Cubs rookie Nico Hoerner hit his first career home run Friday night going 2-for-5 with 4 RBI. He started off the Chicago onslaught with a 2-run shot in the first inning and added a 2-run single in the fifth! He was a BUY and here’s what Grey had to say about him, “Hoerner is the Cubs’ top prospect, which is more of an indictment about the Cubs’ farm system. He doesn’t strike out, and possesses decent on-base skills, so maybe some short-term value.” And that’s me quoting Grey! If that’s not a high endorsement, I don’t know what kind of waiver adds you’re looking for in mid-September but Nico might be your best bet. Does he make you Hoerner, baby? Woah, sick reference, bro, how old even are you? Nico is slashing .350/.435/.600 through his first 20 at-bats with a home run and 8 RBI, he’s also still available in most leagues, which is important since I don’t know how many of you are even left reading this at this point in the year. Just my mom and my stalker, most likely (hi mom, hi Gordon!). My stalker Gordon’s wondering why I had to stop playing WoW Classic for 4 hours to do other fantasy things. I’ll be right back, Gordon, I swear, please don’t send my family death threats again! Nico could be worth an add for any team in need of some runs and average, especially if the Cubs plan on scoring 17 every game from here on out.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Nick Castellanos – 2-for-4, HR (15), 3 RBI. Anthony Rizzo also hit his 26th homer. Castellanos actually has 26 home runs but 15 (! ! !) with Chicago and since that’s how MLB and ESPN insist on writing it that’d how I’m going to write it too. How dare they make me google something! I refuse.

Kevin Newman – 3-for-5, run, RBI. He’s hitting .372 in the past two weeks with a homer and two steals. Not bad for a postman!

Ozzie Albies – 3-for-4, HR (23). Oh jeez, Rick, I’m not 100% sure I know how Grey handle’s these Albies posts. Let’s just say Ozzie made a lot of money for hitting this base ball. Like more than you’ll ever make in your lifetime.

Mike Soroka – 6.0 IP, 1 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 4 K, 12th win. After a four run scare last week I figured his brush with regression was starting but no! Not today. Not yet! He’s 12-4 record with a 2.57 ERA, second only to Hyun-Jin Ryu. I won’t draft him in 2020, but I love him right now.

Max Scherzer – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. The injury is def still bothering him. This is Max Scherzer at like 50%, folks. Still good. Ya, doode is a kind of a bad ass.

Danny Duffy – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 6 K. Did you start Duffy versus the Astros? Woah. OK, you are a bad ass, too. Danny’s been pretty solid since returning from the IL in September, but this was unexpected. He gets the we-hit-everything-in-september A’s next and if he can survive that, maybe he’ll make it on my 2020 draft radar.

George Springer – 1-for-5, HR (35), 3 RBI. Something tells me I’m going to own Springer on a lot of teams next year if I can. I couldn’t tell you for sure. I don’t have…2020 vision. Zing!

Jose Altuve – 2-for-5, HR (28). He doesn’t steal like he used to (6-for-11 in stolen base attempts) but the 28 dingers is a career high. So he’s a 5’5 power hitter now. That’s sure to age well in the MLB. *cough* Pedroia. When asked where the power was coming from, Altuve said “All Venezuelan’s are strong.” And I thought, “He’s a little racist?” Zing!

Bubba Starling – 2-for-3, run, SB (2). OK, the Altuve joke was bad but the 2020 thing? Gold, jerry. And only four months left to use it!

Gerrit Cole – 8.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 11 K, 17th win. Ten plus strikeouts in six straight games. Cole has a 2.73 ERA and leads the world with 281 Ks *drools* Maybe [Insert Home Team] will sign him in the offseason. *cue Cardi B’s “Money” in background. He’s gonna get paid like JLo in the stripper/heist/hustler blockbuster film role she was born to play. Will be hard to imagine another pitcher being drafted before Gerrit next year.

Noah Syndergaard – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Ughugh! OK, you suck now and I’m done with you. Thor gets Colorado next week, I would bench or drop.

Clayton Kershaw – 6.1 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, 14th win. Kersh has been solid all year. He certainly wasn’t worth wherever you drafted him. But he hasn’t been Noah Syndergaard, at least. Yes I’m still mad at you, Noah.

Gavin Lux – 2-for-4, HR (2), 3 RBI. The rookie is hitting .333 with 2 homers and a steal in the past week since call up? Yes, please! Did I mention he plays for the Dodgers and they hit everything? You didn’t have to, I already said I was in!

Jonathan Villar – 2-for-5, SB (34). Dude is slashing .277/.342/.455 with 21 HR, 98 runs, 65 RBI and 34 steals. He was probably my best value pick of the season. There were lots of good second basemen on draft day and I was jeered, ridiculed even booed for picking Villar. Just wanted to share so you know I’m not wrong 100% of the time.

Masahiro Tanaka – 5.0 IP, 8 hits, 4 ER, 6 K. Oh yes. This rotation is totally ready for the playoffs.

Bo Bichette – 3-for-5, HR (11). The more I see out of Bichette the less I was to own him next year. But keep upping that draft value!

Willson Contreras – 3-for-4, 2 HR (23), batting .283. Meanwhile, JT Realmuto has 25 homers hitting .279. One of these players went about 4 rounds earlier than the other.

Trent Grisham – 1-for-2, 2 BBs. BUY. He was the BIG BUY for Friday which is a new thing I’m trying. It’s a lot like the old BUY only with BIG in front of it. BIG BUY. Like that. Same link though. Just way more of them. Anyway, Grisham got on base 3 times Friday and led off. Would BUY.

Adam Wainwright – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 7 K, 12th win. Hot dog! Vintage waino. He’s 3-0 in his past three starts with a 0.45 ERA,  0.80 WHIP and 11 K. Just 1 ER allowed across 20 innings pitched. He draws the Nationals at home next week where he’s been completely dominant. Add if you like wins.

Kolten Wong – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI. BUY. The Cardinals are scoring runs, which is what they need to do to make Wong valuable. He’s scored 7 runs in the past week and added a homer and 2 steals. If this is the real Wong, I don’t want him to be right!

Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4, 2 HR (31), 7 RBI. He hit a grand slam and a 3-run home run. Yeah, you could say Pauly G had a day. This team is getting hot at just the right time, it’s even making Kolten Wong fantasy relevant!

Khris Davis – 2-for-4, 2 HR (22). Semien hit his 29th and Laureano hit his 22nd as the A’s “cruised” to a 14-9 win. This was Kish’s first multi-homer game since May 13! Apparently he made a swing adjustment, but I’m more concerned with him getting back to .247 AVG by season’s end.

Matt Olson – 1-for-4, HR (33). He’s hitting .375 with 5 homers in the past week. There is no one hotter than him, Hansel! Speaking of team’s getting hot at just the right time! Sweet sassy molassy, these Oakland A’s!

Sean Murphy – 3-for-4, 4 runs. Oh, do you need a catcher? Sean is batting .471 with 9 runs in 3 homers in the past week. Will that work?

Sheldon Neuse – 4-for-5, run, 3 RBI. Everyone on the A’s can hit now. Sheldon would know. He’s like the smartest guy on the Big Bang Theory.

Joey Lucchesi – 3.2 IP, 9 hits, 8 ER, 2 K. I had a nightmare that I started him in Coors last night. Then when I woke up I realized that had actually happened and it wasn’t a nightmare at all! This is my life and I was awake the whole time!

Trevor Story – 3-for-5, 2 HR (32), 3 RBI. Slashing .297/.356/.554 with 32 home runs, 79 RBI and 20 steals. Remember that year Story was just god awful and bat .230 and struck out 200 times? Me neither.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-3, HR (40), 2 RBI. OK, the .315/.380/.595 slash and 114 RBI are elite, but 40 dingers for the guy who makes Coors his home. In 2020? You’re going to have to do better than that Nolan. I thought power stats were being inflated by super baseballs? Well, I want to see some wacky power stats coming out of the Colorado bats! Arenado and Story should have 100 homers combined!

Jairo Diaz – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 1 K, SV (4). He’s the closer! He was a BUY! And he’s available in your league! Not sure you’re going to find someone that meets all three of those criteria for much longer.

Sandy Alcantara – 7.0 IP, 9 hits, ER, 6 K, 13th L. He’s rocking a 1.96 ERA and 0.96 WHIP over his past three starts with 21/6 K/BB. He even has a win (! ! !). Oh, Sandy. You don’t deserve 13 losses. He gets the D-Backs next week. I am considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially streaming him. I don’t know though!

Tyler Beede – 6.1 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 5 K, 5th win. Two straight scoreless starts–pick him up if you hate yourself!

Shaun Anderson – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, K, SV (2). BUY. He’s the closer in San Francisco. At least for the next 24 hours (depending on when you’re reading this).

Yusei Kikuchi – 2.1 IP, 10 hits 5 ER, BB, K. ESPN recommended I stream him Friday. L to the O L. This is funny to me not just because of how he performed, or his 5.46 ERA, but because he’s owned in every league I’m in anyway. This is why we Razzball.

Mallex Smith – 1-for-3, 2 SB (43). Leads the league in steals! Adalberto is second and he missed like two months. So if you’re trying to impress me Mallex, you need to steal more bases!

Omar Narvaez – 3-for-5, run, RBI. Seattle started two catchers in their line up Friday night. I don’t know how often they do this, but that either tells you how good Narvaez is or how bad Seattle is. Maybe both!

Eloy Jimenez – 2-for-4, HR (27). Abreu also homered and Yoan Moncada added 3 hits and 4 RBI. These White Sox, you guys, are gonna be really good next year, dot, dot ,dot, question mark?

Andrew Heaney – 3.1 IP, 10 hits, 6 ER, 3 K. GAAAAH! I trusted you! Since his two stellar outings versus Texas in August, Heaney has given up 14 runs in 14.1 innings, along with 23 hits. He gets the Yankees in NYC City next week. Bench or drrooop. This must be how Brea felt when she was betrayed by Seladon and the Skesis. Dark Crystal, anyone? No? Just me then. BTW Brea def has a back tattoo. #GelfingFreak

Austin Meadows – 2-for-4, HR (30), 2 RBI. I think Meadows is going to be a tough one to rank for 2020. He’s hitting .389 with 6 HR and 15 RBI in the past week, and has been one of the league’s hottest hitters since the break. Yet after missing a month plus, he doesn’t have the eye popping stats of some of the the other MVP candidates. The power speed combo makes him mighty valuable in any format though! I’m saying Meadows is a top-25 bat next year who you might be able to steal in the 3rd or 4th round.

Charlie Morton – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, BB, 4 K, 15 win. He’s got a 3.16 ERA, 1.10 WHIP and 223/53 K/BB to go with the 15 wins. I want to build a pitching rotation with just former Pirates starters. Between Morton, Cole and Glasnow alone we’ve got a better big 3 than 95% of the league.

Kole Calhoun – 2-for-4, 2 HR (31), 3 RBI. His first 30+ homer year in ever. Mike Trout was supposed to play and then Mike Trout didn’t play and so I’m thinking to myself, “Where’s Mike Trout?” Cause he wasn’t there. I hope he’s okay. Anyone know? I wonder if he’s been trying to call me? Is my phone off?

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!