Please see our player page for Robert Gsellman to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Snap, snap, claw, claw, save.  That’s The Save Vulture Dance.  Sing it like it’s The Electric Slide.  The save vulture is a scavenger bird.  They see weakness in others’ misfortune.  A closer goes down or struggles or gets traded and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff. Snap, snap, Reyes Moronta, Mark Melancon, Sam Dyson, Tony Watson, claw, claw, save.  Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they’re usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they’re dating is talking about. Snap, snap, Freddy Peralta, claw, claw, save. The save vulture’s claws are orange from Cheetos dust. Snap, snap, Joe Jimenez, claw, claw, save. Teams are trying to flip their closers for prospects at the trading deadline. Snap, snap, Yoan Lopez, Yoshihisa Hirano, Archie Bradley, claw, claw, save. If you can stash setup men right now, it’s advisable because over the next week closers are going to change rapidly. Snap, snap, Daniel Hudson, claw, claw, save. You may not be able to get to waivers to grab the closer replacement, so I’d forget bench bats until the trading deadline and hold some setup men in case your closers are traded. Snap, snap, Aaron Bummer, claw, claw, save. It’s especially important to make sure you have new closers coming in if you’re about to lose closers who will become setup men on contenders. Snap, snap, Seth Lugo, Robert Gsellman, Kyle Crick, Nick Anderson, Nick Wittgren, Craig Stammen, Chris Martin, Jose Leclerc, claw, claw, save. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For the vast majority of leagues, we are on to the playoffs. Those no longer with us will not see this as they are understandably moving onto football season. But not us. If you are reading this right now, you made it! Playoff bound, and by this time of the week you are getting a good idea of how things are shaping up. Or you’re getting a really BAD idea of how things are shaping up. (Looking at you, my team down 9-1-1 in my main league.) This is where H2H sucks, as all your success all season comes down to showing up this one week. Cheers to you if you’re comfortably up and not sweating this matchup. But for those of you suckers down in a hole like me, its time to scrape and fight for our lives. I’m trying to pick up an ground on any category any way I can. One area I found I may be able to gain an advantage at is with saves. In other words, I’m out here trying to save the season!

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Kendrys hit it? Yes he can. Blue Jays first baseman/DH Kendrys Morales homered in his fifth straight game Friday night and now has a total of six jacks in five nights! KEN-DRYS do it again!? I don’t know! The B-Jays have won four in a row and Morales extended his hitting streak to eight games and is hitting .571 in the past week with five multi hit games, seven runs scored and nine RBI. Kendrys is available in over half of fantasy leagues and he’s hotter than Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson’s sex life. Which I hear is very steamy. That was a fairly on trend reference though, right?  Speaking of trendy, it’s Players Weekend, HE’LL YALL! That means dope cleats, mostly ugly/funny uniforms (I can’t tell if I like the Rays hats or hate them so much), and of course: terrible nicknames. This is a good opportunity to tell if your favorite player has a good personality or not. Some of the nicknames are clever or fun (SABANERO SOY? yes please, and Brad Boxberger gets millennials), but if a guy just adds a -y or an -ie he’s probably a pretty lame dude so I guess it’s a good thing he’s so good at baseball. Kendrys chose to wear “MONINA,” which I tried Googling but couldn’t get a proper translation so I’ll just assume it means “Only Hits In August.” Well, it’s still August for another week and despite how long he chose to wait to get en fuego, Kendrys Morales was a BUY and is one of the hottest hitters in the league right and I’d ride him while he’s hitting all the baseballs.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night featuring more dumb nicknames than you’ve ever wanted:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Ronald Acuña Jr. (5-for-8, 5 runs, 5 RBIs) hit a leadoff homer in both games of the doubleheader, and became the youngest to homer in four straight games in the live-ball era.  Wistful sigh, member those good ol’ zombie dead-ball era stars?  Acuña now has 17 homers and 8 steals in 66 games.  Oh, I’m sorry, you my daddy?  It’s hard to understand how a 20-year-old can be my daddy, but I think you my daddy.  When that family that raised me told me to put mime makeup on every morning, I didn’t put it together, but now I know the one true thing in this world that only 23andMe and a gut feeling can tell me, Acuña is my daddy.  I’m going to start calling him Tildaddy.  Not as in ‘until I find my true daddy, you will be my daddy.’  Not Tildaddy as in what a teenager who works a cashier at a Waffle House makes his co-workers call him.  Tildaddy as in sloppily jamming tilde and daddy together.  You’re my Tildaddy!  People keep asking in the comments where I think Tildaddy (my fetch) will be drafted next year.  If you prorate his numbers out, he’d have 35 homers and 20 steals as a 20-year-old.  I’m sorry, you Machado’s Tildaddy too?  You Goldschmidt’s Tildaddy?  ARE YOU MIKE TROUT’S TILDADDY?!  He is at least a top 25 pick in 2019 and I might shock the world and shove Tildaddy in my top 15.  Un…Til…Daddy shows me different.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week Madison Bumgarner journeyed to Arizona with his sights on his lifelong dream: jumping the Grand Canyon with his dirt bike. While he was in the area, MadBum decided to drop in at Chase Field to toss 5 innings of shaky one run ball against old man Zach Greinke. Both of these vets flashed nice wood in this outing. Not that kind of wood! I’m talking about wood baseball bats, they each flashed the lumber, driving in one run off their counterpart. B_Don and Donkey tell you everything you need to know about this intriguing pitching matchup, including what to expect from each of these aging aces for the rest of this season and beyond.

Your handsome hosts also profile the rapidly rising star Eugenio Suarez in this episode. Spoiler alert Donkey has a very lofty (and crazy) Eugenio Suarez comp. Lastly, listen in to find out which waiver wire targets might lead you to fantasy baseball fame and fortune down the stretch. Experience this week’s Ditka, Sausage Pod here.

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Michael Fulmer is officially oblique strain 1 of 3 in this report! Collect all three for a frustrating prize! Luckily it’s a grade 1 strain. Unluckily it’s a friggen oblique strain. They all suck and they all linger for weeks. Stash or Trash: Stash. He’s 3-9 and his frustration will frustrate you — but he’s still a worthy SP4 or 5 on your roster. Fill In: Carlos Rodon (19.6%.) Last week I told you to add Carlos Rodon, but apparently the message was not received as he’s still under 20% owned. Rodon’s K/rate is still approximately 2 strike-outs behind his career numbers so you have to believe that number will normalize as he gets more starts under his belt. As it stands now he still has a 1.19 WHIP and a 3.56 ERA in 7 starts.

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Can’t you smell that smell?  Running through the annals of quotable things related to smell, you get the usual “Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?” and “Who farted?”.  Now just make Rougned Odor into a full draw out sentence and he enters the fray of quotable goodness for fantasy.  Not as catchy, but Odor has had his shortcomings through the past two years and basically been put on fantasy leave alone island.  But it is post All Star break and forgiving is in the air.  Starting fresh, no former history and since he is a pox on some people’s fantasy list, we gotta keep it recent…  So over the last month of affairs, he has 5 homers and 7 steals.  In SAGNOF-ville that is giant news for someone who may be a scrap pile pick-up, and if you picked him up before reading this, kudos to you and your foresight.  In the world of SAGNOF we need the results or we move on, and with 7 steals in a month, that is a sustainable amount of fantasy feedback to keep committed to him.  Slashing .300/.378/.488 during that time is fantastic for him, and mostly because of the OBP.  But the overwhelming stat that jumps out to me right now is his walk rate during that time. His career rate before this was 4.5%, the last 30 games he’s at 7.2%.  Drastic baby steps, if that is such a thing.  Like I said, SAGNOF is about dribs and drabs of stealing from the waiver wire and making it your own.  Well Odor is making a second half case to be involved in all the school gatherings, PTA meetings, and heck, even the Brownies.  So if you are in search of some steals and power combo from a middle infidel spot, Odor may just be your dude.  More SAGNOF charts and quips to follow.  Cheers!

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Coming off an abbreviated week of baseball, B_Don and Donkey Teeth bring to you an abbreviated (still 42 minutes) show. The Ditka duo highlights the pitching matchup from the opening game of the second half as Carlos Martinez and Kyle Hendricks squared off in a forgettable fray of divisional opponents, and podcast host favorite teams. End result? CMart is the most recent victim of the Sausage curse as he finds himself on the DL shortly following the skirmish.

Donkey Teeth then takes a break from catching fish to help you land the next big free agent in the pickups segment. This week’s targets include recent call ups Willie Calhoun, Garrett Hampson and Willy Adames. Here’s another taste of the Ditka Sausage Pod.

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Afters months of anticipation, many speculative adds and drops, the Rangers have finally called up top prospect slash phenom slash future super stud slash tiger beat cover boy of the month Willie Calhoun. Wait, I thought they were supposed to call him up in May!? Well, they didn’t. So I held him a little longer. They they really didn’t and yeah, so, that’s how I cracked my cell phone screen. Willie was slashing an impressive .306/.360/.444 with 8 home runs, 57 runs scored, 42 RBI and 4 stolen bases at AAA. That’s five categories if you were counting all the times numbers appeared. Need even more numbers? He’s been red hot flames in el mes de Julio. Hitting .429/.520/.619 with two homers, 13 RBI and two stolen bases. He held a 24 game on-base streak before his call up. Willie’s feeling the heat in July! Grey told you to BUY and Friday night he started at DH and hit second. That sure would be a great place to hit if it wasn’t in the Rangers line up. He went 1-for-6 with a run scoring single in the second in his debut and he also walked and struck out twice. It’s not a Juan Soto crushn bombz debut, but there could still be big things in store for Wild Willie. He was a top five prospect and if he’s able to find playing time on this Rangers team he’s capable of filling out a box score on a nightly basis. Time to go Willy Nilly, ya’ll! It’s even better than dilly dilly! I’d grab Calhoun wherever I could based on his upside alone. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!

Here’s what else I saw Friday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?