Mike Clevinger is old school. Not old school like really old school, but instead what we’d consider old school. Ya know, good. That’s one adjective for old school nowadays. Like things were once better. Of course, shizz was sideways with grabby hands and unhappy people during old school times too, but there’s a Gaussian blur of nostalgia that washes over people to make them think old school is good. So, Mike Clevinger is old school like that. He’s also old school in that he can throw a lot of pitches. Not really old school like when Vida Blue used to throw 175 pitches by the 3rd inning, get an arm transplant then come out and throw another 100 pitches with a groundskeeper’s arm sloppily attached to his shoulder. Nah, not real old school, but old school as we think about it in the new school. That’s Mike Clevinger. A youngish starter (he’s 28) who can throw 200 IP, when so many other starters are lucky to get through 150. Yesterday, Mike Clevinger went 7 IP, 0 ER 1 hit, 3 walks, 12 Ks as he did exactly what I expected from him when I said he was a number one starter coming into this year and you said, “Grey, you’re handsome as fudge, but Clevinger is a #2.” Nah, you’re doing a number two out yo’ mouth, Clevinger is a number one. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tim Anderson – Out for a few days because his wife went into labor. Or if a Brit’s reading, his wife’s in Labour and her baby’s about to make a Vajexit. Grey’s working topical!
Giancarlo Stanton – Hit the IL with a biceps strain, and will be out about a month. While in a bubble bath on Saturday, I accidentally bite my Giancarlo sex doll’s arm, but I was wearing wax vampire teeth and I don’t believe in voodoo, but this coincidence is uncanny. I feel terrible if it’s my fault. Clint Frazier was called up, and should see playing time while Stanton and Hicks are both sidelined. ‘Clint Frazier is being called up’ is also the answer to the trivia question, “Whatever happened to Clint Frazier?” He’d likely be in his 3rd year of the majors if he was on any other team, so it’s not a bad flyer if you’re down an outfielder. He’s around a 15/15/.260 guy over 162 games.
Miguel Andujar – Hit the IL with a labrum tear, which might require season-ending surgery. As I fall into a great depression, I yell, “Noooooo….it…..was….supposed….to….be….Tulowitzki….” It would seem the fates of the Yankees and Mets are connected like Wei-Yin and Yang. When the Mets do well, the Yanks do poorly, and vice versa. Only it’s been vice versa for the last eighteen years. Tyler Wade was recalled when someone asked, “What the hell are the Yankees going to do now?” DJ LeMahieu stands to get everyday at-bats.
Domingo German – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (5 BBs), 7 Ks. Not to be confused with Domingo Santana, who is Domingod. See, if you say Domingod German, then you get into real dicey areas about race. Any hoo! German faced one of the worst teams, but I do like him and, according to the Streamonator, it gets even better next time out.
Gary Sanchez – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. Rudy texted me yesterday, “My Sanchez draft pick is looking good, until he gets injured and is out for two months.” Yup.
Brett Gardner – 2-for-4 and a slam (1) and legs (1). Gardner is picking up all the pieces! Do we have to pay extra for that? I just wanted him to take out the garbage.
Ronald Acuña Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Tildaddy says you can have dessert!
Ender Inciarte – 1-for-5 and his 1st homer. Ugh, it’s been almost sixteen hours since I’ve mentioned him on a podcast. I need to hear my own voice say his name!
David Hess – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 1 walk, 8 Ks. So, um, hey, are the Jays gonna be practically no-hit every game? Asking for a friend. By the by, I had a hearty, full-throated laugh yesterday when I received a notification on my phone that said David Hess has a no hitter.
Jonathan Villar – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Member in the preseason when I said the O’s had no one else to hit third besides Villar? True, and he could hit third for the Jays, Diamondbacks, Angels, Tigers, O’s, Marlins, Rays, Pirates…And it’s not because he’s that amazing.
Richard Bleier – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save. He only got the save because the O’s have been winning too many games. Now there’s something you never thought you’d hear! Bleier could get a few saves, but he’s so remarkable in his terribleness, I would not touch him even with your team.
Freddy Galvis – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Undaunted, Galvis is back at it, even though now it’s not going to be until 2047 when he breaks Ripken’s streak.
Randal Grichuk – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Even though it is but one homer, I’m going to go out on a limb and say this is the start of a hot schmotato run because that’s how Grichuk rolls.
Joey Wendle – Hit the IL with a strained hammy. Mr. Wendle, you’re a bum!
Kevin Kiermaier – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer. Anyone charting out the Kiermaier vs. Domingo Santana fantasy race yet for Rudy and me? He’s taking Kiermaier. I know, I know, don’t laugh at Rudy.
Brandon Lowe – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he hit cleanup. If he’s going to hit cleanup (prolly won’t), and hit for power (he could), I’m buying, but not at the expense of anyone great. I should be a landscape architect with these hedges.
Tanner Roark – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Somehow I started him in multiple leagues and thought that was a good idea, and it actually turned out better than I would’ve thought after the Brewers batted around in the 1st inning.
Brad Peacock – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, 0 walks, 5 Ks. Not a ton of great pitchers went today because we’re at the 4th or 5th man through the rotation, so if a team is throwing a great pitcher, their rotation is pretty gorge. Indians? Yes. Astros? Yuppers. Mets? Not bad. Marlins? I think so, yeah.
George Springer – 1-for-5 and his 2nd homer. Member what I said about 1200 words ago about the Mets and Yanks’ fates being linked? Why does it feel like the same with Springer and Bregman? Can they both have a good season the same season? Please.
Ronald Guzman – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Don’t forget about my preseason bold prediction of Guzman hitting 30 HRs this year. Or totally forget about it, if he hits the projected-by-everyone-else 15 homers.
Matt Strahm – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER. More like mael-Strahm!
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs. FTJ! Fun the Jewels fast! In case you missed it, here’s the blast:
— DonkeyTeeth (@DonkeyTeeth87) April 2, 2019
Adam Jones – 2-for-5 and his 3rd homer. This Zombino has a taste for carcasses and is digging up the graves of unsuspecting pitchers.
Merrill Kelly – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Was interested in seeing Kelly’s start yesterday, and he looked…okay. Better than advertised. Though, after Joe Camel adverts, I stopped paying attention. His curve was a U-can’t-touch-this hammer drop that impressed, but he also was hit hard and those balls went into gloves. I’d take the brakes off a little, but he’s still a deeper league streamer.
Jon Duplantier – 3 IP, 0 ER and picked up the three-inning save. He was in Prospect Mike’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects and the only Grade A prospect in the Arizona system. He’s being only used in middle relief, according to the D-Bags, but that could quickly change after another start by Godley or Weaver (or Greinke). For now, I’m only grabbing him in NL-Only leagues. His projections are at the Prospectonator.
Ramon Laureano – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Damn, it’s less than a week into the season and you haven’t dropped him yet? C’mon, you’re known for your overreactions! That is your trademark!
Khris Davis – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer. Robot voice, “I am Robo-247. I hit .247 and home runs, 24/7.” Stops to robo-whistle, “That Roomba is sexy.”
Chad Pinder – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Would’ve made a nice batty call, but I’m not marrying him yet or taking him to visit a group of strangers I found on Craigslist pretending to be my friends.
Aaron Brooks – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. MediOAKer pitcher who sounds like he should be leasing furniture.
David Price – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks. Since that was like his final Spring Training matchup, I’m happy with that Price, which makes me a terrible Jew.
Steven Matz – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (zero walks), 3 Ks. I watched most of this game because the Mets announcers are the best in the business, and I’m reading a book about Paul Le Roux and–Neverthehoo! Besides a flat off-speed pitch to Starlin Castro that ended up 400 feet over the fence, Matz looked great. He definitely still needs to reign in his gopher balls, though.
Julio Urias – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks. He’s featured in the video at the top of the post. Yes, I’d own him.
Colin Moran – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Colin Moran hits regular season pitching like Jung Ho Kang hits Spring Training pitching. I have Moran in Tout Wars, so I hope this is the start of more regular playing time. Maybe one of youse can call in a tip to the police when Kang’s leaving a bar.
Chris Archer – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. He deserved more than a no decision, but, as a Immanuel Kant said, what does man deserve? I might be thinking of Emmanuel Lewis.
Kolten Wong – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd. I’d absolutely hold Wong (hehe), but just because he’s had a good first week does not make Wong a big shot (ew).
Jay Bruce – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 3rd in as many games. I nearly wrote Jay Bryce, then chuckled. Anyhoo! Hot schmotato alert!
Roenis Elias – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save, which either means everything or nothing, depending on Roenis Elias Swarzak’s return, Rosscup, Bradford, Brennan, Lukis, okay, I’m just making up names now, but Elias could now be moved to the top of the bullpen food chain in Seattle.
Andrew Heaney – Diagnosed with “chronic changes” in his left elbow. That’s right, boi, his elbow is West Coast. Death Row Records dropping the chronic elbow on ya ass! 1, 2, 3 and to the 4, David Fletcher and Heaney is at the door. Don’t open it! The Angels said Heaney will have a cortisone shot and resume throwing, because, of course, they did. The Angels once had a pitcher rehab for 18 months instead of Tommy John surgery, then have Tommy John surgery to be sidelined for another 18 months. I dropped Heaney in one league where I couldn’t stash him.