[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1380460″ player=”13959″ title=”2013 Fantasy Football Tight Ends” duration=”160″ description=”0:23 Darren Waller 0:56 Cole Kmet 1:45 Kyle Pitts” uploaddate=”2023-08-13″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1380460_th_64d83e81af895_1691893377.jpg” image=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1380460_sd_64d83e81af895_1691893377.jpg” contenturl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1380460.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]

Teoscar Hernandez (5-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer) hasn’t been that bad this year, right? *checks the Player Rater* Oh, he’s like at 40th overall. That’s not bad at all! 40 what? Haha, 40 ounces, my dude, let’s get that St. Ides! You’re not being distracted by that non sequitur? Okay, 40th *covers mouth so you can’t hear* outfielder. Not bad at all! Around Mike Trout, who’s been out since 2019, and Bryan De Palma Cruz. So, maybe Teoscar hasn’t been great thus far, but he’s one of those guys who could be the best in baseball for the final six weeks. Also, in this game, Eugenio Suarez (1-for-5, 2 runs) who was the last Mariners’ player who I said could be the best player in the 2nd half, and he hasn’t been bad at all (9 HR in roughly 150 ABs). Ty France (4-for-6, 10th homer) even got in on the action, as France hit a French fly saying, “That’s as good as it baguettes!” Finally, Josh Rojas (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st homer. It was a called shot. He called a weak bloop to 2nd, and it went out. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Andres Munoz – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.78, as he kinda blew the game, but it was more Josh Rojas’s fault. He made a throw to where he was pointing for his called shot.

Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Eff why hoo, I’m gonna be all-in on Witt next year. A changed man! Just a heads up for when he sucks next year.

Royce Lewis – 1-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. Think if you went back to look, he’d have more mentions about injuries than any other mentions. Still less so than Buxton, Kirilloff–Hold up, Twins running a healthcare scam? Are they overbilling? Are we gonna see them on Dateline? I have questions, y’all! So, Lewis is clearly talented when healthy. “When healthy” has its own condo by the beach.

Willi Castro – Hit the IL, as the Twins overbill Medicare! It has to be! No? Hmm.

Matt Wallner – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer. That’s in just over 100 at-bats, or, ya know, a 40+ homer pace. Everyone clamoring for Lewis. Mean’s while, Wallner has done nothing but hit.

Bailey Ober – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.40. If I had to choose between blech and meh, give meh every time. Fantasy Baseball: Mastering Expectations.

Alex Faedo – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.16. Went to look at his player page (click on his name — lead a horse to water), and Faedo’s been better than I expected, but Streamonator hates his next one, and I can’t say I trust him.

Miguel Cabrera – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and career homer 509. Now give him the juiced balls for the final six weeks so he gets to 600 homers!

Spencer Torkelson – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer. Was gonna say he hits 1-for-4 and only 1-for-4, but his average is .228, so at some point he hit a homer and went 0-for-3. (Don’t check my math.)

Jorge Alfaro – Signed with the Marlins, after two years of playing with every team in the league as he built up his Immaculate Grid cred.

Jorge Soler – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer. It’s not climate change. Soler just shines brighter in a contract year.

Cristian Javier – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.49. Granted, I haven’t checked Astros news outlets, sites, etc., but has anyone been talking about what’s wrong with Javier? He’s so clearly busted, and they just keep running him out there. Hope they have a safeguard against Dusty, because he once threw The Harangutan for 160 pitches in a 5-4 game.

Kyle Tucker – 2-for-4 and his 23rd homer, hitting .296. “Hey, it’s Mr. H2H in Miami!” sung like Pitbull.

Chas McCormick – 1-for-3 and his 16th homer, hitting .284. Was gonna say McCormick is above Giancarlo on the Player Rater, but it’s not even close. Chas is around top 30 OF; Giancarlo is barely top 100.

Yainer Diaz – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .273. Since I was looking at the Player Rater, Yainer’s going to be a top 10 catcher, and he didn’t play for about six weeks.

Logan Allen – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.33. This came in Cincy, like en bee dee. This is gonna go high and wide over most heads, but I’ve been listening to Tems recently, and she’s so good. Love her songs. Just so soothing. Like a warm hug. Guards’ starters are her songs.

Graham Ashcraft – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.89. Someone asked yesterday how many IP he’d have left this year (I think they asked), and he doesn’t seem like he’s in danger of being limited much. Maybe the last week or so, but everyone could miss that week.

Dylan Carlson – Has renewed ankle soreness to go with his oblique injury. If he were traded at the deadline, he’d have grown a third ankle that would’ve replaced the faulty one and would have 27 homers in the last ten games.

Dakota Hudson – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.03. Ooh, yeah, baby, you like that?! That’s a stream, and I’d rely on Streamonator for him.

Nolan Arenado – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .289. I have a Billy Ripken error card. Well, not error, because he intended it, nah’mean? Here, let me show it to you by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado! By the by, we started a baseball card podcast that has a fantasy angle. Check it out! Maybe they’ll have me on one of these weeks to talk about my baseball card collection. Can anyone say, “5000 mint Gregg Jefferies rookies?”

Jordan Walker – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 11th homer. I regret to inform you I’m going to be crazy about Walker next year too.

Lucas Giolito – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.44 vs. Jordan Montgomery – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.30. This matchup was billed as, “A good reason for Grey to point out how people are excited about Giolito in March and JoMo will once again fall in drafts.”

Corey Seager – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 21st and 22nd homer. Gonna be fun to see the Rangers’ stacked lineup meet the Astros’ stacked lineup in the playoffs, and then maybe the Braves’ stacked lineup in the Series, and literally like one decent pitcher on each team.

JJ Bleday – Hit the IL with an ACL sprain. Too bad for Jimmy-uh Jimmy Bleday. That should open up some playing time for Lawrence Butler (1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer), who just needs the middle name Creighton, to have the three college name. Giving Butler some rope is dangerous since he’s a bulldog. He had 15/21/.280-ish minor league numbers, but might hit .220 in the majors, and it’s the A’s.

Jordan Romano – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.72, and his 29th save, as he was activated from the IL. Hicks, Swanson, and *coughing at myself* Yimi are all kinda useless now.

Yusei Kikuchi – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.44. Who’s better on the Player Rater, Kikuchi or his opponent, Zack Wheeler (7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.63? Okay, Wheeler, but it’s close.

Michael Wacha – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, 1 walk, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.68, as he was activated from the IL. No presh, but I need him to throw 60 more innings of shutout ball. Go get ’em, Wacha!

Gary Sanchez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer. Gary is riding those “Everything the Yanks discarded is better than what they have” coattails.

Jack Flaherty – 3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.73. Like you saying to your wife, “No, that dress is nice. It hides your cellulite.” The bad Flaherty showed up.

Luis Robert Jr. – 2-for-5 and his 32nd homer, hitting .273. See, I called LouBob a buss. Not bust, but buss. As in the Urban Dictionary definition.

Ian Happ – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .240. Happ Happens.

Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. He’s hitting 8th, and, ya know what, it actually makes sense.

Jonathan Arauz – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!

David Peterson – 3 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, 6 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.45. Not remotely worthwhile in 30-team leagues that only use Mets players, but I am kinda curios what on earth happened to this guy this year.

Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-4 and his 17th homer, 2nd homer in as many games. Someone forgot to relay to Nimmo that the Mets are trying to lose. Maybe they couldn’t find him.

Liover Peguero – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in three games, and he’s only played in 22 games total. Trying not to make too big deal of Liover, because I know most won’t pick him up, but he’s at least a schmotato, and at worst worth monocle’ing.

Bobby Miller – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.70. His peripherals look solid, and I wanna like him, but I also hate that Gavin Stone sucked so bad, and I could’ve had Bobby Miller, and ugh. But, yes, Miller’s been solid.

Thairo Estrada – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. Welcome back! Now, please keep doing well so they stop hitting you 9th.

Manuel Margot – Hit the IL with loose bodies in his elbow. “Loose bodies are,” David Caruso lowers sunglasses, “The kind that sleep around.”

Wander Franco – Attorney General of the Dominican Republic says that there is a complaint filed by a minor against Wander Franco. For those that thought this was going to be resolved as a misunderstanding, it doesn’t feel like it’s trending that way.

Shane McClanahan – Will undergo Tommy John surgery, and miss all of next year. It’ll be the 2nd time he’s had Tommy John.

Vaughn Grissom – Just thought back to how I liked Vaughn Grissom in the preseason, and disliked all other Braves’ hitters and I cackled for 45 minutes on my front lawn until my neighbors called a hospital and I was carted away in a straitjacket. Just incredible galaxy braining by yours truly. Send my brain to BU to get checked for CTE. So, Grissom was performing well in Triple-A Gwinnett Stefani, .327/.412/.494 with six homers and 11 stolen bases across 406 plate appearances. When Albies returns, Grissom might be gone-zo, and, even without Albies, Nicky Lopez is seeing playing time, so, yeah, Grissom might not be worth a grab in mixed leagues.

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer. Tildaddy points out he’s on pace for the greatest fantasy season ever after we just had that last year with Judge!

Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer. You could fall off the turnip truck and be valuable in the Braves’ lineup.

Bryce Elder – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.46. Oh, he’s not back, this is an indication of just how awful the Yikes have fallen. As a Yankees’ fan growing up, I lived through some terrible Yankee teams, and this one may as well have Dale Berra and Ed Whitson in the dugout fighting with Billy Martin. With that said, Streamonator hates his next one, but it’s vs. the Mets, and I could see it.

Kyle Finnegan – Will remain the closer, even with the return of Hunter Harvey, says Davey Martinez, and because he said something, now I trust it less, but we’ll see. Or not! Your call!

Alex Verdugo – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Alex Cora had the 3rd base coach put the brakes on Verdugo’s home run trot, so he had to run through it, and Cora had no choice but to get mad.

Nick Pivetta – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.34. Also, he has a 3.33 SP%. SP% is my stat I’m trying to get included on Statcast. It measures the starts until a pumpkin.