As an Angeleno, I can’t tell you how amazing it’s been to be able to watch Clayton Kershaw every 5th game for all of his 2,500 Ks. I kid, games are blacked out here, and I’ve only seen him in the playoffs. Is he good? Really? Can you describe what he looks like when he’s good? He’s a lefty? A good slider? Are you messing with me? I can’t tell. *opening up Kershaw’s player page* Wow, I feel like I might’ve missed something by never seeing him pitch in a regular season game. Geez. Yesterday, Clayton Kershaw (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.50) recorded his 2500th strikeout and he seems likely to avoid the Doom of F-Her, where he disappears in his 30s, and ruins his Hall of Fame candidacy. Forget that, actually, Kershaw could win the NL Cy this year for old time’s sake. Be kinda awesome to see him collect the award before Game 4 of the World Series, then goes out and gives up seven earned in the 1st inning, eliminating the Dodgers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche! Before we go into the roundup, go and sign up for the fantasy football in-season projections. That shizz keeps the lights on, and helps you with your fantasy football leagues, so re2pect. Anyway, here’s the roundup:

Daniel Mengden – Hit the Covid IL. Not the man behind that glorious mustache! I was told my mustache is a natural mask! Any hoo, the A’s are supposed to resume play today.

Mike Clevinger – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.14. Wonder if Clevinger has asked Zach Davies if he’s related to Zach Plesac, and if he wants to go spliff one out in T.J. You know what’s kinda screwed up? Did you just answer 2020? Yes, but not what I was gonna say. What’s screwed up is I’m in these NL-Only leagues with FAAB bids on Sunday, and by the time someone (prolly not me) gets Clevinger, he’ll have like four starts left. What a goofy season.

Wil Myers – 1-for-3 as he came off the IL after one day. Because that’s what MVPs do!

Andrew Heaney – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.89. It’s scary taking on the Padres — they are MLB’s daddy! — but the Streamonator loved this start, and hopefully you started Heaney confidently. Meh, confidence would be irrelevant.

Felix Pena – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save, ERA at 1.86. After the game, a reporter asked Maddon, “Is Pena your new closer?” And he answered, “We’ll have to see.” I’m kidding, I don’t know if he was asked or answered. It sounds like something he’d say. It’s what all managers say. Or, “We’re gonna be reevaluating.” Like they’re not watching the games. Can you imagine having Felix Pena, and how well he’s pitching, and going with Buttrey? Maddon likely picked Buttrey originally because he was craving microwave popcorn.

David Fletcher – Hit the IL with an ankle sprain. Taylor Ward of the state of California Angels was called up, and I can think of 47 other middle infielders I’d prefer (in the AL).

Justin Smoak – DFA’d by the Brewers, and to replace him the Brew Crew signed up Daniel Vogelbach. Can you invest in cheese curd futures?

Reynaldo Lopez – White Sox optioned Lopez to Schaumburg. They optioned him to my dentist? Okay, cool.

Tim Anderson – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .347. Between Treat Urner and Anderson, it’s like these guys have completely forgotten about the steal. You have any idea the two players who co-lead the major leagues in steals? I didn’t know one of them, and I kinda pay attention to baseball a little bit. It’s Villar and…any guesses? No, not Wilson Ramos. Is that a serious guess? It’s Trevor Story. I would’ve never guessed that. If you told me it’s a Rockies player, I might’ve guessed Hampson. And I own Story in a bunch of leagues!

Edwin Encarnacion – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer, hitting .173. Edwin is the best guy who is 37 years old who looks like he’s 57 years old, and Nelson Cruz is the best 57-year-old who looks 37.

Luis Robert – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .278. Wonder if Lou Bob wants to join me in an extra-wide trailer, and travel around the country taking photos in front of national landmarks while wearing silly hats. Kidding! Why wouldn’t he? Pick you up at 6!

Edward Olivares – 2-for-5, 2 runs as he was called up by the Royals, because Alex Gordon can only play seven games a week, and what if there’s a doubleheader? Seriously, why wasn’t Olivares already with the team? My AL-Only team needs him. Ed Olives won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s a deep league flyer. If you want to see who’s in the Buy/Sell column right now, it’s released on Thursday for those who have joined our Patreon. It’s free, plus five dollars. You also get a weekly podcast, which is me cackling for 60 minutes.

Hunter Dozier – 2-for-5 and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Teoscar Hernandez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .311. Teoscar leads the major leagues in home runs, because of course he does. Kinda wish he saved it for a full year. Now everyone’s going to be in on him next year, jacking up the price on Teoscar’s jacks, like Weinstein jacking on everything while buying Oscars.

Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 2-for-5 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Jays are like, “Wow, these Red Sox pitchers really do suck!”

Taijuan Walker – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.26 vs. Martin Perez – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.07. This matchup was billed as, “Are you really going to be out-pitched by a Red Sox pitcher? Oh, man, you are.” It lived up to its billing!

Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.67. The Regression Fairies love Glow Up on Netflix and they will destroy your ratios.

Shin-Soo Choo – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .204, as he hits third. The Seoul Train is having a miserable year, but everyone on the Rangers is, so that’s prolly comforting for him.

Jose Altuve – Left with knee discomfort, and is having an MRI. Last year he would’ve known that injury was coming.

Zack Greinke – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.91. If I may be so bold, giving up three earned to the shizzball Rangers is the same as giving up six earned to the Astros, so Lynn is still better than Greinke; I’m taking a victory lap, lates.

Martin Maldonado – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .272. Wanna dive out your 2nd floor window? On our Player Rater, Maldonado is a top catcher five on the year.

Aledmys Diaz – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .167. Sometimes I go to get my license renewed and start screaming, “You’re Al E. DMVs!” I can understand why I’m escorted out.

J.T. Riddle – 0-for-3, 1 run and his 1st steal. The Pirates are playing this guy over Ke’Bryan Hayes. Riddle, indeed.

Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .196. Has he considered changing to one name, Breyn? Would make it marginally easier to ignore him.

JT Brubaker – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.96. Brubaker kept the ball on the ground, so guess you can call him the Micro Brubaker, because he’s cooking with tiny hops.

Ian Happ – Left after taking a foul tip to his eye. I have four! Take one of mine! Please let him be okay. I think we need to form a prayer hexagon, and bow our heads.

Alec Mills – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.50. This guy thought he’d just go into PNC and not get met forcefully by a team that has less runs scored on the year than the Giants in one series in Coors? Please.

Trea Turner – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, an inside-the-parker, hitting .366. Treat Urner’s 162-game pace is 40/15, exactly what everyone expected.

Michael A. Taylor – 1-for-2 and his 4th homer, hitting .196. He replaced an injured Adam Eaton. Not sure how Eaton was hurt, but I have some suspicions. Ahem, Michael ActivelytryingtoinjureAdamEaton Taylor.

Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .269. Kinda have to hit three homers in a game to make an impression. Sorry, Rhysus.

Robert Gsellman – 1 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 7.84. Robert Gsellman:  Terrible Mets starter, future Mets closer.

J.D. Davis – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .274. Jonathan Davis Davis with the home home run run!

Pete Alonso – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Albombso! Honestly, that average is not ideal, but I’ll take 1-for-5’s every game if it comes with a home run.

Todd Frazier – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 1st homer with the Mets, and 3rd on the year. I hate box scores. Why does it say this was Frazier first homer? There is literally no reason. This shizz keeps me up at night. Well, that and the diorama of the house where Juan Soto and I live.

Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 9.00, as he blew his 2nd game. Yoan Moncada said he’s not 100% still after having Covid. Wonder if Chapman is being bothered still or he’s just an absolute wild man and it has nothing to do with the ‘rona.

Giancarlo Stanton – Yanks said he’s still “a ways away.” A Ways Away sounds like a Yacht Rock song. I can dig it. Also, Giancarlo’s exit velocity is three to five days into every season.