From Fozzie Bear’s Big Book Of Side-Splitting Jokes (Please Laugh), “Why couldn’t you hear the guy who didn’t draft Michael Wacha? He was Mike-less. Wacha Wacha Wacha.” “Did you see him pitch yesterday? He was reWachable, knocking down Pirates like he was playing Wacha-Mole. Wacha Wacha Wacha.” “What do you get when you don’t listen to Grey’s preseason advice to draft Michael Wacha? An unbearable fantasy baseball ‘pert giving I told you so’s. Wacha Wacha Wacha.” Yesterday, Michael Wacha took a no-hitter into the 8th inning, ending up with the line 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 8 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.41. At one point in the 8th inning, he hit 97 MPH on the radar gun, which was the point when I licked my finger and touched the screen to listen for a sizzle. Since I didn’t hear the sizzle, I tried the same with an electrical socket to make sure I was alive and not a ghost. Turns out I’m alive, but with smoke coming out my ears. Speaking of smoke coming out of one’s ears (taking that segue right off a cliff!), Blake Snell threw about as gemmy of a gem as you’re gonna find for someone gemming up the works — 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners (0 walks), 12 Ks, ERA at 2.36. Of course, Snell was yet another one of my preseason sleepers, but if only we had one more of my preseason sleepers that did well on Sunday to satisfy my Rule of Three craving. Someone who was on no one’s radar for a reason I couldn’t quite understand. Someone who hit three homers yesterday and has 13 homers on the year. Wait, that did happen! Eddie Rosario (3-for-5, 4 RBIs) went Bazooka Jack times three yesterday to seal one of the greatest days in the history of my life. Sorry, wedding day, you’re moving down the list! If you wanna bask in my glory: here’s the Michael Wacha sleeper you ignored, the Blake Snell sleeper you missed and the Eddie Rosario sleeper you didn’t believe. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Matt Harvey to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
To find my preseason article, I Googled “Kevin Gausman sleeper” and Google asked, “Did you mean 2015, 2016, 2017 or 2018?” Google can be such a little snitch sometimes. Yo, Google, mind your own business! “Did you mean ‘How do I start my own business?’ or ‘How do I start my own business that actually makes money?'” I hate you, Google! In the preseason, I said, “In the 2nd half, Gausman was a top 20 starter-ish. Top 20-ish? Top-ish? You get the drift. In the 2nd half, he had the 16th best K/9 with a 2.8 BB/9. He had the 21st best ERA with the 23rd best xFIP. He had the 24th best fastball with the 3rd best splitter. Or spliiter, if Desiigner is reading. He averaged the 12th fastest, uh, fastball while throwing it the 12th most in the majors. Some of these factoids are neither here nor there, but I’m filling in your charcoal sketch.” And that’s me quoting me! Yesterday, he went 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners (1 BB), 10 Ks, ERA at 3.48, and xFIP down to 3.65, which is the 29th best in the majors, between Hendricks and Newcomb. And I ranked him 31st for starters in the preseason! What does this mean? Nothing really, but cool. He has carried over that newfound command from the 2nd half and still striking out guys around mid-8 K/9. Do I love owning an Orioles starter? Do I look daffy? But Gausman has been solid. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Now, on most occasions, if one were to toot his own horn, he’d never leave the house. And, coincidentally, I don’t go out that much. However, seriously, rain down your props on me for Nick Pivetta. Rain them down! Who else told you to grab him the 1st week of the season? Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.72. I’ve been telling you people — yeah, you people! — to own Pivetta forever (six weeks). He’s a new, different — better even! — pitcher this year. He has a 10 K/9 and 2.2 BB/9. If you don’t know why that’s good, I can help you, but it could take some time. You do know what numbers are, right? Okay, good first step. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Cincinnati Reds second baseman Scooter Gennett homered in his fourth straight game Friday night going 4-for-5 with his 6th homer and 3 RBI. After a slow start to the season power-wise, Gennett has been slicker than a Motorola cell phone hitting .458 in the past week with 6 runs, 4 home runs and 10 RBI. Holy Vespa! Even more shocking, this is the second Reds 2B/SS I’ve profiled this year. I must be infatuated with the Reds infield. Which is kind of sad, because there are so many better infields to be infatuated with. But nope. It’s the Reds. Scooter had a career best year in 2017, hitting .295 with 27 homers, 80 runs scored and 97 RBI. If we look at the advanced stats (nerd!), sure that 20.8% HR/FB rate from last year might be a tad tough to match again, but the .339 BABIP in 2017 is not that far off from his career .329 average. In other words, 2017 was no fluke! In 2018, the .364 BABIP may be a bit inflated again, but he’s also striking out less, 18.5% versus 22.9% in 2017. So what does all this mean to all of us who aren’t mathematicians or data scientists? Speak english, doc! That average might go down but the power is legit, and Scooter is hotter than a Childish Gambino “This is America” video shot by shot breakdown think piece. Did you even notice the dancing symbolizes the fact that the new song is flames, and is distracting you aka SOCIETY from what’s really going on the in background–POLITICS. Don’t let Gennett’s slow start, or inflated sabremetrics or terrible team distract you, he’s the hottest thing on two wheels right now and worth riding where he’s available.
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Vince Velasquez went 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 5.05. Ironic his initials are VV, because owning him is anything but peaceful. Maybe Richard Nixon was prophetic when he threw up the V’s. Did Nixon say, “I am not a…conservative streamer?” VV is so volatile, he’s like Nixon in a Pepsi full of Mentos! “Vince, why are you taping us?” Velasquez shakes his jowls. “Why are you always hating Ian Kennedy?” Velasquez diverts his eyes. “Vince, why do you keep asking for advice from that WAR monger, Henry Kissingfangrapher?” Velasquez’s peripherals are much prettier than his ERA — 11 K/9, 3.1 BB/9, 3.83 xFIP — but there is no way to recommend him without saying you know he can screw you at any moment. So be careful listening to Henry Kissingfangrapher. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
James Paxton went from a 16-K game last week to a no hitter. *genuflects* We’re not James Worthy. We’re not James Worthy. That’s how one genuflects in Los Angeles, by the way. You seeing someone doing it any other way, report them immediately to the nearest out-of-work actor. You can find one of those anywhere. *checks kitchen cupboard* “Hey, weren’t you a guest star on Boy Meets World?” So, Canadian boy does good in Canada, with James Paxton throwing the no-no. Unlike a Canadian pitcher earlier in the day who did a “No! No!” and did bad. Paxton’s line — 9 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, 3 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.40. It was almost like something clicked with him and he realized if he strikes out less guys, he can pitch deeper into the game, as he also secured his first complete game. The no hitter was prolly the highlight though. Paxton can easily be a top ten starter this year with the asterisk that is always on him, *assuming healthy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Charlie Morton aka Ground Chuck was playing “Hamburger Patty Cake” with the Mariners yesterday — 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, 0 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 0.72, WHIP at 0.88. Ground Chuck said, “I’m A-1, try to ketchup.” Then he took a long pull off his Jamaican meat patty, and continued to speak in food allusions, “I’m topped by Monterey Jack, you’re whack.” Ground Chuck cracked his knuckles, “I make you so gay, you try to find Ground Chuck on Grindr.” Then, after a pause, “Gay, as in happy, but no judgments.” Finally, concluding, “If the Babe had a kid named Chris, then Ruth’s Chris still ain’t got shizz on Morton’s.” Charlie Morton sounds a bit cocky there, but he has every reason to be. In the preseason, I said, “A pitcher that goes through life as an also-ran to turn it around in his 30’s is rare. One other guy comes to mind, his name rhymes with Bitch Chill. Anyhoo, I’m buying into Morton’s transformation. How about a late-in-career transformation we call The Caitlyn Jenner? No? Okay.” And that’s me quoting me! One thing I did not understand at all was why there were so many skeptics on Morton this preseason. It was as if they ignored all of his previous season, and did not watch him in the playoffs. Ground Chuck is Salisbury Steak’ing his claim as a top five starter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Remember way back when, like three years ago, when the Mets “young pitching staff” was all the rage? We talked about how “setup” the Mets were for the future behind the strength of arms Jacob deGrom, Noah Syndergaard, and of course their back-page-darling, Matt Harvey. While deGrom and Syndergaard seem to have overcome injuries to return to form, the same cannot be said for “The Dark Knight”. While his pitching exploits once made him the King of NYC, it’s been his off-field shenanigans that have grabbed the wrong type of headlines of late. But… with a spark in his first start vs. The Phillies, the inevitable “Is Harvey Back?” headlines and bylines popped up on the pages of print, digital, and telepathic media. (Pssst, if you don’t get your news telepathically in 2018, you’re behind the times.) Wow, if you’re waking up from a coma, you’d be shocked to learn that, A. Matt Harvey stinks (or has stunk) B. Telepathy has gone mainstream. Thanks Uri Geller! That got a bit off track, here’s what I saw in Matt Harvey’s start on Sunday night.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m convinced you’d be better off if you ignored everything from Spring Training. For every one thing you gleam from the spring that pays off, there’s five terrible habits you pick up like you’re a priest in The Keepers on Netflix. Okay, maybe you would have seen Joey Gallo wasn’t striking out as much (barely has carried over), but you also would’ve seen Shohei Ohtani looking terrible. Hat tip to someone on Twitter who screenshot this:
So many things wrong with this — Has Bryce Harper ever been bad? I mean, maybe injured, but a bust? WUT. Also, it’s one thing to be concerned about Shohei Ohtani, but bust? He hadn’t pitched one inning in the major leagues by that point and was being drafted around 100th overall. Bust? It was a gamble, risk was baked in. Yesterday, Shohei Ohtani bust…ed out! (See what I did there?) He went 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners (1 hit, 1 walk), 12 Ks. Good luck convincing someone he’s a bust now when trading for him.
The other pitcher with “Otani” in their last name is Jameson Taillon who went 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.26. Last year, I suggested to get his feng shui back, to find his equilibrium, because he couldn’t pitch with one testicle missing, I suggested he put a walnut in his jock strap for balance. Well, I’m not saying he took my advice, but, yesterday, Jameson Taillon gave up one hit. Imagine he was a eunuch? He’d be Sandy Koufax! Wait, was that why Koufax had a girl’s first name? For a while last year, Taillon was treating the surviving twin like a punch bag, but he looks back to the potential ace he once was. Go get ’em, Jameson Walnut! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Didi, Didi, can’t you see, sometimes your home runs hypnotize me? Or how about, Gre-Gre-Gregorius? Gre-Gre-Gregorius… Gregorius sung by Duran Duran or Biggie work for me. Fun fact! Duran Duran is the past tense of Da Doo Run Run Da Doo Run Run. Bit a of a trivia whiz, though I did need to Google to see if it was spelled whiz or wiz. Did you know Truvia was discovered by someone sniffing artificial sweetener off a Trivial Pursuit card? Any hoo! Didi Gregorius went goofy time, there’s always money in the banana stand, crying at the end of The Last American Virgin but with tears of joy, with himself yesterday — 4-for-4, 3 runs, 8 RBIs and two homers (1, 2). His first homer went 346 feet, which is almost three and half Cespedes. I was way off Didi in the preseason, but that was almost (exactly) five games ago, let’s forget about that! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?