Sandy Greases Through The Angels On A Summer Night

There’s a few types of ledes in fantasy baseball: The major player injured lede; the huge game from a player lede; the call-up lede (very popular lede) and the least popular lede — the giving flowers to a player who has had an incredible season lede. That’s today’s lede. I must give Sandy Alcantara (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.82) his flowers. What a fantastic season this guy is having. My God who art in heaven in Miami and speaks with a thick Cuban accent like Scarface, this was the starter year to have after Tony Gonsolin and Shane McClanahan, and, honestly, not that far behind. I, of course, missed Alcantara everywhere, because I was too caught up in his K:BB. 99.5% of the time K:BB is everything. Occasionally, you get an Alcantara. The scary thing is, if you just showed me his stats, I’d prolly still be a sell on him, but he’s proven to be a 200 IP, 3.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP pitcher. That is crazy valuable. So, is Sandy Alcantara the best pitcher in baseball? I can’t make that case because of his strikeouts. A top three starter we all could’ve had around the 17th starter off the board? Al-can-lutely! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jon Berti – Sitting this week because Mattingly is facing an opponent in H2H that doesn’t have many steals, so he’s trying to work in more power.

Garrett Cooper – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer. Oh, I mean, the Marlins have to get Joey Wendle and Brian Anderson at-bats! Of course! Sorry, still stuck on Berti sitting two games in a row.

Bryan De La Cruz – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer, and his 2nd homer in the last two games. Hot schmotato alert!

Noah Syndergaard – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.84. Not sure there’s a guy with more swag on the mound that translates to such little whatever stats as Syndergaard. Even his nickname, which I refuse to use, because to be known by “Thor” means being a Norse God. What kind of Norse God gives up weak-sister homers to some of the weakest hitters in the league? I call him the Norse God, Yawn from Assgard.

Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.26, as he was activated from the IL. So, he has roughly 55 IP so far, and there’s roughly a half season left. I could see him coming in at around 130 IP this year total. So more innings to come. Great innings, too, which makes a difference.

Nick Lodolo – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.19, as he was activated from the IL. Nice to see Yolo Lodolo back, and less of YGTBFKM Greene.

Dakota Hudson – Cards manager, Oli of Olay, said Hudson’s rotation spot is in jeopardy. Yeah, just create a new top 40 starter in their Build a Player factory.

Austin Riley – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer. Psst, Austin Riley is on pace for 40 homers. Yeehaw. Pass it on.

William Contreras – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. My kingdom for a pulled hamstring for d’Arnaud.

Ian Anderson – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at…Guess. You know it’s been bad, but he just pitched well, and, c’mon, guess! No way! It’s 5.09! I have this guy in one league, where I accidentally drafted him after not liking him all preseason, and it’s hard to look at that team.

Kenley Jansen – Will supposedly be ready to go on July 12th, but I will be a believing man when I’m a seeing man.

Cal Quantrill – 4 IP, 3 ER, and three unearned runs, ERA at 3.86. Ticker shock!

Eric Haase – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and third in a week, and he was in last week’s Buy column, and will likely be in this week’s, which will be available today on our Patreon.

Spencer Howard – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 10.97, as he was recalled. That went like this, “Member that guy we liked briefly a few years ago?” “Howie Howard?” “Uhh, no, Spencer Howard.” “Oh, yeah.”

Mitch Garver – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!

Nathaniel Lowe – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. Ya know what kind of season he’s headed for? Kind where he’s way more valuable for fantasy than you thought.

Ryan McKenna – 2-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (1) and legs (2). He runs like Mays, and hits like “he’s never seen the game of baseball before and wears berets.”

Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 24th and 25th homer. Before the game, Schwarber said, “Hey, why are you standing in front of my calendar? I wanna see what month it is.”

J.T. Realmuto – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Jerry Tomato must be in-season.

Cristopher Sanchez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.48. He was facing a Gnats team that forfeited in March, and I wouldn’t even trust this guy if the Streamonator liked him.

Xander Bogaerts – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and his first homer since June 4th. “Let’s just push the body out of the boat and go back and have some din-din–Wait! Bogaerts moved! He’s alive!”

Trevor Story – 1-for-5 and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Story: Does nothing for three weeks. Also Story: Is the best hitter in baseball for a week.

Nick Pivetta – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.68 vs. Jeffrey Springs – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.53. Regression Fairies didn’t have to go to the bathroom between innings, huh?

Chris Taylor – Hit the IL with a fractured foot. I just said to someone in the comments yesterday that Miguel Vargas has nowhere to play because Chris Taylor is healthy. *emoji with big eyes that is reading an x-ray, until a doctor emoji walks in to tell me I’m actually looking at a takeout menu on a light box*

Max Muncy – 2-for-2, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (8) and legs (1). Have all his homers come against Rockies pitching? Don’t answer, just squint your eyes closed and ruminate.

Mookie Betts – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer. Mookie Best!

Kris Bryant – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. Gotta give it to the Rockies, this is a great free agent signing!

Alex Wood – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.83. Between Wood, Cobb and Webb, the Giants have pound-for-pound the most positive regression coming their way. If you found us by googling, “Wood + Cobb Webb,” just remove it with a tissue! What are you doing?!

Eloy Jimenez – Was in the clubhouse last night, and will be activated today. He says he’s just trying to stay in shape. That shape is “an elderly person who pulls a hammy walking in the mall.”

Michael Kopech – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.34. About to start dropping all my pitchers stock my shelves with Jose Quintana and Johnny Cueto. Pray for me.

Jorge Polanco – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. My autocorrect wrote Oldman Co., and I think it’s because I watched Old Man on Hulu and now I want to sue Apple for invasion of privacy. Does anyone know an attorney who would take this case? I don’t want no park bench attorney either. I want “highway off-ramp” attorney.

Alex Kirilloff – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer. Also in this game teeing (Kirill)off on Kopech was Max Kepler (2-for-4, 2 runs) hitting his 9th, and Jose Miranda (1-for-5, 2 RBIs) hitting his 6th homer. I like all of them to varying levels, but I checked all for schmotatoness, and found nil.

Daniel Vogelbach – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. The Jelly Donut of Swat kreme’d that ball!

Jack Suwinski – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Thinking about how I’d take 14 homers the rest of the way from Eloy Jimenez and cackling until I’m carted away by health care professionals.

Jose Quintana – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.33. Across multiple leagues, I had Clevinger, Kikuchi, Ian Anderson, Quantrill, Kopech, Syndergaard and others. My best pitcher last night was Quintana vs. the Yanks. You gotta be Jo-Quin.

Jameson Taillon – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.63. His next start is in Boston and Streamonator is holding its robot nose.

Yusei Kikuchi – 2 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.12. Can’t believe I used to sing Lisa Loeb with his first name. He doesn’t even deserve the Baha Men.

Teoscar Hernandez – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer. One time I take him out of my lineup all year…sonavabench!

Stephen Piscotty – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. Where’s this guy been? Piscotty doesn’t know! Piscotty doesn’t know! Then who does? Piscotty doesn’t know! Piscotty doesn’t know!

Seiya Suzuki – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. Who’s better coming off a shutdown than this guy?

Rowdy Tellez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. If you did a search of the comments for Tellez, Razzball commenters are taking his name quite literally, even if they’re not listening. Tellez? I keep tellin’ ya! He’s good! People are like, “Tellez or Mancini?” And I’m saying, “More like Tellez or Abreu?” By the by, on the Player Rater, it’s Tellez.

Jason Alexander – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.75. What’s the opposite of shrinkage?

MJ Melendez – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer, and 3rd homer in two days. Melendez is hotter than Menendez’s attorney. What? I have a cougar problem, leave me alone!

Bobby Witt Jr. – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .236. The Royals should teach Olivares how to announce so he can do it from the bench.

Jeremy Pena – 1-for-5 and his 12th homer. He’s almost ten spots higher than Correa on the Player Rater for shortstops. That shizz is embarrassing.

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 25th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. You ever see Captain Woo Cubano and start singing James Ingram’s Just Once? If not, why?

Mike Clevinger – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.34. Let’s see if I have the pattern down yet: Good start but can’t go 5 IP, good start but can’t go 5 IP, bad start that’s 5+ IP, IL stint, good start but can’t go 5 IP, good start but can’t go 5 IP, bad start that’s 5+ IP…And what are we up to?

Logan Gilbert – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 2.61. Bet all you nerds can’t wait for Kyle Lewis and Logan Gilbert to be active on the same roster.

Sam Haggerty – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (3). Haggerty? Shirley, you can’t be serious.