You know how they say think about baseball to make sex last longer?  Okay, so I was thinking, to make the baseball season last longer do we think about baseball?  Maybe we think about sex.  This is a riddle for the Sphinx!  “Hello, Sphinx, I have a question.  Yes, I have $20.  Why do you ask?  Because you’re a sex worker wearing gold paint and not an ancient Egyptian statue?  Ah, that’s my bad.”  You ever read that book, The Mouse That Roared?  I think it was assigned for me to read back in school, and I watched the movie instead.  Solid flick!  So, if a mouse roared, he’d be a hoarse mouse while still roaring.  That’s how I’m screaming David Dahl‘s name right now.  Like a roaring hoarse mouse.  An RHM, as they say.  Who’s they?  Hoarse mouses, of course.  The bitter enemy of the church mouse.  Are you following?  Cause I’m leading you down some place of interest.  I am a hoarse mouse roaring David Dahl because I love him.  Yesterday, he went 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, and 4th straight game with a homer.  He might be my favorite player for 2019.  You take your Adalbertos, but David Dahl has 35/15/.290 ability in Coors and, with how he’s playing these final weeks, he might actually have the lead for the three hole in the Rockies’ lineup going into 2019.  This is the best spot in the major leagues to hit.  As a roaring hoarse mouse on a horse might say, giddy up!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s up, everybody!  As the regular season winds down (shut up!  I’m not crying!!  You’re crying!!), these slates on FanDuel are getting tighter, but the deeper we get into the data, the bigger advantage we have to make it in the $$.  FanDuel has us set up for a 14-game slate to start the weekend.  Once upon a time, there was a strapping young man who took Luis Castillo ($8,500), up and coming stud, with the 73rd pick of their draft.  Throws 95+, they said.  Plus change and breaking ball, they said.  Can’t miss, breakout, they said.  Fast forward to 3 months later when Mr. Can’t-Miss sports a 5.49 ERA and earned a cut off my team (spoiler alert…..I’m the strapping young man).  Well, here we are in September, and guess who’s reeling me back in??  Mr. 1.46 ERA-in-September himself, Luis Castillo; and speaking of reeling, he gets a lovely match-up with the Marlins in Miami.   Going from Great American Smallpark to the friendly confines of Marlins Park (really?? That’s what they named it??) should help Luis Castillo…..as should facing the Marlins’ AAA lineup <insert rimshot here>.  Let’s take a look at the rest of Friday’s slate.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Didja you know The Captain from Captain & Tennille’s real name is Daryl Dragon?  Why would this guy have a nickname?  Your name’s awesome, you don’t get a nickname.  Daryl Dragon has bedtime slippers that are cooler than you.  Daryl Dragon washes his hands, then breathes a not-very-intense fire on his hands to dry them.  Daryl Dragon can’t get a speeding ticket.  “Okay, Mr. Dragon, I’ll let you go this time with a warning because your name is Daryl Dragon.” Raul Mondesi?  Now that name sucks as bad as Thanksgiving dinners with the Mondesis (Mondesii?).  “Please pass the potatoes and change your name back to Junior.”  “NO!” and chucks mashed potatoes at his father’s head.  “You throw like your mom!”  “I hate you”  And so on.  I don’t hate Adalberto Mondesi though.  Yesterday, he went 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and had a slam (9) and legs (25).  He has nine homers and 25 steals in only 219 ABs.  Mr. Prorater says, “In a full season, he’d have 20 homers and 55 steals.  And if I ate an orange a day for a year, I’d have enough Vitamin C for a Mars colony.”  You could consider this your first 2019 sleeper, assuming I don’t get too crazy with myself and rank Mondesi in the top 25 next year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kendrys hit it? Yes he can. Blue Jays first baseman/DH Kendrys Morales homered in his fifth straight game Friday night and now has a total of six jacks in five nights! KEN-DRYS do it again!? I don’t know! The B-Jays have won four in a row and Morales extended his hitting streak to eight games and is hitting .571 in the past week with five multi hit games, seven runs scored and nine RBI. Kendrys is available in over half of fantasy leagues and he’s hotter than Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson’s sex life. Which I hear is very steamy. That was a fairly on trend reference though, right?  Speaking of trendy, it’s Players Weekend, HE’LL YALL! That means dope cleats, mostly ugly/funny uniforms (I can’t tell if I like the Rays hats or hate them so much), and of course: terrible nicknames. This is a good opportunity to tell if your favorite player has a good personality or not. Some of the nicknames are clever or fun (SABANERO SOY? yes please, and Brad Boxberger gets millennials), but if a guy just adds a -y or an -ie he’s probably a pretty lame dude so I guess it’s a good thing he’s so good at baseball. Kendrys chose to wear “MONINA,” which I tried Googling but couldn’t get a proper translation so I’ll just assume it means “Only Hits In August.” Well, it’s still August for another week and despite how long he chose to wait to get en fuego, Kendrys Morales was a BUY and is one of the hottest hitters in the league right and I’d ride him while he’s hitting all the baseballs.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night featuring more dumb nicknames than you’ve ever wanted:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to another Friday, where FanDuel has us set up with a 14 game slate.  Since all the studs pitched on Thursday (Scherzer, Nola, DeGrom, Bumgarner, ), we have the fun job of picking through the leftovers to find Friday’s stud.  Today I’m taking my talents to South Beach…….to write about the visiting pitcher, Mike Foltynewicz ($). <set up autocorrect to fix every time I eff up the spelling of Folynevix>  Foltyburger’s K-rate has been sick this year, up 7.5% from 20.7% in 2017 to 28.2% this year, and he even gets a small park bump in Miami.  He also gets the pleasure of facing Miami’s lineup which for the season is dead last in ISO and 28th in wOBA vs RHP.  Foltyverter is where I’m starting my lineup on this Friday, so let’s see what we can add to him to make some money.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.  Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Daniel Murphy traded to the Cubs, after being claimed on waivers.  I’m going to try to wrap my noodle around this one.  My above-the-line noodle.  That’s above-the-line as in waist, not above-the-line as it’s meant in Hollywood.  An above-the-line noodle in Hollywood parlance would mean below-the-line as in waist.  Okay, off track!  *steps in cardboard box designed to look like a car, yells at homeless man ‘driving’ the cardboard box*  Let’s get back on track or I’m going to give you a bad Uber rating!  For Daniel Murphy to get claimed by the Cubs, it means every NL team passed on him.  I realize he can’t pitch, but really, Brewers?  You got screwed on the Archer move, but you can’t use hitting, Pirates?  You didn’t want another reason to prospblock Jo-Ma, Cardinals?  Yo, Phillies, your team batting average is .236; hey, Colorado, you passed on a veteran?  Are you feeling okay?  So, Murphy joins the Cubs, where he should bat third and play 2nd base.  That knocks Javier Baez to 3rd; Ian Happ to a platoon in center with Al-Al, Maddon’s Bae Zobrist becomes a utility man, David Bote dons a GOAT costume once a week as a pinch-hitter, but not a goat costume as in the animal, Kris Bryant learns how to play 1st, Rizzo catches, Schwarber pitches and–so the Cubs are obviously stacked.  This should help Murphy’s fantasy value.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to say our Fantasy Football Subscriptions are now live.  Last year, Rudy placed top 5 out of something, like, 15,500 ‘perts who do fantasy football projections.  Maybe it’s closer to 200 ‘perts, but you get the picture.  Plus, it helps the site.  Anyway II, the roundup:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As a Trevor Bauer investor this year I’m tempted to just write: &$*3$*@#& and that’s it. Since Grey was his biggest advocate before the season, I know he’d understand. Stash or Trash: Stash for now. He’s a top-3 Cy Young finalist if not for this injury and we’re waiting for more news. That dastardly Jose Abreu lined a pitch of Bauer’s ankle in their game on Saturday. A stress fracture often occurs due to repeated compressive force on a bone (often in the leg, foot or ankle.) This type of injury is common in frequent runners. Bauer’s was obviously caused by the velocity of Abreu’s line drive hitting at just the right spot. Here’s the bad news: the typical healing time for a stress fracture in your fibula is 6 weeks. However, everyone is different — some can need more time or less — it’s hard to predict really. I’m labeling Bauer a stash until we find out more. If we find out tomorrow that it isn’t a complete fracture or that he’s got that Adrian Peterson DNA he might be back sooner. Fill In: Tyler Glasnow (19.3%.) Let’s get this easy one pick up out of the way — if you’re in a league where Tyler Glasnow isn’t owned yet you need to remedy this situation. Glasnow is now back to being a starter after going from the Pirates to the Rays. He’s made three starts so far each one inning more than the last. 12 innings pitched total with 20 K’s to only 3 walks and 6 hits allowed? His next start will be his biggest test against the Red Sox. Why haven’t you hit CTRL-T yet?! 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Ronald Acuña Jr. (5-for-8, 5 runs, 5 RBIs) hit a leadoff homer in both games of the doubleheader, and became the youngest to homer in four straight games in the live-ball era.  Wistful sigh, member those good ol’ zombie dead-ball era stars?  Acuña now has 17 homers and 8 steals in 66 games.  Oh, I’m sorry, you my daddy?  It’s hard to understand how a 20-year-old can be my daddy, but I think you my daddy.  When that family that raised me told me to put mime makeup on every morning, I didn’t put it together, but now I know the one true thing in this world that only 23andMe and a gut feeling can tell me, Acuña is my daddy.  I’m going to start calling him Tildaddy.  Not as in ‘until I find my true daddy, you will be my daddy.’  Not Tildaddy as in what a teenager who works a cashier at a Waffle House makes his co-workers call him.  Tildaddy as in sloppily jamming tilde and daddy together.  You’re my Tildaddy!  People keep asking in the comments where I think Tildaddy (my fetch) will be drafted next year.  If you prorate his numbers out, he’d have 35 homers and 20 steals as a 20-year-old.  I’m sorry, you Machado’s Tildaddy too?  You Goldschmidt’s Tildaddy?  ARE YOU MIKE TROUT’S TILDADDY?!  He is at least a top 25 pick in 2019 and I might shock the world and shove Tildaddy in my top 15.  Un…Til…Daddy shows me different.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, the Jays’ catcher prospect Danny Jansen was called up.  Finally, the Jays are ready to move on with their prospects.  *Vlad Jr. waves his hand, trying to get their attention*  It took long enough, but finally the time is here.  *Vlad Jr. takes out a bullhorn and blows it*  Did you hear something?  The Jays did…Danny Jansen’s bat!  Jansen looks like an offensive-minded catcher in the mold of Jerry Tomato Realmuto (think 15/7/.280).  I grabbed Jansen in one league, because, I had Cervelli, who has a magnet for foul balls on his face like Stormy Daniels, and Russell Martin is going to play third while Yangervis deals with an oblique strain and, shucks, if only the Jays had someone else to play third.  *Vlad Jr. marches with color guards’ flags, waving them.  Finally, Vlad Jr. sighs.*  Damn, too bad.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Clearly, there’s a major issue here.  The issue revolves around a few Buys this week.  They are Mark Trumbo, Tim Beckham, Jonathan Villar and Trey Mancini.  Any guesses their connection?  No, they don’t all wear a bear costume during the offseason for bachelorette parties.  I mean, they could, but no.  I don’t think so.  Their connection and the issue can be summed in this question, is the entire Orioles lineup really hot or have they just faced garbage pitching for the last week?  I’d give you the answer, but I’d have to kill you, and I don’t know your address.  I guess I have your IP, but is it roaming?  VPN?  Am I really traveling around to kill you when I could just not tell you the answer?  That is the other choice here, right?  Such a dilemma!  Let me sleep on it.  *pulls Murphy bed out of wall, lies down, Murphy bed flies up and traps me*  Muffled screams, “Mark Trumbo has been the hottest hitter in the league!  If you need power, I’d grab him in all leagues!  Also, can you pull down this freakin’ bed?!”  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?