Please see our player page for Felix Pena to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

A reporter, ducked behind chairs, yells at Aaron Sanchez at his no-hitter, post-game press conference. All we hear is the reporter’s disembodied voice, “Isn’t it true your four-seam spin rate went from 2,300 rpm to 2,565 rpm overnight?” Some reporters move out of the way for the reporter, who is crouched behind the chairs. One reporter recognizes him, asking, “Trevor Bauer, is that you?” What are the Astros feeding their pitchers? Pine tar and they’re being told to eat with their hands. Aaron Sanchez (6 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.76) had a 6.07 ERA before this game! I get it, it was the Mariners, but this is crazy. Sanchez wasn’t usable at all in Toronto.  The Astros’ coaching vs. cheating argument:  Sanchez did kibosh his sinker, which was by far his worst pitch. Could it have been that easy?  How could the Jays not figure this out?  I could’ve figured this out!  I guess Sanchez’s worth the flier. If he’s fixed, he’s too valuable to ignore. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Snap, snap, claw, claw, save.  That’s The Save Vulture Dance.  Sing it like it’s The Electric Slide.  The save vulture is a scavenger bird.  They see weakness in others’ misfortune.  A closer goes down or struggles or gets traded and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff. Snap, snap, Reyes Moronta, Mark Melancon, Sam Dyson, Tony Watson, claw, claw, save.  Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they’re usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they’re dating is talking about. Snap, snap, Freddy Peralta, claw, claw, save. The save vulture’s claws are orange from Cheetos dust. Snap, snap, Joe Jimenez, claw, claw, save. Teams are trying to flip their closers for prospects at the trading deadline. Snap, snap, Yoan Lopez, Yoshihisa Hirano, Archie Bradley, claw, claw, save. If you can stash setup men right now, it’s advisable because over the next week closers are going to change rapidly. Snap, snap, Daniel Hudson, claw, claw, save. You may not be able to get to waivers to grab the closer replacement, so I’d forget bench bats until the trading deadline and hold some setup men in case your closers are traded. Snap, snap, Aaron Bummer, claw, claw, save. It’s especially important to make sure you have new closers coming in if you’re about to lose closers who will become setup men on contenders. Snap, snap, Seth Lugo, Robert Gsellman, Kyle Crick, Nick Anderson, Nick Wittgren, Craig Stammen, Chris Martin, Jose Leclerc, claw, claw, save. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First off, big congrats to Albert Pujols (1-for-4 and his 6th homer), as he passed 2,000 RBIs. That is amazing. Now would some archaeologist find old man Pujols’s Holy Grail Goblet Room and let him retire in peace? Second off, David Fletcher went 2-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .310, as he finally seems to be settling in at leadoff. Can we just pause for one second and try to comprehend how stupid I am?  Okay, you don’t have to rundown all my countless idiotic calls.  I get it.  Okay, with my stupidity in mind, it took a major league manager — Bad Assdunce, in this case — almost six weeks to realize Fletcher is the best guy to hit leadoff on the Angels.  Assdunce hit Kole Calhoun (2-for-4, 3 runs, and his 9th homer, hitting .223) for 78 ABs at leadoff — a .240 hitter on a good day!  Ya know, when they hire MLB managers, they’re not hiring their best and brightest.  Oh, and I have it at 50/50 odds Fletcher doesn’t stay at leadoff, just so ya know.  By the by, Fletcher is not in this afternoon’s Buy column, but if he’s available add him for average and hopefully counting stats.  Finally, Tommy La Stella.  What in the holy fudge?  Only, I didn’t say fudge.  I said the mother of all curse words.  Yesterday, he went 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer.  Did he even have nine homers in 1,000 at-bats prior to this in his career?  Not to answer, because I don’t care, but WUT. At this point, Travis Shaw would need to have the best month of his career to even tie La Stella in fantasy value.  I am laughing through tears.  Sad clown tears!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is easily my favorite week of streamers so far and I’m going to be pedaling harder than ever right down the stream. What I really love is all of the two-start pitchers available. We actually have five two-start streamers that we’re going to recommend, which is a new record for this article! I’m pedaling so furiously that there’s going to be a hole in my kayak!  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don’t actually have much to say today before getting to the picks, in large part because this FanDuel slate doesn’t really seem that attractive. I won’t ever tell my loyal readers not to play on a certain day, but today’s slate is definitely one of the more unappealing ones I’ve seen in a while. There’s a blatant chalk pitcher and there aren’t that many offenses in particularly juicy spots. There’s also not that many value guys. It’s not so much a “bad” slate, it’s just a boring and unattractive slate. But I know people will want to play, so like any good professional, I will do my job and break it down for you guys. Also, don’t leave Damian Lillard open from 37 feet with your season on the line.

On to the picks…

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Corey Kluber (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.83, and his 1st 20-win season) just passed Trevor Bauer with 216 Ks, giving the Indians four guys with 200 Ks.  They may not even win as many games as the Rays, but you’re really coming for the Indians in the playoffs?  I predict a red-blooded, all-American Indians-Braves World Series.  “Hello, my name is Woke Wally.  Yes, I’m wearing a badge that reads, ‘Woke.’  I received this honorary badge as a participation trophy from my wife, Margaret.  Do you know what I was participating in?  Citizenry!  I’m here at your sheriff’s office to file a formal complaint on behalf of the millions affected by a casually racist World Series.”  The Stream-o-Nator lines Kluber up vs. the Royals for his final game, but I can’t imagine he throws more than three innings in that start, and is likely just skipped.  For 2019, Kluber is once again going to be way out of reach for me, like an imaginary tassle on the end of a Braves fan imaginary tomahawk.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is going to blow your mind.  Before you read any further, I want you to take some precautions.  Grab some masking tape from your “Never Used Shizz” drawer and wrap it around your head.  Whoa, whoa, whoa!  You didn’t just wrap your head with masking tape, covering your eyebrows, did you?  Hmm, well, when you remove that tape, you’re gonna look like Phil Simms.  (Hint:  He’s got no eyebrows.)  Okay, I told you to avoid Tommy Pham in the preseason, due to his draft price, and ranked him 31st for all outfielders.  On our Player Rater going into yesterday’s game, he was ranked 31st.  *does Ace Ventura victory dance on the porch*  I have exorcised the demon!  Yesterday, he had one of his best games of the season, if not best (yes, too lazy to look), he went 3-for-5 with his 18th and 19th homer, hitting .266, but hitting .327 on the Rays, and if he wasn’t derailed by an injury when he first arrived in Tampa, he’d be doing better (or worse as his BABIP stabilized; it’s ~.500 in September).  I could see letting up on my hate on Pham in 2019, but he’s still old and has stopped running, so the price will need to be much more reasonable.  Okay, you can remove the tape now.  Hey, eyebrows are overrated (like Tommy Pham coming into this year).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In my Blake Snell sleeper post, my prescience was like the exact opposite of science applied by flat earthers around the world.  Look out the plane window and it’s flat, but pull further back it’s round.  In reverse, if you pull out for enough, you see I wrote a sleeper post for Blake Snell — great! — but if you zoom in closer you see everything I said in that post was far from accurate.  Good from 30,000 feet, less from Altuve’s distance.  I talked up Chris Archer and Jake Faria.  Said Jose De Leon is ready!   Only one I didn’t like was Nathan Eovaldi, who actually was solid.  I went over how Snell could be great, but this good?  Puh-leaze.  Snell and his extended family didn’t think he’d be breathing down a sub-2 ERA in the middle of September.   Most accurate thing I said, “At 25 years of age and in his third major league season while primed for his first full year of innings, is about the best time to get in on him figuring it out.  After 2018, Snell is going to be a known top 20 starter and you’ll never get him cheap again.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Yesterday, Blake Snell went 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 9 Ks, ERA at 2.03.  In the AL East!  Actually, my ‘accurate’ quote might not be accurate enough, I should’ve said Blake Snell will be a top 5-10 starter in 2019 fantasy baseball.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oakland A’s rookie outfielder slash speed demon slash rocket arm slash hot shot Ramon Laureano hit two home runs Friday night including his first career lead off bomb to which even Ricky Henderson nodded in approval. He became the first A’s player with two multi-home run games in his first 30 games and the rook upped his slash to .309/.387/568 with five bombs, 13 RBI, and let us not forget, a perfect 4-for-4 in steals chances. Yes, hashtag SAGNOF. That’s why we’re talking about him for 2018. Ramon lead off for just the second time in his young MLB career (he doubled twice leading off Wednesday) but considering such positive results, it’s likely he’ll see a lot more time there throughout the remainder of the season. Laureano held an .895 OPS with 13 homers and 11 steals in 63 games at AAA before his call up and has done nothing but excel since he got here. Everybody loves this guy! Is it because he delivered a game winner in his MLB debut? Is it because he has the potential to be a real life 5-tool player? Or is it because he plays defense like a gold glover and has an absolute cannon of an arm that would make Tom Brady blush. Sweet sassy molassy! I’m sorry I have to watch that again. And you’re sure I don’t get fantasy points for that? If, like most people, you’ve already moved on to fantasy football and are sad about your Leveons or your McKinnons, try to remember Ramon Laureano for your 2019 sleeper radar. But if you are still with us, and you need some speed and runs and average in the stretch run, go grab yourself a bowl of Ramon while he’s hot!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don Mattingly and Ken Griffey Jr. sit in the airport, waiting for their flight out to Toronto, trying to make small talk, “How has post-Hall of Fame life been?”  “Good, good, how has post, uh, mustache life been?”  “Fine, yeah, fine.”  Finally, a Cooperstown employee approaches, “Where do you want Dale Long’s sarcophagus?”  “Are you not staying with it?”  “I was just told to deliver it.  Now, if Kendrys Morales breaks the home run record, you press this button on the side of the sarcophagus.”  Ken and Don look at each other and decide to try the button.  Dale’s sarcophagus opens and what resembles a crypt keeper says, “Wow, I can’t believe he broke our record.  That’s outta sight!”  And Dale’s mummified eyes spin like a slot machine.  This is reenactment of what Mattingly and Griffey are going through as they join Kendrys for the chase of their home runs in eight straight games record.  Yesterday, Morales homered in his 7th straight game, going 1-for-3, 2 RBIs, and that was his 21st homer.  I actually just picked up Kendrys Morales in my RCL league, after I picked up my jaw from surprise that he was still available.  He’s so smooth right now, they call him Kendrys Alba.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?