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Yesterday, Michael Conforto went 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer, and, like, his 43rd homer in the last month (9 homers since the break). Men, dudes, bros, youse, five lady readers, Goofusses and Gallants, Cousin Sweatpants, my peeps from another Easter basket! Conforto gets scorching hot for these month-long stretches that makes you think he could put it together for a whole year one of these days, um, years. He’s the third Met player in history with 100+ homers before the age of 27. The other two are Darryl Strawberry and David Wright. The three of them all stayed at a Howard Johnson in the offseason. HoJo puts on a team-building seminar on his back patio and provides snacks, and Lenny Dykstra works the valet. Conforto’s in-Confort-ible! *screams for 10 minutes* Okay. I’m back. If you look at Conforto’s peripherals he really is more this post-All-Star break hitter, and less the one that struggled for the previous six weeks prior to this. Hopefully, Conforto stays in-Conforto-ible for the rest of this year and into 2020. I can see it now! (Only another 18 months of bad 2020 puns.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 37th homer, 3rd homer in three games, totally decimated value since the Home Run Derby, it’s really ruined him, a shame, isn’t it? Albombso!
Jeff McNeil – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, and his 5th homer in ten days. So, here’s an interesting tidbit, when McNeil was first called up last year, I called him a potential Jeff Kent because of the power he exhibited in the minors. I abandoned that as it seemed he abandoned power for batting average. The great thing about batting average guys like him (Votto when younger) is they can hit for power if they choose to. P to the erhaps, McNeil is doing the choosing.
Steven Matz – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.49. Between Wheeler and Matz for my teams’ pitching recently, everything is coming up Grey!
Miguel Rojas – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. Too bad, so sad. Isan Diaz is the greatest living Marlins hitter and will play every day now.
Brian Anderson – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, and five homers in the last 11 games. Been schmotato’ing since Mick Jagger’s elementary teacher told me, “It’s ‘I’m unable to get any satisfaction.'”
Yuli Gurriel – 2-for-4, 8 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .298. He had 8 homers as of July 1st. If you can prove to me that you picked up Gurriel on July 1st and held him this whole time, I will send you a Razzball t-shirt. No questions asked, except were both your parents witches and did you always know you were a witch. First witch to prove it, in case there’s multiple witches.
Jose Altuve – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 19th homer, hitting .298. Altuve’s found his swing in the 2nd half. It was where he left it by the jungle gym.
Nolan Arenado – 1-for-2 and his 25th homer. Wow, the signed liner notes of Yesterday by Lennon-McCartney? So cool, I’m just going to randomly place them by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!
Zack Godley – Claimed off waivers by the Jays. Was gonna mention this the other day when the DBacks released him, but it isn’t totally fantasy relevant, but now I guess I care less about that. I could see Godley reclaiming some value and being a steal for the Jays. Not this year, of course.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer, hitting .277. If you were at a Gurriel family reunion at the end of June, and, instead of checking in on Facebook, accidentally just picked up all Gurriels, you are hashtag blessed.
Randal Grichuk – 1-for-3 and his 19th homer, hitting .240. I told you he was a hot schmotato yesterday and today I say check out Wednesday Grey’s words of wisdom.
Ken Giles – 1 IP, 2 ER, and the save, ERA at 1.95. Giles looks lit! As in a dumpster fire. Ken Giles had another rocky outing, but was buoyed by his pitching coach coming out and telling him, “Oooh Giles, things are gonna get easier. Ooh Giles, things’ll get brighter.” I looked at Derek Law as a pickup, saw his stats and made an executive decision to try Justin Shafer again. Yes, it was an executive decision because I am the GM for my fantasy team and I wear a brown, plaid suit when making moves like I’m Bear Bryant. Speaking of which (awesome segue!), our fantasy football leagues are signing up.
Brendan McKay – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.55. Streamonator loved this start, so let’s see what that meant. It predicted a line of 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. An extra baserunner, two extra Ks and an earned run; GTFO, Robot Overlords!
Gio Urshela – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 13th and 14th homer, hitting .319. To think, in the preseason, you could’ve had him for two of Ur-shekelas.
Cameron Maybin – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (7) and legs (7). Every time I see four hits I naturally assume the player had a cycle. You’ve damaged me, 2019 baseball!
Kyle Higashioka – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer. If you’re not streaming every hitter against the O’s, you’re doing it wrong.
Trey Mancini – 1-for-4 and his 27th homer. Sometimes, I’ll go into my sunken place and imagine owning Mancini and Kepler on as many teams this year as I did last year.
Chris Davis – 0-for-1 and got into a fight with his manager in the dugout. Supposedly, he said, “What do I have to f*cking do to get taken out of the lineup?”
Keston Hiura – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th and 13th homer. He be Keston those balls goodbye! Just yesterday people were asking about dropping Hiura. So, y’all should be thanking that person.
Joe Ross – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 6.75. It’s super cool that Fedde and Joe Ross are pitched gems vs. the Giants when Marquez gives up more earned runs than anyone in the history of baseball vs. the Giants. Seriously. I’m happy for them. *places tacks on desk, slams head into tacks*
Anthony Rendon – Removed from the game with a sore toe. This should lead to him sitting out for five games, getting a pinch-hit opportunity, then hitting the IL for two weeks. Lowercase yay!
Ryan Cordell – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 6th homer. He hit a 450-foot blast. That power, I’d love to say, is the reason why I own him in one AL-Only league, but I just needed someone to replace Tyler Naquin. Times be rough in AL-Only leagues.
Ivan Nova – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.80. He went against the Tigers, who are almost as bad as the M’s. The Tigers rawr, which is the sound of vomit after looking at their lineup.
Travis Demeritte – 2-for-4, 1 RBI, hitting .200. Been meaning to talk about this guy, and, guess what, now we do! He went to the Tigers in the Greene trade, and has big-time power, and a sore neck from watching pitches get to the catcher’s mitt after he swings at them. He’s a Donkey-type: K, HR, BB and occasional steal. Just cyclops’ing him in mixed leagues, but my shizz is squinting I’m watching so closely.
Martin Perez – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.80. I heard a Rangers’ reporter say ever since Perez starting pulling his socks up hitters have been putting a charge into the ball. See that, quitters do prosper.
Miguel Sano – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, which I know off the top of my head because I stupidly dropped Sano three games ago when he didn’t start, but I still have Marwin on my team like he’s ever been a thing! Position eligibility ain’t winning you a league, Grey!
Ozzie Albies – 4-for-5, 3 runs, and his 16th and 17th homer, hitting .296. Sports Contracts-2-Peruse dot org says Albies earned $170 between homers.
Freddie Freeman – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 29th homer, and third homer in three games. Rob Manfred announced Wednesday is National Stick A Dripping-With-Juice Straw In A Baseball Day.
Ronald Acuna Jr. – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 29th homer, hitting .293. Tildaddy says he’s got too much on his plate to play with you. Cat’s in the Cradle, Tildaddy! Cat’s in the Cradle!
Max Fried – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.11. The Braves better win the World Series this year, because next year’s regression to their starters is gonna be insane.
Charlie Culberson – 4-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .333. More like Charlie Chubberson!
Jose Quintana – 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.23. Sonavabench! Honestly, I don’t even know why I benched him. What were you thinking, Monday Grey, you big, dumb, handsome, stupid, sexy Fantasy Master Lothario!
Victor Caratini – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer. Before we high five and grab each other’s butts consensually, the Cubs signed Jonathan Lucroy, but real question, why?
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer. After the trade of Castellanos, Schwarber’s fantasy value took a hit. Don’t kill the messenger, Joe Buck.
Ian Happ – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in three games. If you were to stack the number of “post”s in front of “hype breakout” for Happ, they would reach the moon.
Dustin May – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.18. The Pigment Dodger is shining bright because everywhere he goes he’s whiter than the next nearest person. He’s also a guy who I spent $600 on in FAAB this past weekend, so let’s get these 40 ace innings!
Alex Reyes – Feeling pain in his pectoral and his season is over for the third straight year. I’d say put him in a bubble, but I care for the future of bubbles. I’m a bubblist.
Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer, hitting .252. OZUNA gleeful when he hits a home run. OZUNA also gleek-ful. OZUNA spittle out of control.
Jack Flaherty – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.72. I think if you were to simulate 1,000 starts of Flaherty vs. the Dodgers, he’d get hit hard in 900 of them.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-4 and his 21st homer. Only two shortstops in history have 20+ homers at 20 years old — FTJ and A-Rod. Fun the jewels!
Anthony Bass – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 2nd save, ERA at 3.26, and appears to be the M’s closer. I want you to do an experiment for me. Place your pants marbles on a scale. Now pick up Bass for your team. Have your marbles gotten bigger?
Kyle Seager – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Could be a light schmotato. Also, how bad is Corey that his Bro Seager is outproducing him?
Zach Plesac – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.13. See what happens when you’re polite? You said Plesac, and you got it. His parents should’ve named him, Gimme. Talk about mixed messages! His next start is ugly (vs. Sawx), but I don’t think you can drop him with how well he’s pitching.
Jose Ramirez – 3-for-6, 3 runs and a double slam (15, 16) and legs (23), hitting .245. Jo-Ram is going to get to a 20/35 season and be the least likely guy who maintained his 2nd round value, if you were polling people in June.
Willie Calhoun – 2-for-3 and his 9th homer, hitting .291. Yes, I love Willie (hehe), but it’s driving me mad that the Rangers don’t play him every day. Free Willie!
Shawn Kelley – Activated from the IL. Rangers have good reason to want Leclerc to close the rest of the year (insane contract), so Kelley’s droppable. By the by, you can’t say Shawn without yawning. Crazy, right?
Jason Vargas – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.09. Oh my God, the Mets are so Galaxy Brain’ing all of a sudden that they sent Vargas to the Phils to tank them and help the Mets further!
Zac Gallen – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.40. Luckily, the Marlins got rid of him so they could rebuild. Don’t want a 24-year-old ace weighing ya down!
Greg Holland – Designated for assignment. His assignment is to change his name to Derek Holland and try to sneak into the Cubs’ clubhouse.
