Yesterday, Jason Vargas was traded to the Phillies. Good luck, Phillies reporters! Vargas will be the 1st player to throw batteries back at fans. “What’s with that stupid grin?” Rhys Hoskins pulls Vargas by the arm, “Hey, Vargy, that’s, uh, the Phanatic. His expression doesn’t change.”  “I’ll knock that smirk off his face!”  So, Vargas now becomes the ace of the Phillies’ staff, which means he’s a league-average starter.  I keed. A little. Aaron Nola is good, just not this year.  Since Vargas doesn’t even change divisions, his value stays pretty level, except Citizens Flank is a worse park than Metco, so there’s a slight tick down, if anything. How about this trading deadline so far?  Huh?  It’s almost as good as the Winter Hot Stove.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Enrique Hernandez – Hit the IL. Wanna know how well the Dodgers are playing? Kiké’s been hurt for a few days, but Dodgers were like, “Whatever, we’re in the playoffs, play a man down, I don’t feel like doing the paperwork.”

Jon Gray – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.88.  *turns to reflection in the mirror* Reflection, “You should never quit Gray.” *thinks* Is that an order to not quit or are you saying I shouldn’t quit Jon Gray?  Reflection? Don’t just stare at me!  Ahhh!!!

David Dahl – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .304.  It’s nice to be back in Coors.

Jordan Lyles – Traded to the Brewers for Cody Ponce.  Daniel Ponce De Leon is like, “Yo, Cody, don’t disown our De Leon side of the family.” Lyles has a 9.57 ERA over his last nine starts, so he becomes the Brewers what? Number one starter? Okay, that’s a little harsh, but his 5.36 ERA looks pretty solid in that ragtag rotation. He’s barely a streamer in most mixed leagues.

Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .278.  An Angels’ beat reporter said that while Cabrera was rounding the bases on his home run, Albert Pujols commented, “Who is that speed demon?”

Jaime Barria – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 6.28. Fun fact!  A Barria is an all-female barrio.  Also, Barria is a Streamonator call, when applicable.

Kole Calhoun – 1-for-4 and his 24th homer, hitting .238.  I mention this on the podcast coming later today, but Calhoun or Khris Davis?  Okay, answer again after seeing Davis has only homered 11 times in this country this year.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-5 and his 18th homer, hitting .331.  FTJ! Fun the jewels fast! Fun the jewels fast!

Franmil Reyes – 1-for-3 and his 27th homer, hitting .253.  This might be the last homer Franmil hits for the Padres. Maybe, if we’re lucky, he’ll go to the Brewers so he can hit bombs and go by Franmilwaukee.

Luis Urias – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer.  Wait, he’s not a bust after almost 100 major league at-bats?  Really?  Wow, so surprising. I thought that was the end of his career.  Looks like the Orioles’ pitching can help anyone reach their potential.

Chris Paddack – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.78, and 0.90 WHIP. At home vs. the Orioles?  Anything else would’ve been unacceptable. But how about that WHIP tho? Yummers!

Eric Hosmer – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .283. Take the red pill and go back to your ordinary life. Take the “Facing Orioles’ pitching” pill and become Babe Ruth. Which do you take?

Bo Bichette – 1-for-4 as he was called up. If you were in a one-day coma or just got super drunk on Sunday and it dragged into Monday, I went over Bichette yesterday. Click on his name and you are magically transported to all mentions of him (clickbait!).

Teoscar Hernandez – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 15th homer.  I won’t point out how Teoscar’s been better than Vlad Jr., because that’s just cruel (and prolly inaccurate when you consider AVG, runs and RBIs).

Cavan Biggio – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .216, and his 2nd homer in three games, but hitting around .150 in that time. The Seeds of the 2002 All-Stars will all see better days, but right now Vlad Jr., Biggio and Bichette look like them in their final years, when they were bald and hobbling.

Ken Giles – Dealing with elbow inflammation. That’s when the trade rumors are too hot!  I grabbed Daniel Hudson in every league, where I could.

Brad Keller – 7 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.01. Streamonator hates his next start, and, since it’s against the Twins, you have to have a few marbles loose in your domepiece to start him there.

Sonny Gray – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.45. Reds jumped out to a ten-run lead and Gray cruised out to the W on the Ivictory Coast. Damn, that sounds nice. I’m currently in Palm Springs where it’s 117 degrees, and I fear if I get locked in my car, I will die. You can’t get locked in your car, right?

Jose Iglesias – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer. I wonder if it sends conflicting messages to Reds fans that they have two different Iglesiases. That’s interfaith team construction.

Josh VanMeter – 1-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .311. Not VanMeter’s biggest game in the last week, but I meant to mention him yesterday, and I got sidetracked — ooh, a birdie! He had three homers in three games from Thursday thru Saturday, and I grabbed him in one deeper league. His pedigree comes with caveats; he flamed out in Double and Triple-A in previous years. He was solid this year, though, going 14/8/.348 in 49 games in Triple-A, and I’m either grabbing or cyclops’ing, depending on league depth.

Starling Marte – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 18th homer, hitting .285. Has he been discussed in trades?  Pirates should trade this guy, instead of their rando pitchers. Not that Marte is bad, but hs best days are behind him and could fetch something on the market, methinks.

Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Hot schmotato alert!

Harrison Bader – Was optioned to the minors. Bader’s not sure what happened, he worked all offseason with Brett Lawrie.

Max Scherzer – Hit the IL again with more back issues of Men’s Health, which is a wildly hetero magazine. Brucely, this stinks for Scherzer. Back concerns are a major liability for pitchers (as I was worried about with Clevinger in the 1st half), and this could limit Scherzer to under 30 IP in the 2nd half.

Patrick Corbin – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.23. Since June 19th, he has a 1.76 ERA in 51 IP. Yes, cherrypicking, but so what?

Anthony Rendon – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 23rd homer, a grand slam, hitting .318.  Rendon could still get in the MVP conversation. Dot dot dot. If he hits 30 more homers, and Yelich goes 0-for-145 and Bellinger goes 1-for-132.  Math is accurate there.

Dallas Keuchel – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.86.  This is such an accurate representation of what Keuchel is I’m going to start calling a 3.86 ERA, The Dallas.  “Are you visiting Fort Worth?”  “Close, gonna be in 3.86 for a few days.”

Ketel Marte – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer.  If you’re as plugged in and hip as moi, you’re likely thinking the same thing as me. Marte’s really slowed down in the 2nd half. Yes and no. He only has three homers in 59 ABs (that’s not that bad), but he’s also hitting near-.370 in that time. So, we were both wrong, if you were wrong like me.  By the by, Wrong Like Me is my debut single off the I Told You Stop Following Me album.

Greg Holland – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.54.  This was one extra dagger for the people too slow to drop him when he was removed from the 9th. I was one of those people. *plays Wrong Like Me*

Carson Kelly – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 13th homer, hitting .268.  Just because I like razzing him, Buster Posey has five homers, and a worse average than Kelly.

Merrill Kelly – 6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.52.  Miles Mikolas you are not.  You’re not even Piles Pickolas.

Brian Anderson – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 15th homer, hitting .247, and 2nd homer in as many games.  I touted Garrett Cooper so many times a representative from the Cooper family rang me up to stop. That’s cool, we cool, but, in the last week or so, Anderson has been better, so I ain’t sweating you, Cooper.

Miguel Rojas – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer in three games.  Whoa, whoa, WHOA, not to be confused with Woah, Noah’s brother who was like, “I got an umbrella, you bozo.” How does Rojas only have four homers total and three in three games? That doesn’t add up. I mean, literally it does, but if a guy is struggling to hit homers all year then hits three in three games, it’s a little goofy.  Think of Jarrod Dyson hitting three homers in three games.  “I can make it happen.”  Stop it, Rob Manfred!  Stop it right now.

Caleb Smith – 7 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.43. I don’t know if he’s good for *making bunny ears* “baseball” or *making bunny ears* “the sport” or whatever, but, man, I love me some Caleb Smith. Give me three Caleb Smiths, two avocado toasts and put on some Benny Mardones. (The guy in the video who opens the door is the best thing you will see all week.)

2020 Draft Kit
 
  1. Gary Z says:
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    Jordan Lyles….JORDAN LYLES??? What is the point of this trade? To say we did something at the trade deadline??? Gave up a AA arm that we could’ve packaged for anyone better. It’s hard to question Stearns since he did get us to within a game of the WS last year, but this just doesn’t make sense. We don’t have the prospects for a ground ball pitcher like Stroman, but we have to be all in after signing Cain, Yelich, Moose, and Grandal. Grrrr!!!!!
    Ok thanks for letting me vent lol

    • And Now the Jon Lovitz Dancers! says:
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      should’ve traded for your pitching coach back (check MIL’s last year’s pitching performances, compare them to pretty much any other season’s for MIL, then go look at CIN’s this year, and also compare those to almost all other nearby CIN seasons). jebus, w.miley even learned something from that guy. davies, chacin were also fantasy ownable during that pitching coach’s tenure. pretty much their entire bullpen last year too.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha, No problem… I’d trade one of their way-too-many bats for some pitching quickly

      • Gary Z says:
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        Losing Knebel for the year obviously hurt us too. I agree with you that we could dish a stick. Lovitz – good points but no coach can make this roster of pitchers better lol…oh well, we will stay tuned til Wednesday 3pm!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yup

  2. Alex says:
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    Benny Mardones, that’s nice!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha

  3. Ivanmakebasket says:
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    What a shitty day for me besides Caleb Smith. I picked up vanmeter yesterday and had him and Puig in my lineup. The reds scored 11 runs, yesss… Wait… Puig and vanmeter went a combined 1-8 with 1 rbi. Add in story going 0-5 where the Rockies score 9 and Eduardo escobar 0-4 with the d backs scoring 6 and I’m really on fire!

    Fucking Puig looks like he’s back in his April funk. Idc how good Puig is for 2 months of the season, in a head to head league he kills you for half the season matchups, if not more. I will never draft him again no matter how far he falls… Fast forward to my 2020 draft… (Me thinking to myself in round 9) “How is Puig still available???”

    • Ivanmakebasket says:
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      Puigs last 15 games he’s hitting 218 with 1 hr. The 15 games before that he was hitting like 400 with 6 homers.

      I’m about to cut him i can’t afford puig going dark on me right now.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        I remember at the 2nd half rankings people complaining Puig wasn’t included

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Puig goes so ice cold for extended periods it’s crazy

  4. Mike says:
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    Drop senzel for Calhoun?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I’m still holding out hope for Senzel even though he -may not know which direction is up

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Meh, different things, if you need power, sure

  5. Norman Ginsberg says:
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    Assuming Sano’s hand injury is minor, please rate: Braun; Sano; Kingery.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Kingery, Sano, Braun for me

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  6. Jon says:
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    QS League in 1st going for the win. Thinking Wheeler is a good get if hes traded.

    German Marquez or Zach Wheeler?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Depends how badly you need innings. Wheeler for me in H2H, might go Marquez if it’s daily roto but really hurts having to bench Marquez at home….

    • Malicious Phenoms says:
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      Wheeler

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with others

  7. howtathor says:
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    Grey, do you think the Kike injury will help the Lux situation? Can’t just have a bagel at 2B!

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Seems like not til September for Lux unfortunately

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Dodgers said Lux isn’t coming up

  8. Cable says:
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    h/h points …redraft

    ROS…pick one. A Judge or R Hoskins

    • Malicious Phenoms says:
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      Judge

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Judge for me

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with others

  9. Arod’s Frost says:
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    Start Gallen vs. Minny?

    Also For rest of the season production please rank: Urias, Bichette, Odor or VanMeter

    Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’m starting Gallen

      Bo, Odor

      • William Hung says:
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        Are you starting Gallen in the same vein as how if you owned Archer you’d start Archer? I’m thinking of streaming Gallen today, but Minny is scary

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I’m actually starting Gallen in a league

  10. In a keep forever format (6×6 ops), would you trade correa, kepler, and luis robert to get lindor plus a throw-in to help in the stretch run? If thats too much what about correa plus berrios?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      This could come back to haunt you as soon as next year, but if you can win, you go for the win

  11. galica says:
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    Grey!

    Great job, man. Loved it!

    a. Nice to see your boys doing well – Sonny and Jon! Again they pitch on the same day, weird science!

    b. Gonna hang on to VanMeter for a while, see what’s up.

    c. Abbott and Costello quote of the day for July 30

    Keep ’em Flying, 1941

    [Abbott and Costello get into more shenanigans looking for Jinx on the base. Trying to find him they volunteer (once again) to join, this time the air force.]

    Abbott: Hey, Heathcliff, there’s Jinx now! Don’t you wish you could fly a plane like him?

    Costello: Not me. I wanna stay on the terra firma. And the firma the terra, the terra I’m gonna firma.

    Lou, mansplaining it for y’all.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      A. Weird science, indeed!

      C. Nice!

  12. Pine Tar Incident says:
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    ***bulk (non) alert***

    Don’t appear to be bulk guys, with Eshelman announced as a starter today.

    Have Ryu and Bumgarner pitching in Coors this week. I’m guessing I’ve got to sit them and try to ride the SON to respectability?

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Sit em

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks!

      Agree with DT

  13. dingo37 says:
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    I remember liking the song as a teen; never saw the video before. Always envisioned some 19 year pining over a slightly younger girl. This is just creepy….. I’d be interested to know how many Persian rug kissing takes Benny insisted on. Listen to Tommy Chong and leave her alone!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      HAHA, it’s so creepy

  14. Gary Strasberg says:
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    Thanks for that video! That guy has the gimp in his basement.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      HA

  15. MarvPesos

    Marv says:
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    Hey Grey,

    H2H 12-team cat. keeper (keep12) balanced stats (R,H,HR,RBI,SB,BB,AVG, OPS,XBH / W,CG,SV,K,GIDP,ERA,WHIP,QS), limited moves (35 per year), no streaming.

    10 days to work on this team below (trade deadline), any guys you’d be trying to sell off ?

    I’m a little weak on pitching and have 1 or 2 too many bench bats but not much out there. Available Waiver guys below if you think anyone is worth swapping out

    Waiver wire

    HIT – R. Nunez, A. Santander, R. McMahon, K. Calhoun, J. Smoak, S. Kingery, G. Cooper, D. Santana, D. Fletcher, J. Soler, K. Schwarber, F. Galvis, B. Dozier, A. Simmons, G. Urshela,

    PIT – S. Matz, J. Vargas, R. Yarnbrough, B. Keller, T. Roark, A. DeSclafani, C. Anderson, G. Sparkman, J. Junis, C. Bassit, D. Duffy, H. Bailey, J. Chacin,, R. Hill (60-DL)

    RP – I. Kennedy, S. Greene, B. Treinen, L. Jackson, G. Holland, H. Robles, S. Kelley

    My team:
    C – W. Ramos
    1B – A. Rizzo
    2B – K. Marte
    3B – C. Santana
    SS – J. Polanco
    CI – P. Goldschmidt
    MI – T. Turner
    LF – J.D. Martinez
    CF – C. Yelich
    RF – C. Blackmon
    Util – E. Suarez
    BN – D. Santana
    BN – H. Dozier
    BN – L. Urias

    SP – J. Paxton
    SP – J. Verlander
    SP – W. Buehler
    RP – K. Jansen (RP)
    RP – J. Hader (RP)
    P – K. Giles (RP) DTD
    P – Z. Gallen
    BN – D. Lamet
    BN – D. Cease
    BN – B. Mckay (NA)
    DL – C. Kluber (60-DL)
    DL – A. Heaney (10-DL)

    Thanks bud
    Marv

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      You can’t trade two bats for one pitcher? Eugenio/Dozier for Bieber? Something like that gives you ability to move guys around

      Matz over Urias since bench bat

      • MarvPesos

        marv says:
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        Yeah I’ve tried and literally those two guys (Dozier/Suarez) but no one wants them. Most teams that aren’t going to make playoffs aren’t paying much attention anymore and the ones on the fence all think they can make it and don’t want to trade anything, really weird year (not much trading at all in our league -> to which I think is half the fun of fantasy).
        One of the guys out of playoffs has said I could grab PLesic & G. Marquez off him but would need to throw something fair back and possibly picks. Are they worth acquiring ?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Bleh, not great trade targets, but I guess depends how much you have give

  16. Kruk_Ain't_An_Athlete says:
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    14-team Saves+Holds 5×5 roto.

    I am doing well in ERA and WHIP so I do not want to hurt those categories but I’m chasing Saves+Holds so I picked these guys for my shortlist.

    I own Hand and Hendriks. Do I keep both? I assume so…

    Give me a couple of more names from this list that you like, if any…

    S.Dyson, A.Miller, A.Cimber, Lorenzen, Y.Lopez, Lugo, and Kolarek.

    • Kruk_Ain't_An_Athlete says:
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      …and D.Hudson is available, too.

      • Kruk_Ain't_An_Athlete says:
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        …and Familia, Soria, Givens, Garrett, O.Drake, C.Martin, Poche, and Joe Jimenez who all have favorable ROS stats on Razzball Steamer.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      I like Martin, Garrett, Dyson, Miller, Jimenez. Garrett is tops if you don’t need saves specifically.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT