years later, and I received this code in a dream after ingesting a massive amount of peyote. I would’ve discarded it like the iguana I also received, but there was something to this code, and from that day forward I forbade myself from paying a lot for saves. Then March came and Craig Kimbrel was falling and I was like, “Ain’t ever gonna get a price like this again!” and drafted him, and not listening to Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be really effed me. Thankfully, my long national nightmare is over and Craig Kimbrel signed with the Cubs. Does this negate all the leagues where I have Pedro Strop? *Lisa Simpson grumble* Yes, appizzarently, it does. I’d imagine Kimbrel will need at least two to three weeks of minor league games to get up to snuff, but closers can get stretched quicker than starters, obvi. I wouldn’t drop Strop until I saw a Kimbrel save, but he’s coming back. Finally. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not your Grandfathers Top 100 Starting Pitchers…
These baseballs are juicy. Juicier than Grandpa-Donk’s drawers the first time he visited Méjico. The juicy balls are causing some major volatility among our starting pitcher ranks this year. Few pitchers are exempt from the pitcherocalypse. Carlos Carrasco has suffered from severe constipation each of his last three outings, Tyler Bauer ate some questionable China-Buffet during May, and Patrick Corbin’s Gatorade was spiked with laxatives in Cincinnati this past Friday. Even the mythical Yusei “The Kooch” Kikuchi has required adult diapers for his two recent explosions.
As the driver of the Kikuchi Razzwagon, I do apologize for crashing us into a Porta-John these past two weeks. There’s been talk of The Kooch tipping his pitches; I like the narrative, it makes me feel a little better, but I’m not sure it’s true. His command was flat out awful in those two blow ups, as hitters teed off on his hanging off speed pitches. It was also his third time facing the A’s and second time facing the Angels; his funk may suffer from the law of diminishing fantasy returns once teams have gotten a good look.
Regardless, I can’t blame anyone for moving on in 10-12 teamers, but I might give a reach around thru this buy-window in deeper leagues. Is that a buy-window or a guillotine? Just leave me alone random italicized voice! The Kooch is a crafty veteran who will benefit from some extra rest this week, a trip to the laundromat, and a heavy dose of prune juice. Don’t be surprised if there’s another dominant run in store as we get the Kikuchi Razzwagon back up running, and deodorized, this summer.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hope our five girl readers had a beautiful Mother’s Day yesterday. I sent my mother a trade offer sending her Tyler Flowers and Goodrum. She appreciated the thought. Also, I wore pink the entire day for you mothers, because that is a very girly color that baseball keeps perpetuating every year. Why can’t mothers be into purple or lavender or mauve or rose or fuchsia or flamingo or other shades of a color similar to purple or pink? How about next year all players wear lavender pants suits for Mother’s Day? Ooh, I have an idea. Since all pink bats are relegated to the trash bin after Mother’s Day, how about players use them again to raise awareness to spay or neuter your pets? Like an in-heat bitch (medical term in vet school), George Springer was hot with that pink bat (more vet med terms), going 5-for-5, 5 runs, 4 RBIs with his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .321. The good news is he’s finally living up to his top 10 potential. The bad news is his owners from last year are on suicide watch. But, hey, it’s not us, right?! (Actually, it is me. Damn.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Mike Clevinger is old school. Not old school like really old school, but instead what we’d consider old school. Ya know, good. That’s one adjective for old school nowadays. Like things were once better. Of course, shizz was sideways with grabby hands and unhappy people during old school times too, but there’s a Gaussian blur of nostalgia that washes over people to make them think old school is good. So, Mike Clevinger is old school like that. He’s also old school in that he can throw a lot of pitches. Not really old school like when Vida Blue used to throw 175 pitches by the 3rd inning, get an arm transplant then come out and throw another 100 pitches with a groundskeeper’s arm sloppily attached to his shoulder. Nah, not real old school, but old school as we think about it in the new school. That’s Mike Clevinger. A youngish starter (he’s 28) who can throw 200 IP, when so many other starters are lucky to get through 150. Yesterday, Mike Clevinger went 7 IP, 0 ER 1 hit, 3 walks, 12 Ks as he did exactly what I expected from him when I said he was a number one starter coming into this year and you said, “Grey, you’re handsome as fudge, but Clevinger is a #2.” Nah, you’re doing a number two out yo’ mouth, Clevinger is a number one. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Disclaimer: Razzball is not responsible for the cowboy drivel you are about to read. The author – against the sound advice of his family and friends – has ignored eating, bathing, and socializing for the past three months to play Red Dead Redemption 2. Our sincere apologies.
Hey mister! We shared our woes over a pint of whiskey at the Top 100 saloon. Now it’s time to mount our horses and head out into the NL West. Just over there beyond that mesa we’ll come across a bed of Diamondbacks. These surly sums-a-b*****s are know for their bad temper, so approach cautiously. I recommend a small game arrow for a perfect skin. Ten perfect skins and we can craft ourselves a purdy saddle! Why lookie here! Exactly ten Diamondbacks! Whoa boah! Settle down. Let’s get a good look at ’em…Please, blog, may I have some more?