Right now, it’s Saturday in Los Angeles, and there’s reports that a hurricane could be hitting the region for the first time in 70-something years. So, I am preparing as anyone from SoCal would prepare — I’m wearing a pussy hat and an altered 2016 campaign shirt that reads I’m With Herricane, while stockpiling avocado toast. If I don’t have electricity on Sunday, just know that I wrote this on Saturday and am scheduling it now. I can guess what Sunday will bring though: Wow, I can’t believe CJ Abrams stole 17 bags on Sunday and Kerry Carpenter hit five homers. Sorry Mark Whiten, but you are no longer the King! What a great Friday Buy by (stutterer!) me! Also, on Saturday, word came down that Noelvi Marte was being promoted. Maybe it’s because I’m staring down death with a hurricane that could bring 2-3 (!) inches of rain, but I’m getting choked up at how awesome some of these Reds’ prospects are, and what that means for the future. “I love this crap!” That’s me auditioning for a new MLB commercial and getting the lines wrong. Any hoo! Noelvi Marte is being called up to play where? Yes, for this year, I’m about to exercise caution. His speed, contact and power is going to make him a fantasy star at some point, but he might not have everyday playing time. He was in the Itch’s Top 50 fantasy baseball prospects, and he was right behind E! in the Reds’ prospects top 10, prior to the season. Itch said, “Marte checks in at 6’1” 181 lbs but seems to be filling out in a hurry, just to the eye test. Next time we get a fresh weigh in, he might clear two bills. The power is plus-plus, and he controls the strike zone well for someone his age and level, posting a 13.5-to-18.3 percent walk-to-strikeout rate in 30 games for the High-A Reds. He’d posted a 10.7-to-21.3 percent rate in 85 games for Seattle before coming over in the Luis Castillo trade. Could be a sign he’s on an upward trajectory in that area, and he’s got the talent to sort of choose the type of hitter he wants to be. His big leg kick is changing shape here and there over the years as he navigates that path, and I’d like to bury Grey under the path.” Yikes, what the heck? So, I grabbed Noelvi everywhere in case the Reds figure out playing time for him — yesterday, he played 3rd — but I could see dropping him in shallower leagues if the ABs aren’t there. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Teoscar Hernandez (5-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer) hasn’t been that bad this year, right? *checks the Player Rater* Oh, he’s like at 40th overall. That’s not bad at all! 40 what? Haha, 40 ounces, my dude, let’s get that St. Ides! You’re not being distracted by that non sequitur? Okay, 40th *covers mouth so you can’t hear* outfielder. Not bad at all! Around Mike Trout, who’s been out since 2019, and Bryan De Palma Cruz. So, maybe Teoscar hasn’t been great thus far, but he’s one of those guys who could be the best in baseball for the final six weeks. Also, in this game, Eugenio Suarez (1-for-5, 2 runs) who was the last Mariners’ player who I said could be the best player in the 2nd half, and he hasn’t been bad at all (9 HR in roughly 150 ABs). Ty France (4-for-6, 10th homer) even got in on the action, as France hit a French fly saying, “That’s as good as it baguettes!” Finally, Josh Rojas (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st homer. It was a called shot. He called a weak bloop to 2nd, and it went out. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Nothing says the trade deadline has come and gone like the barrage of baseball writers tweeting, “Pencils down.” You’ll see a bunch of in-depth coverage here on Razzball surrounding all of the deadline trades so be sure to check that out. The Astros celebrated the reunion with Justin Verlander with a no-hitter from Framber Valdez, […]
Yesterday, Aaron Judge went 4-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs with his 58th and 59th homer, hitting .316, as he tightens his claim on the AL MVP. I’m Team Ohtani, but I will say that the Yankees are so bad outside of Aaron Judge — Giancarlo’s hitting .209! Judge for MVP is a perfectly reasonable argument to make. He truly is having an amazing season. On the Player Rater, he has about twice as much home run value as the third best home run hitter in the league, Yordan Alvarez. That is truly remarkable. But, just because that’s remarkable doesn’t mean he’s going to get to 74 homers for the home run record. National sportswriters counting down Aaron Judge homers like he’s not 14 away from the record with 16 games to play are just trying to generate clicks. Also, anyone saying Maris’s record is the real record is having a break from reality, let them be. It’s dangerous to wake them from their dream state. By the by, the case for Ohtani is quite simple — he’s a top 5 starter and a top 10 hitter. It will be Aaron Judge though, I’m not living in denial. Too much heat on Judge this year. For 2023 fantasy, Aaron Judge is gonna be so fascinating. Wouldn’t be shocked if we see him at number one overall for some, and as late as ten overall if he signs with a lesser team. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Yesterday, Paul Goldschmidt went 3-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs with his 32nd and 33rd homer. Au Shizz twizz! Paul Goldschmidt leads the NL in batting average; Goldy leads the NL in RBIs; Au Shizz is two behind the NL league leader in homers (The Schwammer). That’s right, Goldy could be the first NL Triple Crown winner since Ducky Medwick in 1937. Since Ducky Medwick won that Triple Crown, MLB has changed the baseballs five times in the last six years; Rob Manfred has invented something called ghost runners, and they’re not wearing full-body sheets; there were 7-inning doubleheaders that everyone hated except Rob Manfred, and Cheez Whiz was invented. That’s all the major things since 1937. That’s all of them. Don’t try to do a google for more. *rips Google out of hands* I said no more googling! Usually by mid-August, I make these ledes slightly geared towards 2023 fantasy, but I don’t know what there’s to say on Paul Goldschmidt other than he was incredible in the 1st half (.330/.414/.590), and he’s actually gotten better in the 2nd half (.350/.425/.728). If you thought Au Shizz was Old Shizz, you misread the shizzuatation. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
There’s a few types of ledes in fantasy baseball: The major player injured lede; the huge game from a player lede; the call-up lede (very popular lede) and the least popular lede — the giving flowers to a player who has had an incredible season lede. That’s today’s lede. I must give Sandy Alcantara (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.82) his flowers. What a fantastic season this guy is having. My God who art in heaven in Miami and speaks with a thick Cuban accent like Scarface, this was the starter year to have after Tony Gonsolin and Shane McClanahan, and, honestly, not that far behind. I, of course, missed Alcantara everywhere, because I was too caught up in his K:BB. 99.5% of the time K:BB is everything. Occasionally, you get an Alcantara. The scary thing is, if you just showed me his stats, I’d prolly still be a sell on him, but he’s proven to be a 200 IP, 3.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP pitcher. That is crazy valuable. So, is Sandy Alcantara the best pitcher in baseball? I can’t make that case because of his strikeouts. A top three starter we all could’ve had around the 17th starter off the board? Al-can-lutely! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Last week’s streamers were full of mixed results. All of the pitchers did ok, but none of them went off. The hitters fell in the same boat, with Garrett Cooper looking like the best pick of the bunch. Recommending a guy to blow up against my Rockies is a double-ended sword but rooting for the […]
To try to appeal more to teenage boys, the Rangers should install a giant lotion bottle in center field, and each time Marcus Semien homers, it explodes with lotion onto the fans in the bleachers. Yesterday, there would be a lot of facials from Semien, as he went 7-for-8, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and a triple slam (4, 5, 6) and double legs (9, 10). Halleberrylujah. That might actually be the single greatest day ever. Could Semien be coming out of his early-season funk like Jason Biggs once came out of a tube sock? Okay, those other words were likely avoidable. Is Semien about to explode? Again, avoidable! Is Semien about to explode in a good way in all his glory, whole and pulsating. Okay, more very avoidable words! Here’s what I thought on our Youtube channel. Click that and click subscribe so I can feed my children (Ted, a dog).
Before you say, this rooster, Grey, is caca-cuckoo crazy. Entering yesterday’s games, he had an expected batting average of .201, and one of the worst exit velocities in the major. Everything across the board on his page is saying he really was this bad. Not unlucky. Could he turn it all around? Does Marcus Semien sound like a bath towel that you tell your mom you got paste on? Yes and yes! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Rockies aren’t good at home anymore and it’s so funny. Like, that’s the joke. The Rockies. Excuse me, the Jokies. Is that a thing? It is now! Bud Black is a joke, the entire organization is a joke. From top to bottom, just jokey joke jokes. The Jokies’ owner, Dick Monfort says, “Can’t believe we’ve got Kris Bryant locked up until he’s 37. We are so smart,” as Monfort pushes on a door that says pull. Also, and I know I joke a lot about the Jokies, so I have to tell you this is absolutely true, Dick Monfort appointed one of the majors’ youngest scouting directors. Who is this overachiever? His son! He appointed his son the scouting director. What’s his qualifications? I just told you! He’s his son! Any hoo! Edward Cabrera (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 9 Ks) threw a gem in Coors, in his first start up with the team. The command is pretty worrisome here. In Triple-A, he had a 4.6 BB/9 with a 4.56 ERA. I’m actually surprised he was promoted. The stuff is electric, but he could have some absolute roofies. Outside of NL-Only, I’d be concerned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Sun beating down across a desert landscape. Sweat beading from my forehead. I lift a thermos to my face and spray my face with liquid to freshen myself. “I think I just sprayed my face with urine,” I say to no one, because no one is around. A mirage from the sand rises; it’s Pegasus. The horsey with wings kneels in front of me so I can get on. Pegasus turns to me and says, “I need to get you to an internet cafe so you can put Ronald Acuña Jr. in your lineup.” Thank you, Pegasus! Thank you, Ronald Acuña Jr.! Thank you, Tildaddy! Okay, now I’m just singing that crappy Alanis song, Thank you. I really needed Acuña (1-for-5, 1st and 2nd steal, hitting leadoff). Now stay on the field, Tildaddy says it’s October! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
NOTE: All 2022 fantasy baseball projections are based on a 162-game season, and will be until we hear definitively there will be less games, due to the CBA. Also, I’m going on the assumption the NL is getting the DH.
NOTE II: All my rankings are currently available on Patreon for the price of a Starbucks coffee, if you get one of those extra grande frappuccino jobbers. Don’t wait for the rankings to come out over the next month, and get them all now.
NOTE III: Free agents are listed as just that and not yet projected. Once a guy signs, I will write out their blurb and add in projections, or remove them, if they sign in an unfavorable place. They are ranked currently where I think they might be if they sign on for a full-time job.
Thanks for tuning in for my next weekly project: tracking all them ding dang injuries. I’m transitioning from transactions to trauma. From moves to maladies. From signings to sickness. From business to band-aids. From…that’s all I got.
Don’t we all love injuries? What would fantasy sports be without all those cute lil’ red “DTD”s and “IL”s and “O”s and “Q”s sprinkled all over our lineup pages?
I jest, of course. F*** injuries. Nothing sours your fantasy GM mojo like freakin’ injuries. Last year was banonkers (bananas + bonkers = banonkers) with COVID, and we’re already getting some of that fun as Spring Training kicks off. I keep seeing stuff about this wild California strain, and if there’s any proof in that pudding, then we could very well be in for a lot more COVID fun in 2021. I mean, we will be anyway, but this could compound it further. Joy.
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