Please see our player page for Ender Inciarte to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Commissioner Rob Manfred was recently seen at a yard sale looking at the stitching on a crocheted dress when he remarked, “The stitching seems kinda loose.”  From there, he picked up his grandkids and they asked if they could watch Lilo & Stitch and Manfred wrinkled his nose and said, “Stitch is a genetic experiment who escaped from an alien planet, which is a loose contrivance. Wouldn’t you like to see something with tight stitches? Like 12 homers in one game?” Later in his evening, Manfred tossed and turned in his bed, asking Womanfred, “I can count with my back all 500 threads in this linen. We need tighter stitching!” So, with Manfred on a quest for the tightest stitching possible, we also have more dongs than the Houston 500. First, Matt Adams went 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 19th homer. Mean’s while, Ryan Zimmerman has a Chia pet growing on his foot. Next, Victor Robles (2-for-5, 2 runs) hit his 16th homer, hitting over .500 in the last week. This was only his third homer since the break, and hitting .260-ish in that time. Would’ve loved to see him get a legit shot at the two hole — hey now! — but he hasn’t truly earned it. Next next, Juan Soto (2-for-5) popped two tops of Sexy Dr. Pepper (27, 28) and he’s 20 years old. In 2020, he’ll be 21 and will be a 70-homer hitter by the time he’s 27. You can hold me to that, assuming you forget. Next next next, Brian Dozier (3-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 18th and 19th homers, and he doesn’t even start every game. Just your average 2019 part-time middle infidel who gets 25 homers. Next next next next, Anthony Rendon (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 27th homer and he’s three RBIs from 100. Feels like RBIs are down this year. Maybe because no one’s on base and everyone’s just hitting home runs. That reason feels galaxy brain-ish. Next next next next next, Adam Eaton (2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th. What’s Eaton eating? Tightly-wound baseballs. Just ask Womanfred, she’s sick of hearing it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You know how you bought that prosthetic pierced nipple in college? Then, one day, you were at a strong-in-energy kegger and everyone was screaming for you to jump in the pool, but you knew there was a 99% chance your prosthetic pierced nipple would come off and everyone would know you’re a fraud? But you jumped in anyway, and your prosthetic pierced nipple floated away, but, to your surprise, everyone liked you still, without the prosthetic pierced nipple. Lucas Giolito is your tan-lined nipple without the prosthetic piercing. He may get hit around occasionally, he might not always get Ks, but, at the end of the day, Lucas Giolito (6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.42) is a great, bare-nippled pitcher.  His 11.3 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 3.35 FIP tell me next year he’s going to be a sneaky top 15 starter in 2020, who is forgotten like a prosthetic pierced nipple. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you need speed you’re in luck of late. New options for steals chasers having been popping up. Don’t fret if you don’t have the budget left for Bo Bichette. There are some lesser names that can help boost the category for you.

  • The last of the Wunderkind got the call as Bo Bichette joined the Blue Jays major league team. Speed is certainly part of his profile, though the power may translate to the majors easier if he isn’t given that many green lights. You’d better have some FAAB squirreled away. He won’t come cheap.
  • Josh VanMeter swiped three bases last week. That’s a healthy amount for someone without an elite speed profile. It’s interesting to see the steals flow as JVM was moved more into the heart of the Reds order.
  • Two Braves, Ender Inciarte and Johan Camargo, have found themselves with more playing time lately. Inciarte is the better bet for steals, though Camargo can sprinkle in a little bit of everything if he gets going with regular at-bats.
  • The newest Cleveland Indian Yasiel Puig has already stolen two bases in four games. It could be somewhat coincidental. It could also signal the Tribe’s intentions for their newest toy.
  • Roman Quinn has always offered tools, the greatest of which is his 80-grade speed. His challenges have always been finding at-bats and staying healthy. Let’s see if the Phillies can find ways to keep their sparkplug involved.
  • Scott Oberg notched his first save since Wade Davis was demoted. You won’t get elite ratios or an exceptional K/9. They aren’t going to be detrimental, though. Let’s face it, you’ll take saves from any avenue at this point.
  • Please, blog, may I have some more?

A Duvall hasn’t looked this good since Popeye starring Robin Williams.  You thought I was going Robert Duvall and I steered it into Crazytown with Shelley Duvall.  By the way, don’t look at current pictures of Shelley Duvall.  She’s a Shelley of her former self.  I have a theory.  She had to do everything just so for Kubrick in The Shining, to the point where she couldn’t even think for herself, then she started working with Robert Altman, who was like, “Do whatever you like, improv,” and going from one extreme to the other drove her crazy.  I’d put money on it that this is the biggest update on Shelley Duvall you will ever get on a fantasy baseball website.  Any hoo! The pros and consigliere for Adam Duvall. All he does is hit home runs, so a great supporting player that just melts into any role you need him in. Wait, that’s not Adam.  Well, not entirely.  The homers part was.  And the Mac Sledge part.  No, that’s the other Duvall again. You’d be hard-pressed to find a hotter hitter right now than Duvall and he can help The Family go legit. Again, wrong Duvall!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

MLB teams were whistling 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover yesterday:

Just slip out the back, Zac, make a new plan, Tanner,
Don’t need to be coy, Greek God of Hard Contact, just listen to me,
Hop on the bus, Jesus, don’t need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Greinke, and get yourself free.

The deadline seemed to be lulling people to sleep, then the Diamondbacks stepped up and decided they were contenders, be-bopping Jazz Chisholm to the Marlins for Zac Gallen. But it turned out they were Indiana Jones, when he would replace an ancient artifact with a sand bag by switching one Zack with another Zac, so the booby trap wouldn’t expose them to trouble. See, and I always thought the idea of the outfield hot tub was to expose booby traps.  Incredibly, the Cardinals announced the Zack Greinke to Astros deal hours before the Diamondbacks. The Astros rotation is now, as they would’ve said in the 20’s, bona fide. In good spirits, Justin Verlander tweeted out, “As long as we don’t get Bauer, we good.” I hear that, JV.  I don’t trust home/away splits much at all, unless it’s Coors vs. non-Coors, but, if you must know 2.96 home ERA vs. 2.80 away. Usually it’s the inverse, but Greinke is a 15-year vet; you really think he’s going to pitch that differently in Houston? The answer you’re looking for is no.  He’s a control artist whiz like you’d want from your child when they’re doing the pee-pee dance. Speaking of which, did every team relieve themselves of their relievers? Let’s find out!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Had our 1st mega trade. Or as far as Trevor Bauer is concerned, might be our first MAGA trade too.  Take it easy, it’s a joke.  An everyday occurrence and tempers flaring might be hard to distinguish for Trevor Bauer since he will now see red all the time. Interestingly, Bauer wasn’t throwing his last pitch for the Indians the other day, he was throwing his 1st pitch towards Cincy. The Indians should be embarrassed of themselves for selling off their big frontline pitcher as they hold their Wild Card chances in their hands.  Notice I didn’t say the Indians should be red-faced.  Hey, they’re the ones still with the name. Bauer has been down a tad this year compared to last. Not just obviously in ERA, but his Ks are down, walks are up, homers are way up, which won’t play well in Cincy, but I will say he was way over his head last year with a 2.21 ERA, so he’s likely still a 3.50-ish ERA pitcher with great Ks in Cincy and the NL.  He should be able to chuck balls over Great American’s fence with greater ease too. So win-win.  Going the other way and the rest of the news, well…Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Grey is alone in the desert, well that’s not true. He’s there with Ted his faithful, yet hateful pooch, and a few thousand virtual friends. To give the Fantasy Master Lothario some reprieve from his isolation, we hopped onto a podcast and talked about some of the last week in fantasy baseball. Granted that happens every week, but it means a little more now. This man needs us, he needs to talk about Marcus Stroman, the desert heat, Bo Bichette, and going to the movies just for the A/C. Show the man some love and lend your listening ears. Or you can just listen and laugh at him, that works too.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, Marcus Stroman.  You poor, poor soul. Can we take bets on how hard the Mets tried to include Mickey Callaway in the deal? It is so Mets to suddenly think of themselves as contenders. Blue Jays to Pirates, “Thank you for making the Mets believe again.”  We’ll see how much Stroman enjoys throwing ground ball pitches with that defense behind him. Amed Rosario plays balls two feet to his left into a diving try. Honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if this move leads to the Mets trading away Wheeler and Syndergaard, as they change their rotation vs. thinking Stroman is some catalyst. He has a 7.2 K/9, 2.5 BB/9 and 3.52 FIP, so he’s not bad. A bit yawnstipating, but in the NL out of the AL East makes me a buyer of Stroman vs. ignoring him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Alex Verdugo went 1-for-4 and his 12th homer.  Were there guys who had better games yesterday? It’s not a rhetorical question. I want a typewritten response, notarized at my doorstep by 5 o’clock today. Reminds me of a joke. Father interrogating a suitor, “So, my daughter says you’re Irish. That’s important to us.” A little panicked, not really Irish, but lying through teeth, the young man says, “Yes, that’s right.”  The father quickly snaps, “What’s your last name?”  “Uh… O…clock.” Any hoo! Check out Little Daddy Smooth, Alex Verdugo’s last 30 days stats from the 30-day Player Rater:

That’s good for approximately top 25 overall for the last month. He’s owned in almost 100% of RCL leagues, as you see photo op, but he’s owned in less than 50% of ESPN leagues, which is why he’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but, if he’s out there in your league, no one said you can’t grab him now. *listens for a moment* Okay, nope, no one said it. Was double checking. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

But so far he’s made me wanna roll my windows down and snoooooooze. Nelson Cruz wasn’t doing what we all drafted him to do anyway so maybe this rest will do him a body good. He’s designated to only hit 7 HRs and 22 RBI? Not on my team! Cruz is saying he’ll be back on May 24th when eligible. I say take all the time you need and remember who you are and become what you are supposed to be. Replacement: Albert Almora (3.2%) has been on a tear in his last 15 games. In 53 ABs he’s got 12 runs, 3 HR, 7 RBI with a .340 AVG. Almora has always had a solid average, but just never gets enough starts to improve. He’s never been a high HR guy, never been a huge SB guy — just average and the runs and RBI that sometimes come with that. Maybe if he starts getting more starts he can develop either more power or speed.

Please, blog, may I have some more?