Since the season started, us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) have been listening for one distinctive sound.  The sound of TSSST.  The sound of TSSST is not a snake with a lisp.  That would be pfft.  No, no, the sound of TSSST is the sound of a Coors being opened in the summer.  A soft sizzle sound.  Yesterday, we heard our first TSSST of Coors.  Pitchers pitchslapping pitchers; hitters hitting bloop singles because everyone needs to defend against the double; ten lords of leaping onto home plate for both teams.  This is why I keep saying buy David Dahl (4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer); buy Trevor Story (4-for-6, 3 runs); buy Daniel Murphy (3-for-5, 1 run, 3 RBIs); by Ryan McMahon (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer) is hopefully Brendan Rodgers (0-for-1).  If baseball is bizzonkers for home runs this year, and it is, can you imagine what Coors is going to be like?  Every visitor is going to have a great day, whether it’s Christian Walker (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer) or Eduardo Escobar (2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer) like yesterday.  Though, I still wish The Grand Cronyon was in the lineup hitting them to Boulder!  (By the way, seeing a box score with Walker and McMahon both having HRs as a multiple owner of Cron/Rodgers is like seeing a picture of two guys high-fiving while treating a loved one like a Chinese finger trap.)  More on Kevin Cron in this afternoon’s Buy column because my favorite movie is Die Hard With Old Habits.  Speaking of buys (can you believe the smoothness of these segues?), buy all hitters in Coors.  Not even Daniel Murphy, but especially Daniel Murphy.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Shohei Ohtani – Didn’t start vs. Kikuchi, because Ausmus is a complete jackass.  Not saying you have to do fan service for fan service’s sake, but hundreds of Japanese media fly in, people in Japan making it appointment TV, and Ausmus starts Jonathan Lucroy at DH just because he felt like it.  Not like the Angels or Mariners are real contenders.  Why not do the fan service thing here unless you are a legit moron, which I think applies for Ausmus.

Cesar Puello – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and now I have to actually look at him.  Damn, Latino Chicken Caesar is old for having less than 20 games experience in the majors.  He looks like a Quad-A player with some power and speed and no everyday job.  I guess maybe La Stella sneezed on him.  Think Latino Chicken Caesar is going to be most famous for the exchange, “Are you wearing a toga?”  “No, it’s a wrap!”

Yusei Kikuchi – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.43.  After his last awful start, someone said he was tipping his pitches.  I hope it was the requisite 18%!  On the reals, you can’t start him again until he shows he’s fixed the issue.

Tim Beckham – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games, hitting .259.  Of course, he’s better than J.P. Crawford!  Why is this so obvious to me and not to a major league team?  Major League Team, “He also booted a grounder.”  Oh, shut up, Major League Team!  I’d grab Beckham if I needed power from MI.

Tyler Beede – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (3 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 7.82, as he was recalled vs. Sandy Alcantara – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 4.08.  With the Giants and Marlins squaring off, this matchup was billed as, “First team to one wins.”

Travis Shaw – Will rejoin the Brewers next week. To reduce risk of a heart attack, start to get frustrated now that a .160-hitting guy is replacing Hiura in the order and hitting higher than he ever hit.

Mike Moustakas – 4-for-6, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .269.  The most moistest of Moistasskisses!

Yasmani Grandal – 4-for-6 and his 12th homer and a triple short of the cycle, i.e., a catcher’s cycle with apologies to John Buck.

Joe Musgrove – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.57.  “Why does it feel like my eyes are being cleaned with bleach?”  “It’s blech, same difference.”  C**nt Hurdle should shove his whole hand up Ray Searage’s ass and move his lips to say, “Forget pitching to contact, strikeout some guys.”  Ya know what’s the greatest thing any Pirates’ starter has ever heard?  You’re being traded.

Colin Moran – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 6th homer (more than Dahl — ha!), hitting .264, and this was his 2nd homer in as many games.  Moran won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he does appear to be a risin’ schmotato.

Carlos Carrasco – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.98.  Everyone in the preseason, “The Indians will make the playoffs, but only due to their pitching.”  HA!  *signs up for flying lessons, cancels lessons when remembers scared of heights, goes to 17 years of counseling for fear of heights, then takes flying lessons again, conquers fear of flying and heights* Flight instructor, “You never told me why for the last 17 years you were so dedicated to flying.”  As I lift my Snoopy flight goggles, “I want to fly a plane into my computer showing my fantasy team where I owned Carrasco 17 years ago.”  I know no one wants to hear this (!), but his peripherals look great and he could be a buy low. *dodges tomato* Sorry!

Yonder Alonso – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .180.  Is he trying to make Manny Machado feel better at the family Thanksgiving?

Jose Abreu – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .255, and 2nd homer in as many games.  I like his new “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” attitude towards launch angling. I also like gerund’ing it.  By the way, why the eff doesn’t gerund have an -ing form?  I’m gerunding!

Adalberto Mondesi – 3-for-3, 2 runs and his 6th homer, hitting .287.  On pace for 100/17/52/122/.280.  I won’t even bother listing the 45 or so names that were drafted before him that everyone in the preseason was so much more excited about, because Mondesi doesn’t take a walk, which isn’t even a category in most of their leagues.

Jorge Soler – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .245, and this was his 2nd homer in as many games.  Hey, no complaints, but, if I were to make a tiny complaint, cut your Ks a little.

Jake Junis – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.35.  Streamonator loves his next start, which is slightly crazy to me because it’s vs. the Sawx. His peripherals aren’t sneaking up on anyone like a Junis might imply.

Shin-Soo Choo – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .299. The Seoul Train awards his owners with H.R. Volume 10.

Nomar Mazara – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer, hitting .267, and his 2nd homer in the last three games.  If he was dropped, well, okay, but he is starting to feel like a poor man’s Soler.  I will call him, Light Bulb.

Jason Vargas – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.46.  He’s pitching better than Syndergaard.  Fantasy baseball:  When everyday stress isn’t enough.

Hyun-Jin Ryu – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.48.  I’d take a bet that Ryu ends the year with an ERA below 2.50, which in today’s game is like a sub-zero ERA.

Jerad Eickhoff – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.10.  MLB teams are making it their personal mission to hassle the ‘hoff.

Dakota Hudson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.94.  Dakota’s peripherals are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen in my life and I’ve googled “Blue Waffle” before in my life.  Don’t you google it, if you don’t know what it is.  Seriously!  This is making you want to google it more, isn’t it?  Hashtag Resist!

Matt Wieters – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. His time behind the plate will be short, because Yadier Molina should return shortly, i.e., you can’t keep a Molina away from a plate.

Jedd Gyorko – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer.  Funnily enough (not funnily enough), for some stats I needed for the Buy/Sell coming later this afternoon, I saw Gyorko was averaging the longest distance on homers this year.  Excuse me, longest distance on a home run.  At the time, he only had one.  Gyorko, have the decency to fade away like Josh Rutledge.  By the way (and you thought I couldn’t find 500 words to talk about with Gyorko), if Josh Rutledge has a Google Alert of his name set up, his last five years have all been alerts from Razzball.  With that said, I hope you’re doing well, Josh.  Bed, Bath and Beyond made a great choice by putting you in the sleepers’ section.

Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4 and his 16th homer, hitting .241. OZUNA wait for his pitch.  OZUNA mime taking number at deli counter when entering batter’s box.

Martin Perez – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.71.  Here’s my Martin Perez impersonation, “Everyone’s saying I turned a corner!  This is fun!  Watch as I turn another corner back to where I was!  Wheeeee!”  I have no faith in Perez now, and haven’t been that M. Perez’d by him.  He’s better than he was going into this year?  Yes.  Now he’s great?  No.

Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.54. I don’t own Morton. I do wish I owned Morton.  *twitches nose, Morton doesn’t magically appear on my team* Bewitched sold me a bill of goods!

Avisail Garcia – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .301, hitting near-.350 in the last week with bizzonkers of donkers.  I’m not sure if he’s owned in 50% of leagues, which is why he’s not in this afternoon’s Buy, but he should be, if he’s not.  Also, Son just gave you his Avisail Garcia fantasy.

Austin Meadows – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs, hitting .361. Rays scored 14 runs yesterday, and the only home run was Ji-Man Choi (1-for-2, 2 RBIs, 5th homer) as he replaced a gimpy Pham (2-for-2).  Excuse me, while I bask in my Meadows preseason sleeper, using it as tinfoil to reflect sun back on my face.  *looks in mirror after tanning* Okay, who wrote ‘Daniel Palka sleeper’ in suntan lotion on my face?

 
  1. Charlie says:
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    Pederson, Robles or Garcia?

    • Lincecuminmypants says:
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      Can I add Soler, Renfroe and Puig to this list?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Robles

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  2. Yes says:
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    Grey!

    Gr8 stuff m8, I r8 8/8

    I love lamp, do you?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks!

  3. Gary Z says:
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    What’s up Grey & DT!?
    Hunter Dozier is seemingly headed to the IL. I have 29/100 pickups used, with all my bench sticks on the IL, is it wise to use a transaction to replace Dozier? I have Voit & Vogelbach in utility spots, so I could pick up anyone at any position and move one of these guys in Doziers spot @ 1B.

    Christian Walker , David Fletcher, Matt Olson & Mallex Smith are a few names available…or do I hold onto my transactions?

    Thanks in advance & great write up as always!! Wished I would have reached for Mondesi, he’s a beast!!

    • Cram It says:
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      Do you not know if you’d rather have the empty bench spot or use one of your moves?

      • Gary Z says:
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        Hey Cram-

        Asking if I should leave a utility spot open since I have limited transactions or is it worth picking someone up.

        It might help to know this is a H2H 8×8 category league. R,HR,RBI,TB,K, SB,AVG,OPS
        I do have Dee Gordon, Correa on IL , you guys think I should wait it out or can i not afford to be without stats from one active position.

        Hopefully I clarified a bit?

        • Cram It says:
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          Oh. You shouldn’t be having an open lineup spot.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Olson unless you need steals, then Mallex

      • Gary Z says:
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        Thanks DT!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

      • Gary Z says:
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        Thanks Grey! Have a good weekend!!!

        -g

  4. Jeremy Burke says:
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    Just saw Dback are bringing up Duplantier to start against the Mets today. Any way he sticks? He worthy of a speculative add in 10 or 12 team mixed leagues?
    Thanks

    • Cram It says:
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      No

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      He could stick with Weaver out. I think he’s worth 12 team consideration if you have larger benches…the upside is there.

      • Jeremy Burke says:
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        Gotcha. Thanks Cram and DT.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’d stream him for now

  5. Prog Nation says:
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    In need of a streamer today, if any. Who to start?

    Maeda vs Phillies
    Lucchesi vs Marlins
    Miles vs Cubs
    Duffy vs Rangers
    Chacin vs Pirates

    Leaning toward either Lucchesi, Miles, or Chacin based on history. Currently, beating my opponent in all pitching categories, except K’s.

    Thanks and have a Greyt Friday.

    • Jeremy Burke says:
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      Streamonator loves Luchessi today.

      • Cram It says:
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        Seems like the sensible choice.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Lucchesi

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with others

      Thanks! You too!

  6. toolshed says:
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    Ray Searage used to be a good pitching coach for broken players but he has hurt / stalmied the growth of good pitchers. He is old school and stubborn and refuses to change his approach as players have changed their launch angle and swing for the fences. He preaches pitch to contact and use the fast ball more and use the slider less. Look at the k rate of some recent pitchers skyrocket after they left Pit: Cole, Morton, Glasnow. I am convinced Tallion will become an ace and probably win a Cy Young as soon as he leaves Pit. And they trade for archer whose best pitch is the slider and he is throwing it less and getting hammered. Btw, that archer for glasnow and meadows trade is looking pretty ugly for pittsburgh.

    • toolshed says:
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      Coles average k/9 for pit was 8. He is now at 14.1. That’s embarassing.

      Mortons best k/9 with pit was 7.2. He’s now at 11.5

      Glasnow was a hair above 8 k/9 with pit and is now 10.2.

      Archer went from 10.5 -11 to 8.8 k/9 with pit.

      Taillion may be the most talented pitcher that searage has had and his k rate is 7.2 this year.

      What does Searage have to do to get fired?

    • Shoegum Reynolds says:
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      The most insane part of Searage continually preaching pitch-to-contact is that the Bucs infield defense has been absolutely abysmal for a long time. How do the people who allowed this to continue not get fired?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I don’t disagree

      • kilkennybrian says:
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        This is a great point. Musgrove has fallen to shit too, as has his K rate.0

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah

    • Huffin Gas says:
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      This is a direct quote from a local Pittsburgh sports reporter that asked Searage earlier in May about Glasnow’s success since leaving the Pirates. I did not alter this line: “He was a young, green kid and there’s some things that were involved, not from my side, but other things that I can’t elaborate on because I don’t want to give anybody a tip,” Searage said. HAHAHAHAHA. O. K. Damn those green kids, always making Searage look bad.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        HAHA, I mean, seriously

  7. Let Us Now Praise Famous Death Dwarves says:
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    i definitely would want to hear it on carrasco except i already knew it.

    20 team dynasty roto with OBP/slugging/QS/K per 9 added and net saves and holds added. we can keep all starting roster slots (except for the extra IF and 4th any OF slot, start 5 SP, 5 RP) and up to 10 prospect eligible guys. 1st year was an auction, all other years will be snakes.
    C phegley
    1B rhysus (LF)
    2B ketel one (SS/CF, i had so little money left for the last MI guy during auction draft that he was about my 8th best (at the time) option, blowing up luckily for me)
    SS story
    3B mostsuckass (2B)
    IF semien (SS, he was dropped a few weeks ago)
    LF bauers (1B)
    CF kiermaier
    RF harper (CF)
    OF gordon (LF)
    util otani (hitter only)
    BN (this many since only 1400 max innings): panik (2B), laureano (CF)
    DL (5): mcneil (2B/3B/LF), cruz (DH), a.diaz
    NA (10): vientos, o.cruz, kelenic, larnach, n.jones, y.diaz (BAL), brujan, lux
    SP: ryu, matz, happ (i screwed up bidding 12 on him with his age, a bit later l.castillo ONLY went for the same 12, i figured i’d never afford him), ed-rod, turnbull, marquez, jefry rod (hard to improve on him in FA, unless i went with holds guy at SP)
    RP: r.iglesias, giles, buttrey, wittgren, duke newcomb (i’ve changed this last RP slot all year)
    DL: clevinger (about half of what thor cost in auction, f’ing nuts), morrow
    NA: d.garcia (NYY), puk

    drop d.garcia (or anybody else) for m.baez (SD) who was just dropped? want to have some prospect pitchers in here stashed. j.adams/freeman/groshans/rocchio also out there, but i could use some pitcher prospects. b.wilson also is, since in yahoo he only has P (not SP or RP) so he doesn’t yet exist in this league. d.garcia (i’m checking now) WAS ranked higher than m.baez in prospects live’s top 100 (which i hadn’t realized, but probably knew back in march).

    2. also, when mcneil is back clearly panik is the drop, but right now add any of: b.dixon, choi, newman, castro (catcher, for phegley off days, he at least plays more than castro).

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      1. Sure on Michel Baez
      2. Choi for me

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT — maybe lose Dixon instead of Choi, they’re all kinda whatever, more based on who you actually play most

  8. Mojoman says:
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    Hello Grey, Hello DT.
    Have a nice weekend :)

    I started Martin Perez and sit Morton. Lol
    I got Andrus from waiver bid, (12 teamer roto with QS and OBP) so I have 3 great SS – Bogaerts, Segura, Andrus. If I should trade one of them for SP, which level could I get?

    Thanks.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Hey Mojo,

      Xander I’d want a Buehler or Corbin type.
      Segura I’d look at Marquez or Flaherty.
      Doubt you can move since you just picked him up…

      No problem

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ouch on Perez/Morton

      Agree with DT

      Thanks! You too!

      • Mojoman says:
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        Oh, thank you DT. I didn’t wonder you tell me details like this. Thank you, Grey as well :)

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  9. toolshed says:
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    Based on what you said above do you think hiura is going back down when shaw comes back? Shaw isn’t exactly lighting it up in AAA. He is 5 for 26 (.192) with ZERO extra base hits.

    Hiura isn’t exactly killing it either. He has a .260 average and a .315 obp, but is striking out 37% of the time. That’s what shaw did with a .266 obp. Hiura is better defensively than shaw at 2b for what its worth.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I don’t know about that, might fall into a platoon…I don’t know, no great hope for him tho

  10. speedpacer says:
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    Pitching crunch with Weaver out (perhaps for season) and neither Reyes nor Nelson yet ready for action. Do you think Duplantier is worth dropping Brendan Rodgers for as a speculative add who could stick in my rotation? Points league, 14 team redraft, and I’m set for now at 2B/SS (Story and the dual eligibles Bregman, Murphy and Chavis cross-insuring each other for those 2 slots). Rockies doing what they can to ensure that Rodgers isn’t tradeable. Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Sure, in a shallow enough league

  11. Snacks Zillion says:
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    Domingo Herman a top 40 sp ROS? Keep getting trade offers for him. Thanks.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I think he is

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I don’t think so

  12. Herr Drumpf says:
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    12 team, 5×5 roto: My star-studded bullpen features Luke Jackson, Cishek, Robles and
    Romo (please try to contain your jealousy). I have to drop one of them on Sunday…your choice??

    Thanks and have a great weekend.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Robles for me

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

      You too!

  13. Mike says:
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    Between darvish and Archer, who would you drop in order to pick up matz?

    • Mike says:
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      Also forgot to ask, would you start or sit darvish or Archer today?

      • Donkey Teeth

        Donkey Teeth says:
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        Dunno match ups but wouldn’t start Archer

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Lose Archer

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  14. Oz says:
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    In a dynasty league, which side you got?

    Betts for Eloy and Walker Buehler

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Betts but if you’re in rebuild mode I could see taking the other side maybe

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Betts

  15. JC says:
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    Grey
    For 3 different teams
    Which of these players rate over McMahon ( anyone you don’t select I will drop for McMahon)

    Lourdes Gurriel, Dietrich & LaStella

    Thank you

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Dietrich and La Stella over McMahon for me

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      While he’s in Coors, just play him

  16. Jeff says:
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    Now I see why the Rockies are not calling up Kyle or Yordan, they have the dazzling DAZA batting 0.56 and giving up 3 earned runs yesterday!

    • dontbichetteme says:
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      I think it may also be because they arent even on their team.

    • Jeff says:
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      oops

  17. Luke says:
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    Votto or Murphy?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Murphy

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  18. Thundergunn says:
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    would you drop Perez to stash Gallen?

    I have Flaherty, Wheeler, Castillo, miley

    • Thundergunn says:
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      Also, would you deal Austin Riley for Daniel Murphy?

      • Thundergunn says:
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        It’s a 14 team mixed Yahoo H2H standard scoring

      • Donkey Teeth

        Donkey Teeth says:
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        Nah