Riley Greene is 21. He was 20 last year. That’s how age works. Next year, he’ll be 22. Guess what he’ll be in two years. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Wrong! 23. *marks test with a D* It’s a passing grade, but I expected more from you. I am passing you because I didn’t want to see you again next year. As a 20-year-old in 124 games at Double and Triple-A, Riley Greene went 24/16/.301 with 25 doubles, eight triples and a 11.5% walk rate and 27.6 K%. That last rate worries me a tad. He was the youngest guy at Double-A, so I’m not writing him off as a guy who can’t make contact, but when a guy with a 27% strikeout rate comes up, here’s what happens:  The strikeout rate balloons to 32%, then people are like, “Damn, I wanted to like Riley but he comes with a .230 average, and I can’t afford that. Maybe some other time!” Then his strikeout rate falls back to 27% and people are like, “That’s better, but he’s still a .250 hitter, and I already have Mark Canha.” Finally, when Riley’s forgotten, his strikeout rate drops to 20%, he hits .285 and people are like, “Wow, where did that come from? He’s breaking out late in his career,” and he’s really only 23 years old. That’s obviously a trend I’ve seen happen more than once. So, he might hit .230 this year. Everything else? Well, kinda beautiful. Five tools gets a bad rap because it’s tossed around with hyperbole, but Riley Greene is five tools without the hyperbole. It’s literal. Riley Greene wears his underwear like a glove because he’s got five tools. On Prospect Itch’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects, I watched the top 20 or so, and from what I’ve seen, Riley Greene has earned his 6th overall ranking, while also getting short shrift because the guys in front of him are so good. Guess Riley is Greene with envy. *falls down a staircase, sits up* Tah-dah! There’s nothing Riley Greene can’t do. He might’ve broke camp with the Tigers, but he broke a foot instead. Now that he’s healthy, he will be up in a matter of weeks. I’d put the date at June 15th with a plus or minus five days. Also, here’s me talking about Riley Greene on our Youtube channel. Please click that and click subscribe so I can stop asking.

Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:


William Contreras – Okay, real question: Who are you taking in a Fantasy Womb league? Momma Molina or Momma Contreras? Momma Molina’s got a future Hall of Famer, but Momma Contreras could have two top 12 catchers for the next five years.

Alejandro Kirk – I finally bit the bullet and switched Sean Murphy out in my league for Kirk. As Kirk would say, “Live long, and pupusa.”

Hunter Dozier – “I’m the captain now.” That’s Dozier talking to Christian Walker, who he usually follows, but is now listed first.

Christian Walker – “Interesting rivalry you’re having with yourself, I don’t care.” That’s Walker talking to Dozier.

Edwin Rios – Nearly made him the lede, but what fun would that be? (Less fun than a top five prospect.) As I mentioned on this week’s podcast, and in a post earlier this week, Muncy’s prolly gonna have a lost season. He was injured last year and it never healed, which is so obvious it really makes me wonder how I have a better-working brain than the entire Dodgers’ organization. I’m so dumb I say things like “better-working brain!” If Muncy is out, Rios could be a top 20 cornerman. He could be: What we thought we might’ve got from Jeimer Candelario but absolutely did not get.

Pavin Smith – Didja know Pavin was born in a log cabin that was used as the inspiration for a maple syrup bottle? No? Prolly because it’s not true. He has been hotter than a stack of flapjacks on the back of a cherry-red IROC.

Vinnie Pasquantino – This is more of me saying I know the two Royals gabagools are out there and ready, I’m looking at Vinnie and Nick Pratto all the time. Just so you don’t think I fuggetabout’em.

Luis Garcia – Here’s what I said the other day, “There’s more Luis Garcias than Rocky movies. I will now compare them. Luis Garcia, the Astros pitcher, he’s Rocky 1. Clearly. Luis Garcia, the Padres’ reliever, he’s Rocky 2. I’m sure I saw it, but I can’t tell you what it was about. I mean, besides boxing. Luis Garcia, the Nats’ middle infielder who was just called up, he’s Rocky 3. Luis Garcia in the Jays’ system? I’m gonna go Rocky 6, because I don’t know if there is a Rocky 6 and I don’t know anything about that Luis Garcia. The Phils’ Luis Garcia? He’s all the Rockys. He’s from Philly! (This feels like a paragraph Bill Simmons would’ve wrote, if he still wrote things.) Now, I didn’t place Nats’ Luis Garcia as Rocky 3 by accident. I’m not punch-drunk. Rocky 1 was an Oscar movie; clear number one. But Rocky 3 has Hulk Hogan, and Mr. T, and, more importantly, Mr. T saying to Adrian, “Let’s bang!” It’s got it all! It’s a fan favorite, just as this Luis Garcia can be. Alcides is out, and sucks. The Nats didn’t promote Luis Garcia to not play him. In 79 Triple-A games, he went .309/.369/.562 with 21 HR with no speed. He has insanely great contact and decent power. I’m a fan.” And that’s me quoting me!

Keston Hiura – I saw Keston in the top 20 for 2B on the 7-day Player Rater, and I just knew I had to recommend him (so he can get cold again and become irrelevant for another 18 months).

Ramon Urias – My front fender bumper sticker, “Ram-Urias,” has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my bumper sticker.

Luis Guillorme – Has been leading off while Nimmo’s been out. Where? I don’t know, watch the movie!

Harold Castro – Prolly won’t happen but he could hit .300. That’s right, a new Arraez has, uh, Arraez’en.

Kyle Farmer – As the spring turns to the summer, a Farmer gets hot, but this one won’t lead to *crosses self* a Farmer’s tan.

Jose Miranda – A’la Kendrick Lamar’s Auntie Diaries, “Royce is Miranda now…” I’m not sure if this trip to the majors will be better for Miranda, but he’s got at least another ten days before he gets replaced.

Evan Longoria – Who’s hotter, Kyle Farmer, Evan Longoria or Eva Longoria? *checks Google* Okay, guys, sorry, you lost; the lady won.

Josh Rojas – Josh the Red sounds like a Jewish Viking. “Do you have any utensils? The dentist said I should stop gnawing meat right from the bone.” That’s Josh the Red, the unknown Jewish Viking. Rojas could go 15/15/.270, which is obviously a bit yawnstipating but solid in deeper leagues.

Gio Urshela – Just think, you can pick him up and call him, Myshela. How sweet.

Trevor Larnach – Loading up on the Twins’ hot bats this week. This surprised me, so I will share with you. Twins’ hitting is near the top 10 for hitting for just about every metric — homers, BA, runs, etc.

Kole Calhoun – By the time, Calhoun is over 50% rostered, he won’t be hot anymore. Um, yeah, not exactly the way you wanna do things.

Michael Harris II – Just gave you my Michael Harris II fantasy. It was written before seeing the first one.

Trent Grisham – This means nothing really because no one uses ESPN’s tools, but our 7-day Player Rater has Grisham as the 22nd best outfielder (as of this writing), because he’s been hot. ESPN has him listed as the 111th best outfielder. Just fantastically useless.

Tucupita Marcano – When he’s seeing the ball well, he says he’s in the pocket. That’s where ‘pita is now.

Christopher Morel – I held my dog, Ted, up to my computer with the waivers page open to see if he’d lick the screen where Morel’s name was to see if he could hunt truffles. Instead, Ted licked Jesse Winker, so he was kinda truffle hunting because truffles are usually covered in sh*t.

Nick Plummer – Too bad Plummer’s first name isn’t Mario with a brother, Luigi, and a princess that stood on top of the Big Apple in center at Citifield. Yeah, too bad about that.

Tyrone Taylor – Is Renfroe back yet? How about now? Now? What…about…now?! That’s gonna factor in here.

Nelson Velazquez – Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “Velazquez brings plus athleticism at 6’0” 190 lbs and put up a tasty 20 HR 17 SB season across two levels last year, culminating in his best stretch as a pro: 34 games in AA slashing .290/.358/.581 with 8 HR and 5 SB despite being 2.5 years younger than the average player. He also won MVP of the Arizona Fall League this year, and while I don’t care much about that, or Grey.” Hurtful!

James Kaprielian – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to the assisted living facility.

Glenn Otto – This is also a Streamonator call. “Just put on any elderly person who wants to talk. I need to be more specific?”

Ryan Helsley – If he starts getting saves regularly, he will be a top five closer. He might be more valuable than Liam Hendriks from the moment Helsley starts getting saves.

Brad Hand – Knebel might not be able to hold onto the Phils’ closer job. If only they had someone that could hold…the…job…Wait a minute! They have a Hand! Kidding aside, if the Phils made the switch to Hand, he’d suddenly become a 7+ ERA pitcher. The Phils’ pen is polluted like Michele Pfeiffer’s womb. Because someone might be wondering, I see Seranthony Hopkins Dominguez doing well too, but I don’t trust him either.

Anthony Bass – He seems like the only decent reliever in the Marlins’ pen. Well, Bass and Tanner Scott, but Scott’s a lefty, so I think he’s only situational. Let’s see how long it takes that stupid, mustache-less Mattingly to figure it out.

Jhoan Duran – Pagan was placed on the restricted list, so no saves for him this weekend. Also, he just sucked up the suckhole.

Colin Poche – I like to pronounce his name, “Poochie.” Besides Poochie, the Rays have 17 worthwhile relievers. This really is a committee, which reminds me, Raley, he’s there too.

Adam Cimber – On the Player Rater, he’s been more valuable than Edwin Diaz. Yes, that Edwin Diaz. What other Edwin Diaz is there? Is this like a Rougned Odor and Wilmer Flores situation where there’s dozens in the multiverse?


Walker Buehler – I swear I don’t have anything against the Dodgers. They’re my hometown team. If anything, they’re the one team I root for when the playoffs come rolling around. I love Betts; Gonsolin is my boo; Justin Turner’s hair reminds me of Cheetos and I love Cheetos! There’s plenty of Dodgers I like. I want a nightlight that is just Freddie Freeman’s teeth! See, big-time love. With that said, Walker Buehler is so overrated. I don’t understand why no one realizes this. Maybe it’s the, “He can get Wins because of run support.” Sure, I guess. Um, who cares? His strikeouts suck. You think he’s an ace, but he is barely a number two. Yes, I wrote a schmohawk post for him in the preseason, and I’m here to tell you I was right, and am double-downing. Down-doubling? Hmm, that sounds weird! Any hoo! I wouldn’t trade Walker Buehler for a urologist with fat, cold fingers but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.