Please see our player page for Tyler Beede to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Let me ask you something, is anyone hotter than Tyler O’Neill right now? Not to answer but to ruminate while ignoring both Gurriels, Ramon Laureano and Oscar Mercado.  The answer is obviously no. That O’Neill can play right!  Sorry, sorry.  One more!  O’Neill won the Nobel because he was out standing in a field!  Okay, okay, one more!  O’Neill picked up for La Stellllllllllllla, and it’s all that I Desire.  Okay, sorry, wrong guy that can play right, I mean, left. Won’t let it happen again. Get O’Neill on your team, and drop your Loman.  Wow, surprised you with my lies! So, O’Neill is playing every day with OZUNA nursing his truck driver’s ‘How’s your father’ finger and O’Neill might just be a hot schmotato for power, but he could also be breaking out. He’s merely 24 years old, and has 30-homer power (okay, everyone does, so maybe he has 40-homer power). His current average will fall, but who else do you want on that Long Day’s Journey Into Night.  I got another one in!  Theater nerd alert! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! Before we get into the post, Donkey Teeth and fellow football Razzballers have set up the RazzBowl. It’s played at NFFC, and it’s FREE.  FREE isn’t an acronym too, it’s the monetary cost, as in none.  The gist:  It’s Regular Joes vs. Pros in a Best Ball tourney.  Go there and sign up now!  Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:

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Filling out an Evite, “You are invited to join us as our son Rafael Devers is called to the Torah for his Star Mitzvah.  At 10 o’clock in the morning at Temple Kev-in Youkilis across from Merloni’s Bar & Grill. A lunch of kugel and hot dogs will follow the ceremony. In lieu of gifts, please send prayers that Nathan Eovaldi can actually close games. Good Chavis to all.”  Been meaning to send these Evites out for a while, but I was waiting for Devers to finish his Hebrew classes and Alex Cora to name a closer. Yesterday, Devers went 4-for-5, 6 RBIs with his 13th and 14th homer, hitting .329. Think it might be surprising how well Devers is actually doing.  On the Player Rater, he’s breathing down the top 10 for all of fantasy. You hit for a high average, steal some bases, hit some home runs, and hit in the middle of a great lineup? Yeah, that was the recipe for fantasy latkes Andrew Benintendi had been using to make himself a top 20 player previously. Now he’s making the wackness.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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It may have taken a while to get his feet under him but Scott Kingery, (OF: $3,500) has been a great fantasy option this year. Last season’s struggles are in the rear-view mirror. The stats really jump off the page, batting over .300 with double digit bombs and some speed. The results should continue to improve as he gets more ABs, especially Kepler keeps him in the leadoff spot. Sadly, that’s a real wild card and there’s no telling what he’ll do. Kingery has more than proven that he needs at bats and he should hopefully find himself in a prime slot while he’s raking. That makes him a solid choice.

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On the first pitch Justin Upton (2-for-4) saw back from the IL, he slammed it into the seats for his 1st home run. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Anyone who wants to come over on Saturday, I’m doing a screening of the short film I did about O.J. Simpson and a lovable group of his former Bills teammates plotting to break into a Vegas casino to steal back his memorabilia called, O.J.’s Eleven. I play O.J. in blackface.”  People have been asking about adding Justin Upton, and he’s currently owned in 70% of ESPN leagues, though Klara Bell owns 17,000 teams to help fill his virtual trophy case, and doesn’t own Upton, so, technically, Upton’s owned in 101% of leagues, but, if he’s available, I’d add him everywhere.  Prior to his injury, he was a top 30 outfielder, and see no reason why he can’t do something similar from here to there.  There being October.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Handed down through the generations from Hammurabi to Hammurabi was a code of SAGNOF.  It read, “Yo, Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be?! Don’t pay for saves, dem shizzes are free on waivers.” It read a bit like a text message, tee bee aitch.  But that was the code as written.  Cut to 14,000 years later, and I received this code in a dream after ingesting a massive amount of peyote.  I would’ve discarded it like the iguana I also received, but there was something to this code, and from that day forward I forbade myself from paying a lot for saves.  Then March came and Craig Kimbrel was falling and I was like, “Ain’t ever gonna get a price like this again!” and drafted him, and not listening to Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be really effed me.  Thankfully, my long national nightmare is over and Craig Kimbrel signed with the Cubs.  Does this negate all the leagues where I have Pedro Strop?  *Lisa Simpson grumble*  Yes, appizzarently, it does. I’d imagine Kimbrel will need at least two to three weeks of minor league games to get up to snuff, but closers can get stretched quicker than starters, obvi.  I wouldn’t drop Strop until I saw a Kimbrel save, but he’s coming back.  Finally.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Since the season started, us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) have been listening for one distinctive sound.  The sound of TSSST.  The sound of TSSST is not a snake with a lisp.  That would be pfft.  No, no, the sound of TSSST is the sound of a Coors being opened in the summer.  A soft sizzle sound.  Yesterday, we heard our first TSSST of Coors.  Pitchers pitchslapping pitchers; hitters hitting bloop singles because everyone needs to defend against the double; ten lords of leaping onto home plate for both teams.  This is why I keep saying buy David Dahl (4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer); buy Trevor Story (4-for-6, 3 runs); buy Daniel Murphy (3-for-5, 1 run, 3 RBIs); by Ryan McMahon (3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer) is hopefully Brendan Rodgers (0-for-1).  If baseball is bizzonkers for home runs this year, and it is, can you imagine what Coors is going to be like?  Every visitor is going to have a great day, whether it’s Christian Walker (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer) or Eduardo Escobar (2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer) like yesterday.  Though, I still wish The Grand Cronyon was in the lineup hitting them to Boulder!  (By the way, seeing a box score with Walker and McMahon both having HRs as a multiple owner of Cron/Rodgers is like seeing a picture of two guys high-fiving while treating a loved one like a Chinese finger trap.)  More on Kevin Cron in this afternoon’s Buy column because my favorite movie is Die Hard With Old Habits.  Speaking of buys (can you believe the smoothness of these segues?), buy all hitters in Coors.  Not even Daniel Murphy, but especially Daniel Murphy.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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To say the Giants have been one of the more uninspired farm systems of late is an understatement on par with saying Kate Upton is busty. We know. It’s a defining characteristic of this organization. It’s been so bad that people were actually excited about Christian Arroyo, a player that’s truly nothing more than system depth. To put it lightly 2017 was a disastrous campaign for the Giants, as they finished with the league’s worst record, despite paying the luxury tax. Sure Madison Bumgarner’s (first) freak injury played into that, but there were bigger issues. First amongst them is a lack of exciting bats in the lineup. The San Francisco organization did a good job this off-season, acquiring both Andrew McCutchen and Evan Longoria, for underwhelming prospect packages. They also drafted a few exciting talents in top Puerto Rican prospect Heliot Ramos, Jacob Gonzalez son of former Arizona Diamondbacks star Luis Gonzalez, and Seth Corry, an intriguing lefty from the Utah Prep ranks. With the number 2 overall pick in the draft this year, San Francisco has a great opportunity to add onto a strong foundation from last year’s class. It’s the Giants Top Prospects for 2o18.

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Just wanna put it out there that Al Gore did a better job of inventing the internet than he did at global warming.  All these postponements is a real shitshow…snow.  The way we’re going there’s going to be back-to-back tripleheaders in August for some teams with the ceremonial first pitch thrown out by Joel Youngblood.  Here was me trying to field a full fantasy team the last few days:  I’m going to hold onto Matt Davidson through his postponed games, at least I have Freddie Freeman, and now the Braves are rained out, well, I have Miguel Andujar in a doubleheader, and…that’s been canceled, guess I can grab whomever is starting for the Royals vs. Ohtani and that game has been called.  Hmm, down to one game on Sunday — Rays vs. Phils.  C’mon, Kiermaier–And he’s out after one inning.  FMFBBL.  Any hoo!  Yesterday, Starling Marte went 5-for-5, 4 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .305.  If you’re facing him, urine trouble, if you’re a PEDs tester, that is.  By the way, I heard an interesting tidbit on a podcast the other day.  If you wipe a baby diaper filled with pee on your face, you will stay forever young.  Of course, the advice came from a prisoner serving 25 years to life in San Quentin, so there might be side effects.  Coming into this game, Marte was hitting .241, and he raised his average more than sixty points, which shows you how young the season is still.  Maybe the season wiped baby urine on itself.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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You ever see something and you still don’t believe it?  You distrust your own eyes.  Well, I just saw a video of this, and I still don’t believe it:  Mookie Betts bowls better than he hits.  And he hits pretty damn good!  He rolled a perfect game yesterday vs. the Yankees (4-for-4, 5 runs, 4 RBIs, and his 2nd homer), but he also rolled a perfect game in the World Series of Bowling last November.  On Shabbos, no less!  Half of me is expecting someone to point out that it was this other cat, Mookie Betts from Virginia, who is a white guy who looks like Ed Kemper.  (By the way, you kinda know Ed Kemper reads Razzball.  You just know this.)  So, out of habit, does Mookie spray his baseball cleats?  Does he ever beat out an infield single and want to sweep out his right heel like he just threw a bowling ball?  Between innings, does he play arcade games?  How is Mookie Betts a world class bowler and not Matt Albers?!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave.  A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’  A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.”  Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft.  This slow draft took about fifteen days, 18 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds.  Not almost 15 days of straight drafting, mind you.  I don’t need to ice my clicky finger.  It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting.  It does allow you to second-guess your picks.  Actually, more like triple-guess.  (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers.  Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:

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