*walking through a packed hallway, head nodding at the ladies* “What’s up, chiquitas?  Que paso, senoritas?  Assume there was an upside down question mark in front of that question.  I’m feeling pretty good, and it’s not just because I’m wearing my extra tight bicycle shorts that make me aroused when I cough.  Nope!  RONALD ACUNA IS UP!  Hey, so are my letters.  Preston Tucker?  How about you Tuck off?!  I’m so pumped!!!  Seriously.  I wanna make love to my fantasy team where I have Acuna.” *realizing I don’t know what hallway this is and need to leave before I’m arrested*  Here’s my Ronald Acuna fantasy.  Go look at the GIF I have there and tell me you’re not aroused.  Don’t send pics!  I said he’d be up mid-April.  Oops, one week off!  And his projections were 74/17/77/.304/21 in 514 ABs!  I need to sit down.  Wait, I am sitting!!!  AHHHH!!!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Introducing the interrobang list! (You’ll find it at the bottom of the top 100.) What’s an interrobang you may be asking yourself? An interrobang essentially is a hybrid of a question mark and an exclamation point. When someone says something like “What in the world?!” You can save yourself some space and use the interrobang. “Okay cool, weirdo — how does this apply to fantasy baseball?” The interrobang list at the bottom are a few guys who didn’t make the Top 100 list proper, but are still people that are making me go “?!”

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Continuing his NL-West dominance, Tyson Ross took a no-hitter into the eighth inning Friday night, allowing just one earned run off one hit (a pinch-hit Christian Walker double) and three walks while striking out ten. I’m sorry but I just completely blanked on everything you said before, “while striking out ten.” Tyson was tattooing faces and D-Backs, the 7.2 innings pitched was a season high and it took him 127 pitches to get there. He was just four outs from San Diego’s first no-hitter in ever, but nah. SAD! Another day I guess? You’ll get there, Padres. Errr. Don’t force it. Welp. Regardless, it might be premature to re-anoint Ross the ultimate hodgepadre status he achieved in 2014-2015 season when logged ERAs of 2.81 and 3.26, but things are looking promising early. Let’s face it, Texas is where pitchers go to die when Colorado’s roster is full. Just ask Bartolo Colon. Ross’ back in San Diego where he can pick up where he left off. He’s currently sporting a sparking 2.81 ERA with a 1.01 WHIP, and its the 3.21 xFIP, 23.5 K% and 6.9 BB% that got me all hyped up and mouth-punchey on Tyson. Ross will face a true test next week when he takes on the Rockies at Coors, and while I can’t recommend him for this start, I’ll be watching it closer than the Westworld premiere because robots doing human things is clearly more interesting to me than humans doing human things. Look I’m not trying to bite your ear off (zing!), I’m just suggesting you give Tyson Ross a good look. He’s available almost everywhere and he’s got the history, the ballpark and the skillz to be undisputed heavyweight champion of the world–err, I mean, hes got the skills to be a very solid starter all season long, in other words, he wants to eat your children.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Boy, this Ohtani is all anybody’s ever talking about. I’m so sick and tired of hearing about how brilliant that Ohtani is. I was so tempted to put Shohei Ohtani on this list. So tempted! Unfortunately he only has 30 at-bats compared to the league leader, his teammate, Albert Pujols’s 67. That’s too small of a sample size for me to overreact and 3-4 batting games per week can leave you in a hole. It is fun to see that he has a 0% soft contact rate though. But that Ohtani is some kind of something, huh?

This winter weather is messing with a lot of players. At the bottom of my top 100 you’ll see a list of hitters who shoulda, coulda, woulda been in the top 100 if they were healthy. I think most of them will return and find themselves back on the top 100 list, but for now, due to their missed games and health uncertainty — they get their own list.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

His baseball people!  Geez, look where your mind goes, straight to the gutter!  Speaking of gutters, the Miami Marlins are the baseball equivalent of that black gunk you find trapped in your gutter at the end of the fall when the rain and decomposing leaves have been hanging out there for weeks on end.  In other words, they stink. Meanwhile, Jameson Taillon ($23,300) has been out of this world in two starts with a 1.26 ERA and 0.488 WHIP.  Miami has a league worst OPS vs. RHP of 0.562 and can’t get out of their own way offensively.  For the evening slate, Taillon is my top choice. In short, don’t be a nut, play Taillon.

New to FantasyDraft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before you do.  It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Remember that one girl who was willing to touch you about ten years ago? Remember how desperately you tried to hold onto her and how futile an attempt that was? Eventually that girl started feeling suffocated and then no more touching for you, only shame and disappointment. Sorry to the five girl readers, this analogy might not be fully relatable, but stick with me.

The point here is, if you hadn’t become so clingy, things might have turned out differently with that one girl, or with your love life in general. Well, probably not since you’re a hopeless fantasy baseballer who still lives in his mom’s basement, but there was at least a chance if you hadn’t been so obsessive.

What does all of this have to do with fantasy baseball you ask? Good question. I like your style. I’m saying all of this because I don’t want Mark Trumbo to become that one girl for your fantasy baseball team this season.

One of the most important skills that separates winning fantasy players from those that will live in their mom’s basement forever is the willingness to cut bait on a guy and not look back. This can be an extremely difficult proposition for some, especially those that drafted their teams in February and have been rosterbaiting vigorously for over a month by the time opening day rolls around. The mental fixation and attachment to players can severely impede judgment and rational thinking.

As an exercise to help loosen the attachment and open the mind, let’s look at some of this previous season’s top performers, which were available on the wire last April in shallower and even many deeper leagues…

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Oh, hello there, likely corporate professional who’s working and definitely not wasting company resources. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Roto-Wan, like Obi-Wan, but good at fantasy stuff as opposed to good in fantasy stuff. Let’s get squared away for the day on Draft.com. What I enjoy most about Draft is that you get to actually roster your favorite players, like Mike Trout, as opposed to staring at their salary and wondering how many Alex Gordons it would take to fit him in. Mike Trout is good. Having him in your lineup is good. You like good things. You can also have a good pitcher and there’s three of them today (Chris Sale, for example: more on him in a bit). The rotations have turned over and aces are back in the deck. Bring on the sequels.

New to Draft.com? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On a night where most of the teams are on the back end of their rotations and have nothing to offer but Rump Roast, we have to look at Charlie Morton as a top option. He is the center cut filet of the night, 34 years dry-aged: Morton has been a revelation the last couple years, pumping up the velocity and missing bats at a career-high rate. The World Series game 7 hero now gets the sleepiest bats in the league: the Baltimore Orioles have been horrendous to start the year. They have managed only a handful of hits in three games and have offered solid strikeout opportunities. I can see Morton racking up the strikeouts, as well as having a great chance to get the W as Chris Tillman is his counterpart.

Now let’s look at the rest of the menu….

New to Draft? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The other day I was joined by the best and the brightest Razzball has to offer and Tehol for our annual RCL draft (12 team, mixed league, yadda blabbity bloo).  Our fantasy hockey writer, Viz, who is a professional poker player (hope it’s okay to say that.  If not — oops!), went high/low split (totally talking out of my ass right now) and doubled down on the river, cleaning my chute of a full house of sexy picks.  He has Cody Bellinger, Trevor Story, Ronald Acuna, Bryce Harper, Trey Mancini, Eddie Rosario and Michael Wacha!  That is totally G-rated!  And the G there is for Grey.  On the other hand, I drafted a team that feels like it’s straight out of central casting.  Only problem is the role which is being cast is for a “bounce back candidate who can hit for power and steal a few bases, must also be proficient in Mandarin.”  Orange you glad I didn’t say navel!  What?  Okay, the season’s almost here and I’m straight batty with myself.  Can Ohtani slug better than Alcides and pitch better than Miles Mikolas?  I gotz to know!  (My guess is no and no.  Spring training panic!)  Anyway, here’s my RCL draft:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to Razzball’s 2018 team previews. Over the next couple of months, we’ll be previewing all of the teams and talking to writers who represent those teams around the web. We want to provide the best and most in-depth fantasy projections to go along with the asking the most useful questions to those who know their teams best. We want to talk about the players in the first half of your draft and also the deep sleepers that make you log into google and start watching Midwest Single-A ball for hours. Just kidding, don’t do that, hopefully we don’t go that far…

The Milwaukee Brewers showed an interesting way to start winning baseball games last year. After a short period of sub-par baseball, they built an efficient line up without spending a ton of money or going through a 5 year rebuilding period. Eric Thames came out of the gate tearing the cover off of the ball and Travis Shaw outproduced his projections… by a lot. Orlando Arcia and Domingo Santana both got a full season’s worth of at bats and showed that they are here to stay. The Brewers also found a strike out artist in Corey Knebel to close games out. Well, this off season, the Brewers got a little more aggressive. Milwaukee added Lorenzo Cain and Christian Yelich who are both balanced hitters who can also scoot on the base paths. Lead prospect analyst of Rotowire, James Anderson joined me to talk more about the BrewCrew.

Please, blog, may I have some more?