Please see our player page for Anthony Bass to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Roto-Wan’s wild summer continued last week when his appendix decides to swell and cause the weirdest pain I’ve ever felt. It only took until 5AM to get a cat scan and determine an appendectomy was necessary. The American medical system is a well-oiled machine! More of a Pat Burrell machine, but potato/patato. In honor of my impromptu vacation tier’s are summer vacay ranks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Did you ever think that sometimes your haters offer relevant critiques that you should maybe take into consideration? Me neither, just wondering if that’s a thing. Don’t think about it too long if it doesn’t apply. It’ll make you cuckoo like Cocoa Puffs’ Sonny, the Cuckoo Bird. Speaking of which, Sonny, the Cuckoo Bird went to a rally recently with a sign that read, “You can’t be cuckoo without cuck.” I can’t tell if Sonny is woke, shook or just cuckoo. Either way, or eye-thurr if Chingy is reading, for a few weeks now people have been asking me about J.D. Davis, and I’ve mostly ignored them. You, “Yo, Grey, you hard of hearing?”  Me, “WHAT?!” J.D. is having himself a bit of a star mitzvah, but is it completely out of nowhere? Nope and nuh-uh. He had 17 HRs in only 85 Triple-A game last year and 30 HRs the year before across three levels.  It’s easy to write him off, because what business do the Mets have pulling a fast one on the Astros? Yet, here we are and they pulled it.  Davis has been getting regular playing time and with improved plate discipline (25.7% K% vs. 20% this year). I’m going cuckoo for Mets’ stuff, and I’d grab Davis for power and average. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Michael Conforto went 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer, and, like, his 43rd homer in the last month (9 homers since the break). Men, dudes, bros, youse, five lady readers, Goofusses and Gallants, Cousin Sweatpants, my peeps from another Easter basket! Conforto gets scorching hot for these month-long stretches that makes you think he could put it together for a whole year one of these days, um, years. He’s the third Met player in history with 100+ homers before the age of 27. The other two are Darryl Strawberry and David Wright. The three of them all stayed at a Howard Johnson in the offseason. HoJo puts on a team-building seminar on his back patio and provides snacks, and Lenny Dykstra works the valet. Conforto’s in-Confort-ible! *screams for 10 minutes* Okay. I’m back. If you look at Conforto’s peripherals he really is more this post-All-Star break hitter, and less the one that struggled for the previous six weeks prior to this. Hopefully, Conforto stays in-Conforto-ible for the rest of this year and into 2020. I can see it now! (Only another 18 months of bad 2020 puns.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A Duvall hasn’t looked this good since Popeye starring Robin Williams.  You thought I was going Robert Duvall and I steered it into Crazytown with Shelley Duvall.  By the way, don’t look at current pictures of Shelley Duvall.  She’s a Shelley of her former self.  I have a theory.  She had to do everything just so for Kubrick in The Shining, to the point where she couldn’t even think for herself, then she started working with Robert Altman, who was like, “Do whatever you like, improv,” and going from one extreme to the other drove her crazy.  I’d put money on it that this is the biggest update on Shelley Duvall you will ever get on a fantasy baseball website.  Any hoo! The pros and consigliere for Adam Duvall. All he does is hit home runs, so a great supporting player that just melts into any role you need him in. Wait, that’s not Adam.  Well, not entirely.  The homers part was.  And the Mac Sledge part.  No, that’s the other Duvall again. You’d be hard-pressed to find a hotter hitter right now than Duvall and he can help The Family go legit. Again, wrong Duvall!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It finally happened. A team decided to sign Craig Kimbrell! The MLB draft happened this week so the draft pick penalty has been lifted for signing a few marquee names like Kimbrell and Dallas Keuchel. The Chicago Cubs offered the most, since their payroll is jacked anyway. With the premiere of Dark Phoenix this weekend I’ve got a ranking of X-Men for the tiers.

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Friday night, Milwaukee Brewers’ newest phenom/heartthrob/infielder Keston Hiura went three for four with his fourth home run and three RBI. Keston case you were wondering, Hiura is slashing .296/.345/.537 with four homers a steal and seven RBI through his first 15 games in the majors with two of those dingers coming in the past week along with a .353 batting average in that stretch. Did I mention he has a four game hitting streak as well? Well yes. I just did. Hiura has arrived, folks. Grey gave you his Keston Hiura fantasy a few weeks ago, and when he didn’t Austin Riley rake out of the gate, excitement seemed to cool a bit for the 22 year old 2nd baseman. But now’s your chance. He hit .333/408/.698 in 37 games at AAA San Antonio with 11 home runs, 26 RBI and four steals. I liked everything about that last sentence. Of his 43 hits, 24 went for extra bases. Sure, the 40 strikeouts in just 129 ABs is a bit concerning but when you’re fishing for rookie upside you casually ignore little warning signs like that. Here’s what Grey said about Keston, “He was striking out way too much in Triple-A to hit .333 in the majors, but 18/7/.270 sounds about right from this point forward with a chance for more.  Maybe he could even be the NL MVP.” Methinks Grey just likes him because of his mustache, but honestly, what’s not to like! He should only be better when Milwaukee comes to their senses and moves him into the heart of the lineup. Hiura/Yelich sammys anyone? He’s currently criminally under owned in many leagues and I’d add him everywhere he’s available. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you cheated and looked ahead before reading, shame on you! But, for those who didn’t, I am attaching my cart to Francisco Rodriguez. Not only has he done nothing wrong (which seems impossible for closers nowadays), but looks in no danger of getting the rug ripped out from under him. The team is winning, the bullpen is toight like a tiger, and Jimbo Hendo looks to be doing a swell job as second fiddle. Not only would I marry K-rod right now, he can also fart in my dinner… tonight. (Ed. Note– Protip: I wait until at least the second date before letting farts in my food.) I mean what he is doing is pretty remarkable– most saves in April, EVER. It reminds me of the good times when I played the jug in the band The Dixie Cups. For a barely drafted guy who wasn’t even the teams first choice for saves… and to also be giving your team a saves boost for basically nothing, you should wanna carry his luggage. So keep reading to see what other closer goodies I got for ya… or just skip to the comments and tell me something awesome.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, everyone can give a complete exhale that two save-category standard bearers were not shut down with shoulder problems. Craig Kimbrel and Koji Uehara both threw bullpens yesterday, and are all systems go for the rest of the week.  Not like any of you have them, because we don’t and shouldn’t overpay for saves on draft day.  So if either of these guys fell to ya, good on ya and relax, and stop checking the waiver wire for half a tick.  Kimbrel is the tits, regardless of setbacks, his numbers say so, and you should walk around telling people the such as well.  Kenley is nice, has all the check marks: winning team, K’s, and the large drink to boot.  I just can’t, with good faith, de-commit from Kimbrel unless he actually hits the DL.  So with the sighs of relief I hear, let’s touch on some more of this weeks hap’s and slaps.  Shall we?

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Ryan Zimmerman should just join a kickball league. His upper stuff doesn’t work right. He’s got a bad case of waist-up-is-not-up-to-snuff-is. He should tent his entire body, because he’s got an infestation of the bad health termites. They lay dormant, living off of bacteria that is produced naturally by your secretions. Then one day you wake up and you dive into the 2nd base bag and break your thumb. The preceding was taken directly from WebMD, I can’t vouch for its accuracy. It’s a thumbpocalypse! So, Zimmerman’s gonna be out for six weeks with a broken thumb. I’d point out that I told you on Friday to sell him, but that’s in poor taste. As would simply pointing and laughing at you. Mostly due to the fact, I don’t know where you are, you don’t return my phone calls! So, put Zimmerman on your DL, and let’s pray his shoulder gets miraculously better in the mean’s while. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?