The Conforto Inferno Is En Fuego

August 8, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 315 Comments

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Yesterday, Michael Conforto went 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer, and, like, his 43rd homer in the last month (9 homers since the break). Men, dudes, bros, youse, five lady readers, Goofusses and Gallants, Cousin Sweatpants, my peeps from another Easter basket! Conforto gets scorching hot for these month-long stretches that makes you think he could put it together for a whole year one of these days, um, years. He’s the third Met player in history with 100+ homers before the age of 27. The other two are Darryl Strawberry and David Wright. The three of them all stayed at a Howard Johnson in the offseason. HoJo puts on a team-building seminar on his back patio and provides snacks, and Lenny Dykstra works the valet. Conforto’s in-Confort-ible! *screams for 10 minutes* Okay. I’m back. If you look at Conforto’s peripherals he really is more this post-All-Star break hitter, and less the one that struggled for the previous six weeks prior to this. Hopefully, Conforto stays in-Conforto-ible for the rest of this year and into 2020. I can see it now! (Only another 18 months of bad 2020 puns.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wood Solid, Nails Down First Win

by: Dan Pants

Alex Wood looked solid as oak in his second start of the year since coming off the IL with back issues and pitched six and two thirds innings allowing just four hits and two earned runs while walking one and striking out five to notch his first win the year. Welcome back, Alex! Also, me. For those of you who follow my career closely (hi mom), I missed a few weeks there due to some mandatory volunteer work aboard the Sea Org. Turns out I’m starting the third level of my bridge in the church of Scientology and they recommended a full disconnect from fantasy baseball. But I’m back and stronger than ever before. My thetans have never been clearer and I’m pretty sure I can tell players to homer with my mind now. That’s right I told Mike Trout to do that. But back to Alex Wood! After an underwhelming debut versus Colorado last week (4.2, 7 hits, 2 ER, BB, 4 K), Wood returned looking like the pitcher the Reds have waited four months for with the 6.2 inning gem against his former team. Revenge game! Wood must have had an axe to grind. Outside of a couple solo homers surrendered, Alex limited the damage in a tough road assignment against one of the leagues best offensive teams. I’m buying Wood! It’s cherry, you guys! Is that enough wood puns for you, or wood you like more? Oak-key dokey, Alex gets the Cubs next week and I’d go out on a limb and pick up Wood if he’s still available!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy Baseball Podcast: Grey Albright, Alone In The Desert

July 30, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball, All Podcasts, Razzball Podcast | 10 Comments

by: Geoff

Grey is alone in the desert, well that’s not true. He’s there with Ted his faithful, yet hateful pooch, and a few thousand virtual friends. To give the Fantasy Master Lothario some reprieve from his isolation, we hopped onto a podcast and talked about some of the last week in fantasy baseball. Granted that happens every week, but it means a little more now. This man needs us, he needs to talk about Marcus Stroman, the desert heat, Bo Bichette, and going to the movies just for the A/C. Show the man some love and lend your listening ears. Or you can just listen and laugh at him, that works too.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Phillies Answer Question: Who Would The Mets Trade In Their Own Division?

July 30, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 342 Comments

by: Grey

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Yesterday, Jason Vargas was traded to the Phillies. Good luck, Phillies reporters! Vargas will be the 1st player to throw batteries back at fans. “What’s with that stupid grin?” Rhys Hoskins pulls Vargas by the arm, “Hey, Vargy, that’s, uh, the Phanatic. His expression doesn’t change.” “I’ll knock that smirk off his face!” So, Vargas now becomes the ace of the Phillies’ staff, which means he’s a league-average starter. I keed. A little. Aaron Nola is good, just not this year. Since Vargas doesn’t even change divisions, his value stays pretty level, except Citizens Flank is a worse park than Metco, so there’s a slight tick down, if anything. How about this trading deadline so far? Huh? It’s almost as good as the Winter Hot Stove. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Three’s Canompany

July 24, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 358 Comments

by: Grey

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Yesterday, Robinson Cano went 4-for-4, 5 RBIs and became the oldest 2nd baseman to ever hit three homers in a game (and he still has 4+ years on his contract!), hitting his 7th, 8th and 9th homers, and nearly had a fourth homer, but pulled it fowl (Mets sold the rights to their foul poles to Chick-Fil-A; don’t ask). Kill me now:

Seriously, lay me down on the hot pavement and let Tawny Kitaen stomp my genitals like I’m Chuck Finley. The awfulness of owning Robinson Cano coupled with actually owning him for a three-homer game while he’s on my bench is too much to bear. Sprinkle Doritos dust on my head, put me in an office chair, and roll me towards Billy Butler, then run the other way so you spare yourself. He was going against Chris Paddack (5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.84) — my baby boo! — how could I start Cano? How? *screaming in the rain, shaking fists at the heavens* How?! So Cano hasn’t been good, but maybe this is the turnaround he needs. More than likely, I’ll now put him in my lineup for an 0-for-45 stretch. HOW?! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy Baseball Streamers, Week 16: Ride the Wave

July 21, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Streamers | 6 Comments

by: The Real Joey Bart

This is one of those rare articles where I’ll be writing up more two-start streamers than one-start streams. With that said, there are so many pitchers that I love for this week, that I’ll provide an additional list of one-start streamers that intrigue me. It’s crazy to say this but we’re actually at a pivotal point of the season. We’re past the 100-game mark by the time you’re reading this and we have the trade deadline coming next week too. That means a lot of these rotations could change and it’ll be key to keep an eye on that for the next 10 days.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Marlins Can’t Find A Light In The Paddack

July 18, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 270 Comments

by: Grey

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The Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball says that if I put a baseball card of a player I own in a Dreamcatcher and put the Dreamcatcher under my pillow while I’m sleeping then *gulps* then the Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball will come in the middle of the night and give my player a Quality Start. So…*bashfully looks down*..I put Chris Paddack‘s baseball card under my pillow and I’VE BEEN A GOOD BOY! Holy Hayzeus Lazarus and Pontius, Inventor of Pilates, I had a good start! Yesterday, Chris Paddack went 7 2/3 IP, 1 hit, 1 walk, 1 ER and 8 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.70. Please throw 170 more innings this year! “Don’t be greedy,” interrupts Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball. “Hey, Magic Genie of Fantasy Baseball, you sound like a spot remover.” “Just for that, I’m pushing Marquez back so he starts at Coors next! Muahahaha!” So, Paddack had a great start, which tacks onto his season of more-than-we-could’ve-hoped-for. He currently ranks 25th for xFIP; 23rd for K/9 and 13th for walk rate. And he’s in Petco for his home starts! Happy to be the Mohel at his Star Mitzvah. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let The Gurriel Hit You Where The Good Lourdes Split You

June 27, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 462 Comments

by: Grey

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Yesterday, Lourdes Gurriel Jr. went 3-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .304. Lourdes Gurriel Jr. is the greatest living hitter, and I’m not living in a hyperbolic chamber, while dining out on superlatives to describe how hot Gurriel’s been since he returned from the minors. On our 30-day Player Rater, he’s a near-top 10 hitter over the last month. His father, Yuli Gurriel, calls his son every day and asks him how he does it and LouGu Jay R is just like, “Father, I cannot explain my success with the white ball.” And Yuli’s like, “Careful with the coded language because I learned the hard way people don’t like racism. Who knew?” LouGu Jay R may simply be a hot bat, but there’s something to be said for a guy who has been hot the entire time he’s returned from the minors. Maybe this is LouGu’s floor vs. ceiling. At least one Junior is impressing on the Jays. “I got a better butt.” That’s Vlad Jr. modeling in front of a mirror for ESPN’s Nude Magazine. However, the song Vlad Jr. sings to his reflection is apt, “Gurriel, you knows it’s true.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Archer Quivers As Braves Take Multiple Bows

June 12, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 574 Comments

by: Grey

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Chris Archer (6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.73) allowed four homers to the first five hitters he faced in the 2nd inning. The only way things could look worse for Chris Archer and, specifically the Pirates, is if Austin Meadows hit all four homers wearing different colored sombreros. “Hola! I am Austin Prairieritto!” “Hola! I am Tijuana Meadows!” “Hola! I am Roberto Hernandez!” “Hola! Imagine my exclamation marks are in the front of my sentences but upside down!” Okay, I’m Daffy like a duck talking about a Spanish Meadows when it was the Braves who mollywhopped Archer. A Spanish Robert Loggia, “Archer is a pitcher that don’t throw straight.” As I said yesterday, it’s not whether the record of four straight hitters with a home run is going to fall this year, it’s only how soon and with how many homers total. 8 straight hitters with a homer? 9? 12? Yesterday, Brian McCann (2-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 4th and 5th homer, going Yardo Montalban hitting them where da plane da plane goes. Josh Donaldson (1-for-4) hit his 9th homer, managing to control his Hulk-smash anger until the appropriate time — at the DMV. Nick Markakis (1-for-2, 2 runs) hit his 6th homer for his 2nd Sparkakis in two days, and Ozzie Albies (1-for-3, hitting .270) hit his 10th homer, 3rd in two games. ProContractsAreWhatWeKnow dot com said Albies earned $17.87 between homers. Albies looks like he’s come out of his May funk, but he still has no place to move up in the lineup. Well, maybe he can replace Austin Riley, whose average has dropped eighty points in a week. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

My Kimbrel Town Chicago Is

June 6, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 422 Comments

by: Grey

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Handed down through the generations from Hammurabi to Hammurabi was a code of SAGNOF. It read, “Yo, Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be?! Don’t pay for saves, dem shizzes are free on waivers.” It read a bit like a text message, tee bee aitch. But that was the code as written. Cut to 14,000 years later, and I received this code in a dream after ingesting a massive amount of peyote. I would’ve discarded it like the iguana I also received, but there was something to this code, and from that day forward I forbade myself from paying a lot for saves. Then March came and Craig Kimbrel was falling and I was like, “Ain’t ever gonna get a price like this again!” and drafted him, and not listening to Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be really effed me. Thankfully, my long national nightmare is over and Craig Kimbrel signed with the Cubs. Does this negate all the leagues where I have Pedro Strop? *Lisa Simpson grumble* Yes, appizzarently, it does. I’d imagine Kimbrel will need at least two to three weeks of minor league games to get up to snuff, but closers can get stretched quicker than starters, obvi. I wouldn’t drop Strop until I saw a Kimbrel save, but he’s coming back. Finally. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dahl Finally Has A Giant Peach Of A Game

May 31, 2019 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 400 Comments

by: Grey

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Since the season started, us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) have been listening for one distinctive sound. The sound of TSSST. The sound of TSSST is not a snake with a lisp. That would be pfft. No, no, the sound of TSSST is the sound of a Coors being opened in the summer. A soft sizzle sound. Yesterday, we heard our first TSSST of Coors. Pitchers pitchslapping pitchers; hitters hitting bloop singles because everyone needs to defend against the double; ten lords of leaping onto home plate for both teams. This is why I keep saying buy David Dahl (4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer); buy Trevor Story (4-for-6, 3 runs); buy Daniel Murphy (3-for-5, 1 run, 3 RBIs); by Ryan McMahon (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer) is hopefully Brendan Rodgers (0-for-1). If baseball is bizzonkers for home runs this year, and it is, can you imagine what Coors is going to be like? Every visitor is going to have a great day, whether it’s Christian Walker (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer) or Eduardo Escobar (2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer) like yesterday. Though, I still wish The Grand Cronyon was in the lineup hitting them to Boulder! (By the way, seeing a box score with Walker and McMahon both having HRs as a multiple owner of Cron/Rodgers is like seeing a picture of two guys high-fiving while treating a loved one like a Chinese finger trap.) More on Kevin Cron in this afternoon’s Buy column because my favorite movie is Die Hard With Old Habits. Speaking of buys (can you believe the smoothness of these segues?), buy all hitters in Coors. Not even Daniel Murphy, but especially Daniel Murphy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

FanDuel: The Wild Horse

April 2, 2019 | 2019 Fantasy Baseball, DFS, Fanduel |

by: TroyKlauder

It feels like the Yasiel Puig hype has already died down, as his price is falling on FanDuel. After an offseason that saw his NFBC ADP rise to 57 by mid-March, Puig’s price is down to just $3,000 on FanDuel. But does his price deserve to be so low after only three games? Puig is coming off of a season with an elite 150 wRC+ against right-handed pitching, and is batting third in a strong Reds lineup. He’s in a fantastic hitter’s park in Cincinnati and gets a great matchup against Jhoulys Chacin, who posted a poor 4.51 Deserved Run Average in 2018. If Puig was coming off of a random 1-for-11 streak in the middle of June nobody would bat an eye, so why do we care now? The Wild Horse is one of the best bets you can make on Tuesday.

Please, blog, may I have some more?