“Alexa, for Amazon Prime Day can you order me Clorox? Thank you, Alexa. Now can you order me clips to hold my mouth and eyes open? Thanks, Alexa! Now can you order me a large man to pour the bleach into my mouth and eyes while shoving me into my oven? Oh, and Alexa, if you can get German Marquez to do it, that would be so appropriate!” German yesterday? Guten tagged! Here’s a visual metaphor for you: A German U-boat filled with men, one toilet and only Taco Bell to eat for a blitzkrieg of runs. Marquez is driving me insane but he is not an Uber ally, because he is dead to me. Goodbye, Nazi In Exile, enjoy your long walks along the Chilean coast and your alpaca farm where you shave little German helmets on your animals. After 2 2/3 IP, 11 ER, ERA up to 5.12, I will never draft you again or any Rockies pitcher. I should’ve learned my lesson from Jon Gray last year! (Though, he’s been okay this year — shut up, Contrary Grey!) In my deeper leagues, where I have no choice, I’ll still be sadly starting Marquez in away games. *sees his next start is in Yankee Stadium* Lowercase yay! He might be Deutschland but I’m Dunceland for owning him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Edwin Encarnacion to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to PBMs and decided if you can’t beat them, join them! Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post. Here, enjoy some coffee. Oops, you just drank rat poison. I should’ve used different mugs. Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than owning Giancarlo Stanton in the 1st half. Oh, you owned him, and that’s why you drank the poison! Now, I’m following! Hey, I’m supposed to be leading! Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2019 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up! But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest! So, as with all of the other 2019 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade that outfielder for that 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Cody Bellinger number three on the top 100 list for the second half of 2019 and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with Bellinger. Why soil a good thing, ya know? This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Aaron Judge did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because, well, we have to believe in miracles — my 12-year-old self would want that, and to sleep with Cher. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2019. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what players will do. It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone. Welcome to the future! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2019:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s been a few weeks since I ranked the top 100 fantasy hitters and a lot has changed! Stranger Things season 3 has dropped, Josh Bell broke the record for most extra-base hits in the first half of an NL season, my wife had our first child, and Giancarlo Stanton got injured and hit the DL! Only one of those is the real reason I haven’t written an article in a while and yea, maybe I took Stanton getting hurt too personally.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, when does Brendan McKay come up to replace an Ineffective Listed Blake Snell? Ton of people asking about McKay, so I’ll go over him briefly, because I have nothing else to do but service you. I am a mere vessel for your wants and dreams. Bit like the Flowbee if you need a haircut. Prospect Mike just went over McKay in his last post. McKay is the Rays’ Ohtani. Though if hitting and pitching made Ohtani a unicorn, I’m not sure what that makes McKay. A Loch Ness Monster? Seen more often, but just as imaginary? McKay’s likely headed for a Middler role in Tampa, and maybe some at-bats. His arm excites me more than his bat, he could have a 9+ K/9 and always has insane command (2 BB/9), but Jalen White Clarence Beeks or Brendan McKay? Meh, I don’t think there’s that much of a difference. Guess McKay has more upside, and love how he sounds like what a dad would call a character on 90210 back in the 90s. Why do we even care about McKay? Have you seen Blake Snell (3 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.01)? If you have, send him back to replace the stunt double who is wearing his jersey. “I thought when they said ‘changeup,’ they meant a changeup from pitching well, so I started pitching like garbage.” That’s Blake Snell addressing dozens of crying Rays fans. I know no one wants to hear this right now, but Snell doesn’t appear to be pitching poorly; he’s having atrocious luck. Like if a ball is hit right at a fielder, a squirrel grabs the ball and throws it into the outfield for a double. He could be a buy low, as long as he’s not hiding an injury, real or fake. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trevor Story hit the IL with a thumb sprain, which is bad news (no dur), but the Rockies are saying there’s no ligament damage, so it could’ve been worse. The good news is Brendan Rodgers was promoted. Is this good news? For Rodgers, I’d imagine it is. For the Uber driver taking Rodgers to the airport? Prolly good news for them. The guy sitting next to Rodgers on the plane having to hear about how Rodgers is not going to sit on the bench for Pat Valaika, this time, things are gonna be different? Doesn’t sound like good news for that guy sitting next to him. What a bore! Okay, so I know, I know, I KNOW the Rockies have burned us all to the point where we shudder at commercials for Burn Notice reruns on USA, but there is a reason why the Rockies have burned us. Because we all want to own all of them due to the stadium. I grabbed Rodgers for that very reason. We shall see, but I put it at 70/30 the Rockies play Pat Valaika, and 30 is for: Rodgers doesn’t play, is sent down and Hampson is recalled to also not play. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
There are those who would call for Yordan Alvarez to be a top-50 player already. With 27 combined HRs this season and 78! 78! 78! RBI in 60 games between AAA and the big leagues — I get that. I’m just a little hesitant due to his playing time. When George Springer comes back and the rest of the Astros get healthy will he stay up? I hope so because he is crushing the ball right now — but he has minor league options left and is still only a 22-year-old kid. Age is just a number though as this kid’s potential has MVP written all over it in one of the best lineups in baseball.Please, blog, may I have some more?
For Mother’s Day, all MLB players use pink bats. On Father’s Day, all bats should be painted to resemble penises. I try to convince MLB of this every year, and every year I’m met with awkward silence. Another Father’s Day, another year MLB didn’t take my suggestion for an, uh, equipment update. How about they use the pink bats again, but with hanging scrotum on the knobs? They could at least call all home runs on Father’s Day “dongs,” or if the player is over the age of 35, then they’re long balls. These are not big fixes I’m asking them to do. So, Edwin Encarnacion took his long balls (see?!) to the Yankees (unintentional pun, but still worthwhile). Turns out the Home Run Parrot on Edwin’s shoulder is a better agent than Kimbrel’s. “Polly want 15%.” This made me chuckle: reporters on Saturday suggesting the new potential Yankees’ lineup had Edwin Encarnacion penciled in as a question mark like he was some mystery-flavor Dum-Dum. It’s because Encarnacion doesn’t really make sense for the Yankees — is he the DH? (Voit? Judge? Stanton?) 1st base? (LeMahieu) — but they’ll find room for him since he was the AL leader in home runs. Clint Frazier was sent to the minors, as he awaits a trade; this will completely kill Gio Urshela’s value, and might hurt DJ LeMahieu’s, as well. With Giancarlo and Judge returning, Gardner’s about to become the 4th outfielder, Maybin’s gonna get DFA’d and Aaron Hicks better make sure he doesn’t slump or he’s going to be benched too. Of course, all of this becomes moot when Judge, Stanton and Edwin all get hurt this week. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
In his short stint with the Brewers, Keston Hiura had thirty points and a 0.447 PPPA over 17 games and 69 plate appearances. Somewhere out there Bill and Ted just rejoiced. In case you were wondering Travis Shaw has 36 points in 180 plate appearances. Mind blown. So sorry Keston, but clearly the head office in Milwaukee might be putting back a few too many Miller Lites. Since being sent down to San Antonio Hiura has gone 11 for 34 with 4 home runs, 11 RBIs and a stolen base. Factoring in seven strikeouts he’d be good for about 40 fantasy points. In case you were wondering what Travis Shaw has been up to since his return, he’s managed ten points thanks to four hits in 21 at bats. Like I said, it’s a head scratcher.Please, blog, may I have some more?
B_Don and Donkey Teeth are joined once again by the Fantasy Master Lothario on this week’s special guest edition of the Ditka, Sausage, and Fantasy Sports Podcast about Baseball. As a warm up, Grey ejaculates stories of his many, many, MANY visits to the sperm repository. Once the guys finally pry Albright’s mind away from P*rnHub, they get to discussing their level of belief in some of this year’s mid-season breakout players.
Well, I did it. I removed Jose Ramirez from my top 100 hitters rankings. He played another 5 games and only managed 2 hits. 2 runs? Sure. 4 RBI? Sure. 1 SB? Sure. But when he is hurting you this bad he is permanently in the limbo that is ranking #101. I am fully prepared to rocket him up the rankings if he turns it around — but right now? He is the wonderful 101.Please, blog, may I have some more?