Please see our player page for Jeff Samardzija to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

You know how you bought that prosthetic pierced nipple in college? Then, one day, you were at a strong-in-energy kegger and everyone was screaming for you to jump in the pool, but you knew there was a 99% chance your prosthetic pierced nipple would come off and everyone would know you’re a fraud? But you jumped in anyway, and your prosthetic pierced nipple floated away, but, to your surprise, everyone liked you still, without the prosthetic pierced nipple. Lucas Giolito is your tan-lined nipple without the prosthetic piercing. He may get hit around occasionally, he might not always get Ks, but, at the end of the day, Lucas Giolito (6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.42) is a great, bare-nippled pitcher.  His 11.3 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 3.35 FIP tell me next year he’s going to be a sneaky top 15 starter in 2020, who is forgotten like a prosthetic pierced nipple. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We published our podcast last week at possibly the worst time to cover the trade deadline. Tuesday afternoon, means all the news was a week old when we recorded on Monday. So what did we do? Talked about Jason Kipnis for forty minutes of course. So perhaps that’s a bold faced lie. We actually only talked about Kipnis for about two minutes while spending the rest of the hour touching on a slew of recent callups, winners in the playing time battles post trade deadline, and touched on some NL Only drama in Grey’s home league. Yes, the title has nothing to do with anything. It’s just words that sounded good. Not joking!

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We told you that last week was going to be bizarre with our streamers and it was just that. It was so strange that we actually have two of the same two-start streamers this week! No, this isn’t the Twilight Zone but it’s close. Both of those guys pitched well, thanks to my recommendations, so let’s go right back to the well. Now that we have the trade deadline out of the way, we shouldn’t deal with pitchers being pushed back or any crap like that.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

MLB teams were whistling 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover yesterday:

Just slip out the back, Zac, make a new plan, Tanner,
Don’t need to be coy, Greek God of Hard Contact, just listen to me,
Hop on the bus, Jesus, don’t need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Greinke, and get yourself free.

The deadline seemed to be lulling people to sleep, then the Diamondbacks stepped up and decided they were contenders, be-bopping Jazz Chisholm to the Marlins for Zac Gallen. But it turned out they were Indiana Jones, when he would replace an ancient artifact with a sand bag by switching one Zack with another Zac, so the booby trap wouldn’t expose them to trouble. See, and I always thought the idea of the outfield hot tub was to expose booby traps.  Incredibly, the Cardinals announced the Zack Greinke to Astros deal hours before the Diamondbacks. The Astros rotation is now, as they would’ve said in the 20’s, bona fide. In good spirits, Justin Verlander tweeted out, “As long as we don’t get Bauer, we good.” I hear that, JV.  I don’t trust home/away splits much at all, unless it’s Coors vs. non-Coors, but, if you must know 2.96 home ERA vs. 2.80 away. Usually it’s the inverse, but Greinke is a 15-year vet; you really think he’s going to pitch that differently in Houston? The answer you’re looking for is no.  He’s a control artist whiz like you’d want from your child when they’re doing the pee-pee dance. Speaking of which, did every team relieve themselves of their relievers? Let’s find out!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

*nervous finger tap*  How many days without baseball?  So, I can close my fantasy baseball team browser window without missing anything?  Okay.  *throws computer out window*  What?  Was there another way to close my fantasy team page?  I hadn’t in so long I forgot.  What do you mean I can go outside without worrying about missing anything in baseball?  But there’s real people out there!  I’m staying right here, thank you very much!  So, we’re headed to the break, and it couldn’t have come at a worst time for Jack Flaherty (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.64).  Let him pitch again tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or until his ERA is under 4!  Also, can he pitch against the Giants for all of those?  Even if Alex Dickerson is as strong a cleanup man as you can find (in any Division II school’s lineup). Flaherty’s peripherals (9.9 K/9, 3 BB/9, 4.07 xFIP) aren’t exactly whistling Dixie; they’re closer to ‘fixing dinner from stuff found on the floor of a Winn-Dixie.’  “Toomgis hate Winn-Dixie. Their bath salts are lame.”  I know, Toomgis, I know. Flaherty won’t appear in the top 100 for the 2nd half that’s coming tomorrow, but at least he’s headed to the break looking better than he has all year, even if it was vs. the Aints. By the way, I hear the Orioles are going to pitch on Monday to stay in game shape. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There were some really strange things happening in baseball last week and it’s becoming quite clear that the pitching landscape is a scary place. These pitchers remind me of a mouse being thrown into a snake cage and it’s just a matter of time before they get caught. By the way, I had a fifth-grade teacher who made us watch a snake strangle and eat a mouse and that set quite the impression on me as an 11-year-old. This dude was a nut, he had animals all around the classroom and he traumatized half of us with this nature crap. Anyway, streaming pitchers brought me back to that traumatizing period of my life and I feel like these pitchers are in a similar state. With that said, we’re going to look to finish off the first half strong and give you some dynamite streamers here.  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This weekend Jay Bruce was traded to the Phillies, because, as the front office in Philly put it, “We’re sick of our autocorrect writing Bruce Harper.  Now we write Bruce Harper and rather than backspacing we can just continue on and we’ve typed out two-thirds of our outfield.  Next we have to try to get Michael Chavis, for our issue with the autocorrect Michael Franco.”  Guys and five girl readers, the Phillies have a plan!  This move also kills two birds with one stone since now Bryce Harper will look so much better by comparison.  Before, “Man, Bryce stinks.”  After, “Man, Bruce stinks.”  Autocorrect and by comparison — done and done!  This likely puts David Herrera’s time all but done on the Phils and maybe baseball until the Astros take a chance on him.  Yes, Odubel’s real name is David, which is now what we, like the cops, call him.  As for Bruce, this is a boost up for him, due to park and lineup.  Now he’s a 30-homer hitter with a .225 average and better runs and RBIs.  Can I get a middle-case yay?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Our streamer picks have been awesome the last few weeks but last week’s picks were so-so. We trusted Michael Wacha for some stupid reason and that one really pisses me off. Why the hell did I do that? I know better than to trust that guy. Even Fozzie Bear changed his catchphrase after watching that crap. We had mixed results with Kevin Gausman and J.A. Happ but we got Brad Peacock, Jake Odorizzi and Joey Lucchesi all correct.

We knew going in that it was going to be a tough streaming week but we ended up alright. This week has much more promise and It was actually difficult thinning out the field with so many quality options available. So, I’ve provided a list of bonus considerations at the bottom and it should be a magical week for streaming!  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Orioles are on pace to give up 1,776 home runs, because they’re close to our nation’s capital, and that is a great figure, a historic number.  A cannot be imitated — help me out here, Captain Lou Albano — never duplicated number.  Scratch that, they’re now on pace to give up 1777 home runs because of the Battle of the Assunpink Creek. That was also the title of the Pink concert when her stretch pants were a little too skimpy in the back.  “I see your Assupink Creek 2017.”  Great show, the aerobatics alone.  So, I try to avoid making every lede about hitters in Coors or facing the Orioles, but here goes, because Gleyber Torres has 14 homers against the O’s in five games and 12 homers on the year.  There’s math involved in that number.  He went 2-for-5 with his 11th and 12th homers.  Next up, literally, Brett Gardner (3-for-4, 1 run) hit more doubles than the sketchy guy at the craps table who kept betting the horn and looking over his shoulder.  DJ LeMahieu (2-for-4, 2 RBIs, HR) was on the ones and twos, but mostly on the ones, since he hit leadoff and his 4th homer.  Gary Sanchez (2-for-4) hit his 15th long ball and don’t mention hitting balls around Gary, he crosses his legs.  Then there’s Thairo (2-for-4, 2 RBIs, HR), who should be on the Iron Throne, but that’s a hot internet take, and I’m here for cold ones, but he even has three homers because Our Commissioner Manfred sticks Capri Sun straws into balls and juices them up.  If you learn nothing else from this post, and you might not, stream all hitters vs. the Orioles.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

No Doubt

Name Team Opponent 1 Opponent 2
Trevor Bauer CLE @MIA SEA
Blake Snell TB @KC @BAL
Justin Verlander HOU @MIN @LAA
Luis Castillo CIN @NYM SF
German Marquez COL @MIL ARZ
Patrick Corbin WSH STL @PHI

Rich Hill getting injured; Khris Davis hitting .247; topping my 3 wood after waiting for a long time on a par 5 approach shot; these guys on the list in your starting lineup. Well Alex, what are things that you have no doubt about? Wager: Suck It Trebek!

Not to be confused with Luis Mendoza (the speedster duck), you can bet that nobody that owns Castillo will be yelling for him to stop any time soon. I don’t expect it to happen this week with a visit to the Mets and home for what is more a gentle Giant(s) lineup than a Thanos, world killer Giant(s) lineup. No, there’s not a spoiler there. I haven’t seen it yet anyway.

If you’re curious about how good Luis Castillo has been, he’s only given up 2 barrels on the season (2nd best among pitchers, min. 50 batted ball events), 31% hard hit rate is 13th best, 85.1 mph avg. exit velocity is 15th best, and the best swinging strike rate of his career so far on this young season at 14% along with his lowest contact percentage allowed as well.

Please, blog, may I have some more?