Carlos Santana was signed by the Phils. Did Carlos Santana ever have a song called, “Harumph?” Cause he’s making me harumph all over the place. Doesn’t Hoskins play 1B? Will Santana move to 3rd? I agree, Maikel hasn’t been great, but he’s too young to give up on. Maybe Santana plays outfield? Hoskins plays outfield? Maybe they juggle left field? Maybe they juggle balls hit to them in left field? Maybe they’re juggalos? I got questions, y’all! The scenario of Hoskins in the outfield seems most likely with Franco getting pushed down the order, but not out of the lineup entirely. This might be something to watch in the spring with The Jacked Up Jew, and how he manages his new Latin classic rock guitarist. As for Santana, his stats last year look like that of an aging slugger. Carlos Santana’s gone from Oye Como Va to a hard-of-hearing Latino, ‘Oye come again?’ His average home run distance from 2016 to 2017 came down ten feet, but Citizens Flank might help a little. His line drive rate went up, but his fly balls are going nowhere, and his Hard Contact was down. He’s even seeing more pitches inside the zone, because people just aren’t scared of him anymore. His stats don’t scream, ‘The end is nigh,’ but they are whispering, ‘Soon, my pretty.’ For 2018, I’ll give Carlos Santana projections of 74/24/81/.257/4 in 552 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Dancer! On Prancer! On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, reader! Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire. You look festive. I love that Rudolph tongue ring. That’s the great thing about Christmas, no matter what your interpretation is, it’s all about commercialism. That’s unless you light the Munenori Kawasaki. The 2017 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away. Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to rank Jay Bruce. Exciting! In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2017 fantasy baseball season. The biggest surprise from this list? Marwin Gonzalez played how many games at 1st base? Hayzeus Cristo! I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2017 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of ten games or more played outside of their primary position. Not FIVE games at a position, not six, definitely not seven. Ten games. 10, the Laurel & Hardy of numbers. So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline). Yes, Christmas came two days early this year. Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position. This is the only time a year I do anything alphabetically, so I might’ve confused some letters. Is G or H first? Who knows, and, better yet, who cares? Wow, someone’s got the Grinchies, must be the spiked egg nog talking. Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2017 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Sunday morning, I woke around 8 AM to read a text from Rudy saying, “Awful news, Jose Fernandez was killed in a boating accident.” I put on my glasses, no time for contacts, and turned on the TV. It was still on Fox Sports West because I was watching Vin Scully tributes all weekend. Yesterday morning, Fox Sports was playing Anglers Chronicles, a fishing show, which is wrong in so many ways. After switching the stations, groggy-eyed and still half asleep, I realized TV was not the place anymore to go for breaking news. I shut it off and turned to the internet. I’m still piecing together my thoughts. He was 24 years old, even if he never played baseball this is a horrible loss of life. I’m reminded of all the friends I lost to motorcycles in their twenties. I’m struck by how inconsequential fantasy feels. There’s a giant pit in my stomach. Then, I think about how I never saw Jose Fernandez not smiling. Not having fun. I think about how on that boat, Saturday evening, you know Jose Fernandez was having a great time, because he was always having a great time. That exuberance came through in everything he did. I think about how he spent time in prison after one of his numerous failed attempts of escaping Cuba, and how, even then, he was likely making fellow inmates smile. How the excellence he brought to the mound every fifth day was felt all the way back in Cuba to raise up even the darkest corners of Cuba’s prisons. “That was us. That is us,” the inmates, who are still incarcerated for trying to escape, likely said. How baseball does that. How special that is. You see what you’re going to see in tragedy, but I see Jose Fernandez pitching, and baseball, and making himself and others smile. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I wonder if Jake Smolinski had a sister that put out in high school. I could’ve swore I hooked up with an Eva Smolinski after her friend Dawn rejected me. Were my Cavariccis cuffed a little too high for you, Dawn? My B.U.M. Equipment sweatshirt too faded? I still hate you! Well, enough about me! *smacks self* Get a grip, man! Smolinski is hitting .408, and crushing pink cookies in a plastic bag since his call up, going 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI yesterday. The Rangers are like a prisoner with a life sentence (no offense to some of our readers; I believe you’re innocent!). Rangers have nothing but time on their hands to play their guys. Is Smolinski anything but a hot schmotato? God, no, but no one is this late in the year. I’d grab him if you need a hot bat, and who doesn’t? Dawn apparently! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Man it was a crazy weekend! I think the biggest event was I saw a dude with a Fangraphs shirt on. Way to wear your heart on your sleeve! With a 79.8% confidence. Then my boy James Paxton was straight up nasty, striking out the White Sox in order in the first inning and turning in a good start. Pour the syrup, hoser! Oh, and I got engaged…
But despite all that hooplah, I’m back, I’m fierce, and I’m ready to hit the Pitcher Profile harder than Wade Miley at the free lobster Golden Corall! “That’s just mean, JB…” Well, what was really mean was if you started Miley in his last start, tagged for 10 runs against the Royals. “Damn that Alex Gordon for bringing me those KC ribs! I had the meat sweats before I hit the field!” Even so, Miley bounced back well yesterday, and still has a surprising 144 Ks in 156.1 IP. He needs three more to surpass his 147 career-high last year that took him 200+ innings, so he’s taken a giant step forward. Which may or may not sound like Jurassic Park. Ok, I’m done! Here’s how Miley looked yesterday, with some analysis-ation on if he can help your fantasy squads down the stretch:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s official, DraftKings has broken me. It started with Tyler Lyons getting destroyed at home by the Cubs on Monday and I never fully recovered. The doctors say I’ve been catatonic since then only to wake late Thursday night shouting ‘they bat .188 against opposing LHP you !#@$)(%#[email protected]%@!’ Needless to say, I’m typing this from what my wife has lovingly coined ‘the fun house’ and what with all the white padded walling and little cups of multi-colored, pill-form heaven, I have to say I’m feeling much better now. Or is it I can’t feel anything? When the doc asked me to take a look at some pictures to tell him what I saw, he said he was amazed by the findings. In every single inkblot, I saw Daily Fantasy values. Here I saw the Stream-o-Nator pointing out that Tanner Roark was a top 10 stream play on the day. Here I saw the DFSBot tell me he was undervalued by $300 relative to what his expected outcome was, making him a great value play. And here…well that was clearly Yngve Malmsten covered in butter playing ukulele to a bunch of Travelocity Gnomes at the Grand Ole Opry. Sadly, the doctor now says I can’t leave but at least there’s wi-fi here. So without further ado, here’s some more Razzball picks for today’s DraftKings contests for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…Please, blog, may I have some more?
I know I’ve had some requests for more fun pitchers, but Dillon Gee was a guy I ranked high and a guy I kept high. And very early on “I tried to figure out why… I had him so high!”, but lately dude has been tossin’ gas!
The very under-appreciated Gee ended 2013 on a tear, pitching with a 2.41 ERA from May 30 to September 15 – with 100 Ks in 137.1 IP in 20 starts. So ridiculously under the radar that Lord Helmet must’ve jammed it!
As a non-Mets fan and non-Gee owner in any leagues at the current present, I haven’t buckled down to watch any of his starts as of late. And with three scoreless outings out of his past four – giving up two runs total in those four – I decided to break down his start yesterday at the Rockies and if Gee should be owned in a lot more than 38% of leagues:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As the Fantasy Baseball season comes to end, it’s time for one more visit to the Razzball Fantasy Lounge where we fake baseball scribes are collectively licking our wounds, sticking pins in our Ryan Braun voodoo doll and drowning our sorrows in $1 beers and cheap whiskey shots. On this last lazy Sunday of the Fantasy Baseball season we find Sky in a dark corner slowly rocking back and forth muttering the words, “Colabello, Colabello, Colabello.” Bellying up to the bar is our resident podcaster Nick, disheveled and demanding another Canadian Club, cursing his last place Blue Jays and wondering, “Is there a CFL Fantasy League?” Dropping his last quarter in the jukebox, JayWrong selects The Doors “The End” and simply asks, “Anyone think Mike Trout is the number 1 pick next year?” *bottle smashes above head* Meanwhile, in the parking lot we find Tehol in the backseat of his 1977 Impala locking lips with this sweet “lady” he’ll soon discover has more hair on her back than George “The Animal” Steele –“NOT AGAIN!!” Here at the pool table is your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru contemplating his final list of fantasy ballers that’ll score you the championship, bragging rights and maybe a little cash in your FBB league. *closes eye, takes aim, sinks eight ball off two rails, drops shot glass into pint, downs boilermaker, throws up on Grey’s snakeskin boots* “Sorry, boss.”
Here’s one more for the road, it’s time to jam it or cram it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
All strikeouts aren’t created equal, apparently. Holy Samardballs, are you kidding me? It was a short schedule day. There’s no middle relief disinfectant for this feces you sprayed all over my team. Why do you hurt me, Jeff Samardzija? Did I not show you enough preseason love? Did my March cuddles not warm your cockles? Did the hype get to your head? Are you better suited for football? Are you a great Scrabble word in search of a pitching repertoire? What the effin’ eff are you doing to my ratios? I GOT QUESTIONS, Y’ALL! Yesterday, his line was 3 1/3 IP, 9 ER and today he’s dropped to waivers. You can’t hold a guy who’s as explosive as bad Mexican food. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?