Kendrys hit it? Yes he can. Blue Jays first baseman/DH Kendrys Morales homered in his fifth straight game Friday night and now has a total of six jacks in five nights! KEN-DRYS do it again!? I don’t know! The B-Jays have won four in a row and Morales extended his hitting streak to eight games and is hitting .571 in the past week with five multi hit games, seven runs scored and nine RBI. Kendrys is available in over half of fantasy leagues and he’s hotter than Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson’s sex life. Which I hear is very steamy. That was a fairly on trend reference though, right? Speaking of trendy, it’s Players Weekend, HE’LL YALL! That means dope cleats, mostly ugly/funny uniforms (I can’t tell if I like the Rays hats or hate them so much), and of course: terrible nicknames. This is a good opportunity to tell if your favorite player has a good personality or not. Some of the nicknames are clever or fun (SABANERO SOY? yes please, and Brad Boxberger gets millennials), but if a guy just adds a -y or an -ie he’s probably a pretty lame dude so I guess it’s a good thing he’s so good at baseball. Kendrys chose to wear “MONINA,” which I tried Googling but couldn’t get a proper translation so I’ll just assume it means “Only Hits In August.” Well, it’s still August for another week and despite how long he chose to wait to get en fuego, Kendrys Morales was a BUY and is one of the hottest hitters in the league right and I’d ride him while he’s hitting all the baseballs.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night featuring more dumb nicknames than you’ve ever wanted:
Daniel Murphy – 2-for-4, HR (7). Game tying home run for MURPH, and his first as a Cub. Outside of Javiez “EL MAGO” Baez, the Cubbies might have the collection of most boringest nicknames. I mean, is TONY even a nickname, that’s like, your name dude, right? Jon Lester’s LEFTHANDER also sad. Can you not think of another quality that describes you?
Matt Harvey – 5.1 IP, 5 hits, ER, BB, 6 K. He was almost the Brewers ace! But nah, Milwaukee wanted two outfielder included in the trade and it broke down. Also, HARV? (zzzz) C’mon, Matt, what happened to the Dark Knight? Singing voice too raspy after talking in the Batman voice 24/7? Same. But it helps with my Macy Grey impression.
David Bote – 1-for-2, HR (5). Maybe he should be Mr. Walk Off? After Pedro Strop blew the save surrendering a homer to Eugenio Suarez (his 29th), David hit a game winning home run of his own off Raisel Iglesias. Not great night for closers. Is this becase Smokey left? Anyway, I was really hoping his nickname would be BoteMcBoteface, but it turns out it’s just BOAT. Which is kind of funny, but I remain disappointed.
Alec Mills – 5.2 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 8 K. The 26 year old rookie, MILLSY (zzzz) pitched way better than any one expected in his first career start. He’s rocking an ERA close to five at AAA, so most were right to be reluctant but it was the Reds and they’re basically Quad-A without Votto. Alec might get another start against the Mets next week and if he pitches well there then I’m raising my eyebrow Rock The Dwayne Johnson.
Jay Bruce – 1-for-4, HR (4). He’s back from the DL and ready to ravage your average! Wait–he hit a dinger? Is this the start of one of those classic BRUUUCE streaks, or will he go 0-for-10 for the rest of the weekend? Tune in to find out!
Amed Rosario – 1-for-4, run SB. BUY. EL NIÑO! Now that’s a great nickname, it’s even got a Tildaddy! Take notes deGROM and MONTERO, who apparently just refused to participate? Jacob doesn’t want a nickname, he just wants this season to be over. Well, Amed was a BUY and he’s got 4 SBs in the past 2 weeks. And for those of you who don’t habla espanol, El Nino is spanish for…THE NIÑO! (rip chris farley)
Jason Vargas – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 8 K, 4th win. VARGY (zzzz) and his frightening 6.96 ERA have now strung together two straight wins and three straight quality starts. Pick him up if you hate yourself!
Robert Gsellman – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (8). GMAN got the save, but will he get the next one or will it go to someone more likely to blow the game but less likely to get PAID. Regardless, Gsellman needs to be owned for those in need of those juicy, juicy saves.
Gio Gonzalez – 7.0 IP, 7 hits, ER, 2 K. OK, now the Nats have got some cool nicknames, even if DOUBLE G only works in tandem with TRIPLE TREA. I am feeling it. BLUE EYE is amazingly perfect, and JUANJO sounds like my new favorite soda. Who knew these guys had so much personality? Why do they keep losing?
Mike Foltynewicz – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 BB, 8 K. FOLTY (zzzz) has been anything but (faulty that is) in August, with five quality starts allowing just five runs in 32.3 IP (1.38 ERA), he also struck on 36 in that stretch. Unfortunately, the Braves o-fence left him hanging and only managed three hits off that famed Fishies pitching staff.
Adam Conley – 1.0 IP, SV (2). ACON (okay, zzzz maybe but I kinda like this one) got the save! Is he the closer? Idk! Maybe? Should you pick him up? Ehh, probably not.
Billy McKinney – 1-for-4, HR (2). The rook has hit safely in all but one of his games since his call up last week and has flashed that power we’ve all heard so much about. He’s now hitting .368/.500/.684 with two jacks in six games and–sigh, they’re never calling Vlady up are they?
Scott Kingery – 2-for-3, HR (7), SB (10). April 2018 called–they want their sleeper pick back! Zing! JETPAX is a nickname I wish I understood, but I don’t and I don’t have an intern to google so oh well! Kingery likes his slam & legs Philly style with extra whiz, which if that sounds gross to you, you have to try it first, because it IS just as gross as it sounds.
Ken Giles – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, BB, 2 K, SV (17). They call him 100 MILES GILES because owning him is like driving top speed on the highway blindfolded.
Willy Adames – 2-for-3, 3 runs, HR (8), SB (6). BUY. Sorry Willy, there’s only one “THE KID” and that’s Ted Williams. OK, maybe possibly, Griffey. Adames likes his slam & legs soft boiled with a warm sanka, because that’s the best way to get it in St. P. Just ask your grandparents!
Ji-Man Choi – 2-for-3, 3 runs, SB (2). The Rays scored 10 runs on 12 hits. When your real name is better than your nickname and it’s not that close. JI doesn’t play every day but when he does he hits in the heart of the line up and he’s batting .462 in the past week with 2 steals while the Rays keep winning. To shut down an offense like the Red Sox while putting runs on the board hitting guys like Choi third and fourth? Impressivo. Who is their manager again? Can you take a look at my fantasy team?
Drew Pomeranz – 4.1 IP, 1 hit, 2 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. The problem with calling yourself the BIG SMOOTH is you have to pitch like someone who pitches BIG or SMOOTH, preferably both. Fortunately for Dwew, he was better than starter Hector Velazquez (2.2 IP, 9 hits, 8 ER, 2 BB, 4 K) who at least, has nicknamed himself Cabezon ie “Big Head” and is named more appropriately.
Jalen Beeks – 5.1 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 4 K, 3rd win. Against his former team! The Revenge game! *Kill Bill siren music plays, glares at batter* Unfortunately, he came into this game at the end of the second inning, so it’s hard to recommend a guy in this Rays rotation who may not start all year. How do he get out of this bullpen and on that Snell/Glasnow level with Skip? I don’t know!
Jonathan Villar – 3-for-5, HR (4). Also made an awesome sliding catch that I could not find anywhere so forget I mentioned it. He was a BUY and he’s hitting .304 with 2 homers and 3 SB in the past week! VILLI bout to go silly, hitting homers, stealing bases all willy nilly! The Brewers should really trade for this guy! Villi dilly!
C.C. Sabathia – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 8 K. Ye–trapmoneybenny. This here pitchahs got me all In My Feelings, yoo. C-C! Do you loooove me? Being solid, getting strikeouts, babe, now I don’t think you’re old guurrrl!
Zach Britton – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, SV (5). Britton saves Yankees in the end! Looks like Zach is the favorite for saves with Aroldis on the shelf and Aaron Boone not wanting to mess with DRob and Betances roles or pay days.
Chris Davis – 3-for-5, HR (16). You haven’t been CRUSH for a long time, Chris, and you know it. So this wins for saddest nickname, which is saying something since a number of them are tributes to people much deader than Chris Davis. Longtime readers of mine (hi mom) will know he’ll always be CHRIS THE DISH to me, and for a brief moment in the 10th inning Friday night, he brought the Dish days back.
Luke Voit – 3-for-5, 2 HR (2), 4 RBI. One of these bombs came in the 10th inning so I suspect you will be hearing about Luke Voit a lot this week. Is there a Voit in your life? Do you want one? I keep mine in my heart. The 27-year old AAA star is 4-for-6 in three games since he was called up, but he responded big in his first start Friday night with three hits and the home run. Honestly, this is a better game than Greg Bird has had all season.
Neil Walker -3-for-5, 2 runs, HR (8). You just knew WALKIE’s nickname was going to be zzzz. He’s got a five game hitting streak with two homers in that stretch through, which is a little less z-inducing, but only a little.
Reynaldo Lopez – 5.2 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 7 K. It’s like he’s almost own-able but just not there yet. Soon, REY. (I don’t care if it’s not a Star Wars name I’m still quoting Star Wars). Said Rey postgame, “Light. Darkness. A balance. I felt something. It awakened, but now I need to know how to wield it.” Ask Kylo Ren!
Stephen Piscotty – 2-for-4, HR (17). The A’s win my vote for favorite team nicknames and it’s like I kinda knew they would. It wasn’t Josh Phelgey’s PTBNL that won me over, but actually Emilio Pagan’s EMILIOOOOO that pushed me over the edge. Baseball needs more A Night at the Roxbury references!
Yonder Alonso – 2-for-4, 2 HR (22). Yonder, or MR. 305, was struggling mightily before Friday night. I’m guessing his nickname is a Pitbull reference which is bound to get me some tasty clicks from the Latin and South American markets! Hola, mis amigos! No me importa quién es tu cacher!
Cody Allen – 0.0 2 hits, ER, 2 HR, BS (4). Allen gave up back-to-back homers to two of the biggest no-names in baseball: Ryan O’Hearn (2-for-4, HR (6) and Hunter Dozier – 1-for-3, HR (7)), but don’t worry Cody, or should I say, CHICKEN, it’s not like you have two of the most dominant arms (Miller and Hand) in baseball setting you up this year. Oh wait, you do, and they pitched perfect. That’s his third straight rocky appearance, how soon before Tito makes a change?
Tyler O’Neill – 2-for-5, HR (5), 2 RBI. I told you to grab him a few weeks ago, then he immediately got hurt, then he came back and didn’t really play. But NOW he’s homered in back-to-back games and it’s like we’ve gone full circle. Fully, man.
Miles Mikolas – 4.2 IP, 12 hits, 4 ER, 3 K. The 12 hits is the most he’s given up all year and if you own him you know that. He also hit a 2-run homer which is the only reason he gets a mention.
Ryan McMahon 3-for-5, RBI. He plays in Coors now, which is the only reason he gets a mention.
Mitch Haniger – 3-for-5, 2 runs, HR (21). MEETCH (that’s a pretty good one) has homered in back-to-back games and has thrived in the lead off spot. If only he could pitch this team might have a shot at the wild card!
Mike Zunino – 1-for-3, HR (18). Love these M’s jerseys, and as for nicknames, it doesn’t get more zzzz than Zunino’s straight “Z”! Stick to hitting homers and striking out, Mike.
Erasmo Ramirez – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, BB, 6 K. MITO has been sneaky good over the past three weeks and gets a decent match up with Oakland next week. I could see perhaps considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially streaming him.
Andrew Heaney – 6.0 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER, BB, 5 K. Dddddropped.
Dallas Keuchel – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, 10th win. Dallas is wearing DAVID BURD, which he claims is a tribute to the Stros clubhouse assistant, but after reading an interview with Burd it sounds like Keuchel is just trolling him.
Jose Altuve – 2-for-5, HR (10). Oh look, TUVE’s back and the Astros start winning again. Even Carlos Correa (whose I AM GROOT I don’t really get but I’m sure will sell very well) homered! It’s almost like Altuve’s their most valuable player. Who knew!
Mike Trout – 2-for-3 with a triple. Now that we’ve had some serious time apart for the first time in our 5-8 year relationship (it’s complicated) we’ve had a chance to think about things and–NEVER LEAVE AGAIN, MICHAEL!
Taylor Ward – 1-for-3, HR (2), 2 RBI. Broke up Dallas’ no hitter with his homer in the 7th. He was a BUY and he’s now a third baseman you can play at catcher. Yes, I’m telling you that you don’t have to start a catcher, you can just pick up Taylor Ward!
Marwin Gonzalez – 2-for-4, Grand Slam HR (13), 4 RBI. Three homers in the past week! His nickname MARGO makes me think of Robbie and she’s a babe so thinking about her is pretty cool! Thanks Marwin!
Rich Hill – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, BB, 8 K, 6th win. OK, the Dodgers has some pretty great nicks as well. D. MOUNTAIN is clever, Rich, but also digging Walker Buehler’s FERRIS and Ross Stripling’s CHICKEN STRIP. What an hilarious group of talented, funny young pitchers! If only KERSH were so witty! Hill is undefeated since the all star break with a 2.13 ERA. Dude is on fire! Also, the Padres are terrible!
Max Muncy – 1-for-1, pinch hit HR (29). Taylor and Turner also homered, in case you already have a hard time telling them apart. Could the Dodgers could break the record for most pinch hit home runs? I don’t know if any team has had a line up more conducive to setting this record which I think is 15 or 16? What are the Dodgers at? Alexa can you google this? Alexa: “Playing Despacito.”
Dereck Rodriguez – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. I always want to say his name Dereck CK but it’s not it’s D-ROD (zzzz). He’s remained on the DL in my ESPN league despite being activated last night which is a little scary because I keep refreshing twtitter to see if he was reinjured but I think he’s fine. It’s OK everyone, he’s fine.
Joey Gallo – 2-for-3, HR (34). Left the game with ankle injury. Oh no! This PICO DE GALLO is strong but could use something to kick it up a notch. Maybe like 30 batting average points and some below average defense? How about just stay healthy?
Rougned Odor – 1-for-5, HR (16). Game tying home run with two outs in the ninth. I wish his nickname was STINKY but it’s not it’s EL TIPO but if it was stinky I’d feel better about having dropped him in June.
Starling Marte – 3-for-6, run, RBI, SB (29). ALL STARLIN is definitely that, especially for our fantasy teams. I don’t care how much Skip hates him he could be a 25-40 guy, yes please!
Mike Moustakas – 1-for-4, HR (3). I think the Dodgers should claim MOOSE on waivers and really go hard after that pinch hit homers record. Anyone else on board?
Andrew McCutchen – 2-for-3, HR (15), 2 SB (13). Probably the best game we’ve seen from him as a Giant. Also, bravo to Andrew for going with ZOOM and not CUTCH. He gets it! They’re nicknames on their jerseys! Don’t overthink it! It’s just fun! Yeah but, TBH (the “H” is for handsome) I don’t really like it. Does anyone? The jerseys and cleats and bats and hats and colors, I LOVE. Heck, let the players wear all the flair they want–all year round! Are these old white men really that stuffy about the whiteness of these players cleats and that their socks remain solid or striped? “It’s tradition!” Who cares?! Doesn’t this stuff make lots of money? Because these 0ld fogies who claim it’s “disrespecting the game” aren’t the ones buying these $300 cleats and $35 socks. I want Mookie and Bryce and Lindo in new cleats and gear every week. Where can I buy those! Take my money! Rant over. Your move, MLB!
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!