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*counting puffs of smoke out of a chimney* “One…two…Mama mia! It’s two puffs-a smoke-a!” An Italian boy rides his bike through The Vatican, swerving around bishops, priests and nuns. Finally, the Italian boy skids to a stop, tosses his bike down and runs into a chapel. Inside, he runs up to the altar, where a priest wears a DraftKings cap. “Father, they held the Cardinals to two hits?” “Holy See……….t!” There’s about 40 top twenty starters. Does that mean there’s 40 top 20 starters? Not exactly. There’s 40 starters who could sneak into the top 20 starter conversation. Then there’s about 20 starters who could sneak into the top 10 starter conversation. Then there’s about ten starters who could be a top five starter. Finally, there’s about five starters who could be the top starter. Aaron Nola is in that last group. Yesterday, Aaron Nola went 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.19, solidifying himself as a 10+ K/9, 1-something BB/9 ace. Holy See……….t, indeed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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It seemed like a nothing move at the time. Just a transactional move that people would forget about within hours, if not minutes. Just ten days ago, the Nats announced they would be demoting Carter Kieboom. Then, before leaving town, Carter Kieboom watered down all the hand sanitizer. Now Patrick Corbin, Yan Gomes, Josh Bell, Brad Hand (ah HA!), Will Harris, Josh Harrison, Alex Avila, Jon Lester, Jordy Mercer and Kyle Schwarber are all on the IL, as the Nats recalled Luis Garcia and Kieboom. “Kieboom goes my flight to the minors!” That’s Carter Kieboom as he mixed a cocktail of Palmolive and Capri Sun into the hand sanitizer bottles. “These stupid straws!” That’s Kieboom struggling to get the juice out of the plastic-metal pouches. Wow, Kieboom is not being very stealth. So, it sucks if you had Hand, Schwarber, Corbin, Bell…Well, the guys there you might’ve had. Hopefully, they all return shortly. For all these moves, the only guy I grabbed in leagues was Tanner Rainey, who might now get saves, but Daniel Hudson is also there, so that’s a crapshoot too. “All these crapshoots and I should clean my hands…Hey, why does this soap smell like tropical punch?” Off to the side, snickering, “More like Crappy Sun!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Howdy, folks!

Oh how joyous it is to have baseball back! Lineups galore need setting! Waiver wire races have already started! What a time of year.

I’m just glad some of these injured guys have finally hit the IL so I can stash them and scoop up some replacements. Pretty peeved that some guys didn’t hit IL until it was too late to do anything about it for Opening Day.

I hope you had a successful first couple of days. Mine was a mixed bag, but I’m ready for Byron Buxton to go so ham. I know it’s easy to fall victim to inflated hype, but how can you not love this guy for fantasy? If healthy, of course; I imagine he’ll find his way into one of these updates sooner or later…

Alrighty, enough blathering. Let’s get yinz caught up:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I have waited a very long time to say this, Happy Opening Day!  Now, with that out of the way, let’s get down to business.  Your H2H league has drafted, we have an 11-day Week 1 (in most formats), and I am here to help you tighten up those categorical needs to help you win every week.  In this weekly segment, I am going to give you some players that can help you win your categories. Contrary to ROTO, you need to strike while the iron is hot on a week-by-week basis!   While I would love to help you out in your 6-team 15×15 with caught stealing and crotch grabs, I am simply going to look at Runs, RBI, HR, Wins, and Saves.  The Ratios will get some love here and there!  Without further ado, let’s get started!

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Early on Saturday, I heard the news that Jay Bruce made the Yankees’ Opening Day roster, and I was like, “Cool, if this is 2012.” Then I thought, “Is this 2012? Am I time traveler?” Turned out it was not 2012, and I was not a time traveler. Double bummer there. Somehow, Jay Bruce is still only 33 years old, so he might be a time traveler. After my brief flight of fancy through a time portal that didn’t exist, I thought, “That sucks, keeping Bruce over Tauchman. He can’t catch a break. That’s not the bee’s knees, that’s BS.” Then I thought, “I can just curse in my own head, I don’t need to spell out BS.” Then, out of nowhere, I saw the Yankees were keeping Mike Tauchman on the Opening Day roster too, and things began to peel away from my very logical brain. How were the Yanks keeping three 1st basemen? Was everything fine with Luke Voit? Welp, turned out it wasn’t. The Yankees were watching a triple feature of Luke Skylimper; Luke Cool Hand, But Torn Meniscus and Luke Voit in Meniscus Cowboy. After disowning Angelina Jolie, Voit will be undergoing surgery on his torn meniscus in his knee, and will miss at least April and May. This puts the spotlight on Bruce to reclaim his Glory Days, when every speedball wasn’t thrown right by him. Whereas, Tauchman is interesting in AL-Only leagues, if he can get in the lineup. I’ve added neither to my 2021 fantasy baseball rankings, because they might only be platooning for six to eight weeks. In the top 20 1st basemen, I lowered Luke Voit, taking roughly 200 ABs off his projections. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Been a while since I gave you a roundup of news, so guess what? Here’s a roundup of news, or in the case of Josh Jung, a guy who I added to the rankings. First off, what Prospect Itch said previously, “The best Texas prospect since Gallo, Josh Jung brings full-field power, plate discipline, and a plus hit tool along with functional defense at the hot corner. I’m trying to acquire him in my 20-team OBP league and suggest anyone seeking potentially affordable third base help consider the same in their leagues. Speaking of affordable, anyone know a reasonably priced hitman to take out Grey?” Okay, that’s not cool. Hold on one second, are you telling me the Rangers have a decent prospect? I call BS. I thought the Rangers gave up after finally figuring out how to spell Saltalamacchia. Oh, I know, this is the Rangers just trying to sneak Michael Young back out at 3rd base, and spelling his name differently. Jung, you’re nothing but a Freud! Podcaster Ralph told me the other day, he thinks Jung is a 25-homer, 3-steal, .280 hitter. Not sure how much time Jung sees this year, but the draft season is still Jung! Sorry, hashtag never again. I added Josh Jung into my top 20 3rd basemen for 2021 fantasy baseball with the projections: 21/6/25/.272/1 in 170 ABs, but obviously those could go up if he breaks camp. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Call me nuts, but I don’t know about the Red Sox inviting Bryce Harper’s dad and Pete Alonso’s cousin to pitch for them. This doesn’t feel like it’s the smartest move. Oh, just thought of a great idea. For each home run a Red Sox pitcher gives up, whichever cardboard fan gets hit by the gopher ball, they have their mortgage paid off. John Henry prolly never do it because then his net worth might go from $2.6 billion to around $2.599 billion. So, yesterday the Home Run Derby began and ended with Adam Duvall (3-for-4, 5 RBIs) as he hit his 6th, 7th and 8th homer. “Duvall, you are my trusted adviser, and I will call you Constantinople.” “Cut…Okay, that was good, Marlon, but call him Tom and he’s your ‘consigliere.'” Also, in this game, Marcell Ozuna (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 12th homer, and 4th homer in two games. OZUNA love Fenway without fans. OZUNA say no more comment. So, for fantasy, these guys are both who they are, but the moral of this story is Red Sox pitching is the most sucky, and you should stream all hitters you can against them. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, here we are again friends.  Another injury article, another lead off for Aaron Judge.  Judge made it halfway through a single game off the IL before re-aggravating his calf injury last week and has been promptly put on the shelf again.  This time, it seems like the Yankees are going to take their time with their start outfielder to make sure they don’t run into any more setbacks.  At this point, everyone worth grabbing on this Yankees squad has been profiled already, but these are no longer fluke issues with this team.  Even upon the return of Stanton and Judge to the lineup, I’d hold onto Clint Frazier (who’s flashing some impressive leather lately) and Mike Tauchman as it’s only a matter of time until they hit lineups again.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Thinking about how I could’ve had Jose Abreu three rounds after Pete Alonso,” is what I tell the man in the plane after I say I want to parachute from the plane without a parachute. “You have anything that burns hotter than 500 degrees?” Is what I ask the grill store employee as I put charcoal briquettes down my pants as I watch Jose Abreu hit six homers in one series. “Just seeing if I can chew glass, that’s all,” which is what I say to Cougs as I bite into a water glass while thinking about El Grande Dolor hitting .322 and four home runs in a row from Saturday until Sunday. “No, I’m not cutting onions, I’m ripping my fingernails out,” which is what I say to my reflection when I think about how Jose Abreu has 11 homers and Pete Alonso hasn’t played in four days and was moved down the lineup for Dom Smith. How’s everyone else doing, that’s nice. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Today’s already short Thursday slate is further shortened by postponements. Plus, the pitching pickings are a little slim. You may need to pick your poison today on FanDuel: spend big on pitching, or punt pitching and concentrate on hitting. If you fancy the former option, I like (and will thus be starting) Yu Darvish ($9,600) for the match-up versus the Brewers. $9,600 is not a bad price for Streamonator’s current top pitching pick. He was great last time out versus the Royals, going 7.0 innings with only 1 earned run. Today he takes the mound in Milwaukee versus the Brewers, who are 23rd in MLB in batting average.  If you want to focus on hitting today, there are some nice stackable options as the Phillies look to beat up on Tom Eshelman at home.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s always hard to know if a major league manager is being sly or stupid. Guessing stupid gets you right at least 75% of the time, sly is 24%. This time Maddon might be in the 1%. Maddon seemed to indicate Jo Adell was nowhere on the radar. Was he being sly, stupid or the rare 1%? The 1% happens when someone is injured and a prospect just needs to be called up twisting the manager’s arm. Thankfully, it wasn’t Shohei Ohtani’s arm that was twisted; enough has happened to that. So, Jo Adell was called up, seemingly to replace Brian Goodwin (hopefully). Prospect Itch wrote about 1,000 words on Jo Adell at his Jo Adell fantasy (which included Luis Robert — hum-ma-na). I wrote a few Jo Adell preseason outlook posts — one last year, one during shutdown. If you’re the type who doesn’t want to look at long-form writing and prefers a quick, “Give me the Cliff Notes, dude. I ain’t got time for work.” Pick him up. Everywhere. He’s. So. Good. I’m Giving. Him. The. One. Sentence. Treatment. For. Emphasis. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dubbed “Opening Day 2.0,” yesterday was quite weird. We had two star players scratched just hours before their games and baseball played in front of cardboard cutout fans with pretend crowd noise. Not to mention a five-and-a-third inning rain shortened affair where both starters logged complete games. Fortunately, we’ve got 28 teams in action on FanDuel Friday, so it’s time for Opening Day 2.0… again! Maybe this time around will be a bit less wonky.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?