Yesterday, Aaron Judge went 4-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs with his 58th and 59th homer, hitting .316, as he tightens his claim on the AL MVP. I’m Team Ohtani, but I will say that the Yankees are so bad outside of Aaron Judge — Giancarlo’s hitting .209! Judge for MVP is a perfectly reasonable argument to make. He truly is having an amazing season. On the Player Rater, he has about twice as much home run value as the third best home run hitter in the league, Yordan Alvarez. That is truly remarkable. But, just because that’s remarkable doesn’t mean he’s going to get to 74 homers for the home run record. National sportswriters counting down Aaron Judge homers like he’s not 14 away from the record with 16 games to play are just trying to generate clicks. Also, anyone saying Maris’s record is the real record is having a break from reality, let them be. It’s dangerous to wake them from their dream state. By the by, the case for Ohtani is quite simple — he’s a top 5 starter and a top 10 hitter. It will be Aaron Judge though, I’m not living in denial. Too much heat on Judge this year. For 2023 fantasy, Aaron Judge is gonna be so fascinating. Wouldn’t be shocked if we see him at number one overall for some, and as late as ten overall if he signs with a lesser team. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Oswaldo Cabrera – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Will be interesting to see if the Yanks actually go with OCab ocamp (outta camp. No? Okay.), but I wouldn’t be shocked if they sign some vet for no reason, because they can’t help themselves. Corey Dickerson, start searching New York realty listings now!
Frankie Montas – Went for an MRI on his shoulder. The legit funniest thing is Yankees fans suddenly worried about Montas. He was on the IL in July with a shoulder issue and hasn’t been right since. This is not a new problem. Not even sure why Cashman traded for him. It was such an obvious issue. Not even joking or being sarcastic. Montas was busted in July; everyone knew this.
Anthony Rizzo – 3-for-6, 2 runs and his 31st homer, as he was activated from the IL. HR to the Izzo!
Brandon Woodruff – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.26. Stop Judge and the entire Yanks’ offense falls apart. Not great, Bob!
Kolten Wong – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. That’s a Wong dong!
Tyrone Taylor – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 17th homer. Not bad in part-time duty. Hehe, I said duty.
Rowdy Tellez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer. You think Yelich watches these guys and is like, “A home run? I used to do those!”
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-3 and his 29th homer. Definitely wasn’t a linear line to fantasy value from Cake Batter and Boba Chette (1-for-3, 1 RBI), but they’re both gonna end in the top 20 on the Player Rater (or close enough) and can’t hate on that. I mean, you can. but I’m not hearing it.
Jordan Romano – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.34, and his 5th blown save. At the end of a H2H matchup, that’s like screaming, “Say cheese,” at your toilet that won’t flush.
Michael Kopech – Hit the IL with shoulder inflammation. Brok-pech Michael isn’t just a bad promotional giveaway the White Sox do, where they put Kopech on the Brokeback Mountain posters, playing both roles, holding himself. It’s him being broken. See ya in 2023, Kopech. I’m not sure if I’ll gain faith over the ensuing months.
A.J. Pollock – 1-for-5 and his 12th homer. Arange Juice continues to hit the pulp out of the ball in the 2nd half.
Eloy Jimenez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .313. Every time I view ILoy it’s impossible to not view him through the “If he can stay healthy” glasses.
Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs, and his 17th homer, hitting .288. The race for White Sox home run leader is heating up! Speaking of heat, keep flames away from Gavin, he’s Sheets.
Willi Castro – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Between Rodolfo, Harold and Willi, what a year for Castros. It’s like it’s 1953 and Rougned Odor just punched Bautista. I might be mixing up facts a little.
Javier Baez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 14th homer. The cliff one falls off when they don’t take walks is scary as hell.
Hunter Greene – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.97 as he was activated from the IL. Hunter Greene chortled at my nervousness about starting him right off the IL. A full-throated chortle.
Luis Cessa – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 1 K, ERA at 4.85. If you’re just going , “Whee!” and starting everyone everywhere, then “Whee!” away, but, c’mon, you can’t start this guy anywhere with any confidence.
Jose Quintana – 8IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.16. I already feel bad for the people drafting Quintana next year for when he reverts to being a 6.75 ERA pitcher.
Tyler O’Neill – Hit the IL. Backdate that to March of this year and save us all some headaches.
Dakota Hudson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.16. You in March, “My H2H rotation is so stacked!” You in September, “I’m losing to a guy who threw Dakota Hudson. Eff me like Scott Effross.”
Eugenio Suarez – Hit the IL. X-rays on his pointer finger were inconclusive at first. Doctor asked him to point, and no one knew what he was pointing at. “‘Hang In There’ cat poster? Stapler? Copier? The x-ray? Are you pointing at the x-ray?” Then they found a fracture in his index finger.
Luis Rengifo – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer. Rengifo went from bleh to hot schmotato to sleeper material for 2023 to “Shh, daddy, we don’t want too much shine on you.”
Reid Detmers – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.71. Don’t think he’s getting anywhere near the pub of, say, Joe Ryan, but he’s been basically as good.
Juan Soto – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer. “Hey, let’s put him in the backseat and push the car off the cliff–Hold up! Juan Soto moved! He’s alive!” I can’t believeI’m doing this riff with Sexy Dr. Pepper. What a disappointing season. Can someone take too many pitches? Allow Sexy Dr. Pepper to demonstrate.
Yu Darvish – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Yu reminds me of last year when I had him everywhere and he wasn’t good, but I guess that’s better than Nickelback’s How You Remind Me.
Andrew Heaney – 4 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.66. Per inning, Heaney’s so good. Unfortunately, he’s got 61 IP in 13 starts, averaging less than 5 IP per start.
JT Brubaker – Hit the IL with arm inflammation. Pirates are all outta of argh and so lost without him.
Oneil Cruz – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. I have no idea if the contact will be there next year, but he makes a home run off Jacob deGrom (5 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.32) seem so effortless. I don’t think there’s any way I cannot go crazy for Cruz next year. And he almost hit a second homer off deGrom! DeGrom who struck out 13!
Ozzie Albies – Will miss the rest of the season, after fracturing his pinky finger as he returned from the IL. Incredible. Hey, Albies, let me ask you something, bro? Have you ever heard of drinking milk? It’s from the boobs of a cow and it’s delicious. Try some! What’s this, three fractures for Albies in his career? Gonna start calling him Ozzie Lackingbonedensities. Glad I didn’t drop Vaughn Grissom yet. Oh wait! I dropped Grissom to activate Albies! That’s right! I am now The Joker.
Spencer Strider – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.67. Any other year he’d be up for the Cy Young, but he’s gonna have to settle for the NL Rookie of the Year, assuming his teammate, Michael Harris, Part 2 doesn’t hit 15 homers in the final two weeks, and up his case.
William Contreras – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer, hitting .278. He’s just lacking runs and RBIs from being the top catcher in fantasy. He also has almost 200 less ABs than Jerry Tomato Realmuto (1-for-1 and his 19th homer).
Alec Bohm – 2-for-4 and his 12th homer, hitting .289. There are so many corner men with rinky-dink power it reminds me of the 80s. Hey, Alec Bohm, are you a Bill Madlock impersonator?
Luis Patino – Scratched with a shoulder issue. A scratch on a Patino is never good, I learned that from Antiques Roadshow.
Jose Siri – 2-for-3 and a slam (6) and legs (13). He was the lead buy ten days ago, and I really love this guy. Want a guy who could go 25/25/.240 next year drafted after the top 300? Look no further. Damn, I’m gonna have to write a sleeper for him.
Nick Solak – Will miss the rest of the season with a fractured foot. Another guy who needs milk. Call him Nick Similac.
Corey Seager – 1-for-4 and his 31st homer. To get on my good side, all Seager had to do was hit for power and not average. I like him now!
Josh Jung – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Can’t wait to draft this guy in all leagues next year for him to disappoint in April, then I drop him and he explodes in May. Damn it, Magic 8 Ball!
Nick Pivetta – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.35. Red Sox gave him, like, 40 runs and he cruised out to the Ivictory Coast. No idea who Pivetta’s facing next, and it doesn’t matter. All that matters is Streamonator at this point, especially for him.
Ramon Laureano – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. Could be the end of his year with his 13 HRs, 11 SBs and .211 average. That’s a statline from someone who this offseason will be googling, “Undetectable PEDs.”
Framber Valdez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.57. Just realized to go with Kyle Tucker aka Mr. H2H, the Astros also have the best H2H pitcher with The Framboys. Just so consistent from April to October.
Shane Bieber – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.83. Bieber’s not just having a solid season, he’s also making people second-guess velocity loss. Bieber’s evolving perceptions. “Evolving perceptions” is better than pitching well. Marginally. Like .01% better.
Cody Morris – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.30. Cleveland’s Starting Pitcher Factory doesn’t get enough props for how they just create great pitchers out of a piece of bucatini named Triston McKenzie and a guy who sounds like he was on Saved by the Bell.
Jorge Polanco – Pulled from a rehab game with renewed soreness in his knees. Told you to drop Jo-Po weeks ago and wish I told you months ago. He’s been shizz on a stick all year, and what a waste of a stick.
Jake Cave – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, and his 2nd homer in four games. Cave’s a hot schmotato? Must’ve been planting some Bad Seeds.
Joe Ryan – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.61. Not saying he will be an ace next year, but he’s just another guy who could that won’t be drafted until late. As for this year: Streamonator.
Hayden Wesneski – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.30. To help bring Polish fans into Wrigley, the Cubs had a giveaway. The first guy to name fifteen spices in a kielbasa got to start on Saturday. “…and cumin!” “You’re gonna be cumin’ing from the pen in the 1st because you won!” That’s Wesneski winning the contest. He had a 5.66 ERA in Triple-A, so Saturday’s start was more about proving how much worse the Rockies are than a Triple-A team, which is different than a team with three Mr. T’s, that’s a Triple A-Team.
Brady Singer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.07. I’m gonna write a sleeper post for Brady Singer, then I’m gonna get to the end and be like, “He had a barely 3.00 ERA last year, why is he even a sleeper?” For what it’s Cronenworth, Streamonator loves his next one.
Trevor Rogers – Left Saturday’s game with lat soreness. No foolsies, that’s good news. Shut him down, let him rest and come back for 2023 strong as a freakin’ ox. A fox! Wait, freakin’ ox being shortened to fox doesn’t really work. A frox! Much better!
Sandy Alcantara – 9 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.37. Cy Young called and he wants the award to be called the Sandy Alcan*mumbles* Award. Cy Young was hard to understand on the phone being that he’s dead, and we’re not sure if he knows how to pronounce Sandy’s last name.
