Alex Wood looked solid as oak in his second start of the year since coming off the IL with back issues and pitched six and two thirds innings allowing just four hits and two earned runs while walking one and striking out five to notch his first win the year. Welcome back, Alex! Also, me. For those of you who follow my career closely (hi mom), I missed a few weeks there due to some mandatory volunteer work aboard the Sea Org. Turns out I’m starting the third level of my bridge in the church of Scientology and they recommended a full disconnect from fantasy baseball. But I’m back and stronger than ever before. My thetans have never been clearer and I’m pretty sure I can tell players to homer with my mind now. That’s right I told Mike Trout to do that. But back to Alex Wood! After an underwhelming debut versus Colorado last week (4.2, 7 hits, 2 ER, BB, 4 K), Wood returned looking like the pitcher the Reds have waited four months for with the 6.2 inning gem against his former team. Revenge game! Wood must have had an axe to grind. Outside of a couple solo homers surrendered, Alex limited the damage in a tough road assignment against one of the leagues best offensive teams. I’m buying Wood! It’s cherry, you guys! Is that enough wood puns for you, or wood you like more? Oak-key dokey, Alex gets the Cubs next week and I’d go out on a limb and pick up Wood if he’s still available!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Scott Oberg – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, SV (4). Most important new first, Wade Davis lost his job and Oberg is the guy now. He’s got a 1.56 ERA, 1.06 WHIP and 54/21 K/BB and of all the trash bag barely-closers in this post Oberg is your best bet and it’s not close. If you need saves you need grab him immediately if he’s available, then you can come back and read the rest of this. Or not. I already got your page view.

James Paxton – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 6 K, 6th win. Member when he gave up 7 ER and four home runs to Boston last week? Apparently, he doesn’t either.

Eduardo Rodriguez – 6.2 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 6 BB, 8 K. Gave up a grand slam to Gleyber Torres in the first inning and the Red Sux could not recover losing their fifth in a row. Random tangent that’s not really random or tangential, can’t blame the bullpen for this one! And Ed-Rod went pretty deep in this game, too, where is the offense? Outside of J.D. Martinez’s 24th homer, the Sawx did nothing. Dombroski could trade for all the mediocre relievers out there its not going to make Mookie hit like the MVP again or Porcello stop giving up home runs. I hate so much the things you choose to be, Red Sox.

Gleyber Torres – 1-for-3, Grand Slam HR (21). Slashing .288/.355/.505 with 21 homers. How many shortstops would you rather own over Gleyber? Are you sure?

Nathan Eovaldi – 1.0 IP K. Do I think Eovaldi can be a great closer? No. But I don’t think it matters if JD/Mookie/Devers/Benny/Xander hit beisbols like they are all capable.

Nick Castellanos – 1-for-5. He like-a the sauce! Chicago style! Helios! Get some sauce for da man!

Javiar Baez – 3-for-5, HR (26), SB (9). OK, I’ll take Baez over Gleyber, yes.

Freddy Galvis – 3-for-4, HR (17), 2 RBI. I’ve been away for a while, I know, but Freddy Galvis is still raking and still unowned. Some things never change! Now, Galvis vs. Gleyber? The blind stats are closer than you think!

Derek Law – 2.0 IP, 2 BB, K, SV (1). Justin Shafer left mid-game with a sickness (probably from watching the Orioles/Blue Jays pitch) leaving the save opportunity wide open for D-Law. But Shafer is still the BUY and will probs still get the next chance.

Chris Davis – 1-for-3, HR (9). CHRIS THE DISH! HIS 250th HOME RUN! HOW SAD IS THIS!?

Mike Clevinger – 6.1 IP, 3 hits, ER, 4 BB, 8 K, 6th win. Diggin’ the stats, Mike. The Ks, the win, it’s all fan-tastic, but if you could tweet something mildly offensive or say something to just-so-slightly piss off all your teammates it would really go a long way in filling the Trevor Bauer void.

Dillion Peters – 7.2 IP, 8 hits, 3 ER, 5 K. Taylor Cole – 0.1 IP, 4 hits, 4 ER, BB, K. No fantasy relevance here, really, just wanted to mention Peters 7.2 inning relief appearance because damn son was doing work. It is a thankless job so, ya, uh, don’t expect a thank you or anything.

Oscar Mercado – 2-for-4, 2 runs. He was a BUY. Like, somanytimes. This Injians offense got me all HYPE like a new Drake mix tape! You got your Oscars and your Lindors setting the table for the beasts Franmil and Yasiel Puig (2-for-4, run, RBI). Seriosuly, impressive turning one of the most yawnstipating offenses in league into one of the most bad ass line up over night.

Mike Trout – 2-for-4, HR (36). I don’t know who this guy is, but he’s caught up to Yelich and Bellinger and he has 14 homers in the past 22 games. Might be worth keeping an eye on.

Steven Matz – 3.2 IP, 6 hits, 5 ER, BB, 4 K. He shut this same team out last week in the complete game. Maybe if I wish hard enough he’ll actually show some consistency. Or I can will it to happen with my Scientology powers. That’s how I got Natalie Portman cast as the next Thor. Either that or someone has been reading my dream journals. Sexy Thor’s aside, Matz gets the Marlins next week so I guess I’m holding.

Starling Marte – 2-for-5, HR (19), 3 RBI. Meanwhile, Josh Bell hasn’t homered since July 5th. If you’re suggesting that Marte is “stealing” all of Bell’s home run power using some sort of magic power-draining ball a la space jam I am 100% on board with that theory.

Joey Votto – 2-for-3, HR (11), 3 RBI. He’s got three homers in his past 10 games which some are attributing to a new approach at the plate. Better late than two years ago?

Ronald Acuña, Jr. – 1-for-4, HR (26). The solo shot from Alt-164! I knew you wouldn’t 0-for-4 me. Alt-3.

Wade Miley – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 5 BB, 6 K. Everything the Astros touch turns to gold. Even Wade Miley is a stud now. He carried a no-hitter through five in this one. To be fair, this Seattle team is softer than the new Chance the Rapper album. Nothing says street cred like having Death Cab on your track.

Daniel Vogelbach – 1-for-4, HR (26), 2 RBI. If these were the players I’d have to look forward to next year, I’d ask my baseball franchise to move to Oklahoma City, too. Seriously, Mariners, what are you thinking.

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-3, HR (13). Jose Altuve, Carlos Correa, Jake Marisnick, Aledmys Diaz and Martin Maldonado also homered and George Springer added 4 hits. Because Astros being Blastro’ing.

Yusei Kikuchi – 4.0 IP, 9 hits, 6 ER, K. I mean…woof. Let’s focus on the positive. He DIDN’T give up a home run to several key guys on the team. Like Brantley and Bregman. That is something.

Lance Lynn– 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 10 K, 14th win. Lynn has got to be the season’s biggest shocker for me. Especially in a season where players are jacking baseballs like they’re racket balls Lynn notches his 16th QS. I know the ratios (3.71 ERA, 1.20 WHIP) aren’t elite but that 170/35 K/BB is Ace level stuff people! I drafted Blake Snell! Why is this happening to me!

Jose Leclerc – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, SV (6). BUY. So Leclerc finally got another chance at closing with Jesse Chavez (1.0 IP 3 hits, ER) setting him up and oh boy did he look awful. Yes, he almost blew a three run lead and yes he threw a wild pitch at a crucial moment. That doesn’t mean he won’t get the next chance though! They literally don’t have anyone else!

Nelson Cruz – 3-for-4, HR (27), 5 RBI. That’s his 11th home run since the All Star Break. That was like 20 days ago if you’re like me and you’ve lost all concept of time.

Cam Gallagher – 2-for-4, HR (3). Smashed that one like a watermelon! Cuz Gallagher!? Get it?

David Dahl – Left the game with a sprained ankle, but it looked worse than it is. Likely headed for the DL so they’ll be no excuse not to play…

Ryan McMahon – 3-for-4, HR (12). Ryan’s batting .368 in the past week with a home run! He also may have fallen into some everyday playing time depending on how serious Dahl’s injury is? Stay tuned!

Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-4, HR (10), 2 RBI. I don’t care who you are, if you are related to Yaz, I already love you.

Alex Young – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 9 K. Doesn’t have overpowering stuff and the Ks last night were surprise but Young put together one of his better starts of the season last night and his ratios hold at an impressive 2.60 ERA and 0.87 WHIP. Add to that, he was the only D-Back to get a hit, which says more about how sad this Arizona line up is. He’s got a scary match up with the Phillies next week if you’re feeling adventurous.

Joe Ross – 5.1 IP, 0 ER, 5 BB, 3 K. Joe combined with the bullpen to one-hit the D-Backs. He’s rockin’ a 8.10 ERA, 1.93 WHIP on the year so pick him up if you hate yourself.

Juan Soto – 1-for-4, HR (21). Childish Bambino just can’t wait to be King!

Jason Vargas – 6.1 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, BB, 5 K. His first win with the Phillies. Philadelphia sure knows how to add that veteran presence in their trades, but if I recall these trades work out for about 3 weeks before completely back firing on them. Looking at you Jay Bruce. Still injured?

Ivan Nova – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Super Nova put together his third straight solid outing and was a popular name at the trading deadline. He gets a cushy Detroit match up next week. I am considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially streaming him. I don’t know though.

Roman Quinn – 3-for-5, HR (3), 2 SB (6). Have a day, young man! Sweet Sassy Molassy! Roman dropping the slam and legs extra legs, with a side of two shaky relief innings in extras (2.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 3 BB). Overall, might be one of the best overall games to have no fantasy contribution whatsoever of the season. Well, done Dr. Quinn!

Greg Holland – 1.0 IP, K. Just in case you added Archie Bradley with confidence. Holland pitched a clean ninth (down 3-0) to make you unsure of your life decisions. Sleep on that!

Jose Abreu – 2-for-6, HR (23), 3 RBI. Hit the game winning single in the 15th inning which I was definitely still awake for and definitely not passed out on my couch from drinking too much orange bud light. What!? I thought it was cough medicine.

Wil Myers – 3-for-5, run, RBI. With Franmil Reyes out of the picture, Wil “I Passed the Other L to the Player on My Left” Myers gets another chance to fulfill that post-post-post-post hype we’ve all been wishing he’d fulfill. Tbqhwy <—new fav acronym, Myers could have used the change of scenery more than Franmil but we got what we gots. He’s hitting over .400 in the past week with a dinger, and sure I’d grab him if he’s available anywhere you need post-post-post hype fulfilled.

Cody Bellinger – 1-for-4, HR (36). He finally caught up to Mike Trout!

Dustin May – 5.2 IP, 9 hits, 3 ER, 0 BB, 3 K. San Diego seeing red! Well, maybe too well. Regardless, not a bad debut for May! Remember, folks, this is not just a Dodgers prospect, this is a gloriously ginger-maned Dodgers prospect. For real, this dude makes Justin Turner jealous. He’s been compared to Syndergaard (Gingergaard) not just because of the hair but because he’s got lightning stuff a la Thor and there were certainly flashes of this Friday night. He didn’t walk a batter and the sinker topped out at 98 mph. Yep, that’s all I needed to hear to trigger my newest infatuation. Dustin May be able to help your team down the stretch and I’d add him everywhere I could based on the upside and the hair alone. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!

  1. Norman Ginsberg says:
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    Please rank – Oberg (your highlight); Jimenez (trash-bag barely closer?); or Hendrik (can’t believe he’s closing over Treinan). Thanks.

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      oberg, hendrick, jiminez

  2. Grey

    Grey says:
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    Mr. Pants! Good to see and your culottes…

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      thanks! capris for the summer months!

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Damn, now I’m ashen

  3. Spicy Pete says:
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    Who do you like in this keeper league trade – Alonso @ $11 or Adell @ $5? $ values increase every season by 25%

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      alonso

  4. BB says:
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    Don’t really see the connection between Dahl’s OF injury and McMahon’s playing time at 2B – and McMahon has started 22 of the last 25 games since July anyway.

    • jim bob curry says:
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      McMahon could move up in the batting order.

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      was just speaking to mcmahon’s struggle to get consistent playing time earlier this year

  5. Chud says:
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    Welcome back!

    Which Ranger do u like more ROS?

    Pence or Calhoun?

    Thanks

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      pence

  6. Tony C says:
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    Franmil or Wil Myers for ROS?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      franmil

  7. Justin says:
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    Alex Wood or Dustin May for ROS?
    And will Justin Upton turn it around or is he droppable?

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      wood

  8. Hepcat13 says:
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    Safe to drop Matt Olson for Bo Bichett and streaming bats for ROS?

    keep waiting for him to get hot in roto 12 team, 5×5 Yahoo

    I have Santana, Rizzo, and Sano @ 1st and Machado, Turner, Mondessi @ SS

    Thanks!

    • Dan Pants

      Dan Pants says:
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      grab bichette

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