As a Trevor Bauer investor this year I’m tempted to just write: &$*3$*@#& and that’s it. Since Grey was his biggest advocate before the season, I know he’d understand. Stash or Trash: Stash for now. He’s a top-3 Cy Young finalist if not for this injury and we’re waiting for more news. That dastardly Jose Abreu lined a pitch of Bauer’s ankle in their game on Saturday. A stress fracture often occurs due to repeated compressive force on a bone (often in the leg, foot or ankle.) This type of injury is common in frequent runners. Bauer’s was obviously caused by the velocity of Abreu’s line drive hitting at just the right spot. Here’s the bad news: the typical healing time for a stress fracture in your fibula is 6 weeks. However, everyone is different — some can need more time or less — it’s hard to predict really. I’m labeling Bauer a stash until we find out more. If we find out tomorrow that it isn’t a complete fracture or that he’s got that Adrian Peterson DNA he might be back sooner. Fill In: Tyler Glasnow (19.3%.) Let’s get this easy one pick up out of the way — if you’re in a league where Tyler Glasnow isn’t owned yet you need to remedy this situation. Glasnow is now back to being a starter after going from the Pirates to the Rays. He’s made three starts so far each one inning more than the last. 12 innings pitched total with 20 K’s to only 3 walks and 6 hits allowed? His next start will be his biggest test against the Red Sox. Why haven’t you hit CTRL-T yet?! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Ronald Acuña Jr. (5-for-8, 5 runs, 5 RBIs) hit a leadoff homer in both games of the doubleheader, and became the youngest to homer in four straight games in the live-ball era.  Wistful sigh, member those good ol’ zombie dead-ball era stars?  Acuña now has 17 homers and 8 steals in 66 games.  Oh, I’m sorry, you my daddy?  It’s hard to understand how a 20-year-old can be my daddy, but I think you my daddy.  When that family that raised me told me to put mime makeup on every morning, I didn’t put it together, but now I know the one true thing in this world that only 23andMe and a gut feeling can tell me, Acuña is my daddy.  I’m going to start calling him Tildaddy.  Not as in ‘until I find my true daddy, you will be my daddy.’  Not Tildaddy as in what a teenager who works a cashier at a Waffle House makes his co-workers call him.  Tildaddy as in sloppily jamming tilde and daddy together.  You’re my Tildaddy!  People keep asking in the comments where I think Tildaddy (my fetch) will be drafted next year.  If you prorate his numbers out, he’d have 35 homers and 20 steals as a 20-year-old.  I’m sorry, you Machado’s Tildaddy too?  You Goldschmidt’s Tildaddy?  ARE YOU MIKE TROUT’S TILDADDY?!  He is at least a top 25 pick in 2019 and I might shock the world and shove Tildaddy in my top 15.  Un…Til…Daddy shows me different.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, the Jays’ catcher prospect Danny Jansen was called up.  Finally, the Jays are ready to move on with their prospects.  *Vlad Jr. waves his hand, trying to get their attention*  It took long enough, but finally the time is here.  *Vlad Jr. takes out a bullhorn and blows it*  Did you hear something?  The Jays did…Danny Jansen’s bat!  Jansen looks like an offensive-minded catcher in the mold of Jerry Tomato Realmuto (think 15/7/.280).  I grabbed Jansen in one league, because, I had Cervelli, who has a magnet for foul balls on his face like Stormy Daniels, and Russell Martin is going to play third while Yangervis deals with an oblique strain and, shucks, if only the Jays had someone else to play third.  *Vlad Jr. marches with color guards’ flags, waving them.  Finally, Vlad Jr. sighs.*  Damn, too bad.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Clearly, there’s a major issue here.  The issue revolves around a few Buys this week.  They are Mark Trumbo, Tim Beckham, Jonathan Villar and Trey Mancini.  Any guesses their connection?  No, they don’t all wear a bear costume during the offseason for bachelorette parties.  I mean, they could, but no.  I don’t think so.  Their connection and the issue can be summed in this question, is the entire Orioles lineup really hot or have they just faced garbage pitching for the last week?  I’d give you the answer, but I’d have to kill you, and I don’t know your address.  I guess I have your IP, but is it roaming?  VPN?  Am I really traveling around to kill you when I could just not tell you the answer?  That is the other choice here, right?  Such a dilemma!  Let me sleep on it.  *pulls Murphy bed out of wall, lies down, Murphy bed flies up and traps me*  Muffled screams, “Mark Trumbo has been the hottest hitter in the league!  If you need power, I’d grab him in all leagues!  Also, can you pull down this freakin’ bed?!”  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Felix Hernandez went 6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.73 vs. Bartolo Colon – 7 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.18.  Or is that Bartolo Colon, weighing in at 518 pounds from parts unknown and ratios you don’t want to know?  This matchup was billed as, “F-Her/Colon, rated NC-17.  Or maybe simply NR, as in Not Recommended.”  All kidding aside, F-Her’s fallen so far, Colon is outpitching him, and Colon is not outpitching anyone else.  That’s a Trump tweeted, “Sad!”  On the bright side, Rougned Odor (2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer) has rediscovered our love.  Two years ago, Odor beat up Jose Bautista.  Last year, he beat up his fantasy owners.  This year, he’s beating back the beat like Vinny from The Jersey Shore.  I’m glad I went back in on him because making up is sweeter than caramel honey on your bed sheets. (Is that an R. Kelly song?  It should be.)   I’d contend (for the featherweight title) that Odor really hasn’t done anything different this year.  Yes, his walk rate is nearly double, but his BABIP has turned around.  Here’s what that leads me to believe:  You get a little bit luckier, so you don’t feel compelled to swing at everything, so you get more selective.  It’s a self-fullfilling prophecy in direct opposition to what happened to him last year.  Does this mean I’m going back in him for a third year in a row next year?  Damn skippy!  He can’t fail me again! (He totally can!)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Know why Steve Pearce went off yesterday for three homers (3-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 6th, 7th and 8th homer)?  Because he’s only owned in 3% of fantasy leagues.  That’s spiteful, Steve Pearce.  Spite is one of the seven deadliest sins.  Right after that soup the fat guy ate in Se7en.  Not to be confused with Goop, which is Paltrow’s career after she stopped being harassed by Harvey Weinstein.  Allow a gross, sweaty producer to rub his genitals against you in unwanted advances, win an Oscar.  Sleep with that guy from Coldplay, do movies with Huey Lewis.  Speaking of Coldplay, Pearce has been terrible for the last few weeks, but the Sawx have committed to Pearce in a favorable lineup spot, at least against lefties, which he’s rewarded them with solid production (hitting near-.360 vs. lefties).  He’s not quite at a Goop-level bounce back, but he is above starring with Huey Lewis and/or Chris Martin.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy Friday everybody!  We have a massive 15 games slate on FanDuel, which includes the works.  Coors, multiple aces, and huge implied team totals, so let’s see if we can fit it all in!  Let us begin our Friday by raising a glass for the 2nd greatest 90s lip-syncers (Milli Vanilli is the GOAT, don’t DM me) out there, C&C Music Factory, that made the greatest proclamation of all time, “Everybody Dance Now”!!!  CC Sabathia comes in at $7,800 and faces the Royals, who have been awful vs LHPs.  Sabathia is certainly not a sexy play on a day that has Sale, Scherzer, and Kershaw, but the wily veteran should be a safe play and is cheap enough that you’ll be able to fit in some game changing bats.  Sabathia has been great at limiting hard contact this year and as a -280 favorite according to Vegas, he should be in line for a really nice day.  Let’s take a look at some of my other favorite plays for the day.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In 1776 on July 1st, Ben Franklin grabbed Betsy Ross and four of her friends, and was like, “This will be better than Flag Day.  We will call this Flagellation Day.  Now twerk with a firework!”  That lasted for three days until Ben yelled out an Astros’ hitter last name and called for a volunteer fire department to put out his redness.  As the fire department extinguished his Reddick, Ben proclaimed July 4th to be a day of national celebration and the rest is history.  It’s also when The Stros Spangled Banner was written.  Any hoo!  Josh Reddick (3-for-4, 2 RBIs) had a slam (8) and legs (4) yesterday, and it’s 2nd day in a row with a homer.  He’s owned in only 30% of leagues and that is a crime to humanity, a first world one, at least.  God Bless America and Ben Franklin’s Reddick!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The album I released called Father’s Day has an intro as its first song, here it is, “This is dedicated to all those dads out there that stood by their responsibilities and raised your seed.  Unless you would’ve been a terrible father, then it’s better if you shirked your responsibilities and hightailed it out of there.  Something that’s rarely mentioned about absentee fathers, if you would’ve been a crap father, then it’s best if you weren’t around.  The best thing some fathers could give their kids is not being there.  This is dedicated to all the fathers that left.  This is for all the dads that would’ve been so bads.  All the pops that drank nonstops.  You’re often forgotten, but we appreciate your fatherhood was misbegotten”  Any hoo!  Yesterday, Julio Teheran went 6 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 3 walks, 11 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.97, as he was activated from the DL.  He didn’t go on a rehab assignment.  Well, technically, he didn’t but he returned to face the Padres, so same diff.  Teheran’s peripherals are a mess like the father who abandoned us who we now appreciate, so Teheran was money on Sunday, but don’t expect child support (this is so hashtag woke).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

*life flashing before eyes right before death* Wow, that’s a lot times I picked up and dropped Chase Anderson.   Is it weird I can understand where Mike Tyson was coming from when he said he wanted to eat Lennox Lewis’ children?  Some of these players — Sonny Gray, Jon Gray, Chase Anderson — come to mind that make me want to eat someone’s children.  Not really (yes, really).  Why couldn’t Chase Anderson do this when he was on my team?!  *lines tacks up on desk, slams head down*  I’m okay!  *blood dripping from forehead like Abdullah the Butcher*  I can’t see!  *screaming at intern*  Getmeahandiwipesoicansee–Okay, I can see again.  I’m still seeing blood though.  Yesterday, Chase Anderson went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.13.  The peripherals are still not there for Anderson — 6.1 K/9, 3.5 BB/9, 5.17 xFIP — so I won’t be going back in on him.  That doesn’t mean it won’t make me think about salt and peppering some kids if he pitches well again.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?