MLB teams were whistling 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover yesterday:

Just slip out the back, Zac, make a new plan, Tanner,
Don’t need to be coy, Greek God of Hard Contact, just listen to me,
Hop on the bus, Jesus, don’t need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Greinke, and get yourself free.

The deadline seemed to be lulling people to sleep, then the Diamondbacks stepped up and decided they were contenders, be-bopping Jazz Chisholm to the Marlins for Zac Gallen. But it turned out they were Indiana Jones, when he would replace an ancient artifact with a sand bag by switching one Zack with another Zac, so the booby trap wouldn’t expose them to trouble. See, and I always thought the idea of the outfield hot tub was to expose booby traps.  Incredibly, the Cardinals announced the Zack Greinke to Astros deal hours before the Diamondbacks. The Astros rotation is now, as they would’ve said in the 20’s, bona fide. In good spirits, Justin Verlander tweeted out, “As long as we don’t get Bauer, we good.” I hear that, JV.  I don’t trust home/away splits much at all, unless it’s Coors vs. non-Coors, but, if you must know 2.96 home ERA vs. 2.80 away. Usually it’s the inverse, but Greinke is a 15-year vet; you really think he’s going to pitch that differently in Houston? The answer you’re looking for is no.  He’s a control artist whiz like you’d want from your child when they’re doing the pee-pee dance. Speaking of which, did every team relieve themselves of their relievers? Let’s find out!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Aaron Sanchez – Acquired by the Astros. Currently, I see people saying the Astros have a six-man rotation. I’d guess a bullpen is where Sanchez is headed, and apologies if you had Siri read that to you and it paused after saying ‘bull.’

Martin Maldonado – Traded to the Astros. He will back up Chirinos and make droll jokes about whiteness.

Jose Urquidy – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.87. As I benched Marquez. Unbelievable. I’ll get to it. Eventually.  So, I’m thinking Urquidy doesn’t get a start in the World Series. Did I already say Sanchez wasn’t in the rotation? Can I take that back now? Listen, neither are great options, which is why they got Greinke.

Roberto Perez – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer.  Annoying guy in March at your draft, “Hey, I made plans for an early dinner with the missus, so I have to skedaddle. Just give me the worst catcher and I’ll figure it out later.”  Friends of annoying guy, “Let’s give him Roberto Perez!”

Nicholas Castellanos – Traded to the Cubs for an assortment of “Well, Castellanos doesn’t want to stay here so I guess we’ll just take some stuff to see if it sticks” to the Tigers. The Greek God of Hard Contact going to the home of the Billy Goat Tavern. Move over, Pete Dionasopoulos, the Cubs have their eyes on a new gyro–Excuse me, cheeburger. (Way to work the over-50-year-old crowd, Grey!) The Greek God of Hard Contact in Wrigley is interesting to me, though he could be the 2nd coming of Heyward — no power, decent average, Joe Maddon juggles him all around the lineup.  Nicholas needs a trade to Anaheim to become Ca Stella nos. The Cubs’ lineup will obviously be better, the park’s better, Castellanos is out of a bad shituation. Seems like it’s hard to imagine this not helping him, but will power suddenly come? I doubt it. This does boink the eff out of Schwarber’s value. And not a good boink like Joe Buck dreams about, but a bad boink.

Zac Gallen – Traded to the Diamondbacks. The Marlins pitching looked great this year, but they’re on a strict 20-year rebuild and anything that speeds that up must be eliminated. Jokes aside, it’s really hard to like the Marlins. Sure, Jazz is America’s number one export after fro-yo, and a Bahamian legend, but you have to commit to going with what you have at some point, otherwise the rebuild stretches into decades. Any hoo! I still love Gallen; he’s shaping up as a fantasy #2 for next year. DBacks are supposed to trade away great pitchers, not acquire them though, so I feel like I’m missing something. Arizona post-humidor is a bottom third hitters’ park, and Gallen can succeed.

Mike Leake – Traded to the Diamondbacks. Mike Leake still sounds like a name Bart would ask for at Moe’s. That is the only good thing I can think of for him. My best guess for the DBacks’ rotation is Ray, Leake, Gallen, Kelly and Young, but who knows on the tail end.

Sam Dyson – Traded to the Twins. Dyson goes from potential handcuff to potential hiccup between the 7th and 8th innings.

Jazz Chisholm – Top prospect traded from the Diamondbacks to the Marlins for Gallen.  Not all Diamondbacks were excited about this:  “Jazz Chisholm for who? You could’ve had Shelby Miller for free!” — Dave Stewart, likely. I’m sure Prospect Mike will go over Chisholm, or he’s simply doing Jazz hands around Razzball HQ for no reason.  Whoa, whoa, WHOA, he’s telling me he just gave us a Jazz Chisholm fantasy, so go there and read that.

Jesus Sanchez – Along with Ryan Stanek went to the Marlins. Prospect Mike had Jesus Sanchez in his top 50 prospects for fantasy baseball, and is on the shortlist for a 2020 impact bat. It’s weird to have my foresight be 2020.

Brian Anderson – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .245, and now three homers in the last four games. As excited as I am for Cooper (if he ever stays healthy), I’m yawnstipated by Anderson, but he does appear to be a hot schmotato.

Nick Anderson – Traded to the Rays. He has 69 Ks in 43 innings and closer stuff, which means Cash will throw him in the 1st, 3rd and 5th innings in the same game, but wearing different jerseys. It’s legal, don’t get semantical with me. I have no idea if Anderson will close. My best guess is Pagan, Anderson, Chaz Roe (save yesterday) and maybe even Castillo will share duties.  Jarlin “the Marlin” Garcia could be the new Marlins’ closer, but that’s far from a guarantee. I also like Jose Quijada, though he sounds like Brazilian agita, so maybe I’m overestimating that. There’s also Tayron Guerrero. Sweet sassy molassy!

Trevor Richards – Traded to the Rays. As bad of an organization the Marlins are and their endless infinity loop of rebuilding, the Rays are their polar opposite.  Oddly enough, they have the same number of fans who show up at games wearing Yankees shirseys. Richards is a step down from Gallen, and too reliant on his change, but he could easily be a great stretch-run arm, and might benefit greatly from an Opener, since his ERA balloons to 9.67 late in the game. Still likely a Streamonator call in shallower leagues, but this is a solid uptick in value.

Jesus Aguilar – Traded to the Rays.  What are platoons?  Cash-nip.  Rays’ manager, Kevin Cash can’t get enough of them. Now the Rays have a 4-man 1B/DH platoon. Could Tampa be the home of 27 local-area Hooters and where Jesus rises from the ashes? Hey, if Asher Wojensoabfsd8wski can rise from the ashes, anything is possible. Would I bet on Aguilar? Meh, maybe if you’re desperate. Feels still like a 15-team mixed league or deeper guy who you need to platoon.

Kevin Kiermaier – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, as he was activated from the IL. As Kiermaier’s fantasy owners will tell you, Kiermaier can’t go to the IL unless he’s off the IL, so it was inevitable.

Austin Meadows – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer. Is it April again? I kid. (A little.)

Jacob Faria – Traded to the Brewers. I mention this on the radio yesterday, since I was on there right when the trade happened, but the Brewers should be ashamed at what they’ve managed to turn Domingo Santana and Aguilar into. They obviously had a rotation weakness and they sat on bats for way too long. As for Faria, I’m not sure he even cracks the rotation above such also-rans as Jordan Lyles.  And, yes, I know Lyles pitched well yesterday for him. Underline “for him” and put stars around it.

Trent Grisham – Being called up. Look at the big brain on Prospect Mike featuring him just yesterday in his Trent Grisham fantasy. The Brewers said Grisham will start on Thursday, which I guess means Braun goes to 1st base, and Shaw/Thames work off the bench. The Brewers’ track record of just playing prospects isn’t great, so I’m cautiously optimistic, but as PM pointed out, Grisham has done more than enough for the promotion, and I’m adding him in all leagues where I need some yum. His Triple-A numbers 13 HRs, 6 SBs, .381 in 34 games.

Drew Pomeranz – Traded to the Brewers. This is a significant deal for the Brewers because their ace is a guy the Yanks released in April. This is terrible for Pomeranz’s fantasy value, if Pomeranz had fantasy value.

Tanner Roark – Traded to the A’s. Mr. Roark, will make all your fantasies come true, especially in that spacious park. Hitters can tattoo the ball (see what I did? No? Okay.) and it goes nowhere.  Great uptick in value for Roark, who was surprisingly decent, even in Great American. Love this trade for A’s and Roark. Of course, in shallower mixed leagues, he’s likely still a waiver wire guy, outside of home matchups, per the Streamonator.

Luke Voit – With so much happening with the trade deadline (for all teams except the Yankees), I failed to mention Voit hurt his gooplagacks on Monday and is now on the IL with a hernia injury. I saw someone mention Greg Bird yesterday as a possible replacement. He’s currently doing workouts with Jed Lowrie.  Edwin Encarnacion or DJ will work as the new Yankees’ 1B.

Corey Dickerson – Traded to the Phils. Sorta pisses me off that the Phils don’t give Adam Haseley a legit shot. His offense is not what is holding back the Phils. But like a pornographic nursery rhyme, the Phils C-Dick and want him. Dickerson will platoon in left with everyone (they have, like, six left fielders), and this hurts Maikel Franco too, because it pushes Kingery to the infield.  In fact (Grey’s got more!), it could hurt Kingery too. ADHD in adults is brought on by having too many options, so this is going to make Gabe Kapler a hummingbird.

Mark Melancon – Traded to the Braves. Braves saved $120 million on Albies, so they decided to take on Melancon’s contract.

Shane Greene – Traded to the Braves. The Braves addressed their bullpen like I address what I want to watch on Netflix.  I watch fifteen minutes of something, decide it’s garbage and switch the show.  “I think I wanna watch Luke Jackson…On second thought, think I’m gonna rewatch Stranger Things.” Greene will close and is going to bump Chris Martin down to setup, so the blurst of SAGNOF times. As for the Tigers, their new closer is Joe Jimenez. He has a 12.7 K/9 (awesome!), 5.05 ERA (cripes!) and a penchant for homers allowed (whee!).  I tried to add Jimenez in every league. For two months, he has plenty to succeed.

Mike Trout – 1-for-3 and his 35th homer.  Good news, Angels fans, your team went out and traded for Max Stassi. Finally, some protection for Trout!

Adam Duvall – 2-for-5 and his 4th homer in five games, and 17th homer in his last three innings, and holy schmotatoes.  By the way, Adam Duvall was a .550 hitter in his Pee Wee league, so this is sustainable.

Ender Inciarte – 2-for-5, 1 run and his 6th steal, hitting near-.400 in the last week.  Defrost Ted Williams’ head now! There’s no time to wait!  Ender is a scalding schmotato that you need to own.

Mike Soroka – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (3 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 2.37.  The Regression Fairies have legit forgotten about Soroka like Trevor Williams last year. Just wait until next year when Soroka has a 4.75 ERA and everyone’s like, “Wha’ happened?”

Juan Soto – 2-for-3 and his 20th homer, and 2nd in as many games, hitting .289.  Sexy Dr. Pepper won’t kick the can down the road, he got this.

Daniel Hudson – Traded to the Nats. ..and my vice grip on Hudson loosens and I grabbed Biagini. Or to paraphrase The Producers, “Biagini’s stock go boom! Biagini’s stock go boom!” Then the no-holed Biagini was traded too.  Lowercase yay!

Roenis Elias – Traded to the Nats. For a closer, I’d guess Mariners turn to strychnine–excuse me, Strickland–Wait, Hunter Strickland was traded to the Nats too. Left to close games for the Mariners is an ellipsis.  Maybe they will turn to strychnine after all. Perhaps they can call Anthony Bass or Cory Gearrin on for the Strychninth.

Sean Doolittle – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.00. Doolittle is still the closer, even though they acquired the Mariners’ bullpen (Elias, Strickland) and Jays’ closer (Hudson). Is Doolittle’s leash shorter? Meh, I suppose, but, unless he’s hurt, it’s still a pretty, long retractable leash.

Justin Shafer – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.37, as he got his 1st save. Don’t be fooled by the new closer smell, Shafer was a closer in Triple-A, and a good one (1.88 ERA, 10.4 K/9). I grabbed Shafer in all leagues, where I could, and fully expect him to remain the closer.

Bo Bichette – 3-for-5 and his 1st homer, as he hit leadoff.  May the force be with you, Boba Chette!

Yoan Moncada – Hit the IL with a hammy strain.  It’s a Grade 1 hammy strain, so figured at least a few weeks are bacon’d into his IL time.

Jacob deGrom – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.78 vs. Lucas Giolito – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.39. DeGrom or Giolito? Okay, dur. Obvi, deGrom, but for their value on draft day? C’mon.

Keon Broxton – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Meant to mention the other day, Broxton was traded to the M’s from the O’s, jumping right over the N’s. At this point, Broxton appears to be a 4th outfielder for a normal, contending team, and an AL-Only bet, but I guess that could change.

Mike Minor – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.21.  Minor is obviously done trying to appear alluring to trade teams.

Willie Calhoun – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and hitting near-.440 in the last week. With Gallo stomping grapes in Napa for a month, Calhoun could get some runway. You know I still like him, and may never stop (see Odor for further reading).

Jesse Chavez – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA ay 4.42 as he got the 1st post-Coldplay save. Wait until the Rangers hear that Leclerc wasn’t traded. It’s gonna blow their minds! So, I guess Chavez is the closer in lieu of Martin’s departure, but I can’t say I’m confident in that. More confident in it than the Rangers are of Leclerc, obviously.

Scooter Gennett – Traded to the Giants. Not sure you want a Scooter near Bumgarner. You have to admire the Giants’ commitment to addressing their hitting at the deadline. I’m using the word ‘admire’ wrong, aren’t I? Seeing Sandoval in front of Scooter in the Giants’ lineup has me envisioning one of those ‘large guys on a small bicycle’ photos. Is the Giants’ lineup auditioning for America’s Funniest Home Videos? Tell me true.  So, Scooter will get near-everyday at-bats, which helps, but he looks like he needs a whole offseason to fix himself, and moving to a terrible park won’t help.

Jeff Samardzija – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.75 vs. Vince Velasquez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.40. This was a matchup billed as, “I trust these guys as far as I can throw them and I can benchpress 35 pounds.”  Streamonator has a modicum of interest in Samardzija’s next start, but I can only lift 35 pounds.

Josh VanMeter – 1-for-2, 1 run, and his 2nd steal, hitting .312. With the departure of Scooter, I’d guess VanMeter’s going to see more playing time, but Jose Peraza is still lurking like he’s Jose Tabata around cougars.

German Marquez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.68 vs. Hyun-Jin Ryu – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 1.66.  Double sonavabench! Which is what I scream into the wind, as I stand on the ledge of this skyscraper. Stop trying to talk me down!  Never try to talk a lazy person off a ledge!  It’s easier to jump!  What’s that, Marquez left the game with cramping?! Move him under me for my jump!  Thanking…*screaming into the wind*…in…advance!

Dustin May – Being called up to start Friday. May looks like the bastard lovechild of Justin Turner and Gritty, so I guess that means they had him out of redlocks. Ralph and I talk about May on the last podcast. Rate and review on iTunes for a free comment answered! I adore NL West pitchers, especially when they’re not in Coors! Lots of good pitchers’ parks (besides Coors) and the Dodgers have no reason to not let May throw 40+ IP to rest other arms. He’s a high-command, solid-enough strikeouts guy. Think Stripling-ish. I grabbed him in a deeper mixed league, didn’t bother in a shallower one.

Jedd Gyorko – Traded to the Dodgers. Do the Dodgers need Gyorko? No, not technically, but if there ever was a guy who fit the David Freese does-nothing-all-year-then-hits-the-biggest-home-run-ever-in-the-playoffs mold, it would be Gyorko.

2020 Draft Kit
 
  1. toolshed says:
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    I need to own 2 more OF because of injury and the fact that my 1 of my 5 who I am now starting seem to get days off or sit vs lhp. I will have to put in my faab over the weekend. How do you rank these OF ros: inciarte, Calhoun, piscotty (looks like he may be back this weekend), Margot. Obp league. Thanks

    • bigbear says:
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      Inciarte, Calhoun … Margot/Piscotty for me.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Calhoun, Inciarte, Margot for me. Can move Inciarte up to the top if steals are a major need…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ender, Margot, Calhoun, but depends on needs

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Ender, Willie

      • Dave D says:
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        Are you implying that you win leagues based on categorical rankings not player rankings? Radical notion.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha

  2. toolshed says:
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    That is willie calhoun

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Oh

  3. Kevin says:
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    Lamet or Wojechowski

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I prefer Lamet

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  4. phennore says:
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    I’m down to $9 FAAB (started with $30) in 16-team 5×5 keeper league (add $5 each year to keep). How much FAAB would you spend for Trent Grisham?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      $1

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  5. galica says:
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    Grey!!!!

    Wicked report, man!

    a. Added Shafer this morning, dropping Christ Martin. The Braves needed him yesterday and guess what he didn’t make it on time. WTF??!! Luke Jackson looked bad, Newcomb looked like old cum but with Shawn Greene added and Minter (is he still around?) I guess Martin is in the 7th or so, so not interesting for my RCL.

    b. Duvall, yes! He hit 29 HRs in AAA. As you say, hitting in AAA is not the problem.

    c. Abbott and Costello quote of the day for August 1

    Keep ’em Flying, 1941

    Abbott: Couple of fine jobs you got for us.

    Costello: Good job, huh?

    Abbott: Janitors, that’s what we are.

    Costello: We’re working.

    Abbott: We’re just water boys!

    Costello: What? We’re right near Jinx. After all, if Jinx was around here…

    [As Costello wants to point where Jinx is, he pivots with the mop over his right shoulder. The mop hits a pilot, basically slapping him with the wet mop. The pilot turns, and he’s angry.]

    Pilot: What are you doing with those?

    Costello: Hiya, kid. They’re mops.

    Pilot: What are you doing with the mops?

    Abbott: Carrying out orders.

    Pilot: What orders?

    Costello: We were sent to mop up the field.

    Lou, again the butt of the joke!

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • pinkman says:
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      Old cum? That’s a new one!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks! A. Haha, WUT That is some analogy B. Yes! C. Haha

      • Travis Hafner says:
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        Old cum is a reckless analogy. I’m laughing out loud.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Reckless! Haha

  6. Hebrew Hammer says:
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    Hey Grey, great write up, trade deadline was so EXTREME!! Adult ADHD, the struggle is real.

    16 team H2H DYNASTY keeper LEAGUE. I’m 11-5 leaing the division. Two sets of questions :

    1.) Start Arrieta vs SF?
    Start Lester @STL?
    Bench Luchessi Crime Mob @LAD?

    2.) SVs, HD, SV+HLDS, Ks, high points in our league.

    My RP: Barnes (no idea what he is), D. Castillo (very disappointing), Shane Greene, Swarak (picked up early in the season, no FA money, dead weight), and Quantrill (sort of, not really). Traded Doolittle for Boyd for Snell be gone.

    Not sure how I’ve made it this far with a dumpster fire pen. From the list provided below, pick ONE RP ROS with FA cash i got.

    -N. Anderson, J. Shafer, Gallegos, Y. Lopez (AZ), or Any OTHER NAME YOU CAN THINK OF.

    I appreciate your time!

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      1. I’d start em all in H2H
      2. Gallegos for me

      • Hebrew Hammer says:
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        Thanks DT

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      1. Agree with DT

      2. Shafer

      • Hebrew Hammer says:
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        ROS Shafer over Gallegos?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Gallegos for holds and ratios, Shafer for ratios and saves

  7. Norman Ginsberg says:
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    Horrible day but at least Vazquez still a closer.

    I agree with you on (and own) Leclerc; Texas has no interest in resurrecting him. Should I pick up Shafer?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Who’s the drop?

      • Norman Ginsberg says:
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        Leclerc — just looking for assurance not to delay a few days.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Go for it

  8. William Hung says:
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    What do we think of LeClerc after Chavez got the SV last night?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I think they go to Leclerc sooner than later

      • William Hung says:
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        Yeah, I just checked Closermonkey and they seem to be very bullish on LeClerc – i just hope he shakes off the cuddleboyness…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Not worth hanging around for Leclerc for his 5-7 saves potential, unless deep league

  9. Lubes says:
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    Check out Bauer’s exit interview with Cleveland.com-

    He had hinted this season about pitching through injuries, but was more specific on his way out, estimating he’d been fully healthy for just eight of his 24 starts. He said he probably should have been on the injured list for some length of time.
    The problems began in the fourth inning of his fourth start, as he remembered, saying an awkward pitch led to partially torn ligaments in his ankle, which later led to back spasms as he compensated. Bauer said he started feeling like himself five or six starts ago, and then he got sick. But he always pitched.

    So I think clear explanation of the struggles we saw. Bummer we fake owners didn’t know about it. Go ahead grey, go comb your archives for the “me quoting me!” I’m sure you did back at his 5th start ;)

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Great stuff, Lubes. Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks, Lubes! But is he right now?

      • Lubes says:
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        I take based on that the most recent blow up was that he was “sick” which I take differently from injured. But sucks that he pitched hurt for so long without an il trip. I mean it’s not like he was on the Mets or anything I’d expect that from them.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          But he didn’t pitch well last time so…is he still hurt?

    • Slimcompoop says:
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      Bauer is also battsh*t crazy, so he could be feeding Cleveland.com a bunch of crap.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        True

  10. Coriell says:
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    Ha! Boba Chette! Brilliant, Grey!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks!

  11. Lee says:
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    Do not let the Coors sirens lure you into starting ANYONE at the Rocky Mountain House of Homers. As a famous Admiral once said: “It’s a trap!!”

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Wise words!

  12. Sam says:
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    Grisham over eloy or kingery?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Nah, not yet

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  13. Marv says:
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    Hey Grey,

    H2H 12-team cat. keeper (keep12) balanced stats (R,H,HR,RBI,SB,BB,AVG, OPS,XBH / W,CG,SV,K,GIDP,ERA,WHIP,QS), limited moves (35 per year), no streaming.

    Some of my low end pitching consists of: D. Cease & D. Lamet

    Do yuo think Dustin May is a good pick up over either of these guys ?

    thanks

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Cease hasn’t shown much so far, I’d try May over him