Snap, snap, claw, claw, save. That’s The Save Vulture Dance. Sing it like it’s The Electric Slide. The save vulture is a scavenger bird. They see weakness in others’ misfortune. A closer goes down or struggles or gets traded and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff. Snap, snap, Reyes Moronta, Mark Melancon, Sam Dyson, Tony Watson, claw, claw, save. Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they’re usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they’re dating is talking about. Snap, snap, Freddy Peralta, claw, claw, save. The save vulture’s claws are orange from Cheetos dust. Snap, snap, Joe Jimenez, claw, claw, save. Teams are trying to flip their closers for prospects at the trading deadline. Snap, snap, Yoan Lopez, Yoshihisa Hirano, Archie Bradley, claw, claw, save. If you can stash setup men right now, it’s advisable because over the next week closers are going to change rapidly. Snap, snap, Daniel Hudson, claw, claw, save. You may not be able to get to waivers to grab the closer replacement, so I’d forget bench bats until the trading deadline and hold some setup men in case your closers are traded. Snap, snap, Aaron Bummer, claw, claw, save. It’s especially important to make sure you have new closers coming in if you’re about to lose closers who will become setup men on contenders. Snap, snap, Seth Lugo, Robert Gsellman, Kyle Crick, Nick Anderson, Nick Wittgren, Craig Stammen, Chris Martin, Jose Leclerc, claw, claw, save. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Travis d’Arnaud – After watching old clips of Chris Berman, The French Terminator holds a baseball up to his mouth to make it seem like the baseball is talking, “I’ll be back-back-back-back-back.”
Danny Santana – Want a good laugh over the sadness that is ESPN? Their ownership numbers show Dannys Antana at 38.7% and Jose Peraza at 48.4%. Maybe I have too much faith in all of youse, but I don’t believe those numbers. Next year it might be time to use different ownership numbers for these Buy columns, because there’s no way Antana is owned less than Peraza. Right? Please, help me believe in humanity. Overheard in Philosophy 101: “I believe in humanity because Peraza can’t be owned more than Antana.” “Is that Aristotle?” “Nah, some Grey dude on a fantasy sports website.”
Marwin Gonzalez – I’ve mentioned this before, but it was about a month ago and most of youse are stoned, so it bears repeating. I’ve owned Marwin in a 12-team, mixed league for about two months (minus, I think, an IL stint), because he’s in a great lineup and he has eligibility everywhere. It is so helpful to be able to replace anyone on my team. I hear ya, wiseguy, but my team is actually in 1st place, so you can put that shade on a lamp.
Tommy Edman – I’ll admit that sometimes I don’t get to everyone every day. I try to self-edit around 2,000 words, and it’s especially hard if a guy isn’t hitting home runs. With that said (Grey’s got more!), Edman is on a 20/20 pace over the course of 162 games. Will he get there? Not unless the Cards play any extra-inning game that goes 45,000 innings, but Edman has been sneaky valuable for deep leagues.
Luis Urias – Here’s what I said when he was called up, “Urias had 19 HRs, 7 SBs and a .315 average in Triple-A, which is basically what I’d expect from him in the majors. That’s how things work now. Or at least until Rob Manfred dons a dress and starts screaming, ‘Laces out,’ for baseballs.” And that’s me quoting me quoting Manfred! Since I wrote that, I’ve moved off Urias a little. I still like him, but guys batting at the bottom of NL lineups are not good.
Yairo Munoz – If you just surf from hot-hitting team to hot-hitting team for the last guy on your team, you’ll prolly be fine in shallower leagues. For unstints, I just grabbed Jose Martinez, Edman and Munoz on three different teams. What’s worse that happens? I get some counting stats. The best? One of them makes me chicken cacciatore while listening to Cougs talk about Big Little Lies. Most realistic? I just move on after a week.
Luis Arraez – Falls into the Edman Trap (recently discovered fault line in Grey’s roundups) that causes some players to fall through cracks because they don’t hit homers, while doing other things well.
Anthony Santander – The 4th best hitter over the last week is Tildaddy. Number five is Santander. (Number seven is Mike Tauchman.) By the by, good way to see hot schmotatoes is to look at our 7-day Player Rater. Can see ownership numbers too to (stutterer!) see if a guy might be available in your league.
Oscar Mercado – Similarly to Antana, I don’t know how accurate these ownership numbers are that say Mercado is readily available. He’s owned in 97% of RCLs, and 33% of ESPN leagues? Really? Does Klarabell own 10,000 leagues to fill his virtual trophy case and not own Mercado anywhere?
Alex Dickerson – If Mercado was similar to Antana, Dickerson is similar to Munoz. G’s up on the Aints (and Jung Ho’s down.)
Manuel Margot – I get the sneaky suspicion that the Padres are going to be trading an outfielder at the deadline, so Margot will be an everyday outfielder for the rest of the tear. Call it a hunch. *phone rings* “Hello? Yes, this is Grey. You’re the Society of Big Brothers and Big Osteoporosisters? Did I say hunch? Um…I might’ve. I’ve been canceled? Aw geez.”
Reynaldo Lopez – Rey-Lo was an Armtrooper in last year’s 2nd half, and the First Order of business is trying to find Star Waivers pickups. *coughs* Nerd! *coughs*
Mike Trout – Nope, have nothing bad to say about Trout ever, so don’t think this is going to be that. By saying I’d sell Trout, I’m saying I’d sell anyone this week in redrafts. Trade deadlines are barreling towards us like we’re a gorilla and this is Donkey Kong. You need to win this year. Not next year (well, maybe next year too), not last year (hopefully last year, but nothing we can do about that now). You need to win if it means trading away one of the top players of all-time. If you need pitching, saves and a middle infielder, you know how much Trout’s doing for you? I’m holding up a sign that reads, “Nothing,” like I’m in an INXS video. Would I trade Trout for swimming lessons with Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken? No, but I would explore options. If you need it, we have the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer for you.